More than Fifty Four Negi and Chisame Threesomes
by OverMaster
Summary: Exactly what it says on the title. Short pieces on the subject of a three way Negima relationships including the resident wide eyed hopeful idealist and the resident cynical snarker, and related Negima crack. Rated M for suggestive themes. Now an ongoing!
1. Chapter 1

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

This collection was going to be originally a set of Negi/NODOKA threesome stories, by the way. But Chisame had just so much more snark and dry wit to work with, lovable as Nodoka is.

I hope you get some enjoyment of this set of mini crack fics, even the most insane ones. Some of the themes presented here can offend some sensibilities, but just like in any crackfic, I advise not taking them too seriously.

Also, I wrote this whole set before starting writing UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL. You might see the seeds for some future plot points for that story here. Maybe.

**Negi, Chisame and Haruna**.

Haruna loved to sketch her prince and her princess. Seeing them together, funnily mismatched as they were, still was like a fairy tale playing itself right before her. As long as she could watch it, she didn't mind playing the court buffoon.

**Negi, Chisame and Natsumi**.

Chisame often wondered what had a normal girl like Natsumi seen in them to join them in something as insane as a three way relationship. Then again, she didn't like that train of thought, because it meant she wasn't normal herself, either.

But the nights made it all worthwhile.

3- **Negi, Chisame and Setsuna**.

"Why did you bring her to my room?" she had protested that first night.

"Because right now, she can't be at the same room as Asuna and Konoka, but she can't be left alone either" he had excused himself.

"I'm fine!" Setsuna had claimed. "I-It's not for me to question Ojou-sama's decisions!". But her tears said otherwise.

Chisame had sighed, defeated. "I'll fix you some tea".

She hadn't expected for the swordswoman to come to like her shabby tea so much. Or their company.

But looking at it now, she wasn't going to complain.

4- **Negi, Chisame and Misora**.

She had offered a million reasons why it wouldn't work.

"You're a pranking pest!".

Misora had just grinned. "You know you love it".

"We don't have anything in common!".

"Now we have him. As for the rest, it makes us to complement each other".

"You've made a vow of chastity!".

"Ah, that. Actually, I just quit the Order".

Chisame blinked. "You did what?".

"It just wasn't my vocation after all. I should've known. They told me from the start I didn't have the discipline".

Then Misora grinned even more, pulling a pair of habits up. "I got to keep a few mementos, though. Have you ever catered to this kind of fetish cosplay before?".

Chisame smiled very slowly. She was starting to actually like the girl.

5- **Negi, Chisame and Rakan**.

By now, she was sure about them both actually being the manliest men ever.

6- **Negi, Chisame and Hakase**.

"I always was unhappy with my appearance" Hakase had finally confessed with a weak, shy voice. "Thin and geeky, with glasses and a huge forehead, no breasts, no hips. I once loved a Sempai at the Robotics Club, but he never even noticed me. Instead, he went and dated a complete bimbo with awful grades, fully unlike him, can you believe it?".

Chisame and Negi only nodded, dumbfounded.

"You're both so bad" Satomi mumbled. "Anyway, that's why I gave up on love, and why I put so much effort into making Chachamaru so beautiful and feminine... everything I never could be...".

"I can sympathize" Chisame admitted.

"But you are very beautiful, Hakase-san!" Negi had brightened up.

The scientist blushed awkwardly. "You're a horrible liar".

"No, I'm serious!" he insisted stubbornly. "And Chisame-san can give you some tips to look even prettier! Isn't that right, Chisame-san?".

"Well, I... I... I guess...".

Hakase shook her head. "I don't think a woman should strive to please others based on her physical appearance. Otherwise, I'd have taken that path long ago".

Chisame scowled. "Making yourself prettier doesn't mean you can't have brains too!".

For a moment, that actually seemed to break through Hakase's emotional and rational defenses. She just stood there, frozen for a moment, before saying, "I didn't mean to offend you...".

Chisame had just slammed the makeup kit and several piles of dresses right before her.

Satomi Hakase didn't need to have sensors implanted into her to know she was screwed then.

7- **Negi, Chisame and Nodoka**.

It hadn't been the exact kind of trio arrangement Nodoka had hoped for at first, but it still had ended up working to her satisfaction.

8- **Negi, Chisame and Zazie**.

She always had hoped for the most normal life she could get.

They were the absolute two most abnormal people she ever could hope to meet.

So naturally, they had to end up all together.

9- **Negi, Chisame and Chao**.

Chao had grinned knowingly.

"The future works in the strangest possible ways" she said cryptically.

Like almost always, she had turned out to be right.

10- **Negi, Chisame and Chizuru**.

Chisame was walking kind of funny as she entered Natsumi and Kotaro's room.

"Those horror stories you told us about Chizuru..." she flatly stated as she sat down awkwardly, "... They all were true after all, weren't they?".

The young couple nodded in sympathy.

11- **Negi, Chisame and Ako**.

The first time the three of them bathed together, Chisame couldn't help noticing the reason why Ako always had avoided showing her back at the public bath.

The scar was really ugly, to the point Chisame caught herself cringing at it. Ako had noticed, and immediately, her spirits sunk down.

"I-I'm sorry!" she stammered. "I didn't intend to disgust you...".

Then Negi had frowned, grabbed Ako by the hips, and forcefully turned her around. Before the shy nurse could squeal her protest, he planted his lips squarely upon the scar, kissing it deeply.

Chisame blinked, now suddenly ashamed of herself. She half-smiled, lowered her head, and then also kissed Ako's scarred back, as long and tenderly as she could, feeling the girl to melt with a moaning coo.

That was the happiest day in Ako's life.

12- **Negi, Chisame and Evangeline**.

"How long has it been since I gave you your freedom, Chachamaru?" she mused absently, without looking at her. Always looking through the window, reclined languidly on her wine-colored couch.

The gynoid opened her mouth to answer, but closed it back when she realized her former mistress wasn't actually listening to her anyway. She had been that way for decades now, every time Chachamaru visited her. Even though Eva still looked like the eternal child, if Chachamaru closed her eyes and listened to her with her almost fully biological by now heart, she could hear to an eternally sad old woman pretending to be either eternally indifferent or eternally bitter. Her age had finally caught up with her soul.

She was repeating the same old tirade now. Chachamaru could recite it from memory by that point, but she never would reveal that, out of respect for her.

"Even after everyone else began drifting away, the boy stayed, once his quest for his father was over" Eva's voice trailed off wearily, like the passing pages of a graying album. "And she stayed with him. The one I least expected to do it. Even though she grumbled and complained about everything, about him and about me, she moved with him here. She passed every test I put upon her to leave us alone. Her stubborness was, in her own way, just as big as Asuna's. I could break her body, but I couldn't break her damn stubborn spirit. So I relented. And we learned to share him through everything. We shared every pleasure you could imagine, and almost as many pains as well".

She paused. "And she gave him the only thing I never could. An actual family". There was another thoughtful pause. "And then they left like all children but me do, and we were alone again. By the way, I understand you were with the Lingshens recently?".

"Yes" Chachamaru nodded.

"How's little Chao doing?".

"She's learning quickly, like you expected" the gynoid replied. "And she'll be ten next month".

"Good. I'll have to send some gift, I guess. Ah, Chachamaru. This is such a beautiful curse we share. To stay the same forever while generations come and go like snowflakes in the wind. And yet, until they passed away, I never actually cared about that. How about you?".

"I have learned to cope" Chachamaru said quietly.

Eva nodded. "You always have been a thing of the future. But me, I have always been a thing of the past... and they always belonged to the present. Wonderful stupid creatures. Time after time I offered them my gift, to stay always together, and every time they rejected it. I hated that. I hated how they never regretted it, not even after being gray and senile, almost as if mocking me. I hated how it seemed they wanted to leave me alone".

"You'll never be alone" Chachamaru said, pondering if she should prove her point by putting a hand on hers. She decided against it. The Mistress still hated receiving pity.

Eva still ignored her words. Still looking through the window. Almost obsessively by now.

"She once said, since everything else that was normal had been denied to her, she at least wanted to have a normal lifespan. I thought she was the stupidest woman in the world then".

Her gaze still was fixed on the small pair of graves in the distance, at midpoint between the woods cabin and the old Academy. Still together.

"But lately" Evangeline said with a deep sigh, "I have been wondering if I wasn't the stupid one".

13. **Negi, Chisame and Tsukuyomi**.

The three of them waited in a perfect line one next to the other, with Negi standing at the middle.

Chisame's face still seemed like it was made of stone. "Tell us again. Why in this age and country your father is coming in a dingy seedy boat instead of arriving via airplane?".

"Father has been banned by all but three airlines at the world, sadly" the girl standing at Negi's other side explained rather matter of factly. "And those three aren't allowed to enter Japan's airspace".

"... I see" the other girl deadpanned. Then again, it was Tsukuyomi's father. Whoever he was, such thing didn't come as a surprise.

The people coming down from the boat and spilling into the waterfront were a bizarre collection of dangerous looking miscreants combined with illegal immigrants and Otakus who had spent their life savings on trips to Japanese conventions. Negi looked at all of them trying to guess who was the man they were waiting for.

"Is that him?" he pointed to one of them.

"No" Tsukuyomi shook her head. In her elegant white dress, she managed to look even more out of place there than her still well dressed companions. "Too ugly".

"And that one?" Negi asked again. "The one with the trenchcoat? He seems rather happy to see us".

"He is about to flash us, Darling" she grinned madly, fingering her sword. "Would you mind if I cut only his dick?".

"As long as you don't try to forcefeed it to him like the last time" Chisame snorted.

"Mehhh" the swordsgirl said. "Spoilsport".

"How about that one?" Chisame groaned, pointing at a balding, large man in a Hello Kitty T-shirt two sizes too small for his stomach, wearing nekomimi and carrying one huge stuffed briefcase in each hand.

Tsukuyomi made a face. "Ew, no, that's a furry. Even Father has better standards than that".

"Well, he's taking his sweet time" the hacker complained, actually hoping he wouldn't arrive after all. Then she shooed away a clown approaching her. "Sorry, we don't have any money on us now".

Tsukuyomi looked at the chalk white faced man with wide eyes. "FATHER!".

"Father?" Negi repeated incredulously.

"That's your—?" Chisame cut herself off as she saw the wacko jumping onto the stranger's arms. "Well, I guess he is. Although who can say with you".

"Sweetie-poo!" the man cooed with a manic low chuckle, passing a gloved hand through Tsukuyomi's hair in a somewhat unfatherlike fashion. "My, my, you have grown up nicely! How long has it been? Three years, right? Sorry I couldn't make it sooner, but Arkham's security has been marginally better lately, and frankly, even when I was free I had better things to do".

Tsukuyomi giggled as she faced the other two. "This is my father!".

"He is a—" Chisame blinked before finishing, "— an... American".

"A typical American" the clown put a hand over his own heart.

"Do I look fully Japanese to you?" Tsukuyomi gave both of her current bedmates a glare, before giggling again like a madwoman. "Father, this is the boy I told you about in my letters! Negi Springfield, my fiancée!".

"Whatever happened to the bird girl you were so interested on?" the man asked. "You killed her?" he added somewhat hopefully.

"Well, many things happened..." she started recounting. "I thought she was the only one meant for me, but then I got to know him well, and he bashed my face against a rock so hard I thought I'd die, nearly strangled me (and it was so erotic, you were right, suffocation really can put you in orbit), and just pummeled me to a bloody paste after I tried to kill his fanclub, so I knew then I had found my actual match for life. By the way, how are things between you and the Bat going?".

The clown opened his mouth and pointed to his teeth. "I lost three to him last month. He's been crankier than usual lately, so after a narrow escape, I decided to give a cooldown time to our relationship, and come here to check on my dear lil' pumpkin' pie".

Then he offered Negi a hand. "So you're the infamous Negi, huh? Well, you fall a bit **short** of my expectations..." he chuckled, looking way down at him, "But as they say, love is blind and mad! Shake 'em off, lover boy!".

Negi was about to shake his hand, but he was interrupted by Tsukuyomi stepping in a flash between them, placing her sword's edge tightly against the clown's throat. "Take the hand buzzer off first, Father..." she said with a clenched mad grin.

The green haired man laughed weakly, then took his glove off and shook the hidden hand buzzer to the ground. Chisame gulped as it rolled off the pier and fell into the water with a strong electrical sizzle, making dead fish to float up to the surface instantly. Only then did Tsukuyomi remove the sword from the American's throat.

Negi was just blinking in confusion, so the clown shook his hand rather abruptly and patted him on a shoulder. "You aren't very sharp, are you?".

"He's trying to rehabilitate me" Tsukuyomi offered. "You know. The usual Power of Friendship, Good in All of Us thing?".

"Ah. So he is not sharp **at all**" the clown seemed disappointed now. "And the lovely lady with him is...?".

"Our concubine" Tsukuyomi replied quickly. "For some reason I can't understand yet he likes her too, so touch her and I'll have to slice you up".

The man looked wounded. "Who? Me? Why would I ever do such an awful thing?".

All three of them stared at him.

He shrugged it off. "Ahh, never mind. Let's hit a karaoke bar or something. That's what you guys do around here, right? Okay, let's have fun!" he started walking towards the city closely followed by his daughter. "Let's paint the town red! There are over two millions of living paint cans all around!".

Negi and Chisame trailed behind with long suffering faces. "I hope the meeting with her mother next week goes better" he voiced.

She passed a hand over her own face. "Next time you fight another archenemy, just kill him or her on the spot, will you?".

"I... I will give it some serious thought".

14- **Negi, Chisame and Asuna**.

Kotaro was wide eyed and stunned by the time his friend finished telling his story.

Then, slowly, he put a hand on one of Negi's shoulders.

"I must admit defeat to you" the wolf boy finally said. "You're far braver than I ever could be".

15- **Negi, Chisame and Arika**.

Chisame woke up sweaty and dazzled, sitting up on the huge bed groaning and shaking her head, hugging the bedsheets against her chest.

"I can't believe we just did... that!" she lamented. "How could we fall so low? No matter what we do, we'll never be able to fix this. We should be—".

Then she noticed Arika was awake as well, and looking up straight at her with half closed yet fearsome eyes. For some reason, that scared Chisame more than anything else ever could.

"I... I mean, it's not like it wasn't wonderful..." the girl rushed the words up, "... but things like that just aren't right...".

"Royalty has its own ruleset" the Princess yawned happily, hugging the peacefully sleeping Negi further against her breasts. _What a joyful family reunion_, Chisame thought with a shudder.

"But... But if this ever gets out, I'll be a shame to my parents, and they'll disherit me..." she hesitated.

Arika hummed closing her eyes again. "You're part of a royal family now, that doesn't matter. Go back to sleep".

The girl's eyebrows twitched. "And not like I'm a religious person, but... doesn't people who does this go to Hell...?".

The older woman had enough. Sitting up without bothering to cover herself, shifting her sleeping son aside, she grabbed the Japanese female and pulled her back down to Heaven with them.

16- **Negi, Chisame and Madoka**.

"I don't want to sound like I'm ungrateful, but I think this Artifact sucks" Madoka Kugimiya frowned while holding her pom-poms up.

"... I won't argue that" Chisame deadpanned.

"No, no, don't say that!" Negi pleaded. "Madoka-san, the Artifact is part of you, and it represents what you are! As long as you have faith on it and on yourself, it can take you anywhere!".

"Sensei, they are pom-poms" Madoka insisted. "This magic is stupid. It stereotypes cheerleaders! I mean, I know we're dumb giggling bimbos for most people, and I really don't care. I enjoy cheerleading, but why did this Pactio had to typecast me with something that is fine for it, but useless in a battle? Yuuna gets guns, Asuna gets a sword, and I get... pom-poms".

"Well, I used to think this was totally useless, too" Chisame offered half-heartedly, holding her scepter up.

"Yeah, but there's no way these things can be useful at all" Madoka insisted.

"Ho-ho-ho-ho!" Chamo laughed as he approached the newest recruit, pleased with the way she had been bonding with his Aniki and Chiu-chan recently. "Mado-chan, you'll never know if it's useless or not until you try it! At least give it a go! C'mon, do what you know how to do with them!".

The short haired girl's face quivered. She still couldn't get used to that... perverted white rat. "You mean... cheering up?".

Chamo shrugged. "If that's what you wish. Do it! Cheer me up! Lift my spirits up, Oneechan!".

"... Okay" Madoka began a cheer routine for the ermine. She never before had thought she ever could feel stupid doing a cheer, but she was right now. "Cha-mo! Cha-mo! C-H-A-M-O! CHA-MO!".

Then the ermine perked up, feeling stronger and more energetic than ever. "It's... it's awesome, Mado-chan!" he squealed, much to Negi's glee. Chisame only made a face. "I'm fuller of life than ever before! I knew it! That's your power! You can boost your teammates' energy and stats to incredible levels with your artifact! You'll be a very useful support member!".

Madoka finally smiled. "Well, that's good to hear!".

But then the ermine jumped onto her pouting his furry mouth up. "I even feel fuller of love than ever! I think you deserve a reward for your breakthrough discovery!".

"EEEKK!" Madoka shrieked, instinctively shielding herself with the pom-poms. And shooting a blast from them that fried the poor critter to a crisp.

"GAH! Chamo!" Negi shouted. "Hold there! I'll go look for Konoka-san!".

Madoka looked down at her pom-poms and blinked. "Well, whaddya know... They do have offensive powers too!".

Chisame looked at the twitching burnt animal, then at her classmate's face, and actually smiled at her. "Your cheering is improving, too. This is the first time you really have cheered me up".

17- **Negi, Chisame and Fate**.

Sometimes, she still got afraid instinctively when she woke up and saw him in the same bed as them, but she had grown mostly used to it by now.

18- **Negi, Chisame and Ayaka**.

The heiress stomped out and into the balcony, huffing angrily. She sniffed some tears back, her hands balled up into fists at her sides.

She rubbed her eyes with the back of a hand, refusing to let the full tears to come out. But she was fighting a lost battle.

Just like always.

She sensed the other girl tentatively walking behind her. Like a good Class Rep, she didn't need to look at her to know who she was. She knew everyone in her class by their footsteps' sounds, from the twins' rapid stepping to Yotsuba's low, rotund and calm walking. For some reason, Kaede was the only one she never could feel walking around.

"Hasegawa-san" she icily said. "You haven't left yet?".

The voice from behind her came out tentatively. "None of us has yet".

"Why?" Ayaka asked.

"Asuna is still crying" Chisame said evenly. "Do you know how much it takes to make her cry? Hell, I don't think I ever watched her even really sad before this".

Ayaka Yukihiro said nothing.

"You were too harsh on her" Chisame said, although she sounded somewhat forced, clearly uneasy.

"Why did they send you?" the mansion's owner asked.

"Huh?".

"I understand why Miyazaki-san didn't come to talk with me; she just couldn't do it. I also understand why you didn't send Saotome or Asakura. But I wouldn't have pegged you as their representative either. Why not Ayase, Konoe or Sakurazaki?".

Chisame looked at her own feet, blushing, unable to reply.

Ayaka waited for a reply, then huffed again. "You fool. They are using you".

"What?".

"Yes, yes. I can see it now. Why else would they let you in? Despite all your pretenses, all you ever wished was to belong with others, am I right? I'd feel pity for you if you weren't part of it. But then again, I shouldn't blame you. At least you never pretended to be my friend... unlike the others".

"Don't blame Negi-sensei. He only did what he had to do. For his own safety, but mostly for yours".

"I don't blame him".

"Are you blaming everyone but him, then?".

Ayaka made a long pained pause. "You all played me for a fool. You pretended we were friends... but true friends don't keep that kind of secrets from each other! You must have known Sensei's secret would be safer with me than with anyone else! Especially than the likes of Saotome and Asakura!".

"Dammit, they learned that on their own! Asuna was right, you really are dense!".

Ayaka turned around to face her. "Yes, I must be really dense! Because everyone but me found about it! I can imagine the laughs you were having behind my back! The stupid Shotacon Iincho! Kept in the dark while all the Baka Rangers knew! The cuckoo princess at her La-La Land castle!".

Chisame's face soured even more. "Knowing about magic wasn't the greatest of gifts, you know. I'd gladly have traded my situation for yours".

Ayaka looked straight into her eyes. "I can say. You'd never be able to appreciate it, and yet you had it. While I, the one who would have done anything for him, was always clueless. Because you decided it was okay for everyone but me to know!".

Chisame was growing bolder from her usual indifferent self. "Don't play the victim again, Iincho! You may like to talk big about how much you love him, but you only love his surface! You don't even know the real Negi Springfield!".

"YOU NEVER ALLOWED ME TO KNOW THE REAL NEGI SPRINGFIELD!".

Chisame recoiled back, as Ayaka's blue eyes spilled even more tears all over her face. The heiress was biting her lower lip to contain her urges to bawl.

Finally, the girl with glasses lowered her head. "I... I am sorry".

Ayaka shook her head, sobbing softly. "No. I'm sorry. Look at me. Maybe you're right. I didn't deserve to know".

"Iincho... you knew before. In the alternate future Chao once caused, you came to know. And yet, you didn't react like this".

"I don't know what you are talking about".

"Of course you don't. But that time, you didn't know the other thing you do know now, right? That's the real cause why you feel betrayed". She gulped. "Because you know Sensei already chose someone else".

Ayaka averted her gaze now. She said nothing, but she nodded uncomfortably.

"But you don't know who yet... do you?" Hasegawa hesitated.

"It must be Asuna. Who else?".

"Iincho, didn't they tell you? Asuna and Negi-sensei... have blood ties".

"What?" Ayaka jerked upright. "H-How? Buh-but then... Miyazaki, right?".

Chisame blushed. Ayaka narrowed her eyes, caught by a sudden hideous suspect.

Finally, the blonde spoke again, with a haunted and shaky tone. "So that's why they asked YOU to come to talk with ME...".

Hasegawa fidgeted. It was her turn to only nod without saying anything.

Ayaka laughed bitterly, shaken like a broken doll. "Oh, this is rich! You of all people! Honestly, I'd have suspected Mana or even Yotsuba before you!".

Hasegawa scowled, seeming offended. Apparently Ayaka noticed it, because she stopped her uneven laughter and looked sad again, her rush of disbelieving adrenaline dying down.

"It... is true, however, isn't it?".

The hacker nodded only once, breathing deeply.

"I see..." Ayaka said. "I'll go apologize to Asuna immediately".

She walked past Chisame and towards the guest rooms, but just as Hasegawa was breathing easier, the millionaire turned on her heels to look at her.

"But first, Hasegawa Chisame, there is something I must tell you!".

And she smiled, in a hard edged way, but also with a new vital spark in her eyes. Chisame wasn't familiar with that smile, but she could swear she had seen it before at least once. Then it dawned on her.

She had looked at it from afar, but Ayaka had never focused it on her ever before.

It was the challenging smile she never had used on anyone but Asuna.

"I'm not going to lose to you!".

For some reason, Chisame found herself smiling back at her with the same expression.

"No, I'm the one who's not going to lose to you!".

But in the end, they both would turn out to be right.


	2. Chapter 2

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

The warning about the first part still qualifies- Some of this material (or all of it) could disgust some of you, so some discretion is advised. Not to mention not taking it too seriously.

19- **Negi, Chisame and Takane**.

With both of them being savvy about the way things worked around him, they made their best to prevent him from sneezing on them at their wedding.

They took hand of each magical and scientific resource at their avail. The lenghts they went to for it amazed their friends. A contingency plan was made in case every other contingency plan failed. But when they were done with the preparations, they were pleased. There was no way he would sneeze in that fateful moment. They were sure about it, no doubts at all.

Needless to say, it still didn't work.

20- **Negi, Chisame and Godel**.

The Governor had never thought about it as a feasible political maneuver, but after learning it was pretty much the only slight hope he had to gain the group's favor over, he had adapted to it. It even had some unexpected collateral benefits, as well.

The boy reminded him so much of his mother.

21- **Negi, Chisame and Chachamaru**.

The robot initially rejected the offer.

"No, thanks" she answered. "I'll be just fine. I can't catch a cold, but you two can. And if I am under it with you, I'll take too much space".

"You sure?" Chisame frowned while opening the umbrella up. "Can't you rust or something like that?".

"Negative" the gynoid stated. "I am fully waterproof. Hakase performed an extensive underwater research and protection on me. I could remain submerged for a maximum of two weeks before starting to show signs of physical decay".

"Still, it's wrong to let a friend to soak under the rain" Negi insisted as he walked under the umbrella with the hacker. "Your dress will be messed up, as well".

"That is unconsequential" Chachamaru declared. "You two go on ahead".

"I still think we all can fit in fine if we stay close together" Negi refused to yield his point.

"I wouldn't mind" Hasegawa stated simply, motioning with her head for Chachamaru to get closer.

The robot doubted before finally relenting and joining them under the umbrella. They stepped outside almost stuck to each other, eventually making their way to their home. Completely soaked from heads to toes.

Chachamaru made up for it watching over their colds for the remainder of the week.

22- **Negi, Chisame and Yue**.

Rather soon, they learned all they had to do to win a discussion against him was to give him "that stare" at the same time.

23- **Negi, Chisame and Anya**.

Negi Springfield was really, really happy.

He hadn't seen his dear friend Anya Cocolova ever since she was sent to teach English at Japan's Mahora Academy. He hadn't been sure the fiery, short tempered Anya would do okay at teaching, but now he was relieved to see that apparently she was very, very loved by her students. Very.

Anya cleared her throat, a bit embarrassed and a bit angry herself before talking again. "Ahem. Well, I suppose that explains it, then. Sorry about all that. Your arrival kinda scared the girls. They aren't used to boys accidentally landing at the bath".

Negi laughed it off, not minding his black eye or the bandages around his head. "Ha, hah, I don't care. It was my own fault".

"I guess so" Anya quickly complied. "Anyway, this is my... roommate and Pactio partner, Hasegawa Chisame" she pointed to the scowling older girl with glasses sitting next to her. "Chisame-chan, he's Negi Springfield, the classmate I told you about".

Chisame barely aknowledged him with a bowing of her head. "Yes" she deadpaned. "She has talked a lot, a lot about you".

Negi felt it was almost as if this girl didn't like him at all. Then the words Anya had just uttered hit him like a runaway truck. "Pleased to meet you... your Pactio partner?".

Anya blushed deep crimson. "A ton of things happened!" she sputtered. "I've had to fight many times, and I needed Pactio partners, and your stupid ermine friend came here and has been busy ever since!". Honestly, the way Chamo liked seeing her kissing other girls was simply worrying.

"I see" Negi blinked. "So, how many—".

"Me, the three librarians, a ninja, the class reporter, a ghost and a shrine maiden" Chisame quickly replied.

Negi made a shocked face.

"So, um, how's your fortune telling at London doing?" the short redhead changed the subject as fast as she could.

"Oh, err, it has been okay" Negi struggled to speak. "Nothing as interesting as your adventures here, but that may be about to change".

Chisame noticed Anya's subtle concern growth when she asked, "Why's that?".

Negi grew serious. "I'm going into the Magical World next month. That's why I came here. To say goodbye. I don't know how long will I be there. But I must go. I found some clues about my father's whereabouts".

Much to Chisame's shock, Anya stood up immediately. "I'll go with you!".

He backed away in a second. "N-No, you don't need to! You have your own duties here!".

"We'll have a month-long vacation starting next week!" Anya said. "I'm free for that time! If I go with you, I'm sure we'll find your Dad very quickly!".

"Are you really sure?" he asked.

"Hah!" his old friend laughed. "Of course! I've become very, very powerful since I arrived here! You won't believe who's been training me! Sincerely, Chiu, we can't let this guy to do anything by himself. He's always been a whiner and a loser. When we were at—".

Negi stood up as well, his visage souring down. "Thank you. But I don't think I need the help".

He started to walk for the door, making Anya to dart forward in a beeline for his right arm. "Wait, you idiot! I was just joking! Look, I'm sorry. Fine? I know how much does your Dad mean to you. I just... want to help. Honestly. Let me go with you".

He hesitated, before softening his expression and smiling again. "Thank you very much, Anya".

Chisame sighed.

"Then it's decided!" Anya took charge once more. "In the meanwhile, you can stay at our room!".

Chisame did a wild take. "What?".

Her young female teacher looked back at her. "He'll sleep at the couch, Chiu-chan. I promise he won't be a bother. You already got over your sleepwalking habits, didn't you, Negi?".

"Well, I, um... ehh...".

Anya patted him on a shoulder. "No worries! We'll just tie you down to the couch then!".

He smiled nervously. "Well thought, Anya!".

Hasegawa stared in disbelief. She didn't like the shape that was taking at all.

24- **Negi, Chisame and Kotaro**.

She sat quietly at the computer in their small shared room. With the wolf boy sitting on the floor right behind, looking utterly bored and miserable.

"Why do you still keep on doing that?" he complained.

She shrugged her shoulders, never taking her eyes away from the screen. "It gives me a sense of accomplishment, I guess".

"That's lame" Kotaro said. "We've been through the Magical World and beyond, saving everyone more than once and beating the unbeatable, and your biggest accomplishment comes from posing for a web camera? Laaaaaame".

"You wouldn't understand it" she humphed. "You're a boy. You can't understand a girl's feelings".

"Oh, so that's what you think of us?" the wolf boy grinned. He had her. "I'm going to tell Negi!".

"Negi is different" she was unfazed. "He has cultivated his body, mind and heart. You never went beyond the body".

He stood up and blew teasingly into her right ear. "But I've never heard you complaining about my body, eh?".

She forced a grin, spinning her chair around to face him. "You know, you're right, Kotaro-kun. As a matter of fact, your body's so great, I think it's unfair only Negi and me get to enjoy it".

He backed away, startled. "Wh-what do you mean?".

She stood up, towering over him menacingly.

That night...

"I'm home!" Negi cheerfully yelled as he walked in, back from the Dean's assignment. "What do you guys want for dinner? Tonight's my turn, right?".

He was suddenly rushed by a strange but very pretty girl with long black hair and dog ears, who clung to his shirt making him to blush.

"Negiiiiiiiii!" the girl cried in an oddly masculine voice. "It was so scary! I thought I'd die! Look, she even put a bra on me!".

She ripped her shirt open making Negi to gag, until he noticed her bra was stuffed, her chest was actually too flat, and it had some recognizable old battle scars all over it. "Kotaro-kun...?" he gawked looking at the teary face buried in makeup and lipstick before him. "Is that you...?".

Inugami Kotaro, veteran of a thousand rabid fights, nodded and whimpered like a puppy.

Negi made his way to Chisame, who was silently working on her webpage. He peeked over her shoulder, and his jaw hung down. "Chiu's little sister, Kota-chan?".

Chisame only grinned perversely.

25- **Negi, Chisame and Makie**.

"Do you know why I do like being near you, Chisame-chan?" Makie chirped, skipping around like a playful child as she followed the taller girl.

"Why?" that taller girl mumbled.

"Well, you know how to listen... Most people will just eventually tell me to shut up, but you and Sensei just listen and listen and listen...".

"Mm-hmm" Chisame half-nodded. She decided it was better not to tell the gymnast she rarely even paid her any attention to begin with.

"And you never interrupt me even when I'm being silly and not making much sense. I truly appreciate that".

"Well, yeah. You're welcome. I think".

"Even when I'm annoying and not realizing it, you'll take it and tolerate me. Also, you have a pretty cool webpage".

"Not so loud, Baka! Someone might hear you!".

"Sorry!" Makie giggled apologetically. "Anyway, you're a really good friend. You scared me at first, but you actually are a pretty nice person!".

Chisame stopped at the sidewalk's edge. "I scared you? Why?".

"Well, y-you were so quiet and distant and cold... I didn't know what was the deal with you...".

"Like Mana?".

Makie blinked. "Mana-chan? Mana-chan has never been scary!".

Chisame facefaulted, then sprung back to her feet. "Are you telling me I was scarier than freakin' Tatsumiya Mana?".

"Uhh, Mana-chan is the strong and silent but trusty type. You were... the silent type".

"Wait, so I wasn't trusty at all? Was I only the quiet and creepy silent type? Like those guys you expect to freak out and start killing at random in any moment?".

"Uh, eh, ahh... No offense, but once I read this manga where a girl who was just like you put on a Dokuro-chan costume and started killing people with a mace. I think that made me afraid of you...".

"I'D NEVER DO SUCH A THING! YOU SHOULD STOP READING HARUNA'S JUNK!".

"B-But, like I said, I learned you were much better than that!".

"Gee, thank you very much" the hacker breathed out. She was about to add something else, but then a car speeded past by and splashed mud all over her.

Chisame stood motionless and mute for a moment, then accepted the tissue Makie pulled out of one of her pockets and handed to her. As she cleaned her face off, Makie couldn't help but giggling. She'd never tell Chiu-chan, but the real main reason (despite all others being true too) she liked being with her was it felt good to hang around someone who was more accident prone than herself, for a change.

26- **Negi, Chisame and Misa**.

The cheerleader lost her eternal smile when she saw him taking his shirt off to join them at the bath.

"My God!" she said under her breath. "When did you get... so many scars...".

He laughed it off shakily, his cheeks growing red. "Ahh, this... It's not a big deal, really... We just had to fight a lot when we were back there. It's okay, they'll heal in time...".

She was impressed and disconcerted. Naked, he didn't look like the same small boy they had stripped down and scrubbed off at the public bath when he started his teaching tenure. While not musclebound in any way, he had gained a lot of physical definition, becoming a lean, svelte yet powerful looking young man. But the scars were the thing that stood out the most.

"You must have suffered a lot..." she mused, at a loss for further words. She was unused to tragedies and struggles. Now she realized she barely understood those concepts beyond their basics. The scope of what he had to get through in the most recent times stunned her.

"We all did" Chisame sighed from where she was washing herself.

"You don't even have any scars on you" Misa snapped at her, wrapping an arm around the sensei's shoulders protectively.

"Not all the scars are physical" Hasegawa retorted in a very serious way.

"She's right" Negi agreed. "But you don't need to worry about that, Misa-san. Everything's fine now. I'm glad you didn't have to pass through anything of that".

The cheerleader, for once, seemed to sulk. But why? She should have been happy, she told herself. He was right; she had been spared a lot of suffering and turmoil. And yet, why couldn't she be happy about it? Why did she feel bad about all of that?

"I'm sorry" she said. "For not being there with you... when you needed us the most...".

She hugged him.

"Please let me be with you next time".

She tightened her hug.

"I don't want to be useless ever again".

Slowly, he returned the hug.

"You never were useless. Because when I was there, when I needed something to give me strength, I thought of you and the others. I remembered your smile. And I knew I couldn't let anything to happen to it. So please always keep on smiling, Misa-san. And I'll smile as well".

27- **Negi, Chisame and Konoka**.

It was good to have Konoka around.

Even if Setsuna had ended up romancing Asuna instead (although to be honest, it had been the other way around), she still was bound by honor and friendship to defend Konoka, so she always was nearby as well to some degree, and that meant protection even when Negi was away.

Money, obviously, wasn't an issue either. For a while, Chisame could buy herself tons of cosplay items, at least until the jump to adulthood killed her interest on it. Then, after becoming a programmer and career woman, she technically didn't need to work at all, although she still did it to avoid going crazy with boredom.

On the other hand, Konoka, not surprisingly, had chosen to become the housekeeper and stay at home all day long, taking care of the children and the chores. That was the only thing that actually bothered Chisame now, the fact her own children spent more time with Konoka than with herself. It felt wrong, so one day she decided to rethink her stance on life.

"So, what do you think I should do?" she asked Konoka.

"You could work at home" the black haired woman had suggested. "You only need your computer and a terminal to your job, right? I'm sure Itoshiki-san will understand".

Chisame hummed thoughtfully. You never knew with Itoshiki Rin. That woman alternated at random between heartless coldness and friendly understanding.

"Her family and mine go from way back" Konoka had sweetened the deal. "I could talk to her...".

Chisame held a hand up. "Thanks, but maybe it'll be better if I solve this myself".

Konoka nodded silently, then added, "What if I buy your company? That way, you'd be free to take Nana-chan and Kyo-kun there whenever you want".

The other woman sweatdropped. "Isn't that an overkill? And besides, what kind of child would like to go to my workplace?".

The Konoe heiress shrugged. "Nana-chan likes computers a lot. She's her mother's daughter".

Chisame laughed dryly. "As long as she doesn't start cosplaying for webcameras, I won't worry about that!".

Konoka's face froze.

Chisame had a bad feeling.

"Wait, don't tell me she has started to—".

Konoka laughed in an apologetical fashion. "Like I said, her mother's daughter! She showed interest, so I didn't think there was anything wrong with showing her your old page's backups, and—".

Chisame slammed both hands down on the table. "Okay, I'll start working here! Just so I can get that girl back on the right track!".

"Ah, Chiu-chan...! But you turned out just fine...!".

For a moment, Chisame felt tempted to tell her she thought otherwise.

But Konoka was smiling, and Chisame never had the heart to try and change that.

28- **Negi, Chisame and Satsuki**.

The battle that had started at the Magical World had eventually spilled into Mahora Academy itself.

That was the day the school had burned. Chisame would always look back at it with a mix of contradictory emotions.

First, there had been the horror. In the final battle between Negi and Fate, Shiori had sacrificed herself to stop one of Fate's attacks. That had finally pushed Negi over the edge. Totally overcome by the Magia Erebea, consumed by rage, he had rampaged through the already devastated campus, deaf to reasoning, plowing through every major fighter thrown into his way.

In their despair, the Ala Alba had turned to the only one of them who could stop him now.

Evangeline's face had become grim. "I might have to kill him" she warned.

They all had nearly jumped back, horrified.

"Stupid boyo" Eva mumbled, cracking her hands together. She advanced forward with resolution, yet not looking forward to it. "He did it all wrong. A pity. Just when I started to like him...".

But before she could tackle him on, they found someone else standing on his way, all by herself, on cracking pavement with an unreadable, soft but stern expression.

Eva's face twitched. Yotsuba Satsuki.

"Sensei" the cook had said. "Enough".

He had screeched to a halt, yet his face still betrayed every negative emotion he had bottled up. Breathing heavily, teeth bared, he growled at her, seemingly not recognizing her.

"I know it must be tough on you" Yotsuba had said, unafraid, still quiet and calm as ever. "You must feel you have failed us. And failed her. But that's the thing. You can't succeed every time at saving everyone. That's a part of life, just as everything else".

He had shook his head angrily, a thick glob of drool escaping a corner of his mouth.

"Sensei. Listen to me" Satsuki insisted, never raising her voice. "You have taught us all a lot about life. But you still are a child, and you still need to learn a lot, too. Ideals are fine, and necessary, but every once in a while, we must accept we are human and we can't meet them every time we try. Chao-san knew it. She accepted her loss gracefully. Today, you have accomplished more than she ever did. You saved every last one of us. You don't need to ruin this. Don't destroy everything you have managed to save and preserve for the future".

Chisame fully opened her eyes in admiration at the small chubby figure unarmed in the face of the magical juggernaut. Next to her, Ku Fei stared blankly, her heart beating loudly. Konoka trembled nervously in Setsuna's arms. Sayo floated over a puzzled Kazumi's head. Evangeline began to smirk.

The cook opened her arms. "Look around. For all of them, life will go on. Thanks to you. But if they lose you, they'll lose a key part of those lives you've fought so hard to protect. Grow up, Sensei. Accept to take the bad with the good. And to build up from there. That's part of what means to be an adult. Monsters and children can throw tantrums and destroy everything around them. But men and women honor the memories of the fallen by building the future they would have liked to see".

Negi hissed, beginning to slump forward. Breathing in shorter, quicker gasps.

Then she smiled. "You look tired. Come with me. I'll cook a hot soup for you".

She received the quaking figure in her arms, like a mother catching her falling son. Around them, all of Class 3-A gathered closer, from an openly bawling Ayaka to a stoic look Mana. Zazie just smiled softly. Evangeline waved a hand around, aloofly.

"See that, you fools? Now that's perfect control over emotions. You could stand to learn a lot from her" the undead mage commented almost casually.

"Your heart has regained its usual pace, Mistress" Chachamaru commented, running a scan on her. "Does that mean you do feel safe about Sensei's rate of control success now?".

"MY HEART HAS BEEN DEAD FOR YEARS! DON'T SAY SUCH NONSENSE!".

Chisame sighed as she looked at the cook and the slowly relaxing boy she hugged warmly against herself. Then she smiled as well.

She could use some soup, too.

29- **Negi, Chisame and Chamo**.

The small white ermine merrily hopped into the room, rubbing his paws together, with a lecherous weasely smirk.

However, much to his shock, he didn't find anyone inside.

He only found the following sign hanging on a blank wall.

_Dear Albert Chamomille:_

_I regret to announce you even I couldn't have the stomach to write any sort of sexual situation including you_.

_I honestly beg for your forgiveness and hope for your continued collaboration with our next projects_.

_Yours Truly, The Author_.

Chamo took his paws to his head and shouted his grief to the heavens.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

30- **Negi, Chisame and Yuuna**.

Akashi Yuuna took her deepest breath ever and made an effort to speak as clearly and calmed as possible.

"Dad! I'm going to move out!".

Well, that had been easy. Now there came the hard part.

"I'm... going to marry, you know. We'd been planning it for some time now, but I didn't have the courage to tell you yet. Sensei offered to tell you himself, but I told him it was something I had to do. Ah, yeah, I... I'm going to marry Negi-Sensei. You approve, right? I-I mean, he's grown up now! It's not like people's going to keep thinking I'm with my little brother or anything! He's got an stable income and I know you and him get along well. Right? Okay. I'm glad you agree, really".

Fine, that hadn't been THAT hard either. Harder than fighting your way through a demon horde while almost out of ammo, but at least it had been quicker.

Now there came the really tricky part.

"And, um, since I'm at it, I'm kinda going to marry Chisame-chan too, hadn't I mentioned it?" she scratched the back of her head, forcing herself to smile. "Weird world, huh? Yeah. I thought you'd put that face, too. You should have seen Akira's when she learned about it. Her eyes went all—".

She bit her tongue. Crap, she shouldn't have said that last part!

"I-I-I mean, it's not like I valued Akira's opinion more than yours! That's not why I told her first! It's just, like I said, I had a harder time thinking how to tell you this! I'm sorry, Dad, really. I'm sorry if I have defrauded you. I know that kind of... arrangements isn't common even at the Magical World anymore. But... But it's something I really want to do".

She looked at her feet. "I just hope I'm not doing anything Mom would disapprove. I'm afraid to ask. Would she get angry? Because, Dad, I have thought about this for weeks and weeks, and I'm still unsure of what we'll do after the fact, but... I really think I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't do it".

"Dad, I'm sorry you can't be my Charming Prince anymore. But I'll always love you all the same. I hope you still can love me as well".

She bit her lower lip and looked at her reflection at the mirror. It had been the best performing so far, she thought. It still needed to polish a few areas, but it'd have to do. She would correct her mistakes in a few moments while doing the real deal, assuming she wouldn't chicken out again, assuming she even could make the words out this time.

She rubbed her own head hard with a hand, ruffling her dark hair. Dammit, girl! You're Yuuna the Kid! You're fearless! You can do this!

You can do this for them!

Tightening a fist, she decided she would do it that time. She turned around and walked for the door, opening it with a single strong yank. Nothing would stop her now!

She stopped immediately when she saw her wide-eyed father standing right before her room's door.

"...!" she said.

"..." he said. Like father, like daughter.

"... How long have you been there?" she managed to squeak out.

"Well..." he slowly started. "I came as soon as I heard you screaming 'DAD! I WANT TO MOVE OUT!' So, how long does that make it for you?".

Yuuna's face went ghostly pale. "I... I guess I overdid it with my opening. Wait a moment. You heard all that while just standing out there? Does that mean you were spying on me?".

Professot Akashi seemed to return a bit more to reality now. "I suppose I... was just sort of afraid to interrupt you. I wanted to listen to what you had to said, but... well, Yuuna, all these days you have been like you wanted to tell me something, but just pulled away at the last moment. I must say I was as afraid to ask you as you were of telling me. This time, I wanted to know".

His daughter nodded very slowly, blushing. "So... you noticed it, huh?".

"I had to be blind and deaf to not notice it. I hadn't guessed the why, of course, but—".

"But?" she looked up at him, trembling nervously.

"I shouldn't be that surprised" he sighed. "You had spent too much time with them for too long".

"Too much time? Too long?" she made a distraught face. "So you don't approve?".

"I never said that!" he breathed in and out. "It isn't easy to assimilate, right, but... Yuuna-chan, I'll always respect your decisions. I'll always trust you". He put his hands on her shoulders. "It's your life. Live it with whoever you want and however you want as long as you're happy. Negi-sensei and Hasegawa are good people. I'm sure they'll always care about you as much as I've done".

Yuuna was starting to cry. "Thank you...".

"Don't cry! It's so unlike you. You haven't cried in years" he passed a hand through her hair. His smile was sad, but sincere. "Don't worry about your mother. She always was far much more liberal than me! If she were here, I'm sure she'll be kicking me in the shins and saying 'Be happier about Yuuna'! But I doubt I could be any happier than I'm now".

She sniffled. "You look... kinda sad...".

"You can be supremely sad and supremely happy at the same time. I'll miss you, yes. But I'm glad you found your own Prince, and your own happiness. I'm glad you can step out of my shadow, open your wings and fly away. Never look back, Yuuna. Always aim for the future".

She hugged his body, crying even more now. "I love you...!".

"And I do love you, too" he quietly said. "See? You are sad and happy now, as well. But that's the thing about taking the path of your own heart. The sadness will pass away, but the happiness will remain".

Yuuna nodded her head giving some soft sobs. He rubbed her eyes tenderly with the back of a hand.

"And I will always stay here for whenever you and them need me, Yuuna. Remember that. No more secrets between us from now on, right? I'm sorry I kept secrets from you for so long. But I'm glad to see you will be a much more honest person than I ever was".

"Dad..." she whispered. "Thank you. For everything".

Yuuna relaxed against him, closing her eyes. Enjoying his warmth. For a moment, she was a child again.

But when she opened them back, she would be a woman forever.


	3. Chapter 3

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

The warning about the first and second parts still qualifies- Some of this material (or all of it) could disgust some of you, so some discretion is advised. Not to mention not taking it too seriously.

31- **Negi, Chisame and Sayo**.

Chisame finished stripping and sighed.

"Okay, you can enter me now".

"Y-Yes!". With his eyes as wide as saucers, Negi started moving towards her.

"Not you yet!" the virtual idol barked at him, making the boy to backpedal immediately.

"Uwaaaa!" he cringed. "Sorry! I was joking!".

Chisame took a look at his lower regions and humphed. "I don't think so. Anyway, Sayo, you can get in".

"Th-thank you!" a barely audible shy voice was heard, and then Sayo entered Chisame's body. It had taken her a lot of magical coaching to learn how to possess living beings, and she still disliked doing it (in the moral sense, not the physical one), but recently, she had accepted Kazumi's advice and applied her new ability to this area of her particular benefit.

Sayo-in-Chisame's-body breathed in, enjoying the mere act of breathing that living humans took for granted. She loved having an actual, flesh and bone mass to inhabit, so unlike the artificial bodies she had used in the past. Even Hakase's best designs couldn't compare to that. Fleetingly, she wondered if Chachamaru was truly aware of the full difference.

"I... I think we can start now. The sooner she gets her body back, the better" she spoke. Her voice was the same as Hasegawa's, but the tone was all Sayo's, softspoken and tender, silky and naive. She sat down on the bed next to Negi. "I'm such an egoist. Chisame-chan does this so I can feel better while doing it, but what do I do for her? What can I give to her? I don't have anything to offer her in trade. All I make is to cause her to lose consciousness and lose several hours of her life each time".

Negi blinked. Several hours? Was he really that good? He might have to start taking the time. Regardless, that was superfluous now. He took the possessed girl in his arms and gently cradled her against him.

"She does this because she loves you too. This is her way of showing it. You already gave her your friendship, and there can be no greater reward than that" he kissed her forehead.

"B-But what if we get her pregnant while we do this?" Sayo-in-Chisame's-body squeaked. "Technically, would she be the mother, or would I be? Or both? And if I am, then will my children be half-ghosts too? Even if not, wouldn't they be orphans? How can I bear bringing orphans to this world? Wait, I wouldn't be the one bearing them! That's even worse!".

Negi stared blankly. Maybe she had some good points between all of that, but...

"You worry too much" he whispered, lowering his kisses to her mouth.

"Ahhhh..." she sighed, feeling grateful for being alive. Sort of.

Maybe he was right after all.

Just a few hours a week wouldn't make that much a difference for Chisame-chan.

Yes.

32- **Negi, Chisame and Chachazero**.

Ninety years into the future.

Evangeline Anastasia Katherine Mc Dowell stomped angrily towards the family crypt.

"I knew I never should have given her full mobility!" she screamed.

She flung the crypt's doors open too easily, even for someone with her superstrength. *She* had just passed by recently.

"CHACHAZERO! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!".

The immortal mage stomped inside, making her way past the tombs of old allies and even some enemies.

"YOU'D BETTER NOT BE DOING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING, CHACHAZERO!" she yelled.

All of the tombs so far were untouched as of late. It had to be those two. As the Nosferatu arrived to the final chamber, her anger bubbled.

She pushed the door open; it was unchained and unlocked. "CHA-CHA-ZE-ROOOOOO..." she hissed, her eyes all black with blood red irises.

Then she took her gaze apart in disgust. The scene before her, while expected, still was too much even for her liking.

"DAMN YOU, CHACHAZERO!" she growled. "PUT THOSE TWO BODIES BACK WHERE THEY BELONG RIGHT NOW! AND IF YOU EVER DO THIS AGAIN, I'LL DESTROY YOU PERSONALLY!".

The small doll cackled throatily from her riding position, tilting her head up towards her owner.

"Sorry, Mistress" she excused herself, but not sounding truly regretful at all. "I was just reminiscing the old times".

33- **Negi, Chisame and Mei**.

"Negi-sensei, Chisame-chan, this is my dear older sister, Urashima Naru!" Mei had beamed her best bright smile as she introduced them to the owner of the Inn they would be staying at. "And that's her husband, Urashima Keitarou-kun! Oneechan, Keitarou, they are Negi-sensei and Chisame-chan, my... errr... colleagues at Mahora!".

Everyone else just stood in silence as Naru and Chisame stared mutely at each other. The younger woman was looking at pretty much a slightly older mirror image. The same facial features. The same thick glasses. The same hair color. The same antenna on the top of the head.

For a moment, the word 'compensating' somehow crossed through the minds of everyone in quite a concerned way. Everyone's but Mei's, who just smiled happily, seemingly unaware of the implications.

34- **Negi, Chisame and Mana**.

Roanapur.

The island was the most wretched and vile hive of scum and villainy at the Seas of South, even possibly all of the hemisphere.

Its stench disgusted the tall and dark skinned shapely woman's nose as she stood silent and motionless at the waterfront, guns in hand, just waiting. And waiting. It almost was dawn.

Behind her, sitting lazily at the edge of the pier, a woman a few years older smoked a cigarette. There was a large tattoo all over one of her arms, and she smelled of cheap booze and lots of gunpowder. Between both women, a young Japanese man stood in concern, trying to decipher the expressionless face of the deeply tanned exotic beauty.

"Maybe we should go looking for them" he finally said. His soft, polite voice made him to look even more out of place there than his typical business shirt and formal black pants ensemble.

"No" the standing woman said evenly. "I trust my husband to pull his part off. He'll be here in any moment now".

"Whatever you say" the other woman mumbled bitterly, spitting her spent cigarette into the sea and getting herself another one. "Yeah, I can count the seconds for it already" she humorlessly mocked. "One, two, thr—".

Right then, a car speeded by, roaring like a bat out of hell from the nearby dark streets, and screeching from a sudden halt right before the black haired woman. She didn't even step back. She only smiled, in a slight but noticeable way.

The car's driver, a blond man with three days of unshaven beard and wearing a Hawaiian shirt, peeked his head out of the window, waving at the sitting woman and the other man. "Hey, Revy! Rock! No problems on your side, I see!".

The tattooed woman snarled dryly as she stood up. "Benny, you don't know the fuckin' half of it. Where are your two geeky pals? Couldn't take the local heat after all?".

The dark skinned woman shot her a glare. "Do you wish to battle again, Two Hands?".

Revy grinned insanely, fingering her guns. "I thought you'd never ask, Latina...".

The man who looked like a cubicle worker attempted to calm her down. "Now, now, Revy, please.. Not here...".

A young couple emerged from the car's backseat. First, a boy who barely looked like he was starting to reach adulthood, with small glasses and long brown hair. He was helping out a girl who had reminded Revy of a slightly less idiotic Greenback Jane, with round thick glasses and long brown hair.

"You may be good with computers, but you are a danger behind a driving wheel!" she was screaming at Benny.

"I'm usually not like that when I'm not being pursued by shooters and winged demon-things. Really" Benny replied calmly.

Meanwhile, the Latin woman approached the young man, her smile becoming somewhat more placid. "Sensei" she said. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him violently towards herself, kissing his mouth passionately. Benny coughed and looked aside. Revy and the other guy just stared with jaded eyes. The brown haired girl just waited quietly, sighing to herself.

Then the tall woman pulled apart from the kiss and repeated the kiss, now with her.

Now that made Benny to watch.

Rock Okajima let his jaw to fall just a little.

Revy merely arched an eyebrow. "Buncha weirdos".

As the latin female broke the kiss, the smaller young woman blushed deeply, looking down with embarrassment. "Wh-What the hell, Mana! Not before others!".

"You got it?" Tatsumiya Mana asked simply.

Still blushing, Chisame nodded and briefly pulled a disc out of her handbag before safely putting it back inside. "Now we can leave this miserable hellhole once and for all? You two may have had fun here, but it's different for the one who can't dodge bullets!".

The young man with glasses laughed weakly. "I promise we'll take you somewhere better next year!".

She pulled his cheeks apart. "IT'LL BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO FIND ANY WORSE PLACE!".

Mana smiled turning to face Rock. "Thanks for everything, Okajima-san. Dean Konoemon will transfer your payment to your accounts as soon as we reach Mahora".

"He'd better" Revy snorted. "Or I'll go there and riddle your cheapskate asses full of bullets myself".

Mana forced a dangerous grin. "I'd be glad to cross guns with you again, Two Hands!".

"Same here, Lola!" Revy somehow managed to outcraze her grin with her own.

"Please, aren't we in the same side now?" Rock sighed in exhaustion.

A few minutes later, as the boat sailed away towards Japan, he was just happy they hadn't killed each other after all.

"So, Benny" Revy said as she went into the car.

"Yeah?" the pirate hacker asked.

"What the fuck was that they needed your help to crack?".

"Well, Revy, if you really need to know... it was part of a complex and dastardly plan from fiendish forces of beyond to destroy the Maginet, the superhighway of information for the Magical World, then to usher into a worldwide age of chaos and black magic".

"Fuck, Benny!" Revy spat the words out. "If you don't want to tell me, okay, but at least try a better goddamn joke!".

"I'm serious!" Benny protested. "Hell, Revy, I can tell you that Springfield guy used magic to keep us alive back there! Real magic! I wouldn't have ever believed until tonight, but after almost being eviscerated by a troll with bat wings and a witch, I can tell you I have a new outlook on that crap!".

"Sure, Benny. I believe ya" the gunslinger shook her head. "Man, you sure are gullible. What kind of magic crack dusts did they give you? It sure had to be some powerful drug, if that's what that bitch was using. The slut was even worse than Roberta. I barely could keep up with her by giving all my best".

As the car hummed heading back home, Rock mused, "At least Dutch will be happy. Konoemon-san's payment should be more than enough to cover all the damage".

"Mmm-hmmm" Benny hummed, keeping his eyes on the street. "Just make sure they don't pay us in anything called 'Magi-dollars'. From what I learned there, those things have almost no value now".

"There's a crisis everywhere, I guess" Revy yawned and stretched. "This ain't a time for fairy tales anymore".

35- **Negi, Chisame and Konoemon**.

She was pretty sure some wise man had once said both young age and old age had their advantages, but no one could enjoy them both at the same time.

She didn't remember who that wise man was. Maybe she'd ask one of her own men later. But she was sure the first part of the sentence was right. The second one, not so much.

36- **Negi, Chisame and Fumika**.

At first, Fumika had thought her sister would be angry. The stunned look on Fuuka's face when she had finally dared to tell her didn't exactly ease her fears for the first few moments.

But then, instead of getting disappointed or furious about being outdone, Fuuka had just started laughing.

"Good Job, Sis!" she had approved, cheerfully patting Fumika's shoulders several times, almost laughing her guts off. "Good Job!".

"Y-You are okay with it?" Fumika still doubted, shrinking down before her dominant twin. "Seriously? I-If you have any objection, I'll understand...".

"Me?" Fuuka blinked. "Why?".

It was Fumika's turn to wonder aloud. "Oneechan, don't you remember? We had promised to get Sensei together, and that none of us would take the edge over the other!".

Fuuka's brow twitched a bit. "When was that?".

"Oneechan! Don't tell me you don't remember! That time at the World Tree!".

"Ah. That" Fuuka rubbed her chin. "Sis, we were only children back then. I'm okay with it. Really. My, but you're a player!" she chuckled, elbowing her still flat chest teasingly. "It's true what they say about the quiet ones! Then again, I guess that applies to Chisame-chan too...".

Fumika pouted. "I still... I still thought that promise was important" she sulked. "That's why I felt so bad about breaking it. But you... you didn't even really care? You didn't even remember?" she demanded.

Fuuka lost her smile all of a sudden. "Fumika-chan, what's the matter? I don't understand you".

"No, you don't! We used to understand each other, always!" the shy one's voice cracked. "But you drifted away! That's why I had to look after Sensei on my own! Because I'd have lost him if I had to wait all my life for you!".

"But... I'm not interested about Negi-sensei" Fuuka stated, amazed her sister had assumed differently. "Not for a long while. I mean, he's a great guy and handsome, yes... but he's just not my type. And I already... have a boyfriend...".

Fumika's eyes snapped open. "You have a boyfriend?".

Fuuka looked aside with embarrassment. "Well" she chuckled. "It isn't anything serious yet. We only have dated a few times".

"But you didn't tell me!".

"Well, you hadn't told me about them and you until today, either!".

"That's different! My case is... much harder to explain! And I feared hurting you! But you wouldn't even care about it!".

"Well, excuse me for having my own life!".

"You're excused! Excuse me if I go to have my own, too!" Fumika had turned around and ran crying out.

Fuuka fumed, standing still where she was. "Stupid child! If you're going to marry anyone, grow up first!".

She bit her lower lip so hard it ached, then yelled, "FUMIKA, YOU IDIOT!".

They hadn't talked to each other for weeks after that. And then the weeks became months, even after the engagement was announced. Even after Negi, Kaede and even Chisame had talked to both sisters, each one refused to meet the other one.

Fuuka shook her head. "No, Sensei. I won't!". She crossed her arms.

"But... But it was such a petty, childish fight..." he pleaded. "Surely you have to realize that...".

"I do! And it was because she's a petty, childish person!" the fiery twin replied. "And everyone always thought I was the immature one! Hah! If you ask me, I spoiled her! I made her used to always depend on someone! I hope you and Chisame really want to raise children soon, because you'll have your first one as soon as Fumika steps into that house with you!".

Negi sighed sadly. "But you'll still attend the wedding, won't you?".

Fuuka's expression softened. "Of course I will. Because you are my friends. And it'll look bad if I'm the only one who doesn't go, right?" she half-laughed. "Can Tsubaki-kun go with me, too?".

Negi nodded. "Of course he can!".

Fuuka smiled fully now. "Good! It's not everday you get to see a wedding of that kind. But if he gets any funny ideas, I'm going to put a stop of it, okay?" she joked.

He laughed. "I-I guess it certainly isn't a thing for everyone!".

Fumika was unusually quiet and moody all through the morning's preparations that fateful day. Chisame was a nervous wreck, but that was pure anxiety. Fumika, on the other hand, just seemed somewhat depressed. Until Kaede approached her and put a hand on her right shoulder.

"She'll come" the tall ninja promised. "Don't be afraid-de gozaru".

Fumika's face reddened. "As if I cared!".

She still looked uneasy as she and Chisame, whose teeth clattered nervously, walked down the aisle to join the groom. She could feel everyone's eyes fixed on her. From Konoka's happy eyes to Zazie's lazy ones, from Evangeline's sharp pupils to Sakurako's bubbly ones. From Nitta-sensei's stern glare to Shizuna-sensei's contented gaze. All those eyes. All of them but those eyes that were so similar to her own, yet so different...

Until her breath stopped when she saw her twin sitting as near as she could, with Kaede and a guy Fumika didn't recognize. He was very tall, roguish looking, so very different from Sensei.

So different.

Then Fumika understood. Slowly, warmly, she smiled at her sister.

Fuuka just stared at her for a second, but then smirked back, quickly and winking an eye. "Good Job!" she repeated under her breath.

37- **Negi, Chisame and Motsu**.

The small, green froglike creature walked into the room wearing a bad red tie and imitating the movements of a 70s pornstar in a clumsy fashion.

"Yessss..." he said, wiggling his eyebrows. His weird voice gurgled like boiling water. "I'm ready for my scene, Director Shinbo... You can bring the babe and the boy now...".

"They won't come, Motsu-san" a voice said from the room's darkness.

"OH GOD!" the froggy thingy yelled out loud in badly spoken Engrish. "WHO'S THERE?".

Albert Chamomille stepped out towards him, wearing a full black leather B&SM ensemble over his furry body, including a tiny mask on his face. "They won't come!" he lamented. "Like me, you've been excluded from this! Kicked out of the Garden of Eden by vengeful angels with flaming swords!" the ermine claimed. "We're the rejects, Motsu-san! The outsiders! There's no place for us in Chiu-chan's warm bed!".

"Oh" Motsu said. "Well, that's a shame. That's life, I think".

He turned around and began walking for the door, but stopped when Chamo slammed a whip on his back. "OW! HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?".

"Your Mistress hasn't told you to leave yet!" the deranged ermine said. "Maybe you're happy with being left out in the cold, but this Caith Sith pure breed has had enough! If they aren't going to give me some, I'll take some from wherever I can find it! No matter where it is!".

Motsu's head was covered with a dozen drops of sweat now. "Um, maybe you should look for some help...".

Chamo cackled madly, jumping straight for him. "HA HA HA HA! YOU'RE ALL THE HELP I NEED!".

"OH CRAP!" Motsu screamed, panicking. "I'M SCREWED!".

Half a hour later...

"—BUT IN A GOOD WAY!".

38- **Negi, Chisame and Ku Fei**.

Ku Fei rested her chin on the table, her eyes barely focused on the book before her. "I'm bored" she declared.

"Tough" Chisame said unsympathetically from her seat nearby at the table, as she continued reading from her own book. "Remember, your entrance test is next week, and Negi will be disappointed if you fail this year again".

The martial artist groaned lowly, like an annoyed tiger cub. "I always can study tomorrow-aruuuu...".

"That's what you said yesterday" Chisame pointed out.

"I mean it this time" the former Baka Ranger rolled her head aside to use the pages of the open volume as a pillow.

Chisame closed her own book and asked, "Why don't you just quit it and focus on your Dojo and nothing else?".

Ku Fei's head perked up as she looked at the eyes of the other woman. "Nothing else-aruyo?".

"I mean, other than our home, naturally!" Hasegawa said in exhasperation.

"Nah" the dark skinned blonde slumped her head back down. "I want to be like Chao-aru. I want to 'multitask'. She once told me 'multitasking' was easy-aru. Like fighting several guys at once. Piece of cake-aru".

"Chao was a genius".

"I know. But I think I should be able to do at least a tiny part of what she did-aruyo. If that means I have to get into college, so be it-arune".

"It would help if you aimed for another career, too" Chisame suggested. "I mean... not to offend, but... I don't really see you as an accountant of all things".

"It'll help me to handle the Dojo's finances-aru. Make you both proud" she yawned.

"Well, then you must start taking those extra responsibilities seriously as of now!" the girl with glasses lectured again. "If you want to overwork yourself, you must put as much effort into it as Chao did! It's your funeral, but if you want it, then put as much resolve into it as you put into your martial arts! Because otherwise you aren't doing anything but—".

She blinked, seeing the blonde had just fallen asleep on the table, slightly drooling into the book's pages, giving tiny snores of contentment.

"Well, I guess it's useless to study if you're tired and can't put your mind into it" Chisame conceded, standing up and covering the other girl's upper body with a blanket. "Rest tight". She lightly kissed her forehead. "Idiot".

Then she happily marched towards their room. The bed all for herself and him alone tonight! God bless simple dear Ku Fei.

39- **Negi, Chisame and Nagi**.

Haruna's eyes sparkled as much as her pearly grin, as she craned her neck over the cafe's table, almost sticking her face to Chisame's. "So it's true!" the mangaka squealed.

"Wh-what if it is?" Chisame pulled back, annoyed. "Negi has just found his father after all these years, it's just logical they have a lot to catch up to! Why couldn't he stay with us for now?".

"She's right, Haruna" Yue quietly said while sipping her drink. "Stop reading between the lines".

Paru gave both of her librarian friends a hurt look. "Have I said anything wrong?".

"Not yet" Yue and Nodoka said at the same time. "But you're about to" Yue added. Nodoka only nodded vigorously.

"I only think it'd be a waste of a chance if Chiu-chan didn't take advantage of it" Haruna chuckled cagily, twisting her thick eyebrows up and down. "It's like two for the price of one...".

"Okay, you are starting to creep me out. Again" Chisame scowled before taking another sip from her glass.

"Ahhh, if it were me there...!" Haruna squeaked out. "'Father-In-Law, can I call you Daddy?' 'Yes, of course you can, Paru-chan'. 'Can we all bathe together like all Japanese families did in your time?' 'Yes, that's a great idea, Paru-chan'!".

"H-Haruna, we are at a public place! Lower your voice!" Nodoka begged with a full body blush.

She indeed lowered it, but only to grin even more and up the ante, much to Chisame's growing anger. "And then one day, you walk into the dining room and ask them, 'Do you want some sandwiches, Dear and Daddy?' And they say, 'Yes, we do! We'll be the bread... you can be the filling!'".

Nodoka spat her drink and pressed a napkin hurriedly against her nose. Yue, blushing only a little less, pulled a book out of her handbag and whacked Haruna over the head with it.

"YOU PIG!" Yue hissed.

Haruna laughed weakly rubbing the huge bump now on her head. "Relax, Yuecchi! Chiu-chan knows I'm only joking! Right, Chiu-chan?" she looked at their friend, who was almost spitting smoke out of her ears by now.

"Yes...Yes, I know!" she nodded, barely keeping herself under control. "My, just look at the time... I think it's time to go back home...".

She kissed the still livid Miyazaki and the poker faced Yue on a cheek, then gave Haruna a glare. "See you later, everyone...".

"Bye-bye!" Haruna waved happily. Nodoka mimicked her gesture, but she couldn't really articulate the words, and seemed to be still mostly attempting to wipe her nose clean. Yue bowed her head formally and said a brief goodbye.

After Chisame was gone, Baka Black addressed her tallest friend again. "You still haven't grown up at all".

"Hey, I'm not the one who still blushes and stammers like a child at the notion of sex!" Paru smiled smugly, looking at both of them. "Unless, of course, you two happen to be behind closed doors..." she suggested with a knowing glint in her eyes.

Nodoka and Yue immediately knew it was better to change the subject. How did Haruna do that kind of things, they never knew, but they wordlessly agreed it was better not to know.

Chisame was pale as a sheet of paper by the time she reached her house. She slammed the door behind herself, supporting her back against its frame, sweating cold.

Nagi and Negi had been watching the TV at the living room, sweaty and shirtless, when she had arrived. No doubt from another round of fight sparring all afternoon long. Yeah. Father and son curiously tilted her head towards her.

"Chi-chan?" the Thousand Master calmly asked. "What happened?".

She gave them a haunted look.

"I think Haruna's on us".

40- **Negi, Chisame and Akira**.

**The First Time: **

The shorter girl lifted an eyebrow.

"Are you really, really sure no one can see you here?".

The tall and elegant black haired beauty nodded. "Pretty much. It has been my secret place for a long while. It's far from the Academy and the city, almost into Iincho's property, but not close enough for her to wander here. I love being here". Her smile was placid and beautiful, as serene and natural as the warm summer breeze.

Chisame sat on the edge of the lake and took her shoes off, rubbing her feet and muttering, "Well, it's good to know that after you dragged us all the way here".

"I'm sorry about that. But I hope you'll find it as relaxing as I do" Akira softly said, offering her a smile as she unbuttoned her own shirt. Chisame was nodded indifferently until she caught a good glimpse of the swimmer's quickly unveiling cleavage, and the apparent lack of anything under her peeling off shirt. The hacker's eyes grew almost as big as Negi's.

"H-Hold on!" Hasegawa gasped. "You didn't bring a swimsuit? You don't plan to—".

But it was too late to protest; with only the slightest charming blush over her features, Akira already was as naked as the day she was born, and swiftly jumping into the crystal clear waters.

She swam like a gorgeous swan across the lake, mesmerizing both of them despite their shock. They still were half open mouthed when she finally stopped doing laps back and forth at a steady, notable speed, her head out of the water, her hair majestically floating all around herself.

"I suppose you won't join me" she stated, calm but just a bit hopeful.

"NO, THANKS BUT NOT!" they both backed away blushing crazily.

**The Tenth Time: **

"Well, maybe it won't hurt just taking a short brief dip in..." Negi hesitated as he reluctantly pulled his shirt off.

"SENSEI!" Chisame protested.

"B-But I'll keep my boxers on, I promise...!" he shrunk down before her.

The Sixteenth Time:

Okay, this time Chisame wasn't just going to remain just sitting at the water's edge like an idiot while they frolicked around like shameless morons. She had brought a swimsuit! So what if her figure wasn't as great as Akira's. Like that mattered. After all, they were only spending time off with a brat.

He needed to put his pants back on, regardless, but she wasn't going to stoop as low as to beg him for it. English Gentleman, her foot.

**The Twentieth Time: **

Ah, crap. Now she had forgotten the swimsuit. Oh well, just one time without joining them wouldn't hurt her, right? After all, it had been that way all those first times they visited the place.

But hell, it really was getting hot now. How long had that summer lasted anyway? Grumbling, she fanned herself with a magazine.

And the idiots looked like they were having so much fun. Without her.

She looked all around. What the heck.

It wouldn't kill her. Just for this once.

She started tugging her shirt off. He immediately stopped his swimming and stared in shock. "Hasegawa-san...?".

"WHAT? Like I have anything that she doesn't have! Or viceversa!".

**The Twenty-Seventh Time: **

Ayaka Yukihiro's face betrayed an ongoing mix of contradictory emotions as she stood at her highest balcony and looked into the distance with her finely tuned, state-of-the-art telescope.

"I should go there and stop them! Yet, I can't interrupt the innocent enjoyment of my sweet prince of the waves!" she lamented. "Alas, my heart is divided between enjoying the delights of his virginal beauty, and my fear towards those two indecent harpies looking to claim him for their own twisted purposes!".

"Maybe you should go there to join them if that is what you wish, Ojou-sama" the old butler standing behind her observed philosophically.

"What are you thinking, Sebastian?" the heiress yelled at him. "Why, I never would—!".

She paused, thought it over, and finally returned to her long distance watching. "On second thought, call Asakura right now. Tell her to keep me informed on the next time they take a 'free Sunday' off. I do believe it would do me good to take a casual stroll along our limits one of those days".


	4. Chapter 4

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

The warning about the first, second and third parts still qualifies- Some of this material (or all of it) could disgust some of you, so some discretion is advised. Not to mention not taking it too seriously.

41- **Negi, Chisame and Kazumi**.

She was feeling too weak and sore to move for the moment. Plus, she was sure moving wouldn't do anything in any case, unless she could move to wherever and whenever Chao was now and ask her for a trip back to the last night.

The hideous thing about it all was she wasn't sure she would take that chance ever if she had it, but she was annoyed... even if not as angry as she thought she should be... in any instance. Annoyed at Asakura's drunk and stupid giggling from under her, and annoyed at Sensei's light but still noticeable weight over both of them, as he sleepily hugged them rubbing his cheek against her naked back.

"I knew we shouldn't have accepted your idiotic drinking challenge..." Hasegawa mumbled while hiccupping.

"Mmmm" the redhead smiled, her loose hair spread all around her face. "It's just the thing to do when you reach the legal age...".

Chisame angrily, yet lazily, looked up at the one over her. "I know someone who's still three years under that... I'm not looking forward to that jail time in my future...".

"Relax, as long as no one knows..." Kazumi took her head back, satisfied. "Rest assured, this isn't a story I'm going to be covering...".

"Yeah, that comforts me so much...".

"I might tell it in my memories, though..." there was another sloppy giggle.

Chisame just relaxed her head down on the large breasts she was using as a pillow. "Just try it and they'll have to publish them post-mortem...".

There was a pause.

"By the way, where did everyone else go?".

At the next room, Konoe Konoka eased herself happily against the other two bodies in the bed. "Setchan..." she whispered. "This has been the most wonderful night of my life...".

"O-Ojou-sama..." Setsuna blushed as she snuggled closer as well.

Ayaka just stayed with hugely wide open eyes under them. "I... am not sure it's right to feel as oddly at peace as I'm now...".

42- **Negi, Chisame and Takahata**.

I don't think I've ever wanted to cry as much as I've today.

Not even that time I talked to you and confessed while we were going to save Negi. That time, I felt liberated, even if pained, after you rejected me. I don't feel liberated at all now. I feel left out under the rain, cold and numb.

Am I jealous for you, or for him? No, for both. I envy her. I almost wish I could feel some sort of hate for anyone over it, but I can't. You two are still the people I love the most in this world, and while she and me never were particularly close, I can't wish her any illbeing. We are friends. I don't feel betrayed. I never made any valid claim I could say that was betrayed. All I had was a rejected offer from you, and a friendship with a child who has grown beyond me.

It still doesn't change the fact I'm so alone.

Konoka and Setsuna have each other. Nodoka and Yue have each other. Natsumi and Kotaro have each other. Even Evangeline and Chachamaru have each other. But I don't have anyone who would understand what's to have been left truly alone.

What did she do right that I didn't? I can't understand. If there was such a thing, I sure didn't ever see it. When was the carpet pulled off from under me? And how?

But mostly, why am I even asking myself that? It's not like I could or should do anything about it. All I wish for the three of you to be happy.

I sit under the rain, at the sidewalk's edge, my eyes low. I still can see the meeting with the three of you as if had just happened instead of happening this morning. You danced around the matter at first, until she got sick of that and just announced it outright. I used to be like that.

And I had smiled. I had acted happy, because I had been happy for you. It wouldn't be until later that my own loneliness would sink in. Like someone who only understands the weight of their sin long after killing someone else, I hadn't caught on how much was I screwing myself (no, that isn't true. I was screwed before that) as I cheered you up and made bad taste jokes about it. She had blushed and asked me to take it seriously, please. But the two of you only smiled back and joked back, gently. Men. Always taking it all so lightly.

It wouldn't be until parting ways I realized how sad was I under my happiness. And I realized I had nowhere to go. No, I have a good place to go. It's just I have NO ONE to go to. Not since Konoka moved with Setsuna, and then he... he...

I miss him already. The one I never dared to confess to. Would I have failed like I failed with you? Was that why I never dared to tell him? Was there where she succeeded, unlike me? I don't kow. I don't know anything anymore. God, I'm pathetic. And I'm alone.

Then I hear that familiar voice from behind me.

"Asuna?".

It sounds jaded, tired. Sad. Almost as sad as I would sound right now if I truly could talk. I turn my head slowly towards her.

She just stands there, under a ridiculously expensive umbrella, offering a hand to me. Her smile is utterly sad and broken, but sincere and loving.

Even more slowly, I reach for Ayaka's hand. Yes, I'm a forgetful idiot. Of course. I had forgotten. I can't blame others for forgetting me.

But she hadn't forgotten me. She's, maybe, a better person than I am.

Her hand is cold, but it feels warm in a way I can't explain.

I suddenly have to bolt upright, and I hug her strongly. She hugs me back. And then we are crying under the rain, umbrella discarded at a side. We are the most pathetic people in the world.

But at least we aren't alone.

43- **Negi, Chisame and Fuuka**.

"Can I kiss you?" she finally asked.

Now that had caught Chisame's attention. And that is an understatement.

"WH-WHAT?".

Fuuka scratched the back of her neck, chuckling awkwardly. "Heh, heh heh... Sorry, I should've expected that... It's just... well, I suppose I'm curious...".

The taller girl narrowed her eyes warily. "Curious about what?".

"Well, duh. Isn't it obvious?" Fuuka asked dragging a foot along, almost as if she was a naughty child caught with her hand in the cookie jar again. "I-I mean, I only could see you making out and more with Negi before... I got curious. It's not like I'm made of stone! C'mon, don't tell me you've never felt the same!" she protested, blushing just a bit.

The brown haired girl replied quickly. "No, I haven't".

Fuuka facefaulted.

"The fact we share the same bed and man doesn't mean we have to... well, do that with each other!" Hasegawa protested. "I-It's taking it too far, don't you think?".

The flatchested young woman turned around, humphing cutely. "You're a liar. I have noticed how you look at us when we are doing it. And you aren't just looking at HIM all the time".

"Wh-Wh-What are you trying to say?".

The thin, waiflike girl spun around to crane her delicate neck towards her, pouting her pink lips up. Blowing soft, warm breath into Chisame's nose as she did so. The other girl recoiled by instinct. Fuuka was still so much like a child, with her lithe and underdeveloped body, and yet graceful and vital, healthy and energetic like the young adult she had just started being. And challenging. Oh so very challenging.

"I'm sure Negi will love it. What man wouldn't?" she teased. Sounding so unlike a child now.

"I-I-I'm no man!".

"I'll cope..." she giggled, but it was so very different from her old childlike giggling.

Chisame's brow quivered fearfully under the shorter girl's tempting gaze, and she took her neck a bit back to avoid those pouting lips, but for some reason her feet weren't following that trend. Damn feet. After everything she had done for them.

"L-Look, it's not like I don't like you—".

"Great" Fuuka purred huskily like a kitten in premature heat, then, without a warning, pushed her own face forward to catch Chisame's lips in her own.

The brown haired girl was left frozen in the spot. For a moment, she felt compelled to slap, then to push away.

Then Fuuka slided the tongue in.

Wow, she sure was skilled at it. She remembered Fuuka's own handwriting at her picture in Negi's old class roster. 'TECHNIQUE OF A MATURE WOMAN', indeed! Must have taken tips from Negi, because that couldn't be anything else than his own style Chisame was experiencing now, except... wilder.

Fuuka was still smashing her mouth against her own. Chisame vaguely found herself wondering how much would they last before having to stop for air. Geez, the girl did it even more intense than it had seemed from looking at her with him.

She actually found herself moaning when Fuuka actually broke the kiss, a thin line of saliva still connecting their mouths.

"Was it good?" the Narutaki girl giggled again, but now almost sounding almost like a mischievous kid once more. A pretty perverted, thoroughly twisted kid, but even so...

Chisame looked aside awkwardly. "Well, are you happy now?" she mumbled.

"Quite!" Fuuka nodded with happiness. Damn cheerful kid. Who wasn't a kid. But still looked like one. Almost.

Then the twisted girlie had poked her chest with a finger. "How about you...?".

"D-Don't tell me you want to take this to... the next level?" Chisame hesitated.

Fuuka pulled her finger back and said nothing. Her expression almost was saying she didn't, and she only was messing with her.

Damn teasing girl!

"Because I do" Hasegawa muttered. Clearly against her own will. Yeah.

Fuuka smiled like a Cheshire kitty. "I think I can make the sacrifice!".

"Funny. I thought that was supposed to be my line" the taller female growled, pulling her back towards herself.

Negi Springfield was finishing his classes for the day and getting ready to get back home when he received a text message. Checking it out, he found out it was from Chisame.

'COME BACK RIGHT NOW. WE HAVE A MAJOR SURPRISE FOR YOU. BUY TAKEOUT AND WHIPPED CREAM ON YOUR WAY'.

He idly wondered what that might be about.

Somewhere else, at her job at the office, Fumika tensed all of a sudden.

"What's wrong, Narutaki-san?" her coworker from the desk next by asked.

She clenched a smile. "Have you ever heard about how twins often share sensations and strong feelings no matter how apart they are from each other?".

"Yeah, why?".

"Well" she sadly sighed, lowering her gaze. "My sister's kind of a carefree person".

44- **Negi, Chisame and Shichimi**.

The room still was empty except for the two tiny animals sharing a small bed on the middle of it, smoking cigarettes while enjoying the afterglow.

"So, here's the plan" Chamo explained. "If we were denied a chance to do it with Aniki and Chiu-chan, it's a safe bet your friend Shichimi will be sent here too".

"Makes sense" Motsu admitted with a nod of his head.

"And when she comes here... BANG! We jump on her!" the ermine cheered. "At least she's a girl! Not that what we did wasn't great, of course".

"Of course it was" the frog agreed.

"But it'd feel even better with a girl. Or kitty. She's a kitty, right?" Chamo felt obliged to ask.

"To be honest, I'm not too sure" Motsu admitted.

"It's the same. In any case, she should be here any moment now".

"Yes, she will" the frog blew some smoke up.

"In the meanwhile, what if we give it another go?".

"Okay, but this time, you're the uke. In a good way".

Elsewhere...

Nitta-sensei sighed contentedly as he snuggled against the small, fuzzy figure sharing his bed with him.

"Through all these years of loneliness and bitterness.." he softly sighed, "I never had met someone as wonderful as you...".

"You're very kind, mya" Shichimi meowed.

He petted her head lovingly. "Everyone around me is so wild and harsh... Unruly students, superiors who don't understand, colleagues that just won't help me enforce the rules... But with you, for the first time in my life, I feel relaxed. Happy. I love you. And you love me back, don't you?".

"Of course I do-mya".

"You're wonderful, Darling".

He reached over to kiss her, but before he could do it, he rasped, coughed, and spat a big fat hairball.

Back at the empty room:

"*Pant, pant*" Chamo laid back. "She sure is taking a long time to come...".

Motsu seemed unsatisfied. "Unlike you. And not in a good way".

"Give me a break, Motsu-san! We've been at this for hours! I'm not made of iron!".

Motsu humphed and looked away. "I only hope she doesn't take too much longer".

"Yeah, well, so do I".

They continue waiting.

And waited.

45- **Negi, Chisame and Albireo**.

They sat together watching the training, although Chisame wasn't actually sure it could be properly called training at all. The man had his hand gently put upon hers, and she actually didn't mind as long as he was discreet about it. Which, way too often, he wasn't, but he at least seemed to take it easier now as they beheld the strange scene unfolding before them.

"Okay, let's try it one more time..." sighing in exasperation, the short purple clad figure sighed, assuming an arrogant pose, a hand pointing up. "I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night...".

Negi hesitated for the briefest moment before following the feathered being's cue. "I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night...".

"NO! NO!" the caped crusader stomped a foot down. "That's MY line! Homage doesn't imply theft! I thought we had agreed on your own entrance line!".

Negi made a suffering face. "Please, Master Duck, is this really necessary? All I need from you is to learn the Belly Bounce...".

The Belly Bounce. A mysterious ultimate technique so powerful and arcane not even Evangeline had managed to master it. Or so did the legends say. If it was the key to defeat Fate Averruncus, Negi wanted to learn it as soon as possible.

The purple clad fowl shook his head vigorously, pacing back and forth with his hands crossed behind his back. "No, no, no! You can't master the Belly Bounce without learning the basics first! It took me years to master that technique! Years of hard training!".

The redhaired little duck girl lazily laying at Chisame's other side whispered in a conspirative tone to her, "He ended up learning it by accident".

"GOSALYN!".

"Sorry, Dad". She really didn't sound regretful, though.

"Anyway, you can't hope to master it with that attitude, young man!" the caped duck stopped before Negi. "You're acting as if you were ashamed! Puff your chest out! More! A good technique is the starting basis for everything!".

"Y-yes, sir!" Negi nodded, attempting to stand just right.

Chisame complained, not for the first time either. "Hey, you... Duck?" she asked. "Talking Duck?".

The masked waterfowl shot her another annoyed glare. He really didn't like the know-it-all girl. "What do you want now, little featherless mutant?" he shot back.

"Isn't that an useless thing?" she asked. "I'm no expert, but standing still announcing yourself before your enemy... doesn't it make you a... sitting duck?".

She could see his right eyebrow twitching under the mask.

"Useless? USELESS?" he exclaimed. "Albireo, where did you get these children? Now listen, young miss! When well performed... something your boyfriend is very far from mastering... the correct entrance is a powerful weapon of psychological warfare! It strikes terror in the hearts of villains, paralyzing them long enough for the plucking! Then, and only then, you can find enough of an opening to strike with the deadliest arts of Quack Fu!".

Chisame scowled. "I guess it could paralyze even Fate with laughter, now that you put it that way".

The duck turned around with a humph. "An untrained civilian would never understand. Well then, Negi! It's time for you to finally give me proof Jack trained you! Start with the right face! No, not like that! Fearsome, yet honest and noble! No, that's not it either!".

The hacker looked up at the smiling face of Albireo. "How did you meet him in the first place, anyway?".

He laughed it out. "Well, Jack Rakan didn't lie when he said our adventures as the Ala Rubra went far and beyond this world's and the Magical World's borders... And besides, I went to magical school with his girlfriend".

Chisame blinked in disbelief. "You went to school with a female duck?".

He shrugged. "What? Did you believe you are the only one who's ever been in a special class?".

The redheaded duck child sighed while looking at Negi. "Your little brother is kinda cute, you know...".

Chisame sprung into red (cheeked) alert. "H-He isn't my brother!".

"He's her boyfriend" Albireo pointed out helpfully. Hasegawa only muttered in an unintelligible way.

Gosalyn looked at her curiously. "Oh? I thought he was your boyfriend" she pointed at the older mage.

"Well, it's kinda hard to explain..." Albireo laughed easily while Chisame looked as if she wanted Earth to devour her.

"GOSALYN!" the caped duck yelled again, looking away from Negi, who seemed to be doing actual advances now. Or not. Depending on your perspective on the whole thing.

"Yes, Dad?".

"That topic! Don't ever touch it until you're 65!" he ordered.

The little girl just rolled her green eyes.

46- **Negi, Chisame and Nitta**.

He never had imagined before there could be such a strange, and yet so pleasing, solution to a mildlife crisis.

47- **Negi, Chisame and Theodora**.

At first, Chisame had thought she had been so clever.

Official ceremonies were always a hideously painful drag. Consort princess of the Ostia and Helas empires, her ass; she pretty much preferred staying at home— she still refused to call it palace— and tinkering with the Maginet to be dragged to those horrible hours long torture sessions they called official galas.

Luckily, she had just remembered a trick from her old school days. And it still worked like a charm on him.

"My stomach hurts. Do I need to go too?" she complained. "Just tell the Ambassadors I couldn't make it, and I promise I'll go next time. Not like they really care, of course".

Concerned, Negi had offered to stay with her. But Theodora had simply smiled and asked, "Are you feeling too ill? Because I could stay too, and we'll just send a representative. I could get to use some of those remedies Lady Chizuru dropped by last week...".

"I-I'm not feeling that bad!" Chisame had panicked. "Honestly! I just need some rest at home, and I'll be like new tomorrow!".

Theodora's smile had grown up even more. "That's excellent! In that case, could you look after Nagi-kun while we're out?".

Chisame had opened her mouth to protest. Didn't they have servants for that? But then she saw Negi's face and couldn't help doing anything but nodding.

And now there she was. With their baby. As dark skinned as his mother was. A baby. Who now was crying with hunger.

She hadn't been so clever after all, had she?

"D-Don't cry! Don't cry!" she nervously tried to calm him down before carefully putting him down into his cradle. "Auntie Chiu will bring you your bottle right now! For real! Just don't choke on anything while I'm away so I don't have to jump off the window!".

She ran for the fridge. Even fridges were powered by a magic core in that place. She still couldn't get used to the idea. She flung the door open and frantically looked inside, with the baby's cries filling her ears. Bottle, bottle, bottle. Where was the bottle? Theodora ha said she had left one, but where? Come to think about it, she never had seen her feeding the brat with one. She only lactated him. So where...?

She was shocked at seeing the only bottle that could vaguely fit her notions of a baby bottle was one empty, milkwise, but full with what seemed to be dozens of small sucking cups. Next to it there was a note. Theodora had said the bottle came with instructions, but Chisame hadn't thought she would really need that to handle a simple milk bottle.

At top speed, she picked the note up and read through it. She blinked.

She looked at the suction cups inside, then at her own chest.

"She must be kidding...!".

The baby cried again.

Cursing her luck, Chisame pulled her shirt up and her bra down. She hurriedly put one cup over each breast, hoping she was doing it right. Stupid magical things. Why couldn't they make normal simple babybottles like human beings?

Once they both were in place, she felt her breasts suddenly gaining some extra mass. She looked down at them, actually pleased by the change. Well, if Chizuru could see her now... Nah, still not in the same ballpark. But even so...

Then she felt the breast equivalent of really having to unload your bladder.

"Yikes! Feeding! Feeding! Have to do it!" she eeped, running back to the baby's room as quick as her legs could carry her.

The Ceremony:

"Theodora, are you sure Chisame-chan will be okay with Nagi-kun?" Negi asked, still concerned.

"She is a smart and able girl, and I left her with precise instructions" the princess smiled, confident.

"Yes, but did you explain the general concept to her before… leaving her with them?" he whispered again.

Theodora looked at his face. "I thought you had done it!".

The Palace:

Well, he actually did have his father's grip.

Chisame smiled at the tiny figure feeding on her, keeping him secured against herself. So that's how it felt, being a mother, huh? Maybe she should try it someday herself. It felt good, actually. It gave her a strange warmth inside of herself, like an idiotic wonderful tingling in her heart.

She loved the baby.

But luckily for her nerves, the parents arrived right after she noticed she had to change the diaper.

48- **Negi, Chisame and Cocone**.

Misora came back to the classroom far sooner than Misa had expected. They were the only two ones left; for once, the other two cheerleaders had left before her friend, since she and the aspiring nun had classroom cleaning duty until late that day.

Of course, then the stupid prankster had skipped the issue away to go pester anyone else. When Misa had protested about being left alone at duty, Misora had reminded her about that favor she still owed her. The one involving both the absolution and the keeping as a secret of 'that incident' with her boyfriend last year.

That always was enough to make Misa to concede defeat in a hurry. And so, the victorious party had left laughing her head off, almost in a mad beeline for some practical joke. Somewhere **outside**. Misa actually felt like killing her, except because she still had a full floor to clean.

But she had returned quickly, ghastly pale and slumping down on her desk, with those goofy huge eyes she used to make when in shock.

"And now what happened?" Misa asked her. "I thought you had gone to play a prank at Chisame's room. Did they catch you?".

"Nope..." Misora shook he head, still in a stunned state. "At least, I hope they didn't...".

"Then why that face?".

Misora seemed to snap back to reality rather abruptly. "Ah... nothing! 'Twas nothing!".

Now that had piqued Misa's interest. The cheerleader was on her immediately, looming over her. "You liar! You saw something juicy there, didn't you? Come on! I never have been at her room before; and it's obvious she hides something there. Tell me what is it!".

"Ah... nothing! For real!" Misora protested weakly. "It was just... there was a big hairy animal there that scared me!" she lied.

"What kind of animal?" Misa was fully unconvinced.

"I-I don't know! I didn't get to see it right!".

"..." Misa stared at her eyes. Then she headed towards the door. "I'm going to see that horrible animal myself".

"NO! DON'T GO!" Misora pleaded. "They might... I mean, it could hurt you!".

"Has it hurt Chisame?".

"Well, no, b-but—".

"Then I'll be okay".

"B-But you haven't finished here!".

"Finish it yourself. I already made more than my part here".

For some reason Misora didn't try to blackmail her again, choosing instead just to stare blankly. That told Misa she was on the right track to something, but before she could step out, Negi-sensei, Chisame and a short deeply tanned girl with vacant quiet eyes walked in, startling her. "Ah! Sensei!" the cheerleader exclaimed. "I... I was just going for a glass of water!".

Negi smiled at her. "Of course! It's okay. It's been a rather hot day so far!".

_For you, I don't doubt it_ Misora thought cynically, sweating bullets.

Chisame, somewhat awkwardly, walked to Misora with the small girl. "Look, Cocone-cha— I mean, your friend... got lost and wandered into my room when Sensei... was helping me with some questions I had" the hacker said flatly.

Misora just nodded quickly, her eyes wide open. She clearly could read a hostile latent message on Chisame's pupils. "Heh heh, ah, Cocone, whatever will I do with you?" she laughed lamely, patting her shorter friend's head.

"Ne, Chisame-chan" Misa asked. "Have you happened to see any sort of strange animal wandering around?".

Hasegawa gave her an annoyed sideglare. "What are you talking about?".

Misa casually looked into a frozen Misora's direction, then smiled brightly at Chisame. "Nothing! Just a rumor I heard yesterday! Nothing important!" she dismissed it out. The important thing was she was sure of having a real counter to Misora's implied blackmail now.

The sprinter, on the other hand, simply looked down at Cocone, terrified. Cocone just stared back, as quiet and serene as always.

But somehow, her eyes, while still the same as always, were HORRIFYING now.

49- **Negi, Chisame and Kaede**.

"How can you do it so easily?" Chisame had finally asked in exasperation.

"Do what-de gozaru?" Kaede finally looked up from her unfinished homework, finally deigning herself to look at the girl who had been trying to argue with her for the last few minutes. At least, Chisame hoped she was actually looking at her. It was hard to say with those permanently squinting eyes.

"Keeping yourself that calmed over EVERYTHING! You don't even seem concerned about him! For all we know, they could be killing him right now!".

"It trust Negi-Sensei. You should do the same-de gozaru".

"It doesn't mean I have to trust whoever's fighting him! I know the conditions of the match said we couldn't interfere at all, but still! You like to talk a lot about love being trust, but love is supposed to be concern about those you care about, too!".

It certainly wasn't the first time they had a (sort of) discussion like that, and by now Chisame was getting ahead of Kaede's replies.

"I suppose it's both things, yes..." the tall girl replied slowly, as if somehow the full idea had just dawned on her. "Well, I guess that's why we complement each other in regard to him. You are the concerned love, and I'm the trustful love-de gozaru" Kaede had smiled at her happily, as if that fixed everything.

"You sometimes say such things with a straight pace!" Chisame paced back and forth across the room nervously. "Do you have ice in your veins? No, wait, I know. Now you'll tell me that's a ninja's way, and that while your heart's concerned, your face shouldn't show it at all".

"If you already know it, why to pose it, de-gozaru?" it wasn't a malicious questioning, but a simply confused query. Somehow.

"I don't know! Maybe I just want to vent it out, because it's sure not because I hope to get a straight 'yes, I should start showing my concern' answer from you!".

"Would it make feel you better if I did? Because I could make an exception for you-de gozaru".

Now Kaede was sounding serious.

That couldn't be good.

Chisame paused, then shook her head. "No. It's okay. I just won't feel right... until that idiot's back here so I can yell him about how idiotic he is for going there in the first place!" she claimed. "Until then, you don't have to look and act miserable and lunatic like myself!".

"Thank you-de gozaru" Kaede bowed politely, then turned back to the homework she surely was just screwing beyond all hope anyway.

Chisame sighed in defeat, staying quiet at last, her shoulders slumped down.

Then, for the briefest moment, she could have sworn she could hear the faintest hint of a sob from Kaede's direction.

It was impossible to tell from that direction, with the ninja's face being almost buried in her books.

But even so, Chisame put a hand on one of her shoulders. And she said nothing.

Both girls would continue waiting in silence for him for the next few hours.

50- **Negi, Chisame and Nekane**.

When Chisame woke up, Nekane already was up and hanging the just washed clothing to dry. She hummed happily as she did so, with a wide pleased smile at her lips.

"Ah, Chisame-chan" the blond woman gave her a back look. "Is Negi up now?".

The hacker shook her head. "I let him sleeping. He strained himself too much yesterday. Really, I don't see why he thinks there's a need to continue training anymore".

"The work of protecting a family never ends" Nekane answered while going back to her chores. After a brief moment, Chisame joined her. "Thank you. By the way, you received mail early today. It's in that basket over there".

"Mail? Why not to send me another e-mail?" Chisame wondered before walking to the basket, then picking up a few small packages. "Ah. Anniversary gifts" she said.

She unwrapped one at random first. It was Haruna's. She made a face at it. "I... I don't think any of us will be needing this...".

Nekane gave the object a curious look, then quickly covered her own mouth with a hand. "Oh Dear! How is that supposed to work?".

"Well, you connect it, and then you—" Chisame stopped. "I don't want to talk about it. I read about it in the Net once, but... it's just too freaky". She put the gift back into its box.

She unwrapped another one. It was from Konoka and Setsuna. It was a lovely ancient jar, finely decorated and painted, that seemed to be worth a fortune, heavily protected inside of its box to prevent damage.

"It'll look precious over the chimney" Nekane said happily.

Chisame nodded vaguely before going through a few more gifts. Yue had sent a autographed copy of her first novel. Natsumi and Kotaro had sent a whole photo album of them with their first boy. Hakase... well, the instructions said it would power their house up for three generations after being hooked up to the ceiling. That certainly would help a lot with the electricity bills.

"You do miss them, don't you?" Nekane asked.

"Those idiots?" Hasegawa paused. "Yes, I think I do. It's pretty nice here, don't get me wrong... but I suppose I can't help but getting nostalgic every once in a while. I wonder if Negi used to feel like that, too?".

"Oh, he did" Nekane finished her hanging chores and rubbed her hands off, satisfied. "I can show you the letters he used to send me while living with Asuna and Konoka, if you want. But the funny thing is, the longer he spent there, the less nostalgic he felt, until he didn't mention it anymore. He was just that happy of being with you all".

Chisame looked at her with fully open eyes. "Maybe he feels nostalgic about Mahora now, instead?" she wondered.

"I haven't outright asked him myself..." Nekane answered. "But he doesn't look too much like it, does he?".

"I guess he doesn't".

"That's because he feels at home. It was his once, and now it is again. Some of us are born to return to our roots, and some of us are born to branch away from them. But both of them are valid ways to happiness, I believe".

Chisame looked at her, somewhat impressed. Under the bright spring season, with her long flowing hair floating in the breeze, in her thin long white dress, Nekane looked like the house's protector angel.

"I think... I get your point. Yes. As long as we're happy, it really doesn't matter where it is" she said.

Then she turned around and walked back to the house. "Where did you leave the pen last night? I want to write some letters. To say thanks for those things".

"Oh?" Nekane paused. "Won't you be writing them e-mails?".

She looked at her again, smirking over her shoulder.

"... Nah. I feel somewhat old fashioned today".

51- **Negi, Chisame and Luna**.

You will forgive me, won't you, Fate-sama?

I know it's egoist from me to ask that from you. When I'm happy despite your being... not with us anymore. In any sense of the word. When I'm lying at bed hugging their bodies who sleep so peacefully, so cutely, and it feels so good and so warm, and by contrast your presence is nothing but a memory. A dearly valued one, but still, a memory.

Your touch never felt so warm, and it obviously never was so intimate, and yet, it felt just as good as this. It's just... it doesn't anymore. Because you aren't there an longer.

Do I deserve happiness without you? Even after all the times they have told me I do?

I know I failed you. Did you leave with any resentment towards me? The last time I saw you, you didn't seem angry at me, but it always was so difficult to read your emotions. You were so subtle. They are easy to understand; they always say everything they think and feel. Even when they don't, it's obvious what they really are thinking.

Am I afraid of failing them as well? No, I'm not afraid of that. With them, I just can't feel fear for the future. My past is the only thing that haunts me.

Wherever you are now, you are happier now, aren't you, Fate-sama? Like the boy you never could be. I want to think that. I want to think that you are smiling, and you approve of the life you allowed for me.

I'll always love you, Fate-sama.

I'll always remember you.

But I can't let your memory to drag me down.

Sorry.

I snuggle closer, her long brown hair tickling my face, and I can't help but smile again despite my tears.

God, I'm such an awfully egoist person.

52- **Negi, Chisame and Eishun**.

"—so she's going to be my new mom, and he's going to be my other dad! Isn't that just wonderful?" Konoka finished with extreme cheerfulness.

Setsuna was just too stunned to talk.

Her precious princess blinked, finally noticing her panicked reaction. "Oh? Setchan, are you feeling okay?".

"I... I am, yes..." the swordsgirl could pick her own jaw up at least. "So... does your Grandfather know about this yet—".

"Well, those six days of leave he had last week...?" Konoka let her words to trail off.

"I see he took it well" Setsuna said, notably calmed all things considered. "Nodoka?".

"Haruna says she and Yue will be okay" Konoka informed.

"Why couldn't they tell you themselves?" her protector doubted.

"They tried, but I couldn't understand a single word of what they were saying. Haruna had to translate it, although I hope her translation of a few of the things Yue said about Dad wasn't too exact".

"Figures. Asuna?".

"Well, she's kind of worrying me as well... she's been bleeding through the nose a lot since learning about it... Every time she talks about it, wham!, it starts bleeding, which is strange in someone as healthy as her...".

A huge drop of sweat appeared at one side of Setsuna's head. "Ah, I wouldn't worry. If anything, I'd say she's been too exuberantly healthy in her reactions to that scenario...".

A pause.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but... how did Iincho take it?" Setsuna finally dared to say.

"Well, we are having an unexpected free day today, aren't we?" Konoka simply replied.

"Oh. I guess that explains the wrecked classroom, then. And the security measures all around Chisame's room...".

"I'm sure they'll sort it out by the wedding's time!" Konoka never lost her optimism. "It's going to be wonderful, you'll see! More tea?" she offered.

"Make... make it double, please" Setsuna meekly extended her glass over.

53- **Negi, Chisame and Shizuna**.

"I lost a child once, you will see".

The confession had taken both of them aback. Although, looking back at it, they should have suspected it when they asked about the old baby clothing they had found, they had not. After all, they still were young and relatively naive.

Shizuna exhaled briefly as she looked through the window reminiscently.

"I was very young back then. Only a couple of years older than you, Chisame-chan. I was full of hopes for the future, but also full of carelessness about how to get there. So when they told me about it, I was half ecstatic and half terrified. My parents didn't take it well, of course".

They still couldn't say anything. They knew they should, but also feared they shouldn't. After all, she had chosen to keep it as a secret until then. And yet, she didn't sound bitter as she told the story; only vaguely sad, her voice quiet and distant.

If she hadn't been turned away from them, they could have seen the silent tears in their eyes. Then they WOULD have spoken, even if Chisame had never been very good with the inspiring words and Negi was mostly good for pointing at the future, not to heal the past.

"It would have been a baby boy" the woman reminisced. "But we never had a chance. It was difficult from the start, and it couldn't last long. I almost died, as well. That's why I can't ever have any children. They had to take everything out".

Said that way, it sounded almost trivial. Rather crude. But they understood it was better said that way. It made it more impersonal. More bearable for her. Like reading a test's results. Or a report to the Dean.

"Sometimes I wonder what kind of person would he be now, of course" she softly mused, sounding almost vaguely amused by the idea. "But that's okay. Some dreams are best left as only that. Some dreams are... always better left unrealized. Because they weren't meant to be".

She knew that was a lie, naturally.

And they knew it as well.

But the unspoken consensus was, for once, it was better to keep thinking that regardless.

54- **Negi, Chisame and Sakurako**.

It was all over. It had to be.

The reborn Mage of the Beginning, the Lifemaker himself, stood over his defeated enemies, including his former subordinates and allies, and for the first time in what seemed to be an eternity of emptiness, felt satisfied.

"I suppose I should feel disappointment on you, Fate Averruncus" he slowly spoke, pressing his foot down further into the head of the boy under his heel, making him to emit a very slight grunting sound. "Your contact with these... inferior, misguided creatures has made you weak. Unable to meet my expectations. But it does not matter anymore. I have no further need for you, or for any of the others who have foolishly left my cause".

He majestically motioned with a hand around to the devastated Mahora landscape, barely recognizable because of the World Tree, which soon would fall as well, with nothing on his path anymore. "Behold the fruits of your rebellion. Watch over the results of opposing the only true destiny. What good are they for now? I am convinced now. These worlds I once sought to save, these worlds that turned their backs on me, all those who refused to listen and obey, are not worth my efforts. I think I shall remake it all from scratch. No more separated worlds driven to war and misery between each other. Only a single perfect world under a single vision. The right one".

Laying on his face in a pool of his own blood, Kotaro still attempted to reach for him with a clawed bloodied hand. Weakly knelt next to him with a bloody bandage over an eye, Natsumi tried to calm him down, whispering nervous pleads into his ear.

Evangeline struggled to pull the gigantic pillar of stone pinning her through the stomach and into a wall, barely inches below her heart.

Chachamaru was literally split by half, still functional but hardly in any condition to fight, vainly attempting to reconnect the cable systems of her upper and lower halves.

Nodoka, Yue and Haruna were sprawled unconscious in a single heap.

The Mage of the Beginning sighed, overlooking the carnage. He shook his head.

"And you, Negi Springfield". Leaving Fate behind, he walked calmly to where the son of the Thousand Master laid wheezing and coughing blood up, still attempting to stand up in the arms of Chisame, Ako and Makie, who sat behind him supporting his body weight despite being on the edge of fainting themselves. "There is no greater fool than you. Not only did your path damn you, but also everyone who walked along you. You have no one to blame over this but yourself. Much like your father. You are every bit as foolish and doomed to fail as he was—".

He casually looked to where Nagi's once mighty figure still twitched on the floor attempting a recovering, only to fall down on his own face.

"— Is. I am sorry. It would seem the work is not fully done yet. It does not matter, it will be soon".

The three Ministra still clutched to him protectively as the Lifemaker loomed ominously over him.

"I grow tired of this. Of everything. But most specially, of you" the dark figure spoke, not with actual hatred or despise, but rather, like a soul who has seen and done everything and just wants to rest. "Hardly worth all of this, all of we all went through, just to get here, all for nothing. Just because of your shallow dreams and pathetic ambitions. I should hate you. But I cannot. That is why I shall destroy you first. Because I actually don't desire for you to see how will I finish crushing everything you hold dear, out of respect for your courage. But mostly, because I don't wish to see you anymore".

"STOP!" a high pitched voice called from behind him. Curioser and curioser. Everyone had stopped being in any shape to continue talking minutes ago...

He looked back to see a girl with reddish brown hair slightly dragging a foot as she began walking towards him, leaving a concerned Konoka behind herself, with a knocked out Setsuna, Misa and Madoka. She huffed and puffed wearily, but other than a few scratches on her cheeks and some scraps on a knee, she had no outer noticeable injuries.

"Konoka" she said, never looking back. "Heal Misa-chan and Madoka-chan, will you? I've got a few things to discuss there".

Negi attempted to gesture for her to stay back. He would have yelled at her to stop, but he only could make choked sounds.

Sakurako continued walking ahead, step by step along the deadly silence of the school's remains. She ignored the worried, mute and pale faces of Anya, Hakase, the Dean and Shizuna, all of them half buried in debris. She just stared up at the tall grim figure that had turned around to look back at her. Until she finally stopped right before him, breathing heavily.

She was as cute as a mouse looking up at a lion's jaws. A very hateful mouse.

"I think you're the worst" she said, trying to decipher the face hidden under the shadows of the hood. If there was one in the first place.

"Your thoughts hardly matter at all" he flatly told her. "You are the last Ministra Magi. Not even your Magister saw you fit enough to serve him until everyone else got their turn first".

"I don't serve Negi" Sakurako's voice did not falter. "I help him. Unlike you, Negi doesn't have servants. He has..." she hesitated for a moment, blushing briefly before regaining her confidence, "... friends. If I got to be the last one, it was because he wanted to protect me that much".

"Friends" the being's voice came out in a grim, loud puff. "Always the same old diatribe. Their 'friendship' only postponed the unavoidable for a while, and it could not stop it when it mattered. You have been fooled by meaningless promises, like I once was. The difference between you and me is I got to see the truth afterwards".

"The difference between you and us is you're a rat!" the girl shot back angrily, tightening her grip on her pom-poms.

For a moment, everyone who still could see opened their eyes to their fullest and gasped.

Everyone but the tiny girl and the huge thing beyond a man that stood before her.

"Insults mean nothing to me" The Lifemaker droned almost mechanically. "They are nothing but the representations of flawed emotions that led you to your doom".

"We aren't dead yet" she proclaimed.

"Yes. Yes, you are. Look around yourself, child. Your strongest fighters have been defeated. Your best hopes are lost. As well as the minor ones. Who do you think is going to come now to help you? Every last one of your allies has been beaten, including all those who once helped me. There is no one else left. Unless you mean you could do it. All by yourself. When you are nothing but a spoiled child with the sole ability of boosting your teammates' stats".

He knew he should just destroy her and be done with it. But somehow, he felt it was almost a waste. It was surprising to find the spark of such a spirit in someone as low and miserable.

"I don't care about what you say" the cheerleader remained unconvinced. "I'm not a smart person, so I don't know how can we beat you. But I know we'll do it!".

He almost felt tempted to laugh. To laugh, after so long! Truly, this child was a wonderful one!

"You remind me of... someone I once knew. Far too long ago, in another life, at another world. If I were of another inclination, like I was back then, I would feel tempted to say that is the result of something else but your stupidity. As it is, however, I harbor no fake hopes for you. You must be remade along with everyone else. Starting with your Magister".

Sakurako finally bit her lower lip and allowed the tears she had been fighting back to flow out in a sprout.

"DON'T YOU DARE TO TOUCH NEGI AGAIN!". Moved by sheer rabid despair, her optimist bravado finally breaking down, she swung a fist, still holding a pom-pom, into the Lifemaker's midsection.

And much to everyone's huge shock, it passed through the Mage's barrier and collided against his stomach.

He looked like he was blinking for a moment, but then that illusion was gone as he realized he felt nothing. It had been just a normal human punch, as registered as the caress of a petal, or the wings of a fly.

Still, it had been impressive in its own way.

Nodding his acknowledgment, he put a large hand on the head of the relatively diminutive Ministra.

"Despite your short time dealing with magic, you have proved both a courage and ability unfitting your status. I salute you. In your honor, you have made me to change my mind. You will be the first one to go".

Chisame gulped in abject horror, just as Negi finally found the strenght to sit back up, yelling a suffocated, "SAKURAKO!".

But then, something most strange happened.

The Lifemaker's midsection suddenly was agitated by a peculiar tremor. He stopped short, confused over that unexpected development. Then it ached. A lot. It was a pain he had not ever felt before. Right in every spot of his body that had been touched by anyone through the prior fight, magnified and augmented at least twenty times.

The Lifemaker doubled on himself, folding all of a sudden like a piece of origami, as dozens of spells and physical hits began to rip him apart from the inside. Like a menagerie of mythical beasts turned free inside of him, every bit of damage that had seemed so minor before started taking a toll that multiplied itself by growing digits at each passing moment. And he took his head back and finally howled desperately, waking the unconscious ones up, echoing through the ruins.

Sakurako stared blankly as the ground trembled, and the Lifemaker's body fell apart sliced piece by piece, slash by slash, blowing up at some parts, some others turning into stone and then dust. He still was reaching up for her as he fell down, looking for her eyes as if hoping to find someone else. But she only could stare down at him stupidly, her mouth half open.

Even when his voice was being swallowed by nothing, and his body melted, burned, disintegrated and evaporated at randomly equal parts, she could do nothing but staring down, until he was no more but a black smelly spot on the ground.

Then the Academy grounds trembled one final time, and from the upper floors of the wrecked main building, a large desk fell on the splotch right before her, barely missing her.

Then a piano fell on the desk, as well, startling her.

And then, finally, a big and somehow still shiny kitchen sink fell on top of it all.

"..." she said.

Everyone's silent gazes were squarely fixed on her.

Until, finally, under the curative efforts of Ako, Negi began to weakly smile at the cheerleader.

Chamo put his tiny paws together and started to clap.

Madoka sniffed, following his example. And then Misa. And Takahata, ignoring his bloody missing eye and his broken leg. And Mana. And Fuuka and Fumika. And Takane and Mei. And Gandolfini. And Chao.

By the time Fated had started softly clapping as well, Sakurako was reasonably sure she had, indeed, done it.

She smiled brightly, just as if she had just won a lottery contest at the semester's end.

"Not that I'm complaining..." Haruna smiled despite the horrible pain in her swollen face, "... But what the heck has just happened?".

"My theory is" Yue started, "We got the wrong idea about Sakurako's artifact all this time. It's not a simple stats booster like Madoka and Misa's. She only had used it for that because she thought it worked that way. But after seeing that, I only can conclude... it is a major probability alterer instead. Literally, it should remake the possibilities of any event happening, as long as it favors her. I suspect what has just happened is, upon contact with the lifemaker, it multiplied the possibilities of the wounds inflicted on him through the fight actually hurting him from nearly zero to one hundred percent".

"So... for all intents and purposes... she is a reality warper?" Haruna blinked.

"Not so much, since she shouldn't alter probabilities from an absolute zero... but yes, I'd hazard a guess on her being able to cause almost any outcome from any random event as long as it works in her own favor".

Haruna nodded, open-mouthed. "That's... that's a really scary power for anyone to have...".

Sakurako just giggled happily and rushed ahead to hug Negi and Chisame, crying joyfully, not caring about any other likely implications of her own power at all.

She always had been lucky. That was the only thing she needed to know.


	5. Chapter 5

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Inspired by the great Shadow Crystal Mage and his continuation of _Tales of Yue's Harem_, I'll try to continue updating this with several random multi-continuities crack pieces, although most of them will always include Negi and Chisame.

**Ship to Ship Com-Batty.**

"Tsukuyomi" the Joker bluntly stated.

Ivy raised an eyebrow. "Who is that?".

"The girl with the sword. Not Setsuna; the cute one with the glasses" Joker explained, sounding rather serious.

Harley Quinn pouted her red lower lip at hearing that description, seeming somewhat jealous. "Wouldn't she just try to kill him?".

Her beau gave her an exhasperated look. "That's the beauty of it. Duh".

"I thought she liked girls" Two-Face muttered, playing with his coin. "I'd prefer him with the twins".

"Oh, who would have imagined it?" Joker snorted dismissively. Then he chuckled, his emotions shifting like sand in the wind once again. "I must admit, however, I never had you pegged as the Loli type, Harv".

Dent just groaned denying him any further explanations.

"He's feminine enough for it to work, anyway" Joker continued defending his case.

"No, he isn't" Scarecrow pointed out. "The latest few chapters have proved he can be quite dark and grim, so he needs someone to guide him on the proper path of dealing demonic fear. Thus, the vampiress is the only logical choice!" he claimed, waving his long and lanky arms around to put more force into his point.

"Logical is boring" Joker muttered with a scowl.

"I think Makie's cute!" Harley smiled brightly. Joker just slapped her head down, then looked at the scaly green behemoth silently sulking at the other side of the room.

"What's your take on it, Croc?".

Killer Croc lifted his head long enough to allow the others to see the manga book between his chomping jaws. "What?" he growled.

"Oh, for Buster Keaton's sake, Croc!" Joker complained. "That's not what I meant when I told you to devour the story!".

"Sorry. Hungry".

"I must say I have to agree with Jolly Mr. Crane" Mad Hatter took a brief sip from his steaming cup. "Out of all of them, only the Scottish darling has the looks for a perfect Alice. And besides, she does like dolls. That is a certain sign of a pure, sincere heart".

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Wesker would cry at that, if he still were alive".

Harley pounced on her. "Tell us your favorite too, Pammy!".

The redhead smiled sultrily. "Well... to complement a tiny tasty dearie, you would need a huge, handsome and strong big chunk of a man, of course" she said.

Joker made a face. "You ship Negi and Jack Rakan? And I thought I was crazy!".

Ivy snarled at him. "Bite me, Yandere fan!".

Standing behind the large unbreakable window overlooking the group therapy room, Doctor Arkham took a few more notes. "Doctor Nybakken?" he asked his assistant.

"Yes, sir?".

"Tell Doctor Akamatsu we will have to suspend his experiment subjecting the inmates to contemporary Japanese popular entertainment. It's driving them... more unbalanced than ever".

**Formerly Class 3-A.**

The boy took a deep breath before starting walking towards the Gate. He wouldn't look back, he decided. If he looked back, then he never would leave... and he already had made his mind up on that. He was fifteen now... he knew better! He had to sort himself out before thinking about his ties to anyone else.

It still ached madly, but there was no other actual choice.

"WAIT!".

He cringed as he stopped, startled by the combined, nearly perfectly synchronized, yelling coming from behind him. Reluctantly, he slowly tilted his head back, and saw... all of them, just arriving, obviously in a rush, most of them even panting, even Kaede and Ku Fei. It had to be a real race to get here, Negi thought, impressed.

"What... What are you doing here? How did you-" the boy doubted, unsure of what to do next. "The letter won't even become readable until a few hours more...".

"You believed you had thought of everything, didn't you?" Asuna scowled.

"Chamo told us all" Yue said between short pantings.

"He swore he wouldn't say anything!" Negi blinked.

"Oh, but I suspected" Haruna grinned evilly, then flexing her fingers in a rather unnerving manner. "To his credit, it was VERY difficult to get him to talk... but I'm creative...".

"We-we want to be with you always, Sensei!" Nodoka managed to say under the weight of her lugagge. It looked like there were tons of books in those bags.

"Nodoka, I thought you, Yue and me had agreed on waiting to settle that..." Negi sighed. "To give it time to sort ourselves out..."

"To hell with that!" Evangeline barked angrily, stepping to him. For a moment, Negi found himself really regretting ever breaking her curse. "I know you! You are your father's son in all regards! If we ever leave you to your own devices, you'll become just like him! 'Waiting for some time' will be 'Leaving for years and years without even calling'!".

Their former teacher forced a grin. "I'd never do that..."

"You were about to do it" Mana pointed out.

"It'd have been 'years'! Not 'years and years'!" Negi protested.

"That has got to be the worst excuse attempt I've ever seen" Yuuna gave Zazie a cynical sideglare. Zazie did nothing but to nod once.

"You all will always be with me in my heart anyway-" Negi began, only to be cut by Asuna slamming her paper fan on his head.

"THAT CLICHE CRAP WON'T CUT IT! WE ARE EXPECTING SOMETHING MORE FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP!".

"You don't need to be so afraid of the future, Sensei" Satsuki voiced her opinion softly.

"It's... It's not like I'm afraid..." he babbled. "I can take compromise, but I'm too young, and I don't know what's what yet, and-".

"No, you know what's what now. That's exactly why you were running away" Chao stated, crossing her arms with a smirk. "It's okay. Anyone would get scared at first..."

Negi gave her an uneasy stare. "Especially in your case, with our other relationship and all that..." he admitted.

Chao just grinned goofily. "That's okay! There are so many generations between us, it'd be just like marrying a distant cousin anyway-yo!"

Negi blushed bright red, looking aside, gaining a sudden interest on a nearby tree. For a second he thought of getting a rope and walking to one of those branches, but decided against stealing that other teacher's shtick.

Chao grew more serious, blushing a bit as well. "Look, ever since I left, I... I couldn't stop thinking about you, you see? I really want to give this a try. Trust me, in the future, it won't be such a big deal. As a matter of fact, we started the trend".

Negi was growing even more concerned now. "The trend concerning blood filiation, or the one concerning the sheer numbers matter?".

"Both, actually" Chao confessed.

Negi sweated bullets. He turned to Kotaro and Natsumi. "And what are you doing here? You have each other...".

Natsumi fidgeted with her fingers nervously. "Ah, well, yes...".

"But..." Kotaro scratched the back of his neck, somewhat ashamed himself, "... We have you too...".

For a moment, Negi's right eye shrank to the size of a tiny point while the other eye grew large as a plate.

"You...?" He still meeked out, his eyes glaring weakly to Hakase.

She coughed awkwardly. "Often, only the extreme proximity of a definitive loss makes the human heart to realize its true orientation".

"I... I see..." Negi slumped his shoulders down in defeat.

"Don't worry about the details!" Asuna waved a hand. "I'm going to be the Queen of the Magical World! I'll change the laws if I need to!".

Negi still sulked. Somehow, she wasn't giving the image he had of a Queen at all.

"A rule allowing a marriage between thirty three people?" the young mage asked, hoping his sarcasm wasn't too evident.

"_Rule Thirty Four_, actually" Chisame declared.

"Wha-?" Negi counted with his fingers at top speed. "Me, you girls, and Kotaro-kun... who else is there to add? Anya and Shiori moved on, and-".

Chachazero popped out of Chachamaru's backpack, grinning insanely.

Negi sweatdropped. "... Ah. Right. Sorry".

His brain was too broken by now. "I know I'll die, I know I'll do. I don't even have an idea of how could such a thing work in the details I don't even want to think about, and-".

Ayaka smiled grabbing him by an arm. "Oh, we already have thought of it all. In long, glorious, perfect detail. You don't need to worry about it!".

Konoka grabbed his other arm. "We'll tell you all about it on our way!".

"**Our** way" Asuna smiled and nodded, giving his back a soft yet strong push forward.

Negi figured out he'd better shut up as he, Konoka and Ayaka passed through the Gate.

**Negi, Chisame, Misora and Fuuka.**

From that night on, Hasegawa Chisame would never again wake up without stumbling into a practical joke trap set around the bed.

Beating the pranksters down afterwards, however, always more than made up for it.

**Negi, Chisame, Rakan and Kotaro.**

"H-Hey, Old Man," Kotaro was having second thoughts as he felt the strong, thick fingers starting to rub the oil on. "Are you sure this is manly at all?"

"There isn't anything manlier than the bonding between two fellow men, or is it?" Rakan asked, keeping a chuckle barely at bay.

"Well, n-no, but…" the wolf boy shuddered as he felt the tips of his lotioned fingers touching a sensitive spot. "Oh, oh Kami!"

"Relax, Boy" the large man patted his shoulders reassuringly. "You're about to learn a few of the best techniques we used at Ala Rubra!"

"Th-This isn't exactly the idea I had about that team's activities!" Kotaro whimpered helplessly as Rakan stopped rubbing, then grabbed him by the hips and positioned himself behind him…

Negi gulped while looking on, Kotaro's first howl of the night making him to nervously begin to rub oil onto his own backdoor. "I… I think I'll need an extra dose of this…"

Chisame, sitting next to him, simply watched on with rapt fascination.

No wonder why Haruna loved that stuff, now she thought about it.

**Negi, Chisame, Nagi and Emily.**

The only thing that would have made the Sevensheep girl even happier, although she wouldn't readily admit it, not yet, would have been having Yue there as well.

But she was working on it.


	6. Chapter 6

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. Naturally.

**Rakan/Ayaka.**

Chisame huffed under the cooling waterfall, washing her long hair up and down.

The last few days had been nothing but a cluster of problems one after another. From being attacked by Fate's team at the Gate, to finding themselves scattered all across an alien magical world. From finding stowaway Ayaka at the mercy of some weird clothes eating octopus to meeting this even weirder guy who had agreed to train Negi-sensei. But most of all, Negi-sensei had found a new resolve to embrace a dark magical power that just wouldn't stop concerning Chisame.

She couldn't stop wondering if she should object about it; Iincho clearly was too willing to go with anything Negi (and, by extension, the filthy old man) suggested, so that left her as the only remaining voice of reason.

Then she heard the soft splashes in the water at the other end of the lake, behind the large rocks. "Sensei?" she tentatively asked, reaching for a towel and loosely covering herself with it.

There was no reply but a few muffled sounds.

"Hey, Sensei. Are you there?" she raised her voice.

The sounds of splashing continued being the only answer she had.

Highly annoyed, the computer expert craned her head up from around the rocks. "Hey, Brat! If you're there, at least answer me!"

But then her voice died down in her throat.

Iincho and the huge musclebound idiot were there. Bathing together. As naked as newborns.

Chisame just stared in numbed horror for a few moments.

"The Age Deceiving Pills just wore off" Rakan finally explained.

"Oh" Chisame could mutter at last. "I should have known there just couldn't be any other way".

"It's..." Ayaka fumbled with the words, still so embarrassed she hadn't remembered to cover herself yet, "It's just amazing how different he is when he is a—".

"For the sake of the last remnants of my sanity, DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE" the hacker commanded, holding a hand up.

**Konoemon/ Tsukuyomi**.

"Ojou-sama, far from me to question the designs of your honorable grandfather, but..."

"Well, Set-chan, she **did** need a strong and wise hand to set her away from her evil acts..."

"I know that, but surely there must have been ANOTHER way to—".

"I'm sure she won't be going back to that path after Grandpa sealed the blade away, then buried it under fifteen feet of solid concrete!"

"There never will dawn a day when I doubt your grandfather's prowesses, but—".

"And it was such a lovely wedding!"

"I guess you could say so, setting all the people who showed up for bloody revenge aside, but, even then—".

"And it set her apart from **you**, didn't it?"

Setsuna lowered her head. "I cannot compete with your wisdom, Ojou-sama. Forgive my impudence, please".

"Silly, Set-chan, 'Kono-chan' will do! Or 'Mistress' when we get home and—".

"P-Please, someone might overhear you here!"

**Chamo/ Fate**.

"Hey, Negi" Asuna said as she held a letter up. "This just got in from Chamo".

Luna perked up immediately. "How's Fate-sama doing?"

"He's with Chamo, so I guess he can't be fully right at all" Asuna snarked.

"Asuna, please..." Negi said while opening the envelope.

"Hello, Bro!" the ermine's magical projection greeted, popping out of the card. "How are things cookin' with the girls there? Fate-kun and me are having a lot of fun here! Last week I was thiiiiiiiiis close to making him smile!"

"I figure it'll only take him a decade" Asuna rolled her eyes.

"He's even started to wear female underwear just to please me!" Chamo's missive went on.

"GAH!" Asuna suddenly yelled. "Too much information! Too much information!".

Luna had just had an abrupt nosebleed.

"And thanks to the books Paru-chan was so kind to send us, we even have learned how to—".

The three of them paled at the ensuing description.

Finally, Asuna couldn't take it anymore. "Just. Burn. That. Damn. Letter. Now".

Negi shook his head slowly. "That would be... cruelty to fire...".

Luna finally could squeak a broken, "How could THAT even work at all?".

"There are things..." Negi seriously said, "no person at any world should ever learn to any degree. I'm afraid Fate-kun might have found something even more horrifying and threatening to all of us than Cosmo Entelecheia...".

Asuna arched an eyebrow. "MIGHT?"

He sighed. "I stand corrected".

**Ako/Nodoka.**

Standing at the distance while watching both girls walking across the park holding hands, Akira and Yue both smiled, each one in her own way.

"I think we have seen more than enough" Yue whispered. "Let's leave them alone".

"I agree" the swimmer nodded, turning around to follow her back towards the residence. "I'm so happy for them".

"Me too" Yue said in a quietly pleased tone.

"They truly deserve each other".

"No doubt about it".

"And I know they'll make each other happy".

"That goes without saying".

The tall girl and the tiny one continued walking in silence for a while.

"And now I won't have to feel bad about breaking Nodoka's heart if I follow my own heart's cue" Yue finally stated.

"Yes, and I won't have to feel bad either about breaking Ako's heart if I—" she interrupted herself, blinking.

They stopped, looking at each other's eyes.

"I won't go as easy on you as I did on her" Yue finally warned.

Akira smiled gently. "I know. But I have an advantage she didn't have".

Yue frowned. "What is it?"

"I can run much faster than you to get to him, at any time!". She laughed softly before sprinting off.

Yue blinked, then gave chase as fast as her short legs would allow. "I can be surprisingly quick when properly motivated!".

**Negi's Harem-Rito's Harem (Crossover with To Love Ru).**

"You know..." Hasegawa slowly started, keeping her blank eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"Yes...?" Kotegawa spoke in the same absent, spaced out tone, her fingers still loosely wrapped around Chisame's.

"I never had imagined 'establishing diplomatic relationships between royal houses' could ever involve anything like this..."

"Me neither..." Yui barely had enough strenght left to shake her head. She made a long pause. "Damn royalties..."

"Yeah..." the brown haired girl made something that looked like a nod.

Then Ku Fei seemed to mumble something in her sleep and threw a kick into Yui's face, then giggled to herself, "Aruuuuu...".

"Ouch" Yui monotoned.

"You'll get used to it" Chisame monotoned back. Her eyes lazily drifted to the two pairs of twins hugging her legs while cuddling to each other, all sleeping like logs. "Yui...".

"Yes...?".

"Which one of these is Momo?"

"The one who (censored) you in the (censored) and the (censored)" the other already broken girl replied. "Since we're on it, Fumika is the one who (censored) me two times before (censored) with Rito and Negi, right?".

"No. That's Fuuka".

"Ah".

"I hate my life".

"Yeah, me too".

They intertwined their fingers tighter.

"When I can move again, I'm so unloading my frustrations on you".

"Hm. Looking forward to it" she had to confess.


	7. Chapter 7

_M__ahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do. *Sniff*

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders. _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite. All Hail the Glorious King of Trolls!

Any similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. "OF COURSE!"

WARNING: This chapter will only have like one actual Negi/Chisame threesome. And it's a crossover one. But we have lots of harem action, so it's all kinda sorta good!

And crack. And, again, crossovers.

By the way, _Unequally Rational and Emotional_ already has its own TV Tropes page!

**Whoring 'Yourselfes' Out.**

Original Paru finally got off Negi with a smug satisfied smile on her face. "Aren't you all happy now? Never say I don't deliver on my promises! A Doujinshi for every desk, and a Haruna for every bed!"

"I never... asked for either," Yue mumbled with her face half covered by the naked bossom of the embracing Paru Number Four.

"I... I think I'll trade my Doujinshi for another Paru," Kotaro vacantly babbled while being petted by Paru Number Thirty One. Natsumi would have protested, but she had her mouth covered by Paru Number Twenty Nine's.

"Oh, ho ho!" Original Paru laughed, then reached for a conveniently nearby notebook and pen. "A client with initiative! I like it!"

"I must... congratulate you," Eva admitted while enjoying a shoulder massage from Paru Number Twenty Seven. "Thirty two golems at once? I had never thought you would be able to achieve such a level."

"I think I broke mine," Tsukuyomi held Paru Number Thirty Two up.

Setsuna shot Original Paru an extremely angry glare. "I warned you about this!"

"But she paid twice as much as you guys!" Saotome defended herself.

"We never agreed to pay anything for anything!" Setsuna, Asuna, Chisame, Yue, Ayaka and Akira chorused.

"Relax, you'll get yours as a freebie for your first purchase," Original Paru laughed it off.

Mana's stare was fixed in the distance as she absently petted her own Paru's head. "You truly... are as much of a ruthless enterpriser as a drug lord. Getting people hooked on your vice, then to feed on their addiction...".

Original Paru hummed happily to herself. "You still burnt over having to meet my price? As much of a cheapskate as always! Well, the Loli models are at half the price, if that sounds as a better bargain to you..."

"I'll take two of those then," Evangeline calmly said.

"I still want a refound on the Doujinshi" Kazumi scowled, holding her copy of the book up. "I asked for Seiya-Shun, not Seiya-Shiryu!".

**Scarecrow in the Classroom.**

"Dean Konoemon?"

"Ah, yes, Professor Crane. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I have a few protests to make regarding my chosen class, sir."

"Oh? Like what?"

"Well, for starters, one of the students is clearly not alive".

"My goodness! Don't tell me—"

"No, not yet. Err... what I mean is she is a machine, sir. Some sort of android."

"Don't tell me!"

"Please, Mr. Dean, don't insult my intelligence by pretending you didn't know. It's blatantly obvious. I can't teach a machine! Is this some sort of absurd test for me?"

"Well, it's true Karakuri-san isn't one of the best students at her class, but she does have a decent enough capacity for learning."

"That isn't my point! And she isn't even the worst case! None of them shows the slightest interest on my teachings! Except that Saotome girl. Actually, her willingness to learn about fear, intimidation and the exploiting of phobias is starting to worry even me."

"Maybe it would help teaching something else than the meaning of fear."

"None of them shows interest on English literature either, except for Miyazaki Nodoka. And she is too afraid when she even looks at me at all."

Not like that was a bad thing on itself, but...

"Well, I'm sure you just need to adapt to each other, Professor Crane. By the way, I just wanted to ask you... Nitta-sensei hasn't been seen ever since that public dispute with you two days ago. He hasn't even answered our calls, and truth be told, I'm starting to grow concerned about him. Wouldn't you happen to have some clue—"

"No".

"We found one of his shirts near a pumpkin patch, but other than that—".

"I have no idea."

"*Sniff, sniff* Say, don't you have the slightest smell on you to—"

"I think my students need me. Thank you, it's been a pleasure to talk with you."

**Bonus Piece:** **Hardcore Bleach Crack.**

Chizuru was wondering if he would dare to do it this time.

She laid flat on her back on her bed, pretending to sleep, mouth slightly open feigning little snores. Her princess slept soundly next to her, clutching to her right arm, her chin resting on Chizuru's shoulder as she sleepily mumbled something about pudding and a donkey.

And the idiot all but hovered over her, with that moronic expression he used to put on when he was struggling with a decision. And his face a few inches over Chizuru's, so near that she could feel his breath blowing on her nose. It wasn't a pleasant smelt at those hours of the night. Orihime's breath was warm and pleasant even after hours of sleep, but Ichigo's... ugh. Why did she put up with it?, Chizuru wondered again.

Ah, yes. She was putting up with it so she could catch him in the act and punch him in the jaw. Now that would feel good. It would make it all worthwile.

It wasn't the first time he did something like that, either. He never had dared to actually kiss her (odds were he felt as creeped out by it as herself), but she was sure it'd only be a matter of time. Men were pigs like that. He couldn't resist her charms for long, she was convinced of it, much to her own chagrin.

Chizuru was starting to wonder if she actually should wait for the kiss to punch him or do it right then, after all. It was getting tiresome. She found herself hoping he'd either quit it and go back to sleep, or get over with it and kiss her already. Wait, that last part hadn't sounded right.

Did she actually want to any degree to be kissed by him?

It wasn't a bad thing to see him and their princess going at it, actually. After a long time of feeling nothing but jealousy and anger at the mere idea, it even had become kinda kinky to watch. But that was only because of seeing her, right? Chizuru would never get tired of seeing her, sweaty and panting, boing and boing and boing. The guy below or above didn't matter. Maybe if it had been Tatsuki. Now that would have been really hot. But still, it didn't hurt either.

And yet...

She knew he liked it when it was the other way around, too. No matter how much did he deny it at first, and how much he didn't even talk about it later, she knew he loved it. By the glint in his eyes when he peeked looks pretending not caring. But surely he only liked it because of Orihime, too, didn't he?

It had worked so far because they weren't interested on each other, and they didn't think of each other as an actual obstacle, either. It had worked because they had no chemistry! Nothing in common other than her! That's why they could bathe together, even! Because they were little but insects to each other! They weren't a man and a woman, they were accerbic buds at best happening to share the love of the woman who had the most love to share around in the world!

So why was the idiot changing the rules now? It wasn't fair. Why was he showing interest on her? It wasn't supposed to be that way! It had been bad enough when he started showing interest on HER princess in the first place, but now he wanted her too? That beast! He was supposed to be a chaste idiot until the cows came home! When had the world started to go insane, and why had it just commissioned itself for the asylum?

But most of all, why couldn't she move away?

Well, maybe a single time wouldn't hurt, after all. Maybe that's what he was thinking, too. One single peck wouldn't turn her hetero. If Orihime liked him, he had to have SOMETHING good, even if Chizuru couldn't see it yet.

But the best part of what she was about to do was, it would hurt him more than a punch. If she was going to have a scrambled mind, she was going to make sure he'd be an even bigger mess!

Rocketing her face up all of a sudden, Chizuru caught Ichigo's lips in her own.

Ichigo froze in the spot, his eyes growing larger than the rest of his head.

And Orihime immediately opened her eyes as well.

Now that had frozen Chizuru solid, too.

With a high pitched squeeing sound, Orihime sprang up to wrap them both in a tight bear hug. "I was starting to fear you'd NEVER do it!".

Both of them instantly fainted in her arms.

**One True Harem Ending, Part One.**

Evangeline just sat there crosslegged and aloof as they all settled down before her.

"So, I heard you had several problems mastering Magia Erebea, Boyo," she finally said, resting her chin on a hand indolently.

"I'm sorry, Master," he lowered his head. "But I'm mostly over it now."

"One should hope so," Eva grunted. "The least a disciple of mine should be able to do is to master his own darkness instead of being mastered by it. Otherwise, I wouldn't want you even showing your pathetic face over here again."

"She missed you all so much," Albireo smiled from behind her. "She was a bundle of rage and nerves until she finally got the news of your return. Onaly then she became mildly bearable again."

"Ignore the static noise!" Eva told the White Wings, then looked at Negi's face. "So, how did you handle the initial excess of dark energy? Don't tell me you meditated and found your inner balance. That junk never works."

"Actually, eh... The girls all helped me, " Negi bashfully offered. Around him, his Pactio partners had started to shift around uncomfortably.

Eva lifted an eyebrow. "How so?"

Haruna apparently was the only one with the will to start explaining. "Well, we began with the theory of our powers being derivated from his, so we figured we could drain his excess of Magia Erebea by using our Artifacts all at once. It worked well in the fight against Fate-kun. However, afterwards, we realized a Probationary Pactio wouldn't drain that power away in a permanent basis."

Eva blinked, perking up and putting her hands on her knees. "So you needed a..." her voice trailed away.

"Ehhh, it was a longshot, but we had to try it, right? Draining energy is draining energy, and nothing better to leave a man worn down than..."

"HARUNA, NO DETAILS!" Asuna asked.

Paru chuckled and jerked a finger into Asuna's direction. "Never mind her," she told Evangeline. "She's actually the most efficient one at sucking him dry, because of her Magic cancelling. The rest of us needs to do it at least one once a night, but she can do it and she leaves his demon side exhausted for a freaking week."

"HARUNA!" Yue, Chisame and Negi had joined Asuna's cry this time.

Eva hummed and crossed her arms. "Wouldn't it be easier to just establish the Permanent Pactios, *and* then only using the Artifacts?"

"Oh, but we do use the Artifacts too!" Paru cooed. "You should see what Ako-chan can do with that giant needle of hers in be—"

"PLEASE, I'M DYING OF EMBARRASSMENT!" Ako tearfully begged.

"And Yue-chi can use that wand in ways that made me me to blush..." Haruna continued sharing before Nodoka finally had enough and slammed her book on her head.

Negi was about to dissolve himself into a pool of his own sweat right now.

Eva casually looked at her servant. "You too?"

"My energy banks have proved themselves to the task of storing discharged demonic energy until it can be purged out, Master," Chacha nodded dutifully. "That is, until Sensei's body produces that same energy again."

"And good thing it does, because otherwise how could we suck it away again? Literally," Haruna chuckled while bandaging the bump on her head.

The vampire witch sighed. "I hope you at least have made a schedule. Order is always a key factor in such troubling arrangements."

"Monday nights," Chachamaru spoke.

"Tuesday nights," Chisame reluctantly groaned.

"Wednesday nights," Nodoka whispered, looking straight at her own feet.

"Wednesday nights," Yue repeated.

"Those must be some interesting Wednesdays," Eva deadpanned.

"Thursday nights," Ako shared.

"Friday nights," Asuna mumbled.

"Saturday nights," Haruna said.

"I thought you had said Asuna left him well drained after doing it," Eva scowled.

"She does," Paru nodded. "But no way I'd allow myself to be left out when everyone's on it, right?"

"I see," Evangeline hammered her fingers on her chair's right arm. "At least he can rest on Sundays."

Anya was able to clear her throat angrily at that despite the crimson cue covering her face.

Evangeline nearly did a wild take.

**Even the Guys Want Him.**

They remained silent and contemplative for a few moments more.

"It just ain't right," Saotome Ranma finally commented.

"Shut up. Just shut up," Lelouch Lamperouge was still walking in circles around the room, slender arms crossed behind his back, his brow curved in a terrifying expression. "Let me think. There must be a way out. Perhaps I could find a way to Geass us all at the same time so we can forget him..."

"Might I suggest mass suicide? Again?" Itoshiki hopefully proposed.

"I dunno. Not until we have ran out of all other options," Mamiya Otaru sighed slumping down into his chair. "I... I wonder if this is how Hanagata feels..."

Moroboshi Ataru had began to sob quietly. "I... I refuse to believe this is happening to me...!"

"Maybe..." Morisato Keiichi shyly mused in a barely audible voice, "Maybe it isn't such a bad thing after all..."

The other men all gave him a horrified stare.

"I mean, " he blushed, "Bell, Urd, Skuld and me have been talking about it, and maybe it could work if we—"

"STOP!" Kamijyo Touma held a hand up. "Not a single word more! Or I swear I'll punch you into the next postal code!"

Then Yuuki Rito waltzed in in Riko form. "Everyone! I have taken a decision! I can't take it anymore! I'm going to stop resisting!"

Everyone but Van facefaulted. The stoic and tall man in black, however, merely sneered. "Idiots..."

"It's easy for you to say!" Ranma grabbed him and began to shake him around. "You're freakin' immune! Tell us how to do it! Tell us!"

"... I still mourn over my long dead wife."

"That's it!" Itoshiki had a flash of inspiration. "To save our futures, we must pathetically cling to our pasts! Of course! The answer was always before us!"

Then, however, everyone paused when Negi walked in shuffling a deck of cards around, with a good natured smile. "Good evening, guys! Ready for tonight's game?"

"... Yes," Itoshiki quickly nodded.

"Naturally," Lelouch cleared his throat and took his own seat.

"Here, you can sit next to me," Keiichi offered the Welsh boy a chair.

Van only grunted. Being the Only Sane Man around was so hard.

Especially now Rito had started to apparently take a page from Lala's book, even if clumsily, and awkwardly started to hug Negi against his... her... chest in a way that wildly veered between the manly brothership and the embarrassed seduction.

And just like always, the idiotic boy just didn't get it.

Ranma, however, had angrily stalked to the kitchen for cold water. Two could play that same game.

**This Only will make any Sense if You Have Watched 'Agent Aika'.**

As soon as he finally reached the safety of his room, Negi locked the door with all the locks he could find around, barricaded it with two chairs and a nightstand, and finally sat down before his table to write, undoing his tie and hanging his blazer aside using his free hand.

_Dear Sister:_

_You'll be happy to know I have reached the fortress of __Doctor__ Hagen safely. I explained what the diploma had said, and he was actually quite willing to help me with my goal, even agreeing to keep my secret on his honor as a gentleman. I trust his sincerity, so I'm not concerned in that regard anymore._

_So yes, I'm a teacher at charge of the youngest members of the 'Delmo association' now_.

_The drawback was I was told they had no rooms for boys here. As a matter of fact, everyone but __Doctor__ Hagen at this fortress are girls. I ended up being assigned to live in the same room as two junior Delmos, Asuna-san and Konoka-san. Asuna-san is a bit cranky, but deep down she's a nice person. She's a 'Black Delmo', meaning she is at charge of... helping to protect the place, I think. The explanations have been somewhat confusing so far. Konoka-san is a very nice and sweet girl, and also a 'Pink Delmo', that is, part of the girls at charge of keeping the fortress clean and well kept._

_All in all, it's not like I'm complaining..._

_And yet, there is something about this place that sends chills up my spine. During lunch, the leader of the junior White Delmo committee, Ayaka-san, slipped me the keys to her room and said something about 'not needing to bring underwear'. Then __Doctor__ Hagen's sister Neena-san ordered me to go to her room tomorrow night after she comes back from her current assignment, briefly asking me if I was used to pain. When I said No, she sighed and said she'd have to start slow._

_Then there was an incident at the baths I'd prefer not to talk about_.

_Please send help._

Breathing heavily, he closed the letter and pushed it into an envelope, praying he could send it to Merdiana without being intercepted on its way.

Then, a short sound from the bunks alerted him up. He sighed in relief when he saw it was only the sleeping Konoka-san stirring in her bunk.

Then, much to his horror, he noticed Asuna-san's bunk was empty.

A hand slapped a long haired wig on his head from behind. The wig had a disturbing similarity to Doctor Hagen's hair.

He shuddered as he felt Asuna towering over him, a creepy grin fixed on her face. Her voice crooned dangerously.

"I think I'll call you... Mini Hagen-sama..."

Negi yelled for help.

**Negi, Chisame and ****Bulleta**

She was as greedy as Mana, as psychotic as Tsukuyomi, as scary as Fate, and all around more annoying than all of the class put together.

She was foul mouthed, rude and pushy when she wasn't being hideously cutesy and bubbly, and her dog was a pest as well.

Chisame had no idea at all why did they put up with her (other than maybe the fact she'd turn her guns on them the moment she was turned away), and she had strong suspicions Negi didn't know either.

Although she suspected it had something to do with the fact he felt empathy with the girl's nightmare problem. And the whole deal with having demon blood. And liking puppies. And picnics. And maybe she kinda reminded him of Eva, too.

As for Chisame, she had to admit she always found kinda funny to see Kotaro being chased around dodging heavy gunfire while being called 'Big Bad Wolf'.

**AUTHORS' NOTE:** Before anyone asks, no, Van in the 'Even the Guys Want Him' segment isn't the Van from _Escaflowne_. Do yourselves a favor and check _Gun X Sword_ sometime.

And before anyone else asks, no, the Chizuru in the Bleach extra OBVIOUSLY isn't the one from Negima.

Be happy!


	8. Chapter 8

_Here we go again…_

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do. *Sniff*

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. I mean it.

Remember to review, Pretty Please!

**Another Reason to Hate the Second Anime Series**.

Negi still had his doubts. "Are you sure she can take it while like that? I mean, I understand always being open to try new things, but this..."

Konoka impishly grinned as she held Setsuna's _Suka_ form up. "Setchan's very strong, even like this! You'll be amazed of everything she can do, even in this state!"

Setsuna nodded, waved her small wings around, and jumped from Konoka's arms and into the mattress.

Negi made a face, but finally relented and started unzipping his pants.

**Only Sane Man**

At first it just seemed another Crisis. Big deal. It seems we have one of these every week.

Granted, that one was bigger than usual... Weirder villains to work with, dumber heroes to fight, a much bigger common enemy we had to join forces to defeat... but overall, more of the same, just bigger and louder. Even down to the red skies. Worlds lived, worlds died, nothing was the same again, blah blah blah. Same old, same old.

Then again, we ended up with a merged Earth, and for most, it was a real hard kick in the butt. But my affinity for chaos made it all much easier for me. You eventually get used to crap like the Ghostbusters teaming up with Harry Potter to foil your complex plot to kidnap a medium for ransom from the Spirit World. True, it's a bother to have The Punisher showing up twice a month gunning for you, but you soon learn the guy just can't ever kill anything but henchmen, and those are easy to replace.

Nothing of that has ever been a problem for me.

It was **him**.

The boy.

It started innocently enough... I actually think we had a very brief first meeting during the Crisis, but everyone was fighting everyone then, so it all melds together after a while, so who knows. Anyway, the thing is, next time, or first time, I met the boy after that, he and his fanclub (always that fanclub!) caught me after the Star Crystal theft. Standard fare. Good guys run into the bad guy, put a beating on him. Back then, nothing seemed too unusual.

But even then, I noticed the first signs. Everyone, and not only the fanclub, was just too feel-good around him. From the cops to... Bats. Yes, Bats **smiled** at him and **thanked** him for his assistance upon arriving at the place. He **smiled** and **was thankful**.

I chalked it up to a fluke, because sometimes Bats acts weird like that, and I assume we're in a JLI book or something like that.

But next time I clashed against the boy and his groupies, I knew there was something horribly wrong about him. And that's coming from ME.

He scares me.

ME.

Because it's just unnatural, how does everyone like him so much, even those of us who are supposed to be his enemies and enemies of all he stands for, and crap in a hat, when you're in a token evil teamup with Sabretooth and Magica De Spell, Sabretooth and Magica De Spell sure as hell shouldn't be all nervous around the midget mage we're figthing, asking you if their hair is just right and such. Or even, Gods forbid, if you think we're actually hurting him.

Once I had just broke into one of those Legion Of Doom meetings we sometimes have (because the bastards never invite me, so I have to break in). Lex and Dr. Doom had just fought over the rights to leadership, arguing because Lex had patented the name, but Doom was... well, Doom. Anyway, by the time I walked in, the dispute already was settled, and I swear the Kite-Man already was dead by that time. Doom had won, as usual. I sat down on Kite-Man's chair... not like he'd be needing it anymore... and listened to Doom's terms along with everyone. By the time he got to 'Never hurt Negi Springfield and his Lovely Ministra seriously', everyone simply started to make those weird sounds of agreement.

I blinked, and innocently asked, "... Why not?"

They all glared at me, then kicked me out.

Bastards, as I was saying.

No matter how much I tried, I never could figure out why everyone wanted to have a threesome with him and that geeky girl with the crappy webpage. And don't get me started on the tiny girl with the thick-ass braids and the huge forehead. What is the appeal? Why only I of all people couldn't get it? What was the joke I was missing on?

I told myself, fine, maybe it's just a phase. Maybe when he hits puberty, it'll be over. Must be something hormonal, pheromonic, which will pass away when he starts growing zits.

Much to my horror, the puberty just made it worse.

Telepaths have always had problems peeking into my mind, but they still tried time and time again to figure out why was I immune. They were sure I was lying, that I was just as affected as everyone else. Their horror when learning that no, that actually I just didn't see the big deal about it all, surpassed that they had when they walked into one of my crime scenes.

Even so, most people really thinks I'm just in denial. They call me 'Tsundere' over him, and God I hate that word. In my days we called it 'bipolar', and we liked it! Why can't they get I'm not interested? I am not! Why should I? Where's athe attraction I should feel? I simply don't get it.

Even to this day, people asks me, "Why, Joker? Why don't you **like** him?"

Knowing better than to bother with a truth they won't believe anyway, I just grin and say, "Well, I'm crazy! What did you expect? Hah hah!"

But I'm lying. I'm not crazy.

I used to believe I was. I reveled on it.

But now, as everyone thinks I'm the only one who is crazy, I know better.

It's the other way around.

**Negi, Chisame and Arika, Revisited**

"And after killing the murderous Sphinx, he freed his country from its odious tyranny. Prince Oedipus returned to the Queen's side, and explained what he had learned about their relationship to her. However, despite his fears, the Queen didn't reject him. Instead, she covered him in kisses, telling him she loved him even more than before. Together, they would rule their kingdom with fairness and justice, for the rest of their long and prosper lives."

Arika closed the storybook as she smiled sweetly at her son. "And that's why it's okay for us to do this!"

Negi sighed with visible relief. "That's good to hear!"

Sitting at the other side of the bed, Chisame lifted an eyebrow. "The way I remember it, that tale ended in another way."

The Queen gave her a brief annoyed glare. "The Mundus Magicus version is different!"

She paused.

"And ours is the true one, too!"

**Arc Fatigue**

"I'm telling you, Iincho-san, I really *am* Negi Springfield, " the young man repeated patiently.

Ayaka was starting to get annoyed now. "And I'm telling you you're lying! Negi-sensei is ten years old, like this tall, and he sure had two eyes last time I saw him! Which was only two months ago!"

The man sighed, rubbing over the patch covering the spot formerly occupied by his left eye. All in all, he really looked a lot like an older Negi-sensei would, but even so...

"I guess I'll have no choice but explaining everything. You'll see, time passes very differently at Mundus Magicus, especially after the last few events..."

"What's a Mundus Magicus?" Madoka asked the tall and slender woman carrying a baby who actually looked a lot like Nodoka.

"And even if you're our classmates, who are that second Asuna and that pale girl with short gray hair and at least seven months of pregnancy?" Hakase was far more willing to accept the story, given her past with Chao, but still, several things in that whole picture just didn't add together.

"Actually, she's the second Asuna," Asuna pointed at the other Asuna. "I'm the actual Asuna! Dammit, Luna, I told you to come as yourself!"

"Sorry, Asuna, " Asuna replied to Asuna's words.

"My name's Sextum," the pregnant woman bowed, polite but coldly. "Pleased to meet you all..."

"SEX-tum? I can tell," Misa scoffed, giving her tummy a good hard look.

Fumika still couldn't wrap her mind about it all, standing with blank eyes at a corner. Fuuka was handling it marginally better, bugging Chisame with questions.

"What's her name?" she pointed at the two-years old next to her.

"Nanami."

"And his?" pointing at the baby in her arms.

"Kyosuke."

"Are they Negi-sensei's?"

"I don't have enough bad taste to have children with Kotarou!"

"Hey!" Kotarou protested.

"Why does Misora have eight children around her?" Sakurako asked. "Because she's Misora, right?"

"The flesh is weak, and nights at Mundus Magicus were cold," Misora summed up.

Zazie took her attention away from the niece she was cradling in her arms for only a moment, to look at Evangeline. "I think this arc definitely lasted too long."

Eva nodded sagely while sipping her tea. "I even had forgotten who half of those women were..."

**Save the World, Condemn Fashions**

Even today, decades after the fact, the influences Ala Alba and its allies had on the culture of Mundus Magicus continue being a hot topic of debate.

After the dust of the battles had settled down, after crying for the fallen and cheering for the survivors, both sides of that equation were honored with nearly equal fanatical enthusiasm reaching to this day.

Some say talking about it is a blasphemy. Some say the idol worshipping has gotten out of hand. For the most part, the still living originators of such trends prefer not to comment on them.

However, while the Yotsuba Satsuki Dieting Method may have its charm, the Kasuga Misora School of Hairstyling might have some debatable merits, and the Hakase and Ayase Tips for Bigger, Shinier Foreheads do look well on some young girls, this humble chronicler still honestly thinks no one should ever wear bells in their hair.

**A Fate Worse than Fate**

"Well", Akamatsu-san began, "the new bill will force us to make a few minor changes to our manga. The purpose of this meeting is to inform you about the new guidelines the Tokyo prefecture has imposed upon us."

"Such as?" Negi asked. Next to him, Evangeline's chair was notably empty.

"Depictions of violence acts that can be considered as harmful to the mental wellbeing of minors are outright forbidden now," Assistant Amagasaki Chigusa informed.

Tsukuyomi stood up and headed for the door. "It was nice to know you."

"The dress code will have to be much less revealing and suggestive, so this will be the new standard outfit for our cast," Akamatsu held a very, very, very, very long and thick black robe up.

Rakan left in disgust.

"No more close intimate contact between characters of the same gender, " Chigusa added.

Paio uttered a few obscenities and insults and stormed out.

"Indeed, the Commitee members don't like homosexuality either, so all attractions of that nature will have to be edited out," Akamatsu continued.

Setsuna sprang to her feet angrily. "Heads will roll over this!" she said before spreading her wings out and flying out the window, Yuunagi in hand.

"I wish," Akamatsu sighed.

"Remember to buy bread and eggs in your way back home, Setchan...!" Konoka waved.

"Hey, not even Foe Yay?" Fate asked.

"Not even that," Akamatsu answered.

Fate cracked his knuckles. "I have... things to do elsewhere."

"You'll get your butt kicked. Those demonic geezers are tough," Ken paternally advised before saying, "School uniforms are banned because they're deemed too evocating of sexualization of youngsters, so we won't be able to show Mahora ever again."

"Mahora? Who's that?" Asuna blinked.

"I seem to remember something named a Mahora from somewhere..." Ku Fei reminisced.

"Wait a moment!" Ayaka screamed. "Do you mean, after three real world years of doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, you can't even take the story back to the place where we are?"

"Who are you?" Kaede asked her. "You seem familiar..."

Satsuki, Hakase, the cheerleaders and Chizuru already were leaving.

"Minors can't be shown manipulating guns or any similar weapons, even blatantly fake ones, " Chigusa pushed her glasses up. "However, America's 4Kids has graciously agreed to teach us how to fire with our fingers, so—"

"Fuck you!" Mana barked before stomping out, with Yuuna closely behind her.

"We can't fetishize public servants like nurses, either..." Ken sighed again.

Ako was politely shown the door.

"... or teachers..."

Shizuna was next.

"Oh, yes, Negi-kun, because of your age, you can't kiss anyone anymore, so we'll need you to redo all your Pactios so you and the girls are only shaking hands now..." Chigusa said.

"Can't do that, sorry," Negi shook his head, standing up as well. "No matter what, my pimpness takes no blows of that kind, babe." He snapped his fingers and the rest of the girls, and even Kotaro, quickly followed him outside.

Only Konoka remained seated, quietly, before Akamatsu and Amagasaki, with a small apologetic smile on her face.

"Well..." the mangaka struggled to hold his tears back, "It's good to see we at least can count on you, Konoe-sama. We'll have to rework a lot of details out, but we look forward to our continued—"

"Oh, no, I'm quitting, too!" Konoka interrupted him quickly. "I go wherever Setchan goes!"

"Huh? Then why are you still here..."

"My Zaibatsu wishes to buy this building after your studio is forced to close! It's very good centric property, after all. We could use it for our new projects of relocation of the unemployed for the upcoming economic crisis. Our experts calculate Japan won't have too much of a bright future under this leadership, so—"

Akamatsu hid his face between his hands. For a few eternal minutes, he remained still and silent as a statue before uncovering his exhausted, wrecked features.

"... What is your price?"

**Panty & Stocking with Mahorafest**

"You finished?" Stocking hopefully asked between her last chompings of cake.

"Yeah, " her blond sister slurred, putting her red dress back on. "Not enough men around, so I had to improvise with what I had at hand. But I'm not complaining."

"— Slut, " Stocking mumbled under her breath.

Panty walked towards the sweaty, naked, panting Yue and fondly patted her butt. "You were great, " she confided, before winking and dropping her calling card on Yue's prone form. "Call me whenever you want, Tigress!"

Stocking stood up from her stool and formally bowed to Satsuki. "Domo Arigatou, Yotsuba-sama. Your desserts were certainly exquisite. I look forward to my next visit here."

"Arigatou, " Satsuki bowed in turn.

After the visitors were gone, the chef shook her head in faint disapproval, looking at the seemingly unending masses of students and teachers littering the whole Mahora landscape, in several degress of nudity and coverture by bodily fluids. "Stocking-san seems a nice person, but I can't say I approve of her sister's habits..."

"I feel... young again..." Konoemon panted raspily.

"I think I may have found true love at last..." Takahata mused.

"Me... Me too..." Asuna whined.

"Truly an Angel from above..." Sister Shakti rolled in place happily.

Satsuki sighed while closing her stand down. "I'll see you tomorrow."

**Heritage**

Once again, the warring factions had gathered around the playground to wage hostilities on each other.

The orange haired little girl with the huge round glasses heading the Springfield Siblings Army stood firmly, keeping her little brother (the only one to share a mother with her, at least) under her protecting arm. "Very well!" she declared, in an imperative tone she had copied from Aunt Takane, although her expression and hand posturing were all Aunt Eva's. "Today, we'll settle this once and for all! No more transgressions will be tolerated! I, Hasegawa Nanami Springfield of Ostia, Firstborn Princess of Ostia, claim this whole territory for our kingdom's glory!"

"Ha ha ha ha!" another, taller and much skinnier, lankier, girl around the same age, with spiky dark red hair, so dark it nearly was black, laughed hammily, with a makeshift black cape wrapped around her bony shoulders, the unholy light of the Geass shining in her right eye. "Foolish woman! What does your has-been kingdom matter here? I, Princess Marianne vi Britannia Lamperouge Kozuki Stadfelt the Second, challenge your claims! Follow me, Sons of Zero! For such is the command of our father!"

"AYE!" her younger siblings cheered behind her.

"Stop, you filthy pretender!" a relatively tall young boy with reddish blond hair and wielding a wooden sword proclaimed. "We won't continue tolerating your vile usurpations! I swear on the name of this Excalibur I hold that I, Arthur Emiya Pendragon Tohsaka The Second, will put a stop to your fiendish manipulations... TODAY, in the name of justice!"

The boys and girls behind him, all carrying several cheap copies of mythical weapons, agreed while getting ready to strike.

"MWA HA HA!" a little girl with a rather big bust for her age laughed, proudly showing the armband around her right arm. "Do you think your claims of royalty scare me, you punks? Nothing can stand to the power of the Neo SOS Brigade and its leader, me, the most beautiful and humble Supreme Director Suzumiya Asahina Mizuki! Behind me, my slaves, I mean, siblings! We must retake this ground so we can film our next hit movie!"

A very short boy with black hair and small black circles on his cheeks and forehead intervened, waving a mallet around. "Playing to be a god again, Mizuki? Don't invoke the wrath of true Heaven!"

"Shut up, Keima!" Mizuki hushed him.

"Brother!" a smaller dark skinned boy urged him. "Are you gonna let her talk to us like that?"

"Let's show them, Brother!" the twin of the dark skinned boy itched for a fight. "They can't treat us that way!"

The childish yells multiplied themselves across the playground.

"I, Saotome Kaneda, will take over this turf for our Dojo!"

"I, Masaki Nanako Jurai, claim over this whole place for the Galactic Empire!"

"The Galactic Empire? The only Galactic Empire is my father's! Prepare to know the fury of Prince Yuuki Rinbo Satalin Deviluke!"

Then the explosions started.

Sitting in summer tables around the plaground while sharing lemonade, the parents shared a collective sigh. All but Haruhi, who just kept on shouting orders to her children and egging the other kids around. And Ranma, who kept on encouraging his to use secret Saotome technique after secret Saotome technique.

"Were we ever that exaggerated?" Lelouch asked himself, resting his forehead on his fingers.

"Rest assured they're an improvement over you, " C.C. consoled him.

"— and that's how I could get pregnant with Haruhi's baby!" Mikuru finished her story a few steps away.

Washu's brow quivered. "Deeply disturbing, but fascinating all the same!"

Hakase quietly nodded while finishing taking her notes.

**What Have I Just Seen?**

Asuna drew in a deep breath before forcing a smile and placing her hands on her young daughter's shoulders.

"So, you'll see, the reason why we were all naked when you walked in was because we were essaying for a Spencer Tunick performance..."

"Oh..." Chibi-Asu said in dawning understanding before getting confused again. "But who's Spencer Tunick?"

Asuna inwardly cursed Yuuna and her forgetfulness when it came to locking the doors up.

**Negi, Chisame and Satsuki, Revisited**

It wasn't unusual for Satsuki to greet him back home wearing only her apron and slippers, holding the dinner for him, but it WAS unusual for the third member of the household to be absent at the table.

"Satsuki-chan? Where's Chisame-chan?" Negi asked.

"She had to go take care of a few things, dear. She'll be back home right in time for desserts."

"Um, okay." Out of all the people he ever had known, only Satchan would measure time in meals and their subdivisions. All the time.

The meal was excellent, like always, although, like every other time Satsuki felt in the mood, Negi couldn't help but noticing the generous amounts of "energizing" dishes in the menu. Still, energizing as they were, eating far too much always leads to a single conclusion. Just as he felt he couldn't eat anymore without falling asleep right afterwards, Satsuki brought a small cart in, with a really huge covered tray on top of it.

"Satsuki-chan! What kind of desserts are these?-! That should be enough to feed a whole platoon!"

"It's just for you and me, dear," she sweetly smiled at him before taking the tray's cover off.

Negi did a spit-take as Chisame's naked, fully bathed in thick chocolate, figure rose up, her eyes meeting his.

Chisame still felt utterly dumb and ridiculous at that point. The only thing she was thankful to the chocolate for was it hid the embarrassed blush on her cheeks. Satchan and her stupid ideas. If only it wasn't so hard to just tell 'NO' to her...

Still, as she craned her neck ahead to softly blow on Negi's face, she started to kind of get the appeal of it. She prepared her throat, surprising herself at finding her own voice sexier than ever, just by pronouncing two simple, short words.

"Eat me..."

It certainly was anything but a cold dessert.

**Epilogue**

She finally stood with visible effort, marching slowly towards the light.

It had been too many generations since it all started. Since then, the Universe had a better life, a more glorious one. Still tainted by its fair share of horrors, but overall more honest and dynamic. It had been a good life even to its last hurrahs.

The old frail looking woman, the last woman, the last living being left, marched ahead feeling in complete peace with herself. There was nothing else left to do. She was sure she had honored the memories of all her ancestors. Perhaps, she even would be reunited with them.

But first, she had to learn the ultimate secret. The one no one, not even her ancestors of divine origin, had ever managed to discover.

To see, in the last moments of the agonizing old existence, the true face of He who would bring the new age.

The light grew even brighter, burning through the old woman's glare. Then she heard the voice.

"Arika Springfield Kent Wayne Suzumiya Masaki Ikari Hasegawa Ayase Saotome Summers Summers Potter Linsghen Napier Wilson Itoshiki Emiya Tohsaka Mallard Morisato Takamachi Testarossa Von Doom Odinson."

"Just Arika. Please," her small, cracked and tired voice pleaded softly. "Are you God?"

"You know who I am," the voice simply said.

"Please. I know I'm about to die," she lowered her old, tired head. "I know I have no much more time left, so I'll be brief. I have no regrets, at all. And I have no further desires left. Except one. Please, tell me, why? Why have we all gone through so much, only to end here? Will we be remembered in some way? By anyone? Did our existences ultimately have any meaning? I only want to know that. I realize it may sound like too much in the human scale, but..."

"Arika," the voice stopped her. "You deserve to know. So I shall tell you everything. Everything about why did I create you, and all who came before you. Rest assured, there is a purpose, and you have made me proud by achieving it. I shall start by telling you my origin, and the origin of everything that came to exist in this universe."

Then he revealed himself to her, stepping out of the light. And she gasped, her battered heart barely holding itself as he started to tell his story.

_"In West Philadelphia_ _born an' raised, on the playground is where I spent mosta my days, Chillin out, maxin', relaxin' all cool, An' all shootin some B-ball outside of the school, When a couple o' guys who were up to no good, Started makin' trouble in my neighbourhood, I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, She said 'You're movin with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air!'"_

With a gesture no doubt genetically inherited from some long distant relative, Arika ran a hand over her wrinkled face. Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandmother Chao's final theories had been right after all...

Such a pity. She had held hopes for Morgan Freeman...

**Negi, Chisame and Candlejack**

By the time he dropped the tied up, violently swearing and kicking Revy at the middle of the room, he found Chisame and Negi there, waiting for him.

"Hey, guys. What's wrong?" he asked them. "You look far too serious."

"Jack, we have to talk," Negi said. "We're starting to get worried about this hobby of yours. We think it's taking over your whole life. It's just unhealthy."

"Nonsense," the hooded man laughed, waving a hand around casually. "I'm in complete control of myself! You're making a mountain out of an anthill."

"No, we aren't!" Chisame protested. "Look around yourself! This is the sixth room we had to get you for your 'findings'!"

Around them, the dozens of tied up prisoners made all sorts of agreeing sounds.

"I heard my Dad's in the room next door. Izzat true?" Izumi Konata asked.

"My nose itches. Can someone scratch it for me?" Gilligan complained.

"I'll sue! I'll sue! I'll sue!" Kimura Kaere repeated.

'Jack scratched his head. "Umm, if they're being too noisy, I can start gaggin' them up."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Negi and Chisame chorused.

"What's your problem? It's not my fault people keeps invoking my name in vain! What do you expect for me to do? I have a reputation to keep! Just like you two can't stop shagging anything on two legs or a multiple of it that passes along, except for the Joker! At least I only tie them up! I never question your hobbies! You don't see me asking you to take your creepy page down, or you to stop collecting dusty archaic things!" He pulled a raggedy tissue up and began soaking his tears up. "Why must I be the only one who suffers in this relationship?-!"

"Geez, Jack, don't take it like that..." Chisame groaned.

"We never intended to hurt your feelings..." Negi added. "It's just we're worried about you..."

The hooded figure tensed up. "We'll have to finish this later. My Candlejack Sense's tingling! I'm needed elsewhere!"

He began floating out of the room. "I'm gonna need more rope."

Chisame facepalmed. "Negi, remind me again, what did we ever see in him?"

He blushed, scratching the bridge of his nose. "Remember, I can't say it in front of them..."

"I definitely have died and gone to Hell, " Kyon dryly delivered.

"My ropes have loosened! Could you tighten them a bit, Negi-kun?" Tsukuyomi asked.

"Springfield, no matter what you do, I'm still not falling for you," the Joker insisted.


	9. Chapter 9

_Here we go yet again…_

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do. But if I ever do, make sure to buy all my merchandise, okay? Just kiddin'.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. I mean it, dammit! Don't look at me like that!

Remember to review, Pretty Please!

**A Gig for Christmas**

"Wow, are you really Santa? For real, like really?" the huge eyed little adorable tyke looked at the tall bearded old man in red as he swung his hand bell around.

"Actually, no," the old man replied. "I happen to be a demon count of unspeakable, terrifying power, which just happened to hit hard times after disappearing from the manga I once had a job at. Now all they want are silver haired pretty youngsters. Where is the love for the classics? What future waits for your generation with that kind of flash-in-the-pans being everything you have interest on now?"

The little boy made a face. "... You're the worst Santa I've ever seen."

The Count grumbled while patting his fake stomach back into shape. "Don't say that. I have even mastered that obnoxious laugh. Listen... HO, HO, HO HO! Convincing, hmmm? I'm a true method actor. Let's see those impertinent Averruncus siblings topping that..."

The child blinked, then just dropped some coins in the Count's cup. "Thanks," the old man said with a slight bow of his head.

The child then turned to the sexy young woman in green surrounded by tiny monkeys. "And, are you really an elf?"

Chigusa snorted. "A very depressed one."

**The Key to a Successful Inter— I mean, Marriage**

Hasegawa Sora still was unused to actually smile at her younger sister, but she still did her best for it then. They had been apart for far too long, and Sora's conscience still bothered her about being such a neglectful sister figure.

Now Chisame had married, she promised herself, all of that would change. She'd have to give her utmost support to her in the face of such a... strange marital arrangement. Poor Chiu-chan probably was terrified to death by this point. She never had been good at coping with the unexpected and the disturbing.

"So, um, Chisame-chan, how's your married life so far?" she shyly asked.

"Not bad at all, actually," Chisame had to admit. "Better than I expected. Chachamaru and Konoka handle most of the cooking, and living at Ayaka's house is like living at a fairy tale castle. I have so much free time I barely know what to do with all of it. We've also learned they key thing to do is getting organized."

"Organized?"

"Well, yeah. For instance, getting all in bed together is too troublesome, unless we actually have the time to plan a... ahhh, special night, " Chisame calmly talked, as if speaking about the weather. "So it's better to sleep in trios most nights, and leaving the royal bed for special occasions. That way, each one of us can always be in the middle at least twice a week. We used to discuss before, because everyone always wanted to be in the middle, or for Negi to be in the middle and then we'd fight all night long over who'd be right next to him..."

"What?" Sora's voice cracked.

"The important thing is respecting the schedule. Let me explain; for instance, Mondays, I sleep with Ayaka and Makie. Tuesdays, with Negi and Jack. That's my favorite night, actually, since I still consider myself hetero at core."

"Right," Sora's eyeglasses had fogged up.

"Right. So, Wednesdays it's with Chachamaru and Hakase. Thursdays, Kotaro and Natsumi. Fridays, Negi and Chachamaru. Saturdays, Yue and Nodoka, and Sundays, Setsuna and Konoka."

The older girl trembled a bit. The insanity finally had claimed her little sister for good.

"By the way, Sora," Chisame casually said, "When will **you** start thinking of getting married?"

"I-I don't know..." she cringed."I'm afraid... I haven't found enough people yet..."

Although actually, Keiichi-sempai, Belldandy-sempai and their sisters **had** started to give her _those_ gazes lately...

**Missed Moment Of Awesome**

By the time Negi and his weary, gloomy companions finally got there, heads low and feet dragging along, the first thing they saw was the huge swarm of reporters camping around the Academy. As they managed to struggle their way through them, they saw the gigantic snake like dragon dead around the World Tree, with hordes and hordes of slain demons also spreaded across the campus.

Evangeline was sitting on the top of the dead dragon's head, having tea with Hakase, Satsuki, the twins, the cheerleaders, Ayaka, Zazie and Chizuru. "Oh, Boya!" she casually greeted. "Welcome back. I was starting to think you'd never come back. Literally."

"Negi-sensei!" With an agility she definitely never had before, Ayaka jumped down to ground level to go hug her teacher. "Oh, I missed you so much! Dear God, just look at yourself! You're covered in scars!"

"Kaede-neechan!" With similar uncanny speed, the twins practically flashed in front of Kaede, wrapping their arms around her. "You're back, waiiii!"

"Ow. Ow, ow, not so strongly! I still ache there!" Nagase had to complain.

"Natsumi, Kotarou-kun, you don't look so well," Chizuru had come down as well, brandishing a large onion leek apparently out of nowhere. "Have you been forgetting your home remedies?"

"Thanks, Chizu-nee, but we already had enough things stuffed down our asses lately," Kotarou rejected the offer.

"Wh-What happened here?-!" Asuna was bewildered. "What in the world...?"

"Well, while you were out, several things happened, " Satsuki explained. "First of all..." she pulled a heavily gagged and tied Chigusa from under the tea table, "Amagasaki-san here showed up with a few demons claiming for revenge. Then a gentleman named Graff Herrmann came along as well as her backup, looking for you."

"And you survived that?" Asuna asked.

"Eva-chan had to tell us all about magic, and since you weren't here, we had to make Pactios with her to cope," Sakurako explained.

"I've told you not to call me that," Evangeline warned.

Chamo had a sudden nosebleed.

"Then things got really weird," Madoka added. "These two pretty boys and a girl naming themselves Septimum, Octavum and Novum showed up, sputtering nonsense about being the cleanup crew for Mundus Vetus, and we had a really close call there, until your grandpa got serious and fought them along Albireo-san and your dad, Konoka! They were great, you should've seen them! And boy, your grandpa's really ripped off when he takes his shirt off!"

"What," Chisame said.

"Where does the giant dragon fit into this?" Yue asked.

"It isn't a dragon, but the Midgard Serpent," Evangeline dryly explained. "The Averrunci summoned it to swallow the World Tree down. It was a hard fight, I must admit it. Fortunately, we never lost anyone..."

After hearing that, a frying pan fell from above on the head of each Ala Alba member.

"And what did you do in your trip?" Misa asked.

"We... ran into some enemies as well," Negi said.

"They kicked our butts down hard, and they were about to trap us forever into a dream world when they just vanished in midair, " Kotaro bitterly completed.

"Ah, yes. It must have happened when we killed the Lifemaker, " Evangeline rubbed her chin. "His last words WERE he'd just collapse with everything and everyone affiliated to him, after all."

Ala Alba did a collective spit take. "YOU DID WHAT?-!-?-!"

"The Averrunci managed to complete a ritual to revive him... said 'the operation at Mundus Magicus' was only a decoy to dettract attention from their true goal. Apparently, not even that Fate boy knew it. It was very carefully staged, " Eva mused. "The Lifemaker said his true goal was to destroy both worlds and remake them from scratch. It was then when Lingshen showed back up..."

"Chao was here?-!" Ku Fei gasped.

"But even with her along, we were falling short until your Dad and Mom came in as well, Negi-kun, " Sakurako informed.

Negi's eyes became blank circles. "FATHER AND MOTHER!"

"Yeah, then your Dad spazzed out for a moment. When he came back, he said he was just slapping some sense into you, but that must have been just the heat of the moment affecting him," Madoka narrated. "Anyway, with him around, we began to turn the tide around, but it took Zazie-chan achieving her true form, opening a Hellmouth to her home up and slapping her Dad around to convince him to help us to finally get the upper hand."

"Father can be very stubborn," Zazie monotoned.

"And that's all," Misa happily completed.

"But where's Chao?-!" Ku despaired.

"She said she had to go back home quickly, " Fumika answered.

"And... and Father and Mother?" Negi babbled.

"Something about a second honeymoon..." Ayaka reminisced.

"You should have seen it, Negi-sensei! It was great! Like the huge climax to an action manga!" Fuuka enthused.

"And we haven't even told you about Setsuna's sempais Motoko and Tsuruko showing up to help as well!" Sakurako piped in.

"Yeah, and Urashima-san's wife too! She sure packs a mean punch!" Madoka nodded.

"Onee-chan...?" Mei blinked helplessly.

Asuna was tugging on her pigtails. "Who... WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? I was supposed to be the heroine of this manga! They can't fix the big final battle off panel and without me! HEADS WILL ROLL OVER THIS!" She pulled her sword out and laughed madly. "AKAMATSU, YOUR ASS WILL BE MINE!"

"Asuna, you haven't improved your crass behavior at all! What a shame!" Ayaka chided her.

Negi was sobbing and hitting his head against the World Tree's trunk. "Father... Couldn't wait for me..."

Satsuki looked at Shiori. "By the way, why did you bring another Asuna?"

"And what..." Satomi kept her eyes fixed on the wrecked robot strapped on to Kotaro's back, "WHAT HAVE YOU ALLOWED TO HAPPEN TO CHACHAMARU!"

"HELL, YOU'RE RIGHT!" Evangeline's pupils became crimson. "BOYAAAAAA!"

Chachamaru weakly waved a hand around. "Good afternoon, Master, Hakase-san."

Then the hand fell down, but Satsuki was kind enough to reattach it immediately.

**Saber Marionette N**

As soon as Negi hit the dusty floor of the old underground chamber, he moaned in pain, rubbing his aching head. Sitting up, he tried to adjust his eyes to the surrounding pitch black darkness. He still couldn't see anything, and casting a light spell in an unknown place could have unwanted consequences, so instead, he felt around on the nearest wall for a light switch.

Finally, he found it and turned it on, only to find himself surrounded by thirty now visible human sized capsules, each one holding a naked young beautiful girl inside. The English gentleman in Negi instantly forced him to yelp and cover his eyes, just as each one of the girls opened their own. The recorded voice started to blare through the whole room.

"Program Number One, Aisaka Sayo, activated. Program Number Two, Akashi Yuuna, activated. Program Number Three, Asakura Kazumi, activated. Program Number Four, Ayase Yue, activated. Program Number Five—"

As each capsule hissed open and each girl stood up, Negi felt like fainting.

Elsewhere hight above the planet, inside of her own holding capsule inside of the old Mesopotamia starship, Doctor Karakuri Chachamaru briefly stirred in her forced hibernation state. For a moment, she had felt like a part of her had woken up.

At the Mahora Imperial Academy, Shogun Konoemon stood on his main balcony with his arms crossed behind his back, thoughtfully staring into the horizon.

His trusty aide Takamichi approached him. "Sir, we have just received reports of the Library. It seems Negi-kun accidentally wandered into the secret chamber..."

"Oh, is that so?"

"That's not all, Sir. Somehow, it seems... he has managed to activate the Marionettes."

Konoemon smiled to himself. "Well, I had my suspicions, if anyone could do it, that'd be him..."

**Whatever You Do, Enjoy Your Job**:

"So, not allowed to kill humans, huh? God knows I'd go **crazy** if that ever happened to me..."

Quartum gave the pale man a cynical stare. "Was that supposed to be an actual joke?"

"No, just a casual comment. I save the actual jokes for the really important moments. When it's right to deliver the punchline. In our case, hummmm... I'd say as soon as I bed you."

"I have no doubt you'll be a joke in bed, all right, " Quartum insolently leaned back on his chair.

"Oh, but I can _perform_ much better in other areas than you, " the clown shot back, not sounding really offended. "I can actually kill people, remember?"

"You haven't stopped rubbing it into my face since we met!"

He craned his long thin neck to smile as gruesomely as teasingly on the boy's face. "Would you prefer for me to rub something else on it?"

Quartum pulled back, the faintest sign of a blush on his cheeks. "W-Wait, now, or I'll—"

"Kill me?" the green haired man laughed. "And don't threaten me with anything else, because it won't work. I'm always open for some old fashioned pain. Talking about that, sonny, what you need is to start thinking out of the box. Stay with me, and I can take you places. Killing people is only the start. There are much worse... I mean, better... and funnier things to do to them. Things that will make them to beg for death instead. Why to stop at just ripping robots apart when you can do much better? C'mon, just give me a chance here..."

The Averruncus paused before leaning ahead with a placid smirk. "I'm listening, old man."

Elsewhere, Negi shuddered. It felt like someone had just whistled over his own grave.

Yet elsewhere, Harley Quinn sobbed on her tissue, loud and theatrical. "Yeah, it was wonderful, but still, I only did it because of him! To scorn him, and yet I know he won't care! He's just gonna keep fooling with your brother, and now Red will be angry at me, and— and—!"

Sextum leaned on her side and softly caressed her naked flanks. "Okay. Time to give you another dose, then. Because you sure weren't angsting so much six minutes ago..."

Harley suddenly perked back up. "Can I be on top this time?"

"Of course you can..."

**Negi, Chisame, Hayate and the Wolkenritter** **(AKA OverMaster's First Ever Attempt to write anything Nanoha-Related, so please don't be too Harsh).**

It was incredibly hard to believe it all had started with a simple mutual appreciation between two fellow cosplay fans.

Hayate's four comrades had been very wary at first, but after seeing their master had finally gotten over her sadness over losing Nanoha to Fate, they all had come to eventually accept it. And then some more. It took Vita longer than anyone else, naturally, but you couldn't tell it from the way she now clung to Negi in her sleep.

A few inches away, Chisame sighed as she felt the asleep Hayate's hands coming to rest down on her breasts from behind. Not like it didn't feel good, far from it, but she was trying to catch a few Zs now, damn it!

"We need to buy an even much bigger bed than this," she announced to no one in particular.

"Shaddap an' lemme sleep," Signum angrily mumbled while swinging the faintest attempt of a silencing punch against the Mahora student's face, barely grazing one of her cheeks. The tired fist just stayed there, resting against her pimpled skin. Chisame only sighed again.

Zafira, meanwhile, just cuddled up around her bare feet, sleepily licking her ankles and whimpering in dreams like a puppy.

Chisame didn't mind that when he was in wolf form, but as a human, she found it simply ridiculous.

**Gentleman Ghost**** (AKA 'Reference to a DC Comics Villain, so Obscure you may have no idea of what's the joke here'. Why do I keep doing this?)**

She smiled, placing the monocle over her right eye, the top hat sitting on her head. She floated before the full body mirror; being unable to see her reflection had always depressed her, but somehow, now the alien effect of seeing her pristine new white clothes floating around with apparently nothing inside of them just captivated her.

"It's so cool!" she cooed.

"You look positively dashing," Asakura smiled, slightly tilting the hat aside to give her a more roguish look.

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course I do!" A pause. "So, you still intend to carry on with this afterlife of crime idea?"

Sayo was too busy looking at the mirror to hear her anymore, however.

Kazumi sighed. "Maybe it's for the best. Your list of intended crimes wasn't exactly awe inspiring anyway."

"But I'm going to step on the grass of ALL parks!" Sayo snapped back into attention.

"You have no feet."

"And I'm not going to return ANY books to the library after I take them out!"

"You have no library card either."

"That's exactly what makes it SO EVIL! Wait, 'evil' is such a scary word. Maybe I should announce myself as 'SO NOT TOO GOOD!' Does that sound okay, Kazumi-chan?"

"... Sayo-chan, let's just forget this, alright?"

"B-But can I keep the pretty suit?"

"Yes, yes, you can..."

**Dating Lives of Puppets, Part 2 (Part 1, totally unrelated to this in all but theme, was written by another author at the TV Tropes Forum).**

Chachazero made an uneven, annoyed face again. "You know, if we're going to keep on dating, I want you to leave your babysitter behind!"

"My gagysitter? Gagy, dis is my right hand man! A man my importance can't walk around without a homie ta watch his gack! I have lotsa enemies! Not like I couldn't eat 'em alive if I wanted, gut dose are treacherous gastards!" her new beau replied in an agitated Edward G. Robinson-esque voice. "Ya can rest easy, ya can say whatever ya want in fronta Arnie here! He knows getter than ta open his gig flappy mouth!"

"It's just creepy, having him watching the whole time, and not the good kinda creepy!" Chachazero pouted, crossing her tiny scrawny arms. "Until you fix that, you'll never get third base!"

"Cheez, dames..." Scarface shook his head ruefully, then turned to his ventriloquist. "Ya heard 'er, Dummy! Do sumthin' agout it!"

The pudgy, white haired old man blocked his own eyes with his free hand. "I swear I won't see anything!"

"Not enough!" Chachazero shrilled.

Scarface growled and tore a part of the tablecloth off, handing it over to the old man. "Glindfold yerself, Dummy!"

"Y-Yes, sir!" the Ventriloquist quickly obeyed.

"Much better," Chachazero smiled. "So, your place or mine?"

"Mine, gage," the gangster puppet crooned in a raspy voice. "Yer goss lady just rugs me da wrong way, an' gesides, I got a surprise fer ya in da gasement."

"Oh, Scarfy! Please tell me it's another rival gangleader to toy with!" she put her hands together.

"Heh, dere's no way ta fool such a gright dolly as ya..."

Meanwhile, behind the usual conveniently placed bushes, Chamo sniffed to himself. "Dumped for a piece of inanimated wood...!"

Crouching down next to him, Asuna, for once, actually pitied him enough to pet his head. "I'm sure it's just because of his money."

**Dating Lives of the Immortals**

"You always had an excellent taste in wines, Evangeline," the man smiled in an elegant but dangerous way, politely wiping the corners of his mouth with a handkerchief. "My congratulations to your chef, as well."

Eva smiled back, sultrily. "Oh, Ra's, you haven't changed at all. Always dancing around the point until I force the beans out of you. Typical man! You haven't come tonight just because it's our old anniversary, have you? After all, you hadn't even called in years. Tell me, what are you up to this time?"

"Well, I had not bothered to notify you of my latest projects because I know you dislike them. And besides, I know you would survive anything I unleashed upon this wretched, ruined world. But since I just learned you had taken proteges, I thought your situation could have changed," he casually replied, putting his utensils aside.

"How did you know?" she asked, her tone gaining a hint of irritation.

"My dear, you know well the Society of Shadows has eyes and ears everywhere," Ra's calmly answered. "Yes, even at this Academy. But that does not matter now. What matters is, I just wanted you to learn, regardless of what happens, none of your classmates, nor your teacher, will suffer because of it."

"A very wise move, Ra's, " she said, her voice vaguely threatening. "I assume, however, your precious Detective will also interfere with this latest scheme. We have no cause for concern either way."

"Not this time. I shall make sure of it," the man smiled in a contented, smug fashion. "But tell me more about this boy. I heard he was the son of your old paramour..."

"Jealous?" she mocked him.

"Hardly. Just wanted to know if his bloodline is pure enough to cross over with mine..."

Eva scowled. "Ra's, you won't be marrying the Boya to your daughter. She's out of her category there. And honestly, you must stop trying to marry her to anyone you deem a worthy heir. Didn't that stunt with Bane teach you anything?"

Ra's al Ghul shrugged. "They seemed to like each other enough when I left her at the door."

Back at another part of the resort, Talia remained still and stiff under the fierce glares of the schoolgirls surrounding her. Somewhat unnerved, she reached over for another cup of tea. "I just said he was cute."

"She said it again..." Makie hissed dangerously.

"She's mocking us... Let me have her, Asuna..." Haruna growled, with her teeth clenched up.

"For the last time, Eva will kill us if we kill her..." Asuna nonetheless fingered the handle of her sword nervously.

Negi squirmed, trying to get up from Talia's lap. "I... I think I need to use the men's room..." he finally thought of saying.


	10. Chapter 10

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence

Read. Review. Please.

MORE THAN THIRTY FOUR NEGI AND CHISAME THREESOMES, CHAPTER 10.

(And assorted crack crap).

**Chachamaru and** **Roll**

"Chachamaru-chan, I want to introduce you and your friends to my brothers! They are the most wonderful bunch of brothers ever when they aren't being reprogrammed to take over the world!"

"Actually, I'm not really family, just crashing at their couch while I get a suitable job at a decent evil organization who happens to be evil enough," Bass pointed out.

Luna nodded. "I know a group that could use your services."

"This is Cut Man..."

Asuna pointed at him. "... Why do you have a giant pair of scissors on your head?"

The short robot glared at her. "It'll always be better than having bells instead."

"This is **Hard** Man..."

Haruna and Misa snickered.

"This is **Wood** Man..."

Haruna and Misa snickered even harder.

"This is **Sna****ke** Man..."

Haruna and Misa barely held a good open laugh back.

"And this is **Cold** Man. He used to be Ice Man, but then the X-Men sued..."

Haruna and Misa all but guffawed now. "COLD MAN! **'COLD'** MAN!"

Cold Man turned around to sulk at a corner. "Roll, I have told you not to introduce us in that order..."

Ignoring him, she went on, "This is Big Bro Guts Man..."

"Why aren't his guts hanging out?" Evangeline asked.

"Huh?"

"All show their motifs clearly, so where are his guts? If he doesn't pull his guts out for everyone to see, I say he should change his name."

"But... But that usually hurts..." Guts Man protested.

"Actually, I can get behind that idea," Bass grinned.

"Master, please, be kind to my brother-in-law..." Chachamaru softly asked.

Roll cleared her throat. "Also, this is my brother Roll, and his alternate universe Volnutt version, and his alternate universe EXE web-version..."

"Ah," Chisame said. "I *thought* he looked familiar."

"And this is our younger brother X, who was put in a capsule by Dad for more than 100 years to fight evil in a dystopian future..."

"Hey, Chao, " X waved.

"Yo, X," Chao waved back. "How's Zero doing?"

"I don't know, we haven't met in a while. I think he's too busy upstaging me at ever damn other Capcom game while I languish in limbo..."

"Still bitter about that, ne? I eventually got used to it..."

(Yeah, I know I have made several blaring mistakes at Mega Man continuity here. No, I don't think it's anything that should take anyone's sleep away).

**Too Far**

Haruna prided herself on her reputation of knowing no limits. No matter how much it angered everyone, she wouldn't bat an eye on allowing Negi and Kotaro to rummage through the worst of her manga collection, so much it was a wonder how they kept any innocence left. Maybe it was mostly because Asuna and Chisame ould always pull a save at the very last moment.

Still, Haruna would never mind.

Until that evening when, snooping into the darkest corners of her studio, Kotaro found that _Mai-chan's Daily Life_ tankoubon.

Upon hearing the first yelp of surprise, Paru only took a few seconds to figure out what had happened.

"Oh, no. Oh, no no no!"

She dashed ahead fearing for the worst. Out of all her books, she never expected for him to find **that** one.

She arrived too late, much to her despair.

For weeks afterwards, she wouldn't stop apologizing to Natsumi.

As for Kotaro, after much discussion, it was agreed the most merciful thing would be for Negi to erase his memory, and gambling on him only erasing **that** fateful evening. It was a mystery how that was the only spell he still *never* got right.

Still, it seemed to work, and for everyone's relief, Kotaro went back to being the same.

Except because, for the years and years to come, for the rest of his life, he never could see Chizuru handling a blender again without twitching and howling, "IT'S AWWWWRIGHTTTTT!"

**Arika/Evangeline **

Negi looked up from the thick tome he had been reading through, to verify the cause of those heavy sounds of feet dragging, not to mention those helpless whimpers. Much to his shock, he saw the last person he ever expected to see lamenting, precisely lamenting to himself while slumping down into the couch.

"D-Dad..?-!"

"They denied me access..." Nagi said with an absent, melancholic voice.

"Dad? What's wrong?" his son dutifully rushed to his side. "Talk to me! Who could do this to you?"

"They kicked me out..." Nagi's voice cracked painfully.

"They kicked you around? Who? Who?-!"

"It was fate, I guess..."

"Fate-kun!" Negi's eyes burned. "FATE-KUN!" he roared, bolting out of the room.

Nagi remained still and speechless for half a hour as the booms and screams shook the building, ignoring even the chunks of ceiling failing down on him. Until he finally recovered enough of his senses to sit up straight, shrugging his shoulders casually. "Yeah, I guess it's just fate they didn't want anything to do with me after I was away for so long. Oh well, I suppose they'll get over it."

Then he noticed Negi walking back into the room, panting wearily, half naked and covered in bruises, his pants around his ankles and his boxers uneasily shifted around his hips. "Dad. Where's Chamo-kun? I feel a strange urge to ask him for one of his cigarettes..."

**Ayaka/Takane/Nekane. **

"Wow, you *were* right," Chamo respectfully whispered under his breath. "When all three of them are naked, you *really* can't tell them apart!"

Rakan nodded wisely from his hiding spot next to the ermine. "Of course, for an expert eye like mine, there are subtle ways to recognize each one of them."

"Like what?" Chamo eagerly asked.

"I forgot them," Rakan admitted. "My mind has just been blown completely useless by the show."

"So worth it, though."

They high-fived. "So worth it!"

**Negi, Chisame and Ako, Revisited**

"Ako-chan..." he panted. "I think it's for the best if we leave it at that for tonight..."

She just smiled and summoned the Artifact again. "IN THE BUTT!"

Chisame backed away on the bed, clutching the sheets against her bare front, as Ako zoomed on her after injecting Negi. "No, it's okay, really... You can have him all for yourself this time... I'd prefer resting a bit for a while—"

"It's best if we're all doing it together! IN THE BUTT!"

That kept up happening until dawn. She even would inject herself when she was running out of steam.

Later, when someone asked them why they got pregnant so fast, people always assumed they meant some sort fertility treatment when Chisame put the blame on medicine.

**Negi, Chisame and The Silver Surfer**

The three of them laid motionless, quiet and barely panting on the bed, their eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"So..." she finally said, "I guess it was all... uhhh... worthwile enough at the end. To save the planet, I mean..."

"Yeah..." Negi breathed deeply.

The silver figure between them sighed. "And yet, is this not the biggest moral misstep I have ever taken in all my years of traveling through the infinities of cosmos? Even after finding so many worlds for my master to devour, I never felt as impossibly dirty as I do now. Yes, it is for the ultimate best your selfless act of love has moved Galactus enough to spare this World of Magic, and I appreciate him doing it out of concern for my wretched happiness, but is it right, to achieve personal satisfaction in such a way? Haven't we just erred beyond the ken of human understanding? Haven't we—"

Chisame clung up to him, commanding in a husky growl, "Shut up and let's save the world again."

Negi clung on as well. "I agree."

Norrin Radd had never known such a puzzling race as humans.

Out in the depths of space, the towering World Devourer finished his lecture. "—and that's why I am here. Since I could not consume the Martian surface, I had to speed my travel here. GALACTUS HUNGERS, AND HIS HUNGER SHALL NOT BE DENIED! But rest assured, this is nothing born out of personal indisposition against your race. Had I properly fed at Mars, I would not have visited you for other three generations."

The Nameks assembled below all looked at each other.

"Curse that Springfield charm."

"Most definitely, yes."

**Negi, Chisame and Chiyo-chan**

She buried her face between her hands. "No, we can't keep on doing this."

"Why, Chisame-chan?"

"Yes, why, Chisame-san?"

"SHUT UP! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME THAT! YOU USED TO FREAK OUT WHEN WE EVEN LOOKED AT YOU THE WRONG WAY!"

"... You used to watch me 'the wrong way'?" he blinked. "I never had noticed..."

"That's... That's not what I meant..." Chisame sputtered. "But really, we gotta stop doing this... at least for a few more years... You have turned me into someone far worse than Iincho has ever been..."

"Chisame-channnn..." her little precious angel sing-sang. "I'll wear the penguin costume..."

"And I'll wear the kitsune costume..." Negi completed.

(DOUBLE COMBO HAS BEEN USED ON CHISAME! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!)

Her face paled. She never had a chance.

"... Can... Can I wear the princess costume then...?" she squealed out.

"Sure you can..."

Waiting right outside, with her ear stuck to the door, Tomo chuckled. "Children are innocent, my ass..."

Standing at her right, Asuna rubbed her temples in stubborn disbelief. "I still don't understand who broke whom first. It's like the freaking egg and chicken dilemma...!"

**Apocalypse**

He majestically landed on his feet at the middle of the wrecked amphiteater, focusing his icy blue eyes on the short, pudgy, grotesque figure with long white hair at the other side of the place.

"Granny," he spoke, with stern and grim conviction. "It's over. Release the children immediately."

Granny Goodness rubbed her pudgy, blubbery chin and throat thoughtfully. "The children, Superman? MY children? Lord Darkseid's children? Those children? I'm afraid not. You'll see, while they were busy squabbling over saving that simple small world right above yours, and you were doing nothing about it, I might add, we took them all and gave them a joint, single purpose. We took their potential and exploited it to their limits. From mere mortals, we made them immortal servants of the Gods themselves."

"You twisted their minds. Stole their wills," Barda spat out with despise. "Will your carnival of horrors never cease as long as you live? Fine then," she readied her sword. "This ends today. But first, handle the children over. If you really have any of that warrior spirit an Apokolips wardog is supposed to have."

"As you wish, " the old woman with the gravelly voice snapped her fingers. "But remember, my dear Barda, my formerly finest student... you asked for it."

And then they started to pour out from behind her, all clad in black, nearly inexistant Apokoliptian battle armor, their eyes glinting with barely contained killer impulses.

"Beware, " Wonder Woman stood her ground, brandishing her spear. "We've arrived too late. They are under their thrall now."

Ever the optimist, the Last Son of Krypton extended a hand towards them, carefully, despite his deep and concerned scowl.

"Negi, we're here now. It's all going to be okay. And you haven't been here for long, so I know you must be still somewhere in there. You too, Fate. Darkseid is the common enemy, standing against all both of you, and us, ever fought for. If you only can—"

A combined blast from both of them sent him flying through a few buildings.

"We can," Fate said.

"Hnh," Batman readied his high charged Batarangs, even as Mana and Yuuna began to level the sights of their brand new Apokoliptian rifles on his head. "This will take a while."

Granny chuckled. "Strong as you are, Superman, we know you've always been vulnerable to magic..."

She gestured ahead, and as single person, everyone from Homura to Kaede charged on against the League.

"... And we just got enough of that."

**For the Ages**

"And this is the fabled nude portrait of Ala Alba at its peak, as painted by Saotome Haruna herself, " the aging guide explained as the class was too busy gawking at the huge paintwork to actually listen to him. "Back in its day, it was labeled pornographic and indecent, not to mention anatomically inaccurate at its most... controversial details, but time has rendered it a classic."

"It's... so beautiful..." one of the students panted, wiping a bit of drool out of his mouth's right corner. "How did she convince all of them to pose for it?"

"Well, there are several different stories about it. None of them is fit enough for your ears yet."

"Did the artist include herself in the portrait?"

"Naturally. She's the one laying between the two short girls at the lower left corner. Incidentally, they are Miyazaki Nodoka, Third Consort Queen of Ostia and founder of the Holy Martian Library, and Ayase Yue, lifelong president of Ariadne, Supreme Valkyrie Commander, and—"

"How could she paint it if she was busy posing?"

"Ah, another story says she created a golem of herself with her Artifact and made it to paint while she posed along with everyone else," the guide explained.

"You mean she made the golem to pose while she painted..."

"No, " he shook his head. "The only thing all legends agree on is, as much as she loved painting, she never would have put painting over a chance to get herself in there..."

**Moving On**

**...**

It had taken them a whole week to find Quartum at the bottom of the abyss and fishing him out once everything was said and done. After a good long examination, Dynamis had concluded he hadn't regenerated because the fall, in his weakened state, had fissured his core, not enough to kill him, but enough to negate his healing factor and all his other powers. "Good riddance," almost all of Ala Alba had simply muttered, even as Negi stood in mute shock.

"But... But you can fix him, can't you?"

"Of course I can!"

One week later, however, he was, for once, saying, "No, I can't."

Quartum was convinced they just didn't want to fix him up. They had to. No one they turned to finished their examinations without saying they couldn't repair the core without wiping it clean first, pretty much killing him in the spot. Quartum grew more and more sure they simply didn't want to bother looking for an alternative. Why would they? He had failed Dynamis, and everyone else was an enemy.

Not even his siblings seemed to really care.

Sure, Springfield cared a lot, but Quartum was positive it was only because of that stupid hypocrisy of his, moving him to feel guilty about anything and everything.

"I don't want your pity," he told him, as harshly as he could. "Had our roles been reversed, I'd have killed you without a blink. The onloy thing I resent from you is your lacking the guts to finish me for good there."

Negi just apologized again and reassumed looking into his books for a key for a cure.

"I told you, I don't want your help! And neither hers!"

He meant Ako, of course. After they brought him to Mundus Vetus, and after a monumental effort to keep Eva and Hakase from finishing him off, Ako had been the only one actually willing to look after him while Negi researched. Everyone else pretended to forget he ever existed, and he still gave them good reasons for it. He never had a kind word for anyone, not a hint of thanks for keeping him alive. Lashing out with his words as much as he once did with his actions. Ako, of course, wasn't spared any of it either.

"Why do you do it?" Akira once asked her. "It's not like the situation with Tohsaka-san. At least he proved he could be better than that. But he still hasn't changed... and I don't think he ever will."

"He has no one else," she replied, the _And neither do I_ falling softly dead in her lips before ever being born. Everyone was starting to drift away in their own directions as the years passed by. Even Akira. And even Negi. With someone else.

Quartum noticed, even from the corner where his mutilated crippled body always used to rest. Frowning, he noticed how her mood slowly changed over time, even if she pretended otherwise. When she wheeled him out to breath fresh air, he saw less and less familiar faces with each passing month.

"Why do you keep doing this?" Unwittingly, he finally echoed Akira's words, one of so many quiet and lonely nights.

"Doing what?" she asked.

"Keeping me here. Taking care of me. Even your boyfriend has started to forget me."

"He... He isn't my boyfriend, " she said, but her tone wasn't that youthful denial she once had, and neither were her cheeks red anymore. She spoke with nothing but even, resignated sadness. She only was stating a fact.

For once, Quartum didn't feel like taunting her about that.

Then she had started to cough.

Akira once told him Ako never had the best of healths. She told him something about her falling badly ill at Mundus Magicus for a while, although he paid it no attention then. However, now, he couldn't help but feeling kinda curious about it. Could it be the same kind of illness he was showing now? No, of course not. Probably nothing but a brief bout of whatever those puny ants were coming down with now.

"Why won't you tell the other idiots about it?"

"I don't want to be a bother."

"Hmmmmmmmm."

He scowled, but said nothing else.

As the days went on, he wondered how dense they had to be, or how good an actress she had become, or how apart they all had drifted, or all of those combined, for them to not notice. One night, he found himself wondering, for the first time ever, what would he do if she ever exited his life. He doubted anyone else would care enough to willingly take him, although he guessed Dynamis still would do it over an old sense of duty. But he didn't care. He never had cared.

Then, what was bothering him now?

He heard the crash of glass at the kitchen and groaned. That stupid spineless female had dropped a plate again, no doubt.

He waited for her to walk into the room apologizing about the noise, as always.

But she never came.

After almost a hour of waiting, he growled to himself and shook his head. He had to be as idiotic as her if he really was about to do that...

With a sigh, he used his arms to propel himself down from his resting place and crawl towards the kitchen. Once there, he saw her fallen, unmoving body and blinked. After some hesitation, he scooted over to her side and tentatively checked her. Still breathing. But fairly weakly.

He slapped her face a few times, not as hard as he thought he'd have wanted himself. No reply.

Quartum sighed again.

Life was so damn unfair.

Hakase woke up with a start, pushing her glasses up to notice she had fallen asleep at her lab again, and someone was knocking at the door. Knocking? How manually primitive. What, couldn't they reach up for the doorbell?

"Going, going!" she groaned between yawns, opening the door and finding... no one. "Great. Those pranksters again. Why do I keep forgetting installing the laser defenses—"

"Down here," a voice icilly hissed.

She looked down with disgust. "You. What are you of all people doing here? You should know you're not welcome at my premises..."

"To hell with your premises, woman," the torso growled. "Your place is the closest one I could find. I never bothered to learn how do you use those 'phone' things, and I've been dragging myself across enough of this school as it is. Izumi needs help, and quickly."

She blinked. "Ako?"

Ako woke up to find herself surrounded by old familiar faces. "It's okay. You'll be much better now, " Negi promised her, holding her right hand tighter.

She understood, blushing as she gazed around at everyone, opening her mouth to apologize about the bother just before she saw Quartum, supported onto some sort of prototype mechanic lower body, hushing her by placing a finger over his own lips.

His gaze was still stern, but she saw no more bitterness there.

That made her smile.


	11. Chapter 11

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence

Read. Review. Please.

This chapter, the entire Omniverse surrenders to Negima's pimpness!

Actual Threesomes will return next chapter.

**The Grim Adventures of Fuuka and Fumika**

Then a huge rip in the fabric of space and time suddenly slashed through the air, a huge scythe coming out of it and barely missing Fate's head by a few milimeters, making him to quickly back away from Negi's fallen, struggling and bloodied body.

A huge, sinister skeleton in pitch black robes came after the scythe, holding it in a bony hand as the Narutaki twins skipped in after him much to Negi's surprise.

"Negi-kuuuuuuuun! Kaede-neeeeeee!" Fuuka ran around as if in a sugar rush. "You'll never guess the kind of new best friend we made while the World Tree was exploding and we were losing our very souls...!"

The skeleton sighed in bleak despair, a heavy Jamaiquian accent marking his speech. "Never shoulda agreed bettin' with 'em in dat limbo game..."

"Um, I think they can see it already, Oneechan, " Fumika pointed out, then looked around, "Or, at least, they could... if they weren't all so..."

Fuuka looked around as well, noticing the barren Martian wasteland surrounding Negi, Fate and themselves, then her right eyebrow twitched. "Kaede-nee?"

"Sorry I failed..." Negi gurgled.

Fuuka's eyebrow twitched even more. "He's responsible?" she asked with a sudden tone icy enough to chill Hell up, pointing a finger at the last Averruncus.

Negi nodded. Fate began to feel slightly nervous for some reason.

"Grim-kun," Fuuka roared. _"Sic 'im."_

The Spirit of Death himself shrugged. "Truth be told, Boy, I must congratulate 'ya on such a well done job, but... Business are business."

Fate evenly nodded after a brief moment of silence. "I understand, yes."

"Split vertically, or horizontally?"

"Vertically, please. Quartum already got the horizontal slash, and God knows I want to be as different from him as possible..."

**Negi Stay Night**

Rin's expression betrayed her extreme uneasiness. "Still, it's completely unheard of, getting thirty two Servants at once..."

The short boy with glasses and dark red hair, Servant 32, The Mage, scowled in a rather cute way. "We are a single unity! No matter what, no matter where, we'll never be separated!"

There were unanimous sounds of approval between the girls gathered behind him.

"I have no idea how could it happen myself..." Shirou scratched the back of his head. "I was hoping you could explain it, actually..."

"I can't!" Rin snapped. "And like Hell I'm going to help you recharge their Mana!"

Two weeks later she'd be singing a different tune.

For now, however, she only grunted, "How did you explain it to Fujimura-sensei and Sakura?"

"You mean Ministra 32 and Ministra 33?" Servant 8, The Canceller, sighed.

Rin facepalmed. "I think I'm getting a headache..."

Servant 25, The Hacker, sympathized. "I can understand perfectly..."

Archer chuckled in dry amusement. "Well, it certainly is an interesting twist on events." He looked at Servant 15, The Samurai. "It's getting boring at the moment, though. Willing to go outside and spar again?"

Servant 15 gazed at Servant 13, The Healer. "Ojou-sama...?"

"Go and have fun, Setchan!"

Elsewhere, Saber waited and waited. She began tapping her left foot in impatience.

This was beginning to take long...

**Curtain**

She never had truly thought she'd ever die.

And even in her brief moments of giving the idea any kind of consideration, she figured out she'd go in a flash of glory, at the battle grounds, fighting a god or a devil king. Laughing evilly as she took her ultimate, worthy opponent down with herself. A fine death.

But now she was wheezing and coughing puddles of blood out, alone at a corner of a dingy dark room. Everything had an unbearable stench about it, and every fiber of her being ached.

Everyone else had been gone so long ago she even had forgotten many of their names. She had lived for far longer than anyone, even an immortal, had any right to. Much to her disgust, she now realized she regretted most of what she had done during that impossibly long span.

Pretty much everything but that time spent with those stupid, stupid people.

And yet, she didn't want to die. Stubborn to the end, she tried to kick death in the face as it approached, or maybe it was just her leg spasming.

"Not like this..." her voice managed to come out again, in a pitiful whimper that made her feel even more ill. "Not here. Not... alone..."

She closed her eyes and, for the first time in millenia, ever since his death, sobbed. She felt like a freshly bitten child again, but now she was old, very old, and it all added to her discomfort. It was as if every bone in her body was collapsing and breaking from the inside.

Blood flowed down from her mouth.

"Negi..." was the last thing she managed to say.

Then she felt the warm hand on her head, and the even warmer voice comforting her.

"Evangeline. You aren't alone."

She was fairly sure it was just a hallucination, but she didn't care anymore. She only crashed into him and let herself go for the final time.

**If I were a Vampire...**

"Chachamaru, come here! I'm scared!"

The robot nodded and quietly walked over to her small master's bedside. "Don't fear, Master. As long as I'm here, no one will ever hurt you."

Eva sniffled, grabbing the gynoid's cold, hard right hand with her small, warm one. "Just don't tell anyone I was afraid..."

"I won't, " Chachamaru promised. Child genius or not, her master was still a ten years old normal child, after all. It was logical the recent mysterious attacks had left her so fearful at night...

At the other side of the campus, Negi held the unconscious Nodoka in his arms as he gasped, seeing the figure in black aloofly striding towards them. Tight thong panties showing under a half-torn micro skirt. Full cleavage showing a nearly flat chest. A smug smile on a face full of freckles.

"M-Murakami-san...?" he asked in complete disbelief. "You.. You of all people are the campus' vampire?"

Natsumi took her head back and laughed with chilling cruelty, her fangs glinting under the pale moonlight. "AHHH HA HA HA! Naturally, stupid child! What? Surprised?"

"Of course I am! How could you...? You always seemed so shy, so frail, so kind...!"

"I'm a master actress, you dolt!" she snapped. "I've been honing my skills since the dawn of Kabuki and the days of Shakespeare! Fooling cretins like you is a child's play for me!"

He scowled. "Well, you can't fool us anymore! And I won't allow you to put another finger on Nodoka-san!"

"Oh, how cute. Brave as a lion despite being nothing but a scrawny cub! Chizuru!"

The busty girl in the maid outfit sprung from the shadows, flash stepping to her side. "Mistress?"

Negi blinked again. "Naba-san? You too?"

Natsumi ran a teasing hand all over Chizuru's shoulders. "It's all part of the illusion, giving the impression she's the one pulling me around. Actually, she's been my little slave ever since her first year here. Got you fooled there, didn't I?"

"I must admit it, yes..." Negi was impressed. "You must be the best actress I've ever met, Murakami-san!"

"Oh, ho ho! Exactly! Not like a pitiful child like you has ever met many worthy thespians!"

"Oh, no! The Merdiana Drama Club was excellent, and I had some friends there! But still, no one there had your level of skills!"

Natsumi smirked, enjoying the sound of his awed voice. "Tell me more..."

As with any stage master worth their salt, flattery was the easiest way to earn Natsumi's good favors. After half an hour of praise, she posed the question, "Want to go home with me? I can show you... a real full gamut of my performance skills..."

"I don't know... Asuna-san must be worried, and you have just threatened Nodoka-san and me..."

"Oh, please! If I wanted you dead, I'd have killed you two in any second now with no problems at all! And I'll call Asuna and tell her you're okay! Not like she'll distrust the shy harmless wallflower and the child caring love freak!"

He gulped. Since the alternatives were getting into a fight with two of his students and risking another's life... And maybe Murakami-san wasn't that bad after all...

"O-Okay. I'll go..."

That morning, he woke up sweaty, spent and with two bite marks at the back of his neck. And naked. With Natsumi at one side, and Nodoka at the other. Both naked too. Chizuru was at Natsumi's other side, hugging her back, and fully naked as well.

He finally could speak, very slowly, "Isn't a school day today...?"

"I called, reported us sick, " Natsumi grumbled, settling down on his chest. "Said it was contagious so your precious Asuna won't bother us."

"Ah..."

A long, long pause.

"Can I... Can I call Yue and Haruna tonight, and ahh... tell them we're better, but I need them to bring me the notes on today's class?" Nodoka shyly fumbled with the words.

Natsumi thought it over. "Can Haruna do all the things she puts into her books?"

"I'm sure she'll try, at least..."

"That settles it. Chizuru, remember to put two more plates at the dinner table."

"Yes, Mistress..."

Elsewhere, Ayaka had an odd feeling, something telling her she was unlucky rooming with Makie in that continuity, or something like that.

**If I were a Vampire... Part Two**

"Me? Training you?"Chisame said that while putting her cup of tea down, briefly taking her eyes apart from the computer to give Negi an annoyed glare.

"Yes, please!" the boy nodded eagerly. "After seeing how easily yo defeated that demon, I realized how much I truly have to improve... and no one could be a better teacher than you! Please, Chisame-san!" he begged. "I'll do anything you want!"

She moaned, lazily resting her back against the chair. "No. I hate the mere idea of having to work my ass out to teach a brat who won't be able to reach my level in 700 years at least anyway."

The Five Ministra assembled behind him protested.

"Hasegawa-san, please, don't be so quick to reject the idea!" Ayaka said, holding her anger down.

"Yeah!" Natsumi nodded. "It wouldn't take a lot from you..."

"Indeed, someone as powerful and wise as you is surely destined to pass your knowledge on to worthy pupils..." Chizuru began to turn the charm on.

"Negi-kun has done so much for us!" Konoka joined in. "He deserves having his wish of being an even greater mage granted!"

"I agree, " Setsuna nodded stoically. "Please, Hasegawa-sama, reconsider..."

"I don't remember him ever doing anything for me!" Chisame snapped. "The little jerk won't even allow me suck all his blood out!"

"He saved you when you fell down at the bridge, " Hakase gently reminded her as she dutifully refilled her cup. Chisame gulped it down with little manners or patience.

"That was his own fault to begin with. If he only had been a good boy and allowed me a drink, that wouldn't have happened. Besides, he got a good eyeful of my nudity! Wasn't that enough compensation?"

He all but fell on his knees before her. "Please, Chisame-san! I must be ready to protect my students and fight Fate if he shows up again!"

Chisame took her glasses off and began polishing them. "Will you stop crying on my feet? It's pathetic. Anyway, I might test you to see if you're worth my time, but first, there are two things you must do for me."

"No seducing him!" Ayaka yelled, rushing to cover Negi's ears just in case.

"I'm not a Shotacon like you!" the vampire snarled. "My needs are much more realistic! First of all, you'll supply me with blood whenever I want it."

"That condition is inacceptable!" Ayaka replied.

"No, it's okay, Iincho-san, " he told her. "It's a small price to pay for it. Then, what's the second condition?"

Chisame grinned with perverse glee. And that made Negi to shudder.

"I knew it!" Ayaka was fast to accuse. "Shameless witch!"

_Two hours later_:

Ayaka watched on with vivid fascination as Negi shyly posed in his fox-girl costume, along with an identically dressed Chisame, and Hakase took photos after photos of them. The heiress' tissue quickly grew redder as she pressed it against her nose. "I've never seen anything so beautiful before..."

Natsumi hummed appreciatively. "It's a lot like acting, actually... Chisame-san, can I join too? It seems fun!"The vampire broke character to give her an annoyed glare.

"No! I don't allow spotlight thieves in my act!"

"Pleaseeeee! Just one picture or two!"

Negi smiled up at her, silently adding to Natsumi's petition, and Chisame exhaled an exhasperated sigh. "Okay. I think I got a spare I once made Hakase to use. Should be around your size. Hakase!"

"Bringing it right now, Mistress Chiu!"

"Ara ara, might I do it too?" Chizuru asked. "If I'm not a bother, that is..."

Chisame looked up and down at her. "I've got nothing of your size, but you could do a few pics for my private collection that won't require any of that..."

A few hours later, a naked, spent and well bitten Negi lied between a naked and sweaty Chisame, Natsumi, Ayaka, Hakase, Setsuna, Konoka and Chizuru. "I have the strangest feeling I've done this, or something just like this, before..."

"Well, I haven't done it yet!" Konoka jumped from Setsuna's lap into his own. "Sorry, Setchan, it was very fun and beautiful, but why don't you play with Chisame-chan now?"

"B-But Ojou-sama, I..."

"Respect your superiors' orders, girl, " Chisame chuckled perversely, pulling her down with herself.

Ayaka softly mused while hugging Hakase against herself. "She does this all the time?"

Satomi smiled, rubbing her cheek against Ayaka's bare chest. "No, normally she just locks herself at a room with a computer. But I'll make sure she gets to do it more often from now on. It seems to be oddly therapeutic for her..."

"I'm free on Saturday nights and Sundays, " Ayaka informed, maybe a bit too quickly.

**Complicated Bloodline**

Negi, Nagi, Arika, Asuna, Nekane and Chao were all naked and lying on their backs, panting strongly, covered by sweat and a few other bodily fluids. The bedsheets were scattered all across the room, half of them savagely ripped apart along with their clothes, and the bed's legs were shattered beneath them.

Chao finally could regain enough of her breath to say, "So... We already tried every combination-ne?"

Negi panted wearily. "Yes..."

She smirked goofily before snuggling against Nagi. "Good..."

Arika frowned a little. "For your own good, I really hope this was ACTUALLY needed to preserve the timeline as you said..."

**Decadent Habits**

"Youngsters nowadays..." Akashi sighed, lying flat on his back.

"Yes..." Eishun panted, gathering his strength back up. "Then again, it's not like we're in any right to talk. We're going along with it, after all..."

"Hey, it was your daughter's idea," the teacher replied.

"Yours was too fast to support it!" the swordsman countered.

Resting between them, her legs spreaded, Arika hummed. "Well. If there's something my years of captivity taught me, it's there's no low we humans won't sink down to. But it's better to take it in stride. Ready, Negi-kun?"

The boy nodded and gasped, straddling the woman's lap warily and grabbing her hips with some residual shyness. "Y-Yes, Ma'am! Are you...?"

Yuuna giggled, crawling over her gulping father. "She looks that way from here! Hey, Konoka! We trade places after this, don't we?"

"Sounds good," Konoka smiled, getting herself comfortable over Eishun's lower body. "But what about Negi-kun?"

Negi already was huffing, bouncing up and down in a steady rhythm, grabbing onto his mother's also bouncy, bountiful round breasts, his eyes nearly rolling back into his head. "Don't... worry about me. I think... I'll go for a... repeat with Mother... right after this..."

"That's... my boy..." Arika purred, running a hand through his hair, then pulling on it, making him moan.

Setsuna finished stripping down and sighed while sitting on Eishun's face. "Perhaps it'd have been for the best if Cosmo Entelecheia had rewritten us..." she mused regretfully, even as his tongue began to caress her private folds, making her skin to crawl all over.

But then Konoka leaned ahead and claimed her lips, and all protests were forgotten.

**Multiple Paths, One Single Destination **

Later, Chao would theorize what happened was, while Ala Alba was foiling the ritual, they could not truly stop it. Just change it. After all, Asuna was still on place. But right then, no one, not even Cosmo Entelecheia themselves, could understand any of it.

The shockwave at that key last second washed over the Eternal Garden, the Ostian Ruins and their proximities, and Mahora Academy, but thanks to Negi's efforts, it was contained there. As Mundus Magicus returned into being, their surviving inhabitants breathed in relief at first, then began mourning their saviors. At Earth, the strange disappearance of Mahora Academy took the headlines for several weeks. It was treated a national tragedy, and many a family suffered that day.

In a way, they were right. If Chao's theory was right, they all were technically dead for a few moments.

But then, the shockwave itself jolted them back into living, and tossed their revived bodies across the dimensions. It had been very close to being a multidimensional disaster, that crack in the fabric of time and space. The TSAB had been this close to declare them all enemies of the continuum.

If they hadn't, naturally, it had been in a large part due to Negi. After landing at Uminari City, and being adopted by the charitative Takamachis, he had started working nonstop on a way to find his students. He knew they couldn't have died. Still, he found time to express his gratitude to Nanoha by helping her in her battles. Eventually, both of them reached to many hearts through their combined efforts.

Many, many hearts.

Setsuna crashed at Ohtori Academy. Even in her despair over losing Ojou-sama, her chivalrous heart moved her to defend the Rose Bride. Her resolve impressed many. Her coming from another world, a wild card in the mix of an otherwise perfect fabrication of hidden horrors, made her immune to Dios and Akio's designs. So when she learned about Anthy's past, she just stormed over to Akio's and pummeled him to a living bloody paste.

It was then when he first truly fell in love.

Of course, at first she had been too devoted to Konoka's memory to even think of someone else's company. But Anthy had her ways. And then Kozue. And then it snowballed from there...

Rakan fell into an endless post apocalyptic wasteland ruled by the strongest and the abusive. There, he bonded in a manly way with Kenshiro, the sole beam of light upon those forsaken lands, bringing punishment over those who preyed on the weak.

Then their bond became not so manly.

And then the fanclubs started... And those enemies who were fortunate enough to avoid having their heads exploded began to follow them...

Chisame fell into a Digital World shaken by war. There, her powers over the digital matter made her almost a goddess, able to stop the war between the Digimon with the help of a small gang of children. Looking back at it, she had to admit perhaps Negi's proximity HAD made her kind of a Shotacon. How else to explain Takuya... and then Koji... and Junpei... and even Tomoki...

Then there was Izumi, but hey, the girl had good taste in fashions! They could bond over that!

Naturally, when they truly bonded they weren't wearing anything at all, but that wasn't the point.

Satsuki fell at Sakakino Academy. There, she would teach Makoto-kun how to be a perfect English gentleman like Negi-kun, stress to Kotonoha and Sekai the only acceptable use of knives was at the kitchen, and tame Otome and her posse with only a few glares and a vaguely threatening spinning of her wooden spoon.

Then the letters began arriving to her locker...

Sayo was fortunate enough to land at Reiko Mikami's Ghost Hunting Agency and earn herself a working spot next to Okinu-chan. Yokoshima was smitten with her from the first moment. Reaching over to Mikami-sama's heart proved being way more difficult, not that she was really trying too, being too scared of her, but one thing led to another...

Takane, on the other hand, was unfortunate enough to fall at Yuuki Rito's doorstep. Much Hilarity and Nudity ensued.

Then the poor thing was roped into Momo's harem plan...

Evangeline found, much to her delight, being at another world had broken her curse. Her party rampage was cut abruptly the arrival of Al. Both were far too thrilled by encountering someone who could finally give them a fight. Far, far too thrilled, as they only realized fully when they woke up in the same bed as Seras, Integra, Walter and Anderson.

They agreed for another match next weekend, since that one seemed to have ended up in a draw.

Mana arrived to a lawless city at the middle of the Pacific. There, her inhuman skill with a gun made her the top mercenary, much to Revy's chagrin. That chagrin only grew up when she found herself sharing a room with her, but Dutch only said she was good for business, and Rock simply pleaded for her because, well, she was still only a teen.

Many wild shootouts and savage beatings later, for some reason, Shenhua's trio and Eda began gravitating around the pad a lot more. But what Revy still couldn't explain herself was exactly how had Jane, Garcia and his maids ended up there as well.

Mana said she liked Garcia. He reminded her of a boy at her home.

Yuuna was left at a world ravaged by a zombie plague. There, she crossed paths with a band of young survivors and their school nurse struggling to escape the rise of the dead. Her skill with those fantastic magical guns won Hirano over immediately. But everyone came to be very, very, very thankful of her help sooner than later.

Very, very, very thankful.

Konoka went on to become the assistant of five horribly handsome boys trying to teach a young heiress how to be ladylike. By not pressuring Sunako-chan, just accepting her as she was, she slowly could take her out into the light. And then her arms. A misstep, perhaps, but she was feeling so lonely without Setchan...

As for the boys, they weren't Setchan, but they were girly looking enough to look close with a wig and some wing extensions...

Nodoka joined the British Royal Library Forces. Her Diarium Ejus proved to be a priceless asset combined with Readman's paper powers and Miss Deep's skills.

Then one cold winter night, in the middle of a passionate indoors reading session before the chimney...

Chamo became the mascot of the Ping Pong Club. The ensuing details were too squicky to list there, but he at least got laid.

Hakase arrived at the Masaki Household with nothing on her but the clothes on her back. Tenchi and Sasami were too moved by her plight, and Nobuyuki, with a glint in his eyes, posed no objections to their proposal to let her stay. Washu soon saw enough potential on the young Earthling to let her be her lab assistant, and Satomi was immensely thankful.

Ryoko and Ayeka didn't mind at first, not seeing the geeky skinny girl as any sort of rival. By the time Ryoko woke up and saw her sleeping at Tenchi's other side, she knew she had no choice but to cope and adapt.

Chachazero won the Rozen Maiden war and got a harem of dolls and one Hikkikomori out of it. Then she started seeing the point Eva-sama had when keeping servants and pupils around. People had uses beyond mutilation! What a shocking discovery!

Kotaro fell at what seemed to be some sort of feudal Japan. The Kagome girl was nice to him. She kinda reminded him of Natsumi-neechan. His boyfriend wasn't too keen on sharing the top dog position at the group, but their fights were followed by Ho Yay by need.

Maybe, Kotaro realized, things had gone too far when he found Kaede-Obaasan cuddled up with them all one morning, but Sango just kicked him in the head and told him to go back to sleep.

Anya was unfortunate enough to find herself at the Eiken Club, but that only pushed her far enough to decide, if the universe pushed her to boob monsters, she was going to enjoy the damn boob monsters!

The Club went ga-ga over her in turn. The exotic vision of a pretty girl with NO breasts protuding from her chest had too much of an unusual allure.

Fate arrived to some place they called NERV during a military attack. There some boy named Shinji clung tearfully to him calling him Kaworu. Fate groaned at the foolish humans killing each other, pwned the armed attackers somewhat fierce, then found a bearded guy with a naked girl very similar to himself and Sextum at the basement. When the guy told him about his plans, Fate realized how utterly insane that kind of plans usually is and bitchslapped the hell out of him. Then he petrified SEELE and the world was a much better place.

Then a grateful Misato invited him to stay with them at her place...

Dynamis landed at the middle of Area Eleven. His tendence for insane large scale plans and over the top Hamming made even Zero to sit down and take notice. When he explained his plans to save that world too, Lelouch scowled, saying they reminded him too much of his father's. But perhaps a middle point could be agreed on...?

Then Kallen knew she had been caught into something bad.

Sakurako had to be inducted into Class 2-F. Much to his shock, Itoshiki-sensei found GOOD LUCK and HAPPINESS actually followed him when she was around. Then he proposed her marriage. Chiri would have used her shovel on his head right then, but saw the rest of the class proposing marriage to Shiina as well. And so she relented, because otherwise, the numbers of the marriage wouldn't have been even.

Yue became Queen Iono's newest councellor. There she learned that thing at Ariadne hadn't been, after all, a fluke.

Misora and Cocone, who had been transported together since Misora was clutching to Cocone in terror when the D-jump happened, and SCM likes the pairing too much, helped the Magdalene Order to win the war against Aion. They promised Rosette they'd make Negi to find a cure for her condition if they ever found him again, and Rosette was so thankful, and honestly so drunk at that time, she invited them to play house with Chrono and Azmarie.

That day the Naughty Nuns term was born.

Ku made her way to the Sonsaku Dojo, quickly becoming the best of friends with Hafuku. Together, they ended the war between schools, thanks in no small part to a complex arranged marriage strategy Lady Goei cooked up upon seeing no one (not even herself, actually) could resist the little teeth-busting dark skinned Chinese dynamo.

And so on, and on, and on...

When Hakase and Washu finished their interdimensional scanning and got all of the old gang (and the other, evil for a lack of a better term, gang) together, a long, uneasy silence followed.

But then Negi started crying in happiness, and they all had to agree they had missed each other far too much. As a single person, they ran to hug him and be hugged back.

The respective haremettes stared in jealousy for a moment, then looked at each other with growing distrust. But then Kafuka said it wasn't too different from what they already had going on, they'd just have to make the bed a wee bit bigger. Tsukuyomi said the alternative was for them all to kill each other, and much to hers and Chachazero's disappointment, that moved everyone to settle for the peaceful solution.

And besides, that Negi little guy was far too cute to resist!

When Chao came back angrily demanding what the hell had happened to her family tree and why she couldn't look at it anymore without feeling she was staring at Cthulhu's eyes, they simply laughed and welcomed her with open arms.

And they all lived happily forever after.

Literally, since they had Juraian tech.

**Addendum-****Ayaka**

Ayaka ended up at a lonely rich little girl's backyard. Being used to be always at the lap of luxury, she had nothing to do but accepting the girl's humbling offer of becoming her personal servant and nanny in trade for staying at her big, fancy house.

The little girl's guardian, her older cousin Renji, hadn't objected too strongly to the child's abrupt decision, and it was soon clear to Ayaka why. The man wasn't playing with a full deck, as Haruna would have said. He obviously had a creepy interest on the little girl once she had grown up. Ayaka wondered what kind of person could harbor such impure feelings for a child.

At another world, Misa sneezed loudly.

Soon, however, it became evident Rin-chan wasn't much better. She was unlike any other child Ayaka had ever known, from the pure and virtuous Negi to the rough but clueless Kotaro. She had a strange, unsettling edge to her personality, which slowly expanded to those around her. Including Ayaka, even if she didn't realize it herself.

It was funny how, for someone who always was branded a Shotacon, she ended up falling the opposite way.

Later, everyone would silently agree they all had gotten themselves 'harems' of sorts, but Iincho had been torturously dragged into Kokonoe Rin's harem instead. Even if not even Asuna would ever point it out aloud.

**Addendum- Haruna**

They found Haruna at that universe's local Comicket, surrounded by adoring fangirls and fanboys, and with a whole team of doujinshi artists at her beck and call.

"This is Yuu-chan from the Karamitei circle..." she pointed at her favorite, who had her fingers suspiciously intertwined with hers. The brown haired girl with the large glasses waved happily at Ala Alba. Then she pointed at the short haired, green haired girl at her other side. "And this is Eimi-chan!"

The girl with green hair huffed jealously, eyeing the newcomers with caution.

"Damn your good luck," Chisame muttered. "You landed at a safe, cozy place with absolutely no dangers at all. Nothing ever happens to you."

But Haruna only made a completely serious, grim face at that. "We have just fought the government. Ishihara almost had us killed, you know. We barely survived his attacks."

"The Governor of the Tokyo Area?" Yue asked. "Come on. How bad could it be?"

The boy named Koichi lifted an arm up. "See this? It's a wound of war!"

"Bull, " Asuna barked. "It's a perfectly normal arm!"

"No, it's a perfectly normal arm I drew for him after he lost the original at a bombardment," Haruna pushed her glasses up her nose. "Why do you think this place's so neat looking now? I had to use my Artifact to fix all the damage up, but two days ago, this was a disaster area. Why, many precious _Saiyuki_ originals died tragically that day!"

"..." Ala Alba chorused.

"This world's fucking screwed up," Eva growled. "Then, what did you do to that Governor guy?"

Haruna smirked perversely.

"No. Don't answer that!" Asuna urged.

Haruna sing-sang. "Has any of you studied the works of Uziga Waita while you were away, dea-rieees...?"

They all covered their ears. "NO! WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR!"

**Addendum-****Homura**

She landed at the middle of some _other_ ceremony. This one, intended to summon familiars for young noble mages. Homura fell right on top of a tiny pink haired incompetent mage.

To say they clicked immediately would have been a huge lie, but eventually, they proved being similar enough to actually bond.

By the time Fate met her again, he was left kind of disturbed about all the things Louise had taught her to do with a whip.

Haruna, on the other hand, loved it.

**Addendum-Tsukuyomi**

When she met Mellona, she knew she had found her perfect toy. Mellona could be cut down to itty bitty pieces time and time again, only for her to recover and do it all over again.

And then there was the girl with the snakes... now that had been an interesting fetish to discover.

And Airi, who sucked the life out of poor saps, wore a maid outfit just like Sempai's, and even looked like the Princess!

And of course, there was that Miko girl, so similar to Sempai in her stupid, stubborn innocence and warrior's heart. Anywhere she looked at, there was a lot of fascinating girls to play with. And the Tournament even allowed to kill, although for some reason no one seemed to ever actually kill anyone else.

That bummed Tsukuyomi down, but then she would go back to Mellona-chan and chop her down to pieces all over again and she'd feel better.

When she met her Sempai again, wearing nothing but snakes wrapped around her skin, carrying several swords larger than herself and an ax, and surrounded by a nearly naked Egyptian girl, a pink bunny eared blob monstress and a girl disturbingly similar to Asuna in a maid outfit, Setsuna knew that, indeed, no matter how bad she was, she always could get even worse.

**Author's Notes:**

Most of the harems the Negima crew got should be easy to identify, but as for the most obscure ones, Haruna got _Comic Party_, Tsukuyomi got _Queen's Blade_, Chamo got _Ping Pong Club_, and Konoka got _The Wallflower_. Satsuki got _School Days_, Ayaka got _Kodomo no Jikan_, Takane got _To Love Ru_, and Yue got _Iono the Fanatics_.

Love ya, see ya next time!


	12. Chapter 12

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. For real!

Read. Review. Please.

**Warning! **This chapter may contain higher than usual doses of _Decadent Habits_-inspired lunacy. Blame my collaboration with five chapters of it.

Thanks to SCM, Darkenning and everyone at the TV Tropes Negima Fanfiction Thread for the inspiration.

**Negi, Chisame and Suzumiya Haruhi**

At first, I thought the idiocy of having a child teacher assigned on us at the first day of the new term could not be topped at all.

Then the girl on the seat right before me stood up and shattered that foolish hope.

"My name's Suzumiya Haruhi! And I'm only interested on meeting aliens, time travellers, psychics, sliders or mages!"

What kind of crazy moron introduces herself like that?

And what kind of crazy moron drags a perfect stranger out of the classroom right after classes just because she happens to carry a laptop?

"H-Hey, wait a damn minute! Why are you—!"

"You're a computer expert, aren't you? And we're going to need a webmaster!"

"A webmaster for what?-!" I yelled. Dammit, that was blatant kidnapping! Why wasn't anyone else doing anything?

"Suzumiya-san!" the boy she was dragging by her other hand whined. "This isn't how you should treat your teacher! And besides, Kagurazaka-san and Konoe-san will—!"

"Don't get back home too late, Negi-kun!" Konoka was waving happily.

"Or better, get back home early tomorrow. Or never," Asuna was grumbling. Didn't anyone at that class have any mercy? If not for the kid, at least stop her for your classmate's sake, witches!

Not even Cousin Kyonko was doing anything. Why doesn't anything weird ever happen to Kyonko? All the insane crap is always dumped on me.

"Shota like you are a hot commodity at the promotional strategies favored for the public at this school!" the motor mouthed wacko went on and on, ranting on the virtues of her over the top nebulous project. I wasn't paying much attention, I just wanted to break free, but she just wouldn't let us go.

Soon, she brought us to a small, not too well lit empty room. For a moment I honestly thought she'd try to rape us there, until I noticed the room wasn't empty after all, and saw the tiny, expresionless girl sitting there reading a book, not giving a flying feces about our presence.

"This is Ayase Yue-chan from the Literature Club!" Haruhi said proudly, as if she had something to do with Ayase's personal interests or achievements. "They don't have anything to do with this room so they'll be lending it to us!"

"Lending it to us... for what?" the boy beat me to the punch.

For a moment, Haruhi only smiled, with a sharp confident glint in her eyes.

I had to admit she looked very pretty then. From the half awed and yet confused expression on Negi's face, I guessed the same thought might have crossed his mind briefly as well.

To this day, he still won't admit it.

But a girl always knows that kind of things.

**Negi, Chisame and Natsumi, Revisited**

"You can't choose who you fall in love with."

That's what Mana had told her with a vague shrug of shoulders, after everyone tried to help her get over it with long, tender tirades and wise, solemn advice. Yet nothing had worked. She still felt just as miserable, only on top of it all, she couldn't even cry because that'd show everyone their help had not been worth a damn. Plus, she'd make Kotaro-kun and Chizu-nee unhappy.

And then Mana had just told her that, in that callous cold tone of hers. And it had worked. Much like a bucketful of icy water, she actually felt better after that new blow that had left her numbed.

Yes, it wasn't Kotaro's fault. Or Chizu-nee.

Then Negi-sensei had been there to cheer her up from that. And Chisame seemed to have taken pity on her, even allowing her to tag along in a few of their dates, even if mostly because she wanted to reassure herself those weren't really dates, just... hanging out together. Natsumi didn't want anyone's pity, but she had nothing better to do after practice hours, so she tagged along anyway.

Then for some reason they had actually started to have fun together.

Both she and Chisame liked to dress up and pretend, and Negi, still almost a child at heart, watched on with wide eyed wonder. Both of them were nothing when they weren't in costume, except for him. He'd never think of himself as a prince, but they always would be fairy tale princesses for him.

Natsumi snuggled happily between both their sleeping, quietly snoring forms. Sometimes, just sometimes, Happily Ever After became a reality.

"You can't choose who you fall in love with."

And she wouldn't have it any other way.

**Model Behavior**

"Haruna," Yue asked, dryly sucking from her juice carton while sitting down and watching the sight her friend was sketching, "I know I'll regret asking this, but how did you convince her to pose nude for you?"

Haruna shrugged casually. "Well, she's made for it, wouldn't you think? She's patient and quiet, and can strike a pose for hours without complaining..."

Yue had to admit it was true, but she wouldn't give Haruna the pleasure of hearing her saying it. Instead, she pressed on, "That doesn't answer my question. How did you convince her?"

"She lost a bet."

"At what?"

"Poker."

"Ah. Yes, now I remember. Last night, while I was taking the reinforcement classes, right? You had mentioned you'd be playing cards with her and— Oh, no. Don't tell me—"

Nodoka shyly stepped out of her room, covering her nude front with a small sheet pressed against her chest. "Oh! Oh, hello, Yue-Yue. You'll see, this is, huh..."

Yue facepalmed. "Should have known. Haruna! You can't possibly spread nude pictures of Nodoka out!"

"I won't. These are just practice sketches for my portfolio," the mangaka offered calmly. "So long drawing Yaoi has left me kinda dragging at drawing the female form, so I need to exercise that muscle up."

Yue humphed as Nodoka put the sheet down and took her place next to Zazie. "Hrrm. You'd better be saying the truth."

Two sketches later, Yue was kinda itching. "Hmmm... Don't you think you may end it now?"

"The bet was they'd do it for me all night long," Haruna was categorical.

"Come on, Haruna, you're humbling them..."

"A-Actually, I think... I'm getting comfortable with it..." Nodoka stammered with a blush.

"It's hot outside, so this helps me," Zazie spoke for the first time since Yue arrived.

Yue looked at the clock. 9:00 P.M. "... All night long? Really?"

"Really" Haruna nodded.

A long silence, as Yue's face twitched.

"You know," Haruna finally said, "I won't mind if you really want to pose next to Nodo-chan..."

"WHAT?-!" Yue spat all over her fifth juice carton. "I'd never—!"

"It isn't that bad, Yue..." Nodoka said.

"If it makes you feel better, I can get naked too," Haruna smiled.

"What kind of logic is that?-!" Yue raised her voice.

Haruna grinned. "It worked in the Utena movie...!"

Early that morning, she yawned and smiled, putting her sketches down in a huge pile. "Well, it wasn't that hard, was it?"

Yue sighed from the very inquiry-raising position she was at with Nodoka and Zazie. "Just shut up and get dressed already. We have classes in less than one hour."

**At least we have Jobs**

Asuna sat down at her stool and sighed. "Good evening, y'all," she waved a hand a little.

"Hey there, Asuna-chan," Nico Robin said after putting her glass down. "Enjoying your five weeks break?"

"It's a bother. My creds fall lower and lower the longer I have to stay KO in-story, and now this," the redhead mumbled. "Hey!" she called for the barman. "A glass of what she's drinking!" she pointed at Robin.

"You aren't the legal age yet," the barman reminded her.

"Of course I am!"

"The manga hasn't fully confirmed it yet! I'm taking no risks!" the barman countered.

"Of course that much is confirmed!" Asuna protested. "Come on, you'll serve Eva any kind of poison she wants, but not me?-!"

Then she looked at the placidly smiling Kaname Madoka drinking a daiquiri at the other end of the bar. "GAH! And you! You're far younger than me! How comes you can drink that and not me?-!"

"I'm God now," Madoka hummed happily. "I can drink whatever I please!"

"No, I'm God, I tell you!" Haruhi kept on barking at her. "Get that into your damn square head! I got first dibs on it!"

Madoka gave her the middle finger. "Bite me, has-been!"

Haruhi rolled her sleeves up. "Wanna take it outside, **witch**?"

"Whenever you want! I earned my position the **hard** way! You only had to sleep with the author of your novels for it!" Madoka countered angrily.

Revy whined, almost sobbing in her glass of milk. "Girls, girls! Please don't fight...!"

Asuna ran her hands over her face. "I need a new hanging place."

**I Liked You Better when You were Me.**

"I can't believe you guys!" Unequally Misora groaned, running a hand over her face. "I mean, yes, Cocone-chan is cute, and I'd have made a Pactio with her if I hadn't received mine from Negi-kun, but there's a difference between a provisional alliance born out of pure mutual convenience and—"

"Again, tell me, who the hell is Cocone?" Jokerette Misora asked.

_Somewhere at the Amber verse Magical World, Cocone sighed sadly. "My life feels so empty..."_

"Give me a break! Our love is pure, mutual and sincere! Also, hot!" Decadent Misora protested.

"Yeah..." 2814 Misora said, a bit more reluctantly. "You support us, don't you, Misora Prime-chan?"

Original Manga Misora looked aside nervously. "No comments..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" 2814 Misora frowned.

"You guys are horrible, " _Negima?_ Misora grumbled from where she sat covering Kindergarten Misora's ears with her hands.

"Shut up!" Decadent Misora told her. "You aren't even in the Order! You don't have any right to talk about matters you don't understand! Just go back to your Yoga and leave us to our own business, okay?"

"I... I think I'll be on my way back home..." _Nerima!_ Male Misora uneasily stood up and left.

"Wait, you haven't even told us your name yet...!" Jokerette Misora sighed. "See? You drove him away, you lesbians! Some of us **are** interested on boys, you know! Don't ruin things for us! Aaaaahh, I so wanted to know how it'd feel to kiss him-myself..."

"Shut up! I saw you kissing with that harlequin Makie 'sister' of yours!" Decadent Misora accused her.

"That's just normal teen exploration!"

"Since when are you interested on anything normal at all?" XEBEC Misora countered.

"Shut your trap, badly drawn background filler!" Jokerette Misora threatened her.

"Hey, I think the abomination's moving again!" Unequally Misora pointed at Live Action Misora's prone form at a corner.

Jokerette Misora hit the lying body with a stick. "There. She won't bother us for a while. Now, where were we...?"

**Name's The Same**

"Aisaka Taiga?" Negi-sensei called out.

The Palm-Sized Ghost Tiger, as the few who could see and hear her called her, groaned and lifted a hand up. "Here."

"Yuuna Braska?"

A note on Yuuna's desk simply read _Gone to find Disappeared Dream Boyfriend. Will return later._

Negi shook his head. "AGAIN? Very well... Jane Doe Kazumi-san?"

The dark haired girl napped on her seat. "Too tired... Spent all night fighting that darn witch..."

"Tsukihito Yue?"

"For the last time, Sensei, no matter how Bishounen I may look, I am a male. A grievous mistake has been made here..."

"Izumi Konata?"

The blue haired girl napped on her seat. "Too tired... Spent all night fighting that end of level boss..."

"Okuzaki Akira?"

A log was now on Akira-san's seat replacing the girl. Darn ninjas.

"Amane Misa?"

"Misa-Misa tells you good morning, dear Sensei...!"

"Soryu Asuka Langley?"

"I shouldn't even be here... My name is spelled with a 'K', damn it! Not a 'N'!"

"Kasuga Ayumu?"

"..." she stared vacantly into the air.

"I mean you, Osaka-san, " Negi sighed aloud.

"Oh, I'm here!"

"Karakuri-san?"

"..."

Asuka looked at the card lying on the tenth seat and roared. "ARRRRGHHHH! Why is a playing card officially listed as one of our classmates?-! It makes no goddamn sense!"

"Kaname Madoka?"

Madoka rocked back and forth on her seat with a traumatized expression.

"... Faye Valentine-san?"

The buxom woman in a schoolgirl uniform too small for her puffed on her cigarette and gave the camera a hostile glare. "What? 'Faye' kinda sounds like 'Fei'! Gimme a break, I haven't had a paying gig since _Knocking on Heaven's Door_!"

"Konoe Kaoru?"

"Right here, Teach!"

"Sairenji Haruna?"

"I-I'm here, Negi-sensei!" she fought and adorable blush from spreading over her cheeks.

"Kiyoura Setsuna?"

"H-Here," Setsuna tried to control her voice, hoping no one had noticed Makoto-kun under her desk eating her out.

"Sakaki-san?"

Sakaki finished bandaging the cat bite wounds all over her right hand. "Here."

Ahhhhhh, Negi-sensei was SO small and cute...

"Kintoki Sakurako?"

Unfortunately, Sakurako had finished applying her Chemical Z poisoned lipstick. "AH HA HA HA! FOOLISH CHILD! MY NAME IS **SEDUSA**! SHIVER AND TREMBLE, ALL OF YOU, BEFORE MY POW—"

"Please sit back down, Sakurako-san!"

"... Yes, Sensei."

"Kirishima Mana?"

"YES! YES! Finally another paying job!"

"Chao Ling- wait. Chao-san? What are YOU doing here?"

"I'm just that awesome-yo."

"But—"

"Plus, I hadn't had a paying gig in years, either! What was their big idea, taking me outta the manga like that?-! They promised me an eventual comeback, but none of you ever called again! I swear, I'll hunt every last one of those backstabbing bitches down and then— Uh, like I was saying, I'm here too, Negi-bouzou!"

Negi sweatdropped. "I see... Kaede-san?"

"Yes, Sensei...?" the old, pudgy, one eyed woman asked.

"Please stop showing that leg off so much, Kaede-san."

"I'm so deeply sorry. But I cannot stop myself. You make me feel **young** again..."

The whole class shuddered.

"Honsho Chizuru...? Chizuru-san, please! Stop fondling Sakaki-san's chest!"

"I can't help myself, either...!"

Sakaki moaned almost orgasmically depite her best attempts against it.

'Kazamatsuri Fuuka?'

The girl in the Prinny hat and jacket nodded.

"Fumika-san?"

Insert reply here since the author has no idea at all about how is _Shigofumi_ like.

"Agase Hakase?"

"I tell you, not only I'm a 60 years old man, but 'Hakase' is not even my real name!"

"You look good in that skirt, though..." Osaka remarked.

"Hasegawa Sora?"

"NOT FAIR! I'M AN ADULT! I DON'T REALLY LOOK LIKE A MIDDLE SCHOOLER! OR DO I?-! WAHHHHHH!"

"Andie Mc Dowell-san?"

Chao looked back and forth between them. "You're really scrapping the bottom of the barrel here, neh?"

"Saotome Nodoka-san?"

"Oh, Sensei, you look so manly today... Are you available for private lessons...? I-I mean, for my young foolish son... Y-Yes, that's it..."

"Hinata Natsumi?"

"THOSE STUPID ALIEN FROGS ATE MY HOMEWORK, OKAY?-!"

"Ayeka Jurai Masaki?"

"OH HO HO HO! Not even the barriers of a meager yet important letter can stop me from being with my beloved Ten— Negi-sensei!"

"Koiwai Yotsuba?"

"This place is boring! I wanna go home!"

"... Mister Zsaszie...?

The shirtless serial killer with a fake tan and white wig finished marking his right arm with yet another knife cut. "Yes...?"

Negi quickly closed his book. "Screw this. I'm outta here too. I'll walk you home, Yotsuba-san."

"YAY! Piggyback ride!"

**Unfairly Short Lived and Ephemeral**

"Well, Negi-sensei, you will be rooming with Tomoe Mami-san and Yamada Jirou-san", Shizuna-sensei told him as she guided him into his new living quarters.

"MY NAME IS DAIDOJI GAI!" the hot blooded man cried. Negi wasn't too sure why was a grown up man living with such a young girl, but then he remembered the Dean's wise "Don't ask, don't tell" advice.

Three chapters later, Asuna was looking down at his immobile body. She looked back at the other two bodies and fidgeted for a moment before daring to voice the question now burning through her soul.

"So... I'm the absolute single protagonist from now on, right?"

**Undeniably a Nice Boat**

"Well, Negi-sensei, you will be rooming with Katsura Kotonoha-san and Saionji Sekai-san," Shizuna said as she guided him into his new living quarters.

Against everything you may be thinking of now, Negi was never stabbed by either one. And even centuries after their time, people at Mundus Magicus would come to remember the extremely long and prosper ruling of King Negi of Ostia and his two lovely Ministra wives Kotonoha and Sekai, who brought order, peace and justice to a whole country, and even world, in dire needs for balance.

Itou Matoko, on the other hand, got himself lynched by all of a betrayed and scorned Mahora Class 3-A, who then proceeded to kill each other.

**Unequally Jamma 15.**

(**NOTE:** _This snippet probably won't make much sense unless you're familiar with the recent _Unequally_ chapters AND have read the _Negima Jamma 15_ H-Doujinshi. Let's just say Doujin Tosaka is a very, very, VERY bad man and leave it at that_).

"Hu... Hurry up and leave!" Akira stood her ground firmly before Ako's bed. Right behind her, Natsumi trembled, biting her lower lip.

"I said we'll leave when we're done," Tosaka said calmly, with a vague smile on his lips. "You know how about nightly entertainment is a slave's duty? We're willing to buy you for 5, 000 Drachma a night. We're pretty generous."

"Yeah, yeah," the short fat guy at his right nodded eagerly.

"Wh... What?" Akira blushed. "Selling our bodies...?"

The man vaguely poked a finger over her heart, stopping right short off actually touching her breast. "Doesn't it hurt you here, to be always relying on those guys? Hm? Besides, there's no guarantee they can win the first place. If you want to relieve them of their burden... you'd better shut up and obey, okay?"

Akira's face began to twitch.

"There's no other way..." Natsumi began to shiver. "They never had any intentions of leaving..."

"Murakami..." the swimmer gave her a look.

"Now that girl sure understands the position of a slave, " the tanned one with glasses nodded. Akira fumed with tranquil fury. She couldn't reveal herself... She couldn't reveal herself... She couldn't expose the others...

"Don't touch Ako," she said, trying to stall for time. "She's still..."

"Why don't you ask her?" Tosaka pointed behind them.

"Ako!" Akira turned her head around to look at her. The blue haired girl had sat up on bed, sweating profusely. "You should keep on sleeping! You still aren't—!"

"She's right!" Natsumi gasped. "You should lie down!"

"No..." Izumi shook her head. "I'm... okay now. I can't trouble you anymore, leaving everything on your shoulders..." she trembled. "It's okay. I'll do it..."

"But Izumi-san...!" Natsumi pleaded.

"I... I'm fine!" she waved a hand, trying to sound cheerful, and failing miserably. "I feel much better now..."

"Well, looks like we're set, then..." Tosaka began.

Akira quietly placed two fingers over her own collar and remembered Shiho-chan's training. Accessing a bit of her own latent power without the Senshi transformation. The men looked on, puzzled, as a tiny bit of magic flew from her fingers, freezing the collar and then shattering it to harmlessly falling pieces.

"Hey, why you—" the dark skinned one doubted.

Akira clenched a saintly small smile and whispered, _"Mercury..."_

Tosaka frowned. "Praying to the gods won't help you..."

_"... Power..."_

"Power? What kind of power could you have..?" he began to sweat, even as the other two backpedalled frantically.

_"... Make..."_

Natsumi cringed and tackled Ako down into the bed, ducking for cover as best as she could.

And Akira's voice exploded. **"... UP!-!-!"**

Seconds after, the whole front of the room exploded as well, into a maelstrom of ice.

By the time Negi and Kotaro finally could make it back, Tosaka barely could give a few humble and vague explanations on how did he and his friends get those ice spikes buried so deep into their lower backs. Mama Bear didn't seem to be buying them, and maybe that was why she was taking such a sweet long while to pull them out.

"Also, ah, Akira-san, why aren't you three wearing those collars anymore?" Negi asked.

Akira made a small proud smile. "Oh, nothing that we couldn't handle ourselves, Sensei."

**Only Sane Man 2: Unequally Decadent Boogaloo**

The Joker cackled horribly, filling the whole battlefield with the inhuman echo of his laughter, as he swirled the golden glowing shovel in his hands around, over the heads of the defeated, battered masses of assembled heroes and villains all around him.

"I tell you, this is so much better than sucking a 5D Imp dry... out of his powers, naturally...!" he said. "Now I understand I was born for this day! I am the new God of Chaos! The Lord of Nightmares! One with the unending Golden Sea of Chaos! Wielding power beyond that of the gods! Power born way before the first deity crawled out of the primal abyss of chaos! Oh, so much to do! So many people to bury! Luckily, I got a shovel! HYA HA HA!"

He clenched a grin, giving the Batman a devilish grin. "I'll do you last, Bats. First, I want you to see everyone you ever struggled to protect smiling the final smile, riding the stiffness wave. Where to begin, where to begin..."

Casually, he aimed the shovel at Negi's head. "Oh, yes. Lover Boy. You were asking for it, Little Overpowered Dude. Who's overpowered now? Get ready to leave a lot of widows, champ!"

"NO!" far too many voices cried at once.

But the first one to step in between the cosmically powered clown and the boy was the tall blond woman with the mismatched eyes.

"Mother!" Negi breathed.

"Under no concept I will allow you to harm a hair on the head of my son... and father of my son!" Arika proclaimed.

The Joker stopped laughing. "Pardon?"

"Pardon?" Negi echoed.

"Yes, Negi, " Arika nodded solemnly. "I am in child with the fruit of our union. I wished to tell you before, but I did not want to distract your attention before the battle. Please forgive me. Your sisters are also pregnant with your children," she pointed at Asuna, Chisame and Ayaka, who all nodded uneasily.

Joker blinked. "Sisters?" He gave Nagi a confused look.

The bloodied Thousand Master shrugged apologetically.

Joker tried to regain some evil momentum. "Ah-hah-hah. Ooh, a wicked bunch, aren't you? Yeah, now that's a joke. Revealed before everyone in your final hour, proved to be just as bad as me with everyone witnessing your—"

"AAAAAHHH!" Mikuru cried. "I can't help it anymore! I must say it before it's too late! Kyon, I'm your future child with Haruhi-chan, and I'm pregnant... from both of you!"

"We knew it, Mikuru-chan," Kyon nodded softly. "Nagato-chan told us already, just as she revealed she also was pregnant from us and Koizumi..."

Joker's eyebrows curved up. "How does that work?"

Vader put a hand on Luke's shoulder. "Luke, I must confess it. I'm your father... No, wait, we already went through this, didn't we?"

Luke nodded. "Yes, we did. By the way, Han, I'm sorry, but... Leia's twins are mine, not yours. I'm so deeply sorry."

"I suspected it, Luke," Han nodded. "I'm no better. Chewie, your wife's kids are actually mine."

"RRRARRRGHHH?"

Donald Duck turned to Darkwing Duck and spat an unintelligible rant of frantic apologies.

Darkwing turned to Mickey Mouse. "Has he... has he just said he's my father?"

Mickey nodded grimly. Daisy's beak hit the floor.

Chao turned to Mr. Sulu. "Sulu-kun, I can't hold this any longer! I'm your grand-grand-grandmother! Also, your mother!"

"Oh my!" Sulu gasped.

Peter Griffin sighed. "Meg, you really are Homer's child. That's why we always hated and scorned you."

Meg sobbed and threw herself into Homer's arms. "DADDY!"

"AHHHH!" Homer screamed. "HIDEOUS PINK SKINNED GIRL!"

The Joker grimaced. "Okay, now this is getting kinda weird..."

"Makie, I'm your mother after I got another wish from Kyuubey and asked for a child with Homura-chan!" Kaname Madoka confessed tearfully. "We loved you so tenderly! But then you were kidnapped away by a Witch...!"

"B-B-But we had a hot threesome just three nights ago!" Makie gasped.

"I'm starting to think I'll do you all a favor if I just off you all..." Joker mused.

Mojo Jojo faced Gorilla Grodd. "Grodd, I must tell you, announce you, admit and confess something of great important and relevance that definitely matters a lot. During one of my trips to gather resources to defeat, eliminate, obliterate and have victory over the accursed POWERRRRRPUFF GIRLLSSSSS, I ran into your mother at Gorilla City..."

"No, don't say it!" Grodd urged.

"Yes! I am your father, and so you are my son, because I'm your dad and progenitor!"

Buttercup twitched. "Wait, but we're only less than five years old..."

Joker held a hand up. "Now, now, if I may have your attention back... I kinda was about to destroy the whole universe..."

"Not now!" Arika hushed him. "We're in the middle of a moving family merging!"

"But—!" Joker began.

"LATER!" everyone barked at him.

"So, who's my long lost secret family?" Hitou Nami asked hopefully.

"No one, " the Spectre told her. "You come from a perfectly normal family."

"DON'T CALL ME 'NORMAL'!" she cried.

Joker sat down to sulk as the confessions unfolded all around. "I think I'm going to be sick..."

"Lelouch, I'm your father *and* sister!"

"BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP!"

"Oh, I love you too, Road Runner!"

"DEATH, I AM YOUR FATHER."

"And I'm your mother, Death, " Didi gently confessed in turn.

"Harley Onee-chan, I'm your sister! Join me in the glory of fighting for ACROSS and Lord Il Palazzo! HAIL IL PALAZZOOOOOOO!"

"Oi, Excel, I'm so glad! And honored, too! But first, I must tell you I'm pregnant with Il Palazzo's child! Sorry 'bout that, Puddin'."

"... I don't know you."

"ONIIII-CHAN...!" Excel jumped on Joker, hugging him from behind and making his eyes bulge out. "Give your doubly betrayed Sis-in-Law some consolation sugaaaaaaar!"

"GET OFFA ME, YOU FREAK!"

"Hyatt, you and Mutsumi are... sisters..." Doctor Strange told the two pale nude girls lying together in a pool of Hyatt's blood, still kissing each other despite their violent fits of coughing. "Never mind, you already figured it out, huh..."

"Luna, I'm your sister!"

"Oh, Yoruichi! But this won't get in the way of our relationship, will it?"

"Of course not, my dear..."

Rin hugged Nozomu. "My beloved brother, we're siblings!"

"I knew that since day one, Rin!" Nozomu told her. Then they looked at each other's eyes and began making out wildly.

The Future Batman faced Bruce Wayne. "Maybe you won't like this, but I'm actually born from a woman impregnated with your genetic material by Amanda Waller..."

"Away from my father and lover, you dog!" Damian threatened.

Joker grabbed onto Uatu the Watcher's toga and shook him around. "Tell me, Bighead! Tell me! I'm not related to any of these idiots by blood ties, am I?"

"... Of course not," the Watcher said. "What, in the name of Eternity, has given you such a baseless idea?"

"Thank God," the Clown Prince sighed, scooping Nami into his arms. "As a great man once said, Screw this, I'm going home! Let's go, Normal Girl!"

Nami cooed, hugging his neck as he flew away, making banjos to appear in everyone's hands as a magical farewell gift. "Oh, my ticket out of normalcy!"

"You should have told him he's my *other* alternate future child..." Cyclops ruefully told the Watcher.

"We will tell him when he's ready."

"Negi-kun..." Nekane dropped to her knees, hugging him. "Guess what came out in my latest pregnancy test, too?"

**I Liked you Better when you were Me, Part II**

The Decadent-verse Haruna's face made a digusted grimace. "I can't believe this."

"Hey, that's my line," the Unequally-verse Haruna replied. "I can't believe we can look so identical, but you can be such a big depressing dodo. Look, your friends are just living the dream of all high and mighty aristocratic families! If you had any ounce of common sense, you'd be joining them!"

Decadent Haruna grumbled. "You can't be serious! Look, I can like that kinda stuff in manga, too, but I know how to tell fantasy apart from real life!"

"You have been in a fairy tale world piloting a freaking airship" Unequally Haruna replied. "Your concept of a 'real life' shouldn't exactly be the run of the mill, plain and boring kind! Ahhhh! I'd kill for an exciting, sexy life and open minded friends like yours!"

"Really? I'd love to have a life like yours again, " Decadent Haruna mused. "A simpler life, with Nodo-chan and Yuecchi together again, and without everyone around you being a dangerous sicko..."

Then they blinked, and looked into each other's eyes.

"All I'd need to remember is, your Dad is my Grandpa, and your brother is my Dad, right?" Unequally Haruna asked.

"Right. We'd need to do something about the Pactio, though. Hey, maybe you can use my card. We're basically the same person, after all..."

"I'd say it's worth a try!"

Later, Unequally Nodoka and Yue would notice how all of a sudden Haruna had become much more respectful of their personal space, but not like they really minded much. After all, it gave them more room to... get closer... more often.

As for Unequally Haruna, well, let's just say she kicked the door open during one of Arika's family bonding sessions and said she had changed her whole mind on it. You can tell the result from there...

**My Three Dads**

For a long while, the Joker, Kurt Godel and David Cain just sat there, staring at each other without saying a word.

"I was her father in three continuities!" Joker finally said.

"Only two, technically. A single short snippet doesn't count as a continuity," Godel replied.

"But this is a single short snippet!" Joker argued. "Does this mean this meeting is not in continuity, either?"

"Thankfully, not, " Godel sighed. "A politician of my category cannot be seen in the company of criminals like you."

"Whatever; it's still more than you got, Mr. Decadent, " Joker snarled before turning to Cain. "And you? I haven't ever read anything about you having anything to do with her!"

"Word Of God says I'm her father in the Unequally Rational and Emotional universe, " Cain stated flatly.

Joker slapped himself in the face. "So you haven't even fathered her yet?"

"I did! It's just it hasn't been revealed yet!"

"You know OM! There's a 50/50 chance he'll change his mind before he gets that far!"

"No, he won't. Because it means hot kinky forbidden Tsukuyomi/Batgirl subtext, then text," Godel observed.

Cain shot him a glare. "Since when our fanfic is yours?"

The Governor shrugged casually. "Just compare its first chapters to the current ones. By the time you are introduced, I'll bet your universe will make mine look prudish."

Joker grimaced. "Now that's a scary thought."

"Indeed," the two other men agreed.

Sitting at the sidelines, the Tsukuyomis whispered to each other. "Wouldn't it be cool if Daddy, Daddy and Daddy did _this and that_...?"

"And that and this and this other thing, too. But Daddy never wants to do it..."

"Well, he was born in what, 1940? All that time under the Comics Code Authority has left marks on him, I'm sure."

"How about your Dad?"

"Oh, we used to be sooooo close... But ever since he seized power, he doesn't have any time for me...!"

Unequally Tsukuyomi pouted. "You're luckier than me. Not only Daddy won't ever touch me, but he abandoned me, and keeps my dear, no-nudity-taboo sister Cassie away from me..." she panted. "Luckily, I got myself two dearies who keep me company!" She snapped her fingers. "Hansel! Gretel! Show my sisters-alternate selves how we amuse ourselves at home!"

The black clad pale twins smiled, stepping out from behind her. "Whatever you say, Big Sister...!"

Joker snarled as the grotesque scenes of graphic debauchery started. "They your kids too, Cain?"

"Heaven forbid it!" the assassin chuckled. "They're some crazy runts she picked up during a job in Romania. They just call her sister because, well, they're that fucked up. They'd fit in your world, Governor."

"I believe you," Godel wasn't offended.

Another girl came running, throwing herself into the unholy mix. "Mama! Alternate Mama! Alternate Mama Two! Wait for Amaterasu-chan...!"

Joker scowled. "I think I'll be sick. Why can't they be cutting necks and feeding people to dogs piece by piece like good girls?"

A Tsukuyomi crawled naked from the censored scene, making come hither looks at the men. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy... You sure you don't want to join...?"

Godel pondered it, then smirked and began to unbutton his shirt. "Well, like I said, this is out of continuity, so there won't be any harm done..."

Joker began to stomp away. "Jesus! Why does it always end up like this? What a repetitive joke!"

David Cain walked away after him. "Count me out as well."

Joker chuckled and patted his back. "Now that's a good bad man. Hey, Dave, you acquainted with Batty too, aren'tcha?"

"You might say so, yes."

"Up for a good ol' villain team-up?"

"I'm open to suggestions as long as the pay is good..."

**I Liked you Better when you Were Me, Part III**

"... So... She's your mother?" Original Asuna finally managed to squeak.

"Yep," Decadent Asuna nodded.

"And you... with her...?" Unequally Asuna asked, frowning.

"Don't knock it off if you haven't tried it," Decadent Asuna held an index finger up. "I used to think like that too, but—"

"I've done it with Harley-mama. It wasn't such hot stuff," Jokerette Asuna snorted. "Now, if only Daddy noticed me..."

SHAFT Asuna turned to Neo Asuna. "Can you whack her down? My hands are busy here..." she said, while still covering a puzzled Kindergarten Asuna's ears.

"My pleasure!" Neo Asuna slammed her harinsen down on Jokerette Asuna's head.

Asu**m**a grimaced. "Girls! I think one of you has just died!"

SHAFT Asuna looked down. "Oh, don't worry. It's XEBEC Asuna! She does that every time a story's about to finish. Why do you think they called me over to replace her? By the way, aren't you interested on buying a Chupa-Tee?"

**This is what happens when your Big Fight takes too Long out of Panel**

"Well, it's good to be back at home," Negi smiled.

"Yeah!" Asuna stretched her arms up. "Man, it feels like it's been **years**!"

"It's been," Zazie said.

Nodoka blinked. "What?"

Zazie took a brief questioning gaze at the Fourth Wall, then replied, "Nothing."

"I think we're forgetting something, though..." Konoka rubbed her chin, trying to remember what was bugging her so much.

"It can't be. We're all here, aren't we? You, Negi, Natsumi-neechan, Asuna-neechan, Chiu-chan—"

"DON'T CALL ME 'CHIU'!"

"— Kazumi-neechan, Paru-neechan, Sayo, Chibi-nee, Honya-nee, Kaede-nee, Ku, Stripper-neesan, Mei-neechan, Yuuna-nee, Takahata-sensei, Chachamaru-san, Makie, Ako-nee, Akira-neechan, Nun-chan, Loli Nun-chan... and even Chamo, " the wolf boy continued. "Yep, that's everyone!"

"What about me?" Anya asked.

"Oh yeah. You too."

Asuna was staring at Ayaka and trying to remember. "Who were you again?"

Konoka sighed. "I'm pretty sure we forgot something important. But never mind, if no one remembers it, I'm sure it can't be that big..."

"Victory party!" Haruna proclaimed.

And so they partied.

Three months later, Konoka woke up at the middle of the night, hearing knocks on her door. She went out to open, only to find a bloodied Setsuna limping and supported on her sword, one eye closed, the other one fixed angrily on her.

"Ojou-sama..." she hissed. "We **need** to **talk**..."

Mana and Poyo are currently married with three children running an armory in Ostia.

**The Unequally Fate Stay Night Trilogy (possibly holds spoilers for future Unequally Rational and Emotional installments):**

**Unequally Darkly Decadent Stay Night**

Morgana fixed **that** kind of glare on her former beau.

"Dark, while I'm glad you have returned to life... somehow... I feel I **must** ask... about those two girls behind you."

An uncomfortable silence was followed by an even more uncomfortable, and tiny, "They're the Tohsaka sisters... my Master Rin and... Sakura-chan..."

The tall duck sorceress twitched a bit. "—chan?"

"... I really needed that mana..."

"Oh, **really**...?"

"... And I was so hurt, um, a single one of them couldn't supply enough..."

"Oh, **don't tell me**!"

"Of course, there are magical rituals for that too, but these Wolkenritter evildoers had arrived, and began to siphon all mag—" he began to explain.

A huge black aura was swirling all over her. "I told you, **not to tell me**!"

Rin rolled her sleeves up coolly. "Bring it on, Sis."

Sitting at the sidelines while the explosions began, Servant Arika elegantly sipped from her cup of tea. "Jealousy is such powerful force. Fortunately, your father and me never had that kind of petty problems, Negi. More 'revitalizing' tea?"

"Yes, please, Madame!"

Shirou looked on awkwardly. "I'm definitely reading the tiny print before getting into my next fanfic."

**Heroes**

"What makes a Hero?" Negi asked from where he sat at the porch of the small yet luxurious Tohsaka dormitory.

"That is an excellent question, " Vigilante gulped his latest mouthful of watermelon down and lifted a finger to start his lecture. "A hero is a creature born out the sum of effort and courage. To achieve true heroism, the first thing you must do is going ahead, never stopping. No matter what you see on your way..."

"However, a true hero often must stop to think and plan before rushing straight into danger, " the Caster cautioned, sweating under the summer sun, yet never taking off the hood under which long chocolate bangs peeked out. "If you truly care about those under your protection, you won't take unnecessary risks; your loss will mean their loss as well."

"That's called being sneaky," the Vigilante frowned.

"It's also called being 'smart'. Try that concept sometime," Rin mumbled while grabbing another slice of watermelon.

"Your father was never fond of it either, in any case," the Canceller reminisced, taking a sip of iced tea. "People used to call him the perfect personification of the classical Idiot Hero. And while he was indeed highly efficient in his own way, it is my hope you get to be a different kind of hero than he was."

Negi nodded solemnly, paying the utmost attention to each word. It had costed a lot of blood, effort and tears to bring a truce between the assembled Servants and Masters, and he definitely was not going to miss any tidbit of wisdom they could offer.

Chisame, on the other hand, muttered, looking away. "Normal people are the real heroes. Those who go day after day working hard, the unsung heroes. Going out and recklessly risking your neck, or trying to be craftier than everyone else? That's something only idiots do..."

It took her feeling the angry glares of most of the Servants and a few of the Masters fixed on her to realize she had, indeed, said that last part aloud.

"Without 'idiots 'like us risking our lives for you, people like you couldn't live!" Vigilante shot furiously.

"W-Without normal people, idiots couldn't live either!" Chisame shot back.

"It is true most heroic people are idiots, in any case..." Canceller mused philosophically.

"Isn't that too much of a cynical thing to say from someone with your past and position?" Shirou dared to ask.

Saber only muttered a few unintelligible things while stuffing her mouth full.

"In any case, Hasegawa-kun, wouldn't you be a heroine as well?" Akashi-sensei gently asked while Caster served him another glass of juice. "After all, you've fought along Negi-sensei from his first battle here, and never expecting anything in return. You have faced three times as many threats as I did when I was your age..."

"D-Don't even joke about that!" she cringed.

"I'm not joking!" the mature man insisted. "You're a pretty heroic young lady yourself!"

"He's right, Chisame-san!" Negi smiled up at her. "You should be proud of yourself!"

"Oh, no! I don't want to go to that 'Throne of Heroes' thing when I die, and I definitely don't want to spend my next life fighting murderous knuckleheads for a damn cursed cup! I refuse! I want a normal, peaceful afterlife! Heck, even haunting the grounds like Sayo would be better!"

Sakura smiled as she watched them all bicker and argue, contented about having those horrible distressful days seemingly behind. And yet, when they were over with it, and everyone else had left for their homes and Rin-nee and Vigilante-san had gone upstairs to... recharge mana, she sighed sadly.

She grabbed all the dirty plates, cups and glasses, and dutifully carried them to the washing sink. As she started working, Sakura couldn't help regretting not giving her two cents on the conversation.

She **knew** who was the true heroine of this story...

**Rin's Harem**

"This is way too crowded," Shirou mumbled, looking for an excuse to worm out of the bed, but Saber hugged him down in a possessive, restraining way.

Vigilante settled down between him and Rin and patted him in a shoulder. "There, there. I share your pain, but a man's got to—"

Then they noticed Sakura, Rin and Saber were all looking at them.

"What?" Shirou asked.

Rin rubbed her chin. "Hmmm. Men **sharing** and **bonding** in a **special way**..."

Saber blushed adorably as she reminisced. "It does remind me of that one time, when Lancelot and Percival shared one brew too many..."

Sakura breathed in deeply, looking as if she was about to nosebleed. "Sempai, that'd be SO CUTE...!"

Shirou and Vigilante backed away from each other, pointing at each other and yelling, "I'm **not** doing **that** with **him**!"

"Such perfect synchrony!" Saber gasped. "That must be the sign of two souls in flawless communion!"

"WE AREN'T GOING TO DO IT!" they still protested.

Then Rin gave them _that_ threatening glare. Sakura, on the other hand, only gave them _that_ pleading puppy stare. Saber gave something that somehow managed a perfect balance between both extremes while conveying the exact same message.

"... You're the uke," Vigilante finally said, inwardly cursing the day that Saotome girl had shown his Master a sample of her vile works.

"What?-!" Shirou yelled. "No, I'm not!"

"First dibs!" everyone else said. Shirou only could sob...

Unwillingly buying him some time, Illya walked in dragging a reluctant Anya Cocolova. "Onii-chan, Onee-chans, Ducky, we're all ready...!" she sing-sang. Both were wearing only matching semi-transparent negligees, Illya's black, Anya's red, with apparently nothing underneath but skin. Many before their computers choked in disgust.

"You look good, Illya," Saber bowed formally. "As well as you, Miss Cocolova."

"I'll never be able to look at Negi's face again after this...!" Anya bawled, even as Illya pulled her into the bed with herself.

Shirou pulled a brown paper bag from under his pillow and began breathing into it. "I'm not a Lolicon, I'm not a Lolicon, I'm not a Lolicon...!"

"I think I can change that, O-nii-chan..." Illya musically said, giggling as her hand travelled down, and Shirou made a strangled sound.

"I am!"

Then the hulking figure appeared at the doorstep, and everyone fell into a horrified, stunned silence.

"Oh, yes, I almost forgot!" Illya giggled. "Poor Berserker needs some loving as well, don't you think? And, well, we aren't the right size for it..." she said, patting herself on the hips for emphasis.

The others exchanged terrified looks for a moment before the usual sacrifice lamb sighed and got up from the bed. Sakura walked to Berserker's front. He put a massive hand on her shoulder.

She began thinking, _Well, it always could be worse. I could be with the Matous, with parasitic rapists worms feeding from me at every second, or some other sick stuff those freaks do. Still, if we're really going to fight the Grail War this way, I wonder if Ikari-kun won't mind sharing his Rider. She seems nice..._

Elsewhere, Archer, Lancer and Medea sat in a circle.

"You know, I used to be a star of this franchise," Archer shared. "I had my own route and everything."

"Wasn't that Tohsaka's route?" Medea asked.

"The big climax was all mine!" Archer protested. "Well, sort of. You wouldn't know, since you died before."

Meioh Setsuna sat near them, looking miserable. "I'm going to complain to Management about this continuity..."

"At least you got some major flashbacks where you're the heroine of past loops," Kino Makoto sat next to her. "I don't even get that! I'm only a grave your replacement talked to! Dear God, Unazuki gets more screen time than me!"

Lancer hummed deeply before asking, "Is it just me, or are you feeling like making a campfire, too?"

**Tempting Fate**

Beaten. Bloodied. Pummeled. Broken bones. An useless eye.

Negi panted out blood as Fate stood over him, his regenerating core allowing him to heal his own wounds quickly. There was only one option left.

"Fate-kun..." he rasped. "Think about it. What... What will you do once you pull this insanity out? What will you do after this?"

Fate paused, his expression puzzled for a moment before he spoke very slowly. "Well... To be honest, I haven't thought it that well. But I'll be reviving the Lifemaker, that's for sure. Then maybe I'll retire to a nice eternal battlefield at the Garden with a copy of you... Have two children... One girl and a boy would be nice. And we'll fight each other forever while I prove my unending superiority to you, and you'll say how right I was and how wrong you were... and then..."

And then that whole chunk of the Magical World collapsed upon him, crushing him into nothingness.

"Damn, " Chisame cursed. "Now that was harsh."

"Do you think we have seen the last of h—" Ku Fei began to wonder before Ako wrapped her hands around her mouth.

"No, simply don't say it!"

**Negi, Chisame and Rachel Saleigh**

(**NOTE:** _You'll need to be familiar with the webcomic_ Las Lindas _to get this snippet and the next one_):

"Negi-sensei, Chisame-san," Chachamaru peeked her head into the room. "The Master sent me to tell you that—"

She fell silent immediately.

There, right between the object of 75% of her inner picture files and her second most constant source of Les Yay, there was a feminine, shapely, black furred and green eyed sultry vision of exquisite feline nakedness.

The catgirl looked at her and merely shrugged, half-waving a paw in her direction even as Chisame and Sensei looked mortified and hid their faces. "Meow?"

Chachamaru's face dropped, overwhelmed by the sheer kittiness.

Evangeline picked the phone. "Yes? Ah, it's you. Did you give them my message? Yes? Excellent, now come ba— Huh? HUH?-! **WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH 'I'M MOVING IN WITH THEM'?-?-!-!**"

**Butterfly**

"You're such a cool friend, Sarah-chan," Makie beamed happily.

"You too, Makie, " the tall and curvy white cat girl smiled back, her long golden hair cascading over the grass.

Their fingers intertwined, they watched together how a colorful butterfly fell over their faces. "I've always loved butterflies so much..." Sarah Silkie shared. "Just watching me makes me feel so good..."

"Me too!" Makie gushed. "Gosh, that's another thing we have in common!"

"Yeah. That's why I like you so much. You have such a deep understanding... such a deep insight..."

They gazed into each other's eyes lovingly, and shared a tender smile.

"But I still miss Rachael..." Sarah admitted.

"Yeah, and I miss Negi-kun. Lately, he spends so long away from us, only with Chisame-chan, and Chachamaru-chan, and Rachael-chan..."

Sarah suggested. "Pay them a visit?"

Makie agreed. "Pay them a visit!"

Next morning, Evangeline stomped her way to Hasegawa's doorstep. Enough was enough. She was going to claim **her** Chachamaru back, dammit! She would slap Boya and her insipid classmate aside, grab Chachamaru's wrist and drag her all the way back to the cabin. The other stupid servants were nothing without her.

Yes, she would show them!

"CHACHAMARU!" she kicked the front door open.

"Oh, good morning, Master. May I help you?" Chachamaru looked at her from where she sat in her lingerie, watching TV with a boxers-only clad Negi sitting on her lap. Under her right arm, she had tucked a black skinned curvy cat girl and Chisame, and under her left arm, Makie and a white skinned blond cat bombshell lounged happily. All four of them in their underwear.

Eva only stared on helplessly. For the first time in centuries, she knew she was hopelessly outmatched.

"Never mind," she turned around and left. "I'll tell you tomorrow."

But the next day, she returned wearing her secret weapon. Nekomimi.

After all, if you can't beat them, join them.

**I Liked You Better when You Were Me****- D****ecadent**** vs. ****Unequally****. **

**Part 1-Haruna**

"I know your feelings on incest," Unequally Haruna said while gently cupping the wary Decadent Haruna's face between her soft hands. "But think of it this way. We aren't family at all, are we? More like we're the exact same person. And you've had sex with yourself before..."

"What?-! When have I—"

Unequally Haruna pierced her with a stare. "Are you really gonna tell me you haven't ever masturbated?"

"Ahhh—"

"This is no different at all—" Unequally Haruna as she pulled her in for a kiss.

Decadent Haruna KNEW there had to be a major hole in that kind of logic...

But she never wanted to think about it afterwards. After all, if she didn't find the flaw in that reasoning, she still could keep on thinking she hadn't fallen as low as everyone else around her not named Makie...

**Part 2- Arika**

They both stood still for a moment, staring fiercely into each other's eyes. Their swords crossed.

"I could finish you right here and now, and you know it," Unequally Arika hissed icily. "I am a Servant now, and as such, my abilities surpass yours by far. Perhaps I should as well, after all the transgressions you have performed upon those who are our flesh and blood. Even so, since they still place a misguided affection upon you, I shall spare your life. But I will take them away from your harmful influence."

Decadent Arika spoke with fiery passion. "Never, as long as I live, I will be separated from my progeny ever again. You do have your own kind; go look after them instead of foolishly serving that woman."

"Hey, 'that woman' is right here..." Hino Rei called from the sidelines. "I can hear your dismissive comments, you know..."

"You never shall taint your children's honor again," Unequally Arika insisted. "I will take them under our wing, where they can live free from the influence of pernicious predators such like yourself. Except for the Saotome harlot, that is."

"HEY!" Unequally Haruna said.

"You only say that because you know you cannot share the same kind of special link I have with my children, " Decadent Arika replied.

"I cannot. Because unlike you, I respect my own kin."

"It disgusts me to see myself, reduced to such a hypocritical, narrow minded creature."

"No, it disgusts **me** to see how my mouth can spit such immoral, illicit babble."

Both Arikas stared lightning bolts at each other. Both Negis gulped loudly.

Unequally Negi looked at his other self. "B-But, exactly why are they fighting, after all?"

"Ask your mother," Decadent Asuna said.

Then the Arikas shouted in perfect unison at the tall newcomer. "NAGI! TELL THIS HORRIBLE WOMAN TO STAY FAR AWAY FROM OUR CHILDREN!"

Nagi sighed in supreme exasperation. "Out of all the moments to be found, I had to be found in this exact one...!"

**Creepypasta**

"I assume this is a joke," Itoshiki Nozomu said as he dubiously held the DVD case up.

"No, it isn't," his shady dealer of instruments of self-destruction shook his head, keeping his voice a whisper. "Haven't you heard the urban legends about it? For once, they're all true. This is the infamous Negima accursed video. They say it just appeared one morning at the offices of SHAFT Animation Studios. After Director Shinbo saw it, he suffered a stroke, died, and was replaced by an identical substitute so the company wouldn't have to face legal repercussions. It starts like a normal adaptation of the curent manga arc, but then, once the new Averrunci arrive, it all goes to Hell."

Itoshiki lifted an eyebrow. "Are you OverMaster in disguise?"

"I— I don't know what you are talking about. Anyway, at that point, everyone starts to die for real. Bloody and messily. At both worlds, once the demons drop on Mahora. All of Ala Alba dies, and when Negi revives, he kills everyone in Cosmo Entelecheia in turn. The level of gore is disgusting, they say— haven't dared to watch it myself. The man who got it for me died just days ago, found drowned on his own vomit. This anime just leaves a trail of death on its wake."

"I'll buy it," the suicidal teacher said. "How much do you want for it?"

That night, he wrote his new last will and testament, set his luxurious home theater, turned the volume to its max, and then played the movie on.

The next day, he angrily slammed the disc on his dealer's counter. "IT'S MUCH WORSE AND MORE DISGUSTING THAN YOU TOLD ME!" he cried. "YOU GAVE ME THE LIVE ACTION SERIES!"

**Negi, Chisame and Nanami** **(a Descendants of Negi- What If).**

"Well done, my son, my political daughter," Arika clapped calmly. "It moves me to see you have initiated your daughter into the Mysteries just as well as I once initiated you into them."

"Oh, Granny!" Nanami breathed deeper and easier. "So you approve?"

"... How many times did you three do it?" her grandmother asked.

Nanami thought it over before resorting to count with her fingers, with a concentrated expression.

By the time she reached the twelfth finger, Arika just put a hand on her shoulder. "It is okay. I approve."

**Negi, Chisame and Lina Inverse**

"I should have known something was wrong when she agreed to teach him," Zelgadiss mused.

"Well, if it's True Love at work... THEN I'M ALL UP FOR IT!" Amelia tossed her arms up. "Way to go, Miss Lina!"

Sylphiel latched onto Gourry's arm with an infinitely thankful expression. "Yes, please be very happy, Miss Lina!"

Gourry smiled in that happy and vacant way of his and patted Negi's shoulder. "You look very well after them, okay, Negi? And no matter what you do, never mention how flat she is in her presence..."

"I'M IN YOUR PRESENCE RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW!" Lina slammed a fist on Gourry's face.

...

"... And that was when I hit Fate-kun with the Giga Slave," Negi finished his narration. "Luckily, L-Sama was in a good mood that day, so she spared Fate-kun and decided not to obliterate the universe after all."

Evangeline scowled. "Out of all the sorceresses at Mundus Magicus, you had to study under the one with a darker heart than mine?"

"So, Chisame-chan, how does feel to finally be the busty one in a comparation with—" Misa began to tease, only to get one of Lina's fists in her face before completing the sentence.

Chisame smiled at her co-fiancée. "In moments like this I'm truly reminded of why I like you."

...

Rakan sat at his oasis, crossing his arms lazily. "Nothing interesting ever happens here..."

**Mahou Sensei Nagima**

"Good morning, everyone. I'm Nagi Springfield, and I'll be your new teacher of... uhhh... what was it again? Ah yeah, English. I'm also looking for my long lost son; an oracle told me I could find him if I started teaching here, and... Oh hey, Eva! I had forgotten about you! How are—"

The Shinso vampire rose from her seat angrily. **"YOU...!-!-!-!-!"**

Half a minute later, the classroom exploded.

That would become a recurring event through the school year.

**Negimagic Knight Rayearth**

"Let me get this straight," Asuna said. "So, during the five minutes you were outta sight in the trip to Tokyo Tower, you were summoned to **another** magical world to become the legendary Magic Knights charged with the task of rescuing a princess?"

Ayaka, Makie and Nodoka nodded, still looking miserable.

"We ended up having to kill her," Nodoka sulked.

Asuna gasped.

There was a very, very, very long silence.

"I'm so glad you guys didn't have to perform **my** rescue," Asuna finally offered with her usual tact and discretion.

"Not funny, Asuna, " Makie said, sounding as un-Makie-like as she ever could.

"Don't tell me it was true!" Asuna gasped again.

Ayaka caught her in an angry headlock. "As if we'd ever joke about such a thing, you stupid ape!"

"And we didn't even get to keep the cool mecha..." Makie sighed sadly.

"MAKIE-SAN!" Ayaka yelled. "Not helping!"

**Tsukuyomi and the Three Bears**

Once upon a time, in the Magical World, three bears lived in a beautiful cottage in the woods. Papa Bear, Mama Bear (not to be confused with her twin sister Mama Bear, who looked after girl slaves... but hers is another story) and Baby Bear. They loved each other very much, as much as bears can love each other.

One fine and dandy day, while eating lunch, Papa Bear said, "My soup is way too hot!"

"My soup is too hot as well, " Mama Bear agreed.

"My soup is too hot and hurt my tongue!" Baby Bear cried.

So the three bears went to take a stroll through the woods until their soup cooled down. After donning her official Fuuka and Fumika Walking Club T-shirts, off they went.

While they were away, a lithe young girl, the most gorgeous, angelical creature you'd ever meet, came across the cottage. Her name was Tsukuyomi, and she had been walking all day long, looking for her dear Sempai. "Ah, I'm so tired!" she sighed. "Guess I'll see if this lovely house can give me some hospitality!"

Tsukuyomi knocked on the door, and when no one opened, she slashed it apart (SLICE! SLICE!) with her favorite Hina sword. Then she made it to the table, and sighed happily seeing the three bowls of soup.

First she tried Papa Bear's soup. "UGH! Too spicy!"

Then she tried Mama Bear's soup. "UGH! Too bland!"

And then she tried Baby Bear's soup. "Mmmm! Delicious! You still can taste the deer blood!"

She ate it all up, and then went to sit down and relax for a while.

First she tried Papa Bear's chair. "Ugh! Too hard! I like many hard things, but chairs aren't one of them!"

Then she tried Mama Bear's chair. "No! Too soft! This won't do."

Finally, she tried Baby Bear's chair. "Oh, this one's perfect!" And she closed her eyes happily, imagining herself kissing with Sempai as they sat together, cutting each other.

That pleasant relaxation made Tsukuyomi sleepy, so she stripped down giving a few panels of fanservice and stumbled for the bedroom. First she tried Papa Bear's bed. "Oh, too hard again! I like hard things in bed, not hard beds without things! But at least it'll help sharpen my sword!"

And she cut the bed by half with a single slice. Then she tried Mama Bear's bed.

"Oh no, too soft! But at least it'll be funny to stab!"

And she giggled while stabbing the soft bed, because she loved stabbing soft things. Then she tried Baby Bear's bed.

"Oh, I love this one!" And she fell asleep, having kinky foursome dreams about herself, Sempai, Negi-han and Hannibal Lecter.

Meanwhile, the bears had returned home, finding their door broken.

"Someone has eaten from my soup, " Papa Bear said.

"Someone has eaten from my soup too!" Mama Bear added.

"Someone ate all my soup!" Baby Bear cried.

"Someone sat on my chair, " Papa Bear said.

"Someone sat on my chair too!" Mama Bear added.

"Someone sat on my chair, and left a weird stain on it as well!" Baby Bear cried.

They checked the bedroom.

"Someone sliced my bed, " Papa Bear said.

"Someone has stabbed my bed!" Mama Bear added.

"Someone is sleeping on my bed, and is leaving more of those weird stains on it!" Baby Bear cried.

With a bestial roar of anger, Papa Bear charged ahead, willing to rip Tsukuyomi to bloody shreds.

But Tsukuyomi opened an eye and grinned. "Yum yum!"

She reached for her sword with a swingle swift motion and spliced Papa Bear apart.

Then, as blood splurted all over her, she grinned wickedly at Mama Bear and Baby Bear.

That night, Tsukuyomi left the lovely cottage wearing a Baby Bear fur coat and skipping merrily, carrying two other coats for her dear Sempai. Also, she was happy after having a delicious bear meat dinner.

And she lived happily—

"Ooooo!" she cooed, seeing three small houses, one made of straw, one made of branches and sticks, and one made of bricks, further down the road. "Sempai might want a few hams, too!"

— ever after.

**Penance**

Negi T. Springfield the Second, latest heir to the fabled Springfield bloodline, stood expectantly, now wearing the bright red and black of his newly assumed mantle, the mask just secured onto his face.

With his back turned to him, the grim, tall figure of the Batman stood at the edge of the bubbling Lazarus Pit.

Every immersion in the life prolonging cursed pit drove any normal man further into insanity.

With him, it was the other way around.

"I suppose it comes full circle now," the Dark Knight said.

Negi nodded respectfully, still in silent awe of the gigantic lair all around them. Giant robot dinosaur. Giant Joker playing card. Giant silver dollar. Giant stuffed and mounted Doomsday. Jack Rakan's sword. Everything there was much larger than life.

"I don't regret anything of what I've done in my life," the Batman said grimly. "Horrible as it may sound to you, it just won't do. I don't need regretting anything. What I need is to actively purge those guilts, even if they never can be fully washed away. Always action, never words."

Negi nodded again. There he went again, wild and out of control with his metaphors and comparisons, ranting like a madman. They all knew he'd always be a madman. Lazarus Pits or not.

But the world itself was mad, and it had been for centuries now. So it needed him.

"Your ancestor, Negi Springfield Entheofushia, put me on this path. He and his companions always could do the impossible, after all. So it's just fitting now you come to me."

"Sir," the boy lowered his head politely.

The tall man sighed, turning around, pulling his mask back on, brushing past the bright green hair and the sharp, disturbing yellowish eyes, only leaving his long, pointy and white chin showing up.

They called his methods brutal. Insane. Deranged. They all cursed his name, do gooders and evildoers alike. Never fitting with either side.

But always fitting with a Springfield. There was a reason, after all, why they called them the Kings and Queens of Calamity.

"Above us, the ruins of a good man's home have laid unclaimed for centuries," the Batman said. "The first man to ever wear this mantle. My most hated enemy. I'm not a good man. I don't delude myself on being Bruce Wayne... not anymore, at least. But I still fight to follow on that man's steps. Because even though I know I'll never be like him... it's the road that matters, not the destination."

Negi nodded. Around him, the cases full with costumes similar to his own stood in eternal stillness.

_Dick Grayson._

_Jason Todd._

_Tim Drake._

_Stephanie Brown._

_Damian Wayne._

_Carrie Kelly._

"Are you ready to walk along that road with me, Negi?" the Batman asked. "To pay for your family's imagined crimes, much like I've been paying for my real ones?"

"My name's Robin, Sir," the boy declared with the same aplomb his ancestors had always sported in the face of danger.

His new mentor flashed a huge grin and nodded approvingly. "That's the spirit!"

He made a very long pause. "So, how will we tell your Aunt Eva about this?"


	13. Chapter 13

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. For real!

Read. Review. Please.

**Negi, Chisame and Rakan, Revisited**

And then she dropped the bomb.

"I'm pregnant."

The men's faces went as pale as wax, and their jaws hit the table.

Until that day, Jack Rakan had never, ever met fear before. Now Fear took his long waited revenge, grabbing him by the hair and slamming his head against a wall several times all while laughing maniacally. The Averrunci's punches were caresses in comparison to those slams.

"Wha-Wha-Wha-What?-!" Negi babbled, his face now going the extreme direction and becoming crimson, blue and purple, all at once.

"How could- How could it happen?-!" the non-Nanoha Ace of Aces blabbered, his eyes rocketing out of their sockets.

Chisame only scowled in _that_ way they had come to respect. "How do you think, Genius?"

Chamo jumped on the table, wagging his tail. "Well, congrats, Nee-chan! And you too, Aniki! I'm sure you'll be an excellent father!"

"I don't know if he's the father yet, " Chisame pointed out.

Chamo froze in place.

"You..." Rakan frantically pointed to Negi, then to himself, then back to Negi, then back to himself, "You don't know which one...?"

"HOW COULD I KNOW?-!" she snapped. "Do you think I can just ask the baby?-! Or did you think women have an organ inside just to tell us that kind of things?-!"

Rakan scratched his head. "You didn't? I thought you did!"

Chisame threw a cup on his head.

Negi blinked helplessly. "Well, I... I suppose we'll know when he or she is born..."

"Yeah, well, about that," she cautioned. "For the next nine months, nothing of 'that' with either of you, much less with both at once, okay? I may have grown resistant enough for you guys, but I'm sure a baby won't be able to take it, especially when you get really frisky..."

"EHHHH—?-!-?" Negi all but wailed.

"Nine months!" Rakan gasped. "What are we supposed to do during nine freakin' months?-!"

"Didn't you use to live here alone for years?" Chisame asked.

"That was then! This is now!"

"Sheesh, I got you two far too spoiled..." Hasegawa rubbed the bridge of her nose. "You two have each other, don't you?-!"

Negi and Rakan blinked, then stared helplessly at each other.

Chamo made a very worried face.

"Oh, like it'd be the first time!" Chisame growled.

"Ah?" Chamo eeped.

Chisame waved a hand around. "I'm just a human being, okay? I felt curious, and it was my birthday, so I asked them to—"

"Too much information! Too much information!" Chamo blocked his ears with his paws.

But then Negi and Rakan were grinning at each other. It was the 'Idiot Hero' grin.

"I'll bet you it's **my** kid!" the taller man boasted.

Negi chuckled. "I got there long before you! No way I lost to you!"

"It doesn't matter how early you arrive, but what do you do with your time there!"

"I did far more than you, you can be sure of that!"

"Oh, yeah? Let's see who has more stamina, kiddo!"

"You're on!"

Thankfully for Chamo's sanity, they only started fighting each other, laughing as they did so. "Huh, " the ermine said. "I suppose it's their way of celebrating..."

Chisame half smiled, crossing her arms. "No matter what, I'll have a stupid child, I guess..."

Then she cringed, feeling as if two people had just started fighting inside of her as well.

Chamo blinked. "Something wrong, Nee-chan?"

"It's..." she gulped. "Oh, no, they're TWINS!"

...

"— and that's why I swore never having any more children after you two, " Chisame told the red haired girl and the dark skinned boy sitting before her.

"But Mom—" the girl pointed at the baby in her arms.

The woman with glasses sighed. "What can I say? Your Dad and your Dad always convince me to do the dumbest things..."

**Negi, Chisame and Louise**

Summoning a human being as your Familiar was something completely unheard of.

Summoning two Familiars at once was something completely unheard of.

Summoning two human beings as your Familiars at once broke all the previous rules set on stone about it so hard it wasn't even funny.

Yet, that was right what Louise the Zero did that sunny morning, before the whole Academy.

Even Tabitha showed some confusion then.

Guiche made a fairly disgusted face at first, then slowly replaced by interest as he took on the modest but noticeable curves of the girl newcomer.

Kirche made a few sudden strange sounds which almost seemed to be something like. "H-He... That's the cutest thing ever...!"

Mr. Colbert stared helplessly before starting to flip frantically through his book.

The female arrival grumbled while pulling herself off the young man who had fallen from the sky before she did, dusted herself off and mumbled, "I don't think we're in Ostia anymore."

Louise had cursed the heavens for her bad luck then, feeling like whipping everything from the gods to the dogs all through creation in a rampage of untold proportions.

But in all honesty, she learned soon enough to leave the whip aside when dealing with her familiars.

Well, at least for a few years. After that, if Chisame was feeling in the mood for _that_ kind of cosplay...

**Negi, Chisame and Lime**

"... So, we were wondering if you knew something about it, " Chisame asked Hakase, her tone still even cool and calm even though she was grabbing the smaller girl by her lab coat's collar and almost lifting her off her feet, her eyes drilling into hers.

Hakase was adjusting her glasses, looking at the dark haired android who laughed while clutching to Chisame's back and holding Negi under an arm. "I can't say I do... and I'm pretty sure Chao would have told me about such a project, had she been working on it prior her departure. And you say she started following you after you opened her underground capsule?"

Negi and Hasegawa nodded at once.

"Fascinating!" Satomi inhaled. "An instant imprinting proccess, allowing her basic emotional development in the span of a few hours! It took Chachamaru months to achieve that level, and she still can't laugh that out loud... A truly perplexing development!"

The robot girl stopped laughing and pouted. "I'm not a truly, I'm Lime!"

"On the other hand, her language and cultural data banks will need intensive updating, " Hakase mused.

Chisame made a suffering sound. "Why do robots always latch onto me?"

"Not always, I have to say!" Asuna grumbled, sitting a few feet aside with a petite lavender haired girl in a pink kimono hugging her right arm. "Waa, Cherry, stop doing that! People will get the wrong idea!"

Seated at their right, Mana had a neutral face on as Bloodberry ran a teasing finger in circles over her cheek. "I only need to know if this one's going to be expensive in her maintenance or not..."

**Negi Muyo!**

"— and then your ancestor, Yosho the Space Wizard, sealed the Space Vampire inside that cave! That's why you never should walk in there, Negi-kun! You could break the seal and unleash a great evil upon this world!" Grandfather Konoemon finished his story.

Nagi laughed as he held his terrified little son close. "Please, Father-In-Law, you're just scaring him..."

...

As Negi ran in terror clutching the sword hilt in a hand, he almost cursed Kotaro for daring him to sneak into the cave and take photos as proof. Of course, since he was a good boy, he didn't curse his good friend. Then again, being a good boy also had led him to try and dislodge the sword that was impaling that poor little girl through the heart.

"COME BACK HERE! I NEED YOUR BLOOD TO REGAIN MY STRENGHT!" said little girl now flew after him.

Negi was starting to think maybe he should be less of a good boy.

...

"Hello!" she bowed very politely. "I'm Konoka, First Princess of Jurai, and I've come looking for my long lost brother Yosho! Oh, and this is my little sister and bodyguard, Setsuna!"

The little girl with the huge light sword clutched her older sister's hand **very** protectively. Negi gasped. "Ahhh, nice to meet you both..."

"Oh, and we also came to slay the evil Space Vampire Evangeline for her crimes against our Empire!" Konoka added, as if remembering an afterthought. "So please step aside and allow us to finish her off, will you?"

Eva spat angrily. "As if...!"

...

The egg cracked open, and out jumped an ermine.

Negi blinked, looking down at it. "What is this...?"

"It's our first son!" Evangeline lied with a very wide smirk.

Setsuna's eyebrows twitched. "Son...?"

Nagi tightened a fist proudly. "He's got my eyes...!"

...

A pink haired girl in a bright blue uniform crawled out of the wrecked spaceship, coughing loudly. "Kaff! Kafff! Ahem!" She straightened out, dusted herself off, and recited her introduction with a loud, squeaky voice. "Halt! I'm Sasaki Makie, agent of the Galaxy Police, and I'm here to arrest you, Space Vampire Evangeline!" She aimed a blaster between the deeply frowning Setsuna's eyes. "S-So surrender, before I have to do anything very rash!"

"I'm over here!" Evangeline barked.

Nagi hummed, rubbing his chin as he looked at the newcomer. The ermine mimicked his actions perfectly. "Negi-kun, mind if I keep this one...?"

"DAD!"

"What? I'm a man with needs too!"

...

"I am Fate Averruncus, the most feared Space Pirate across the galaxy, and I have come here for the one you call Evangeline, " the white haired boy standing in midair droned, looking at them from above.

"Again? Sheesh!" Eva stomped a foot down. "Why didn't you all come to break me out when I was, you know, **sealed and prisoner inside of that stinking cave for 700 years?-!**"

...

"... My mother?" Eva blinked. "No, really?"

"Yes!" the girl with the braids nodded, smiling smugly. "I used my fertilized egg to create you, so I'm more your mother than your creator! It satisfies me, seeing you've grown so powerful, Eva-chan!"

A tiny Hakase-bot popped up onto one of her shoulders. "As expected from Satomi-chan's handwork!"

Another Hakase-bot appeared on Hakase's other shoulder. "No doubt you're the universe's greatest genius, Satomi-chan!"

"BWAA HA HA HA! NATURALLY!" she laughed aloud.

"Ahhhh! You must be family, yes!" Makie was in awe. "Your deranged laugh is pretty much the same as hers, Eva-chan!"

"SHUT UP, POLICEWOMAN!"

...

Setsuna had to sigh before raising the scepter up. "Pretty Mutation! Magical Girl Pretty Setchan is here!"

Pixy Chiu just laughed at her, hands on her hips. "Finally, Pretty Setchan! I know your identity now, as well! Come, and prepare for your last battle!"

"Chisame, I know you don't want to do this! It's just the magical power of Queen Chao controlling you!" Pretty Setchan cried. "You must resist it!"

Sitting at the sidelines, Negi gave Tenchi a tired glare. "... So, as you can see, it's been hell. How are you handling classes?"

Tenchi waved a hand around. "Not so bad once you get the drift of it..."

**Axis Powers Negimalia**

They began checking their new assigned roles. It had started normally enough...

"I got England," Negi said.

"Scotland," Evangeline grumbled.

"China!" Ku Fei smiled.

"Japan!" Konoka said.

Setsuna nodded sagely. "A fitting role. Ojou-sama embodies all the perfect virtues of the Japanese woman..." She looked at her own character card. "I GOT **MADAGASCAR**?-!-? WHO THE FUCK WAS DRUNK OUT HIS ASS WHEN HE WROTE THIS SHIT?-!-?-!"

"Puerto Rico," Mana announced.

"Meh, Russia," Anya snorted. "At least my family comes from there..."

Chisame rubbed her forehead. "Venezuela? Oh crap, that Over Master stalker is sending me signals again..."

"United States?" Takane frowned. "I won't have to wear a star spangled bikini thong like that girl from Yakittake Japan, will I?"

"Wh-Why am I Italy?" Makie asked.

Ayaka hummed. "Maybe they are following the original Hetalia's cue and making Italy an airheaded failure in life..."

Makie made a typical SHAFT shock face. "IT CAN'T BE! I THOUGHT I HAD SHOOK THAT STIGMA OFF!"

"Hey, at least you didn't get the freaking Solomon Islands!" Madoka shouted. "Why in all the hells I got the Solomon Islands!"

"You are as important to the plot as they are to the global balance?" Fate guessed.

"You stay out of this, pretty boy!" Kugimiya hissed.

"Why am I Brazil?" Ako scratched her head.

"Soccer, " Yuna said.

"That's kind of a stretch..." the assistant nurse pondered.

Misa fumed angrily. "I got Panama."

Sakurako blinked. "Why so furious about it?"

"They attached an explanation."

"And what does it say?" Madoka asked.

"... They say **everyone** passes through my canal!"

The assembled cast blinked, looked at each other, then bursted into laughter.

All but Negi, who kept on blinking. "... I didn't get it."

Misa sighed. "Just wait until your Ben is Big enough, England-kun..."

**K-On!**

"Really, what do they have that we don't have?" Misa snorted, depressed. "A super ridiculous name for their band?"

"Well, to be honest, 'Decopin Rocket' isn't that much be—, " Ako began.

"It'll never be as bad as 'Afternoon Tea Time'!" Misa cried. "No matter what Negi-kun could think!"

"I only wonder how can they play with such small hands, " Sakurako mused aloud.

"I've been thinking of getting my eyebrows done like Mugi's..." Ako shared.

Madoka whispered under her breath. "Mio-san is so hot..."

"Ah?" Misa's head tilted in her direction.

"I-I didn't say anything...!"

**Negima 1/2**

"Well, I got the Spring of Drowned Yaoi Mangaka," Ranma muttered. "Why it's always a girl? What did you get, Ryouga?"

The Eternal Lost Boy scowled, looking at his character card. "Spring of Drowned Ermine. Damn, I wanted something to impress Akane for once! You, Shampoo?"

"Spring of Drowned Green Haired Murderous Doll! Ai-yaaa! This no fair!"

"Spring of Drowned Cosplay Hacker?" Mousse adjusted his glasses. "THIS SUCKS!"

"Spring of the Drowned Tall and Bishoujo Swimmer?" Genma blinked at his results. "Wait, if she was a swimmer, how did she drown?"

"Spring of... Drowned Chichigami..." Pantyhose Taro babbled. "Oh, no... Oh no no no no... I'M GOING TO BE HAPPOSAI'S NEW BEST FRIEND! WHY?-! WHY?-!"

**Mahou Sensei Futa**

"So, what does it say, Negi?" Anya asked, her curiosity very piqued.

"It says... 'Become a teacher at Mahora Academy for Futanaris in Japan'..." he blinked. "What's a Futanari?"

Anya shrugged her shoulders, and Nekane had to admit she didn't know either.

One research on the subject later, Negi decided to reconsider the whole 'Becoming a Magister Magi' thing. Eventually he ended up staying in London with Anya. They'd go on to marry and have three children.

Because really, there were a few, very few, things he wouldn't go through, not even for his father.

**Redheads like them Older**

"What are YOU doing here?" Asuka asked lividly.

"That's MY line!" Asuna managed to shout between clenched teeth. "Don't tell me you're here to ruin my date with Kaji-san, envious weirdo!"

"Me?-! I *was* supposed to be on a date with Takahata-sensei here! So scram, you wack-job! Shoo! Shoo!"

"What? How did you get a date with that man?"

"I might ask exactly the same thing about you!" Asuna shouted back.

They looked down and finally conceded begrudgingly, at the same time, "Well, actually, I just learned he'd be here... but still..."

They sat down together to drink Coca Cola while waiting, never talking to each other, staring daggers at each other instead. Finally, after two hours of that, Asuka asked the waiter. He told them they had been gone before the girls arrived, and heard them whispering something about the Nabe-Nabe Love Hotel while they walked out.

Asuna and Asuka panicked immediately.

By the time Asuna kicked the room's door open, it was too late. They'd never forget the scene playing out before their eyes then.

_Takamichi gently caressed Kaji's face as he took him from behind..._

"...!" Asuna said.

"...!" Asuka's face twitched.

"Oh dear God, " Takahata's face dropped down in shame.

"I think I can explain..." Kaji tentatively began.

Then Asuka smirked fiercely, kicking the door closed behind themselves. "Yeah! Sure! Why don't we discuss it over milk and cookies? Actually, screw the cookies. Milk is everything I need..."

"Ehhhhh...?" Asuna's mouth hung down...

...

A disarrayed and funny walking, but widely smirking Asuka stumbled into Misato's apartment. "Misato! Shinji!" she boasted. "You'll never fucking guess what I—"

Then she fell silent, seeing the woman she had come to humble snoring naked on the couch, with an equally naked Shinji laying on top of her, staring at Asuka like a deer caught in the headlights.

The boy scurried back covering his crotch. "I-I-IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! IT'S— IT'S— uhhhhh—- PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

But Asuka only smiled and held a fist up for him. "Good for you. C'me here. Sis-Bro fist!"

He blinked, stared, and then smiling shyly, softly knocking a fist against hers.

**SIS-BRO FIST!**

"By the way, " Asuka asked. "What are those weird sounds coming from the kitchen?"

Shinji sweatdropped. "Uhhhh... you'd better not look. Pen Pen brought... a friend... apparently."

_Pen Pen gently caressed Chamo's face as he took him from behind.._

Asuka grimaced. "Oh-kay. I got it. Now put some pants on, will you?"

**Planet of the Apes**

Astronaut Yukihiro Ayaka stared in shocked horror at the creatures surrounding her crash-land site.

All of them red haired. With mismatched eyes. And bells on their heads.

"This... This must be some sort of sick joke!" she finally could squeal helplessly.

...

She rode her horse along the beach, tired and grieving, without having any clear idea of where to go next. Until she saw the huge statue broken by half in the distance, and her mouth grew dry as the Sahara.

"Oh my God... I'm back... I'm home... All the time it was... We finally, really did it. _**YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP!**_ Ah—_**DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!**_"

She angrily shook a fist at the sky, as the crawing crows continued perching themselves all over the giant fallen statue of Negi-sensei...

**Those Who Hunt Elves**

"And so, the only way you can fix the Gateports and return home is by traveling the whole world, finding the spell fragments on the bared skins of nine young female elves, " the Elder Elf Celcia Marieclaire finished her explanation.

"You mean we must strip them," Mana stated very flatly.

Natsumi scratched her chin sheepishly. "But... since you are the leader of all elves, why don't you just issue an edict compelling all elves who have received the mark to come here? It would save us a whole lot of problems, and—"

"Then there'd be no plot," Celcia said. "Now, if you excuse me, I'll go cast a spell that possibly couldn't go wrong, leaving me trapped in a funny and ridiculous animal form..."

And so, the gun nut Mana, the expert actress Natsumi, the martial artist Ku Fei, and Celcia, the ermine elf, set out to strip all elves through Mundus Magicus! And they would pass into infamy forever, known as **Those who Hunt Elves**!

**Swap**

"Ahhh... Ahhhh..." Chachamaru moaned.

"Ohhhh... Oh, oh, oh, ohh..." Ifurita shivered.

Then they both looked at each other's eyes, their pale cheeks flushed.

"Still not as good as Negi-sensei, though..." Chachamaru gasped aloud.

"You liar, " Ifurita said. "Makoto is much better at this. But your Sensei isn't bad at all either..."

Standing behind Ifurita with his hands on the giant key sticking out of the back of her neck, Negi gave Makoto a concerned glare. "Why do I feel like we're somehow doing a bad thing?"

The older boy standing behind Chachamaru with his hands on her own springing key breathed heavily. "I'll tell you when you're older. Much older..."

Fujisawa-sensei hummed and offered him a cigarette. "Here."

"Thanks, Sensei..." the young man accepted it with trembling hands.

"One for me as well, please," Ifurita asked.

"And for me," Chachamaru nodded.

Negi scratched his head. Adults were weird at times.

**Enough is Enough!**

"And when I read that bit of the script, I finally had enough!" Haruna slammed her now empty glass on the table. "I told the Boss I wasn't going to do it! I mean, fighting **twelve** bad guys at once? Out of nowhere? Has he gone nuts? I can't take a beating like Kaede or Chachamaru! So I got him to send me here before that scene started, and so I'm here."

Ayaka nodded while sipping from her glass. "I knew it from the start. That's why I didn't sign up for that arc. God, it all sounds so exhausting! You must be really wrecked."

"Yeah. This is the last time I sign for a series without reading the fine print. I thought it was going to be an easy romantic comedy!"

"So did I..." Ayaka mused. "And to think I passed the role of Saki in _To Love-Ru_ for this..."

**Chapter 330**

"... and Nii and Sextum and Quartum and Quintum, and Septendecim, and—" the towering Lifemaker continued with obvious pride.

"This never was in my contract," Nodoka droned.

"I... I think I'm bleeding inside..." Mei clutched her stomach.

"— and Hao and Naraku, and Aizen..."

"Since when were you under the impression I wasn't a part of Cosmo Entelecheia?" Aizen asked.

"— and The Joker and Lex Luthor and Doctor Doom..."

"Another day, another cameo in an Over Master snippet..." the Clown Prince sighed.

Asuna snorted, rolled on her side, and found herself a more comfortable sleeping position.

"— and Doctor Drakken, and The Claw, and Jasmine..."

"Seriously, guys..." Mei whimpered from the floor. "Konoka-san? I could use your help here..."

"— and Black Manta, and Boris and Natasha, and Team Rocket..."

"Team Rocket," Yue deadpanned.

The Lifemaker shrugged. "We needed someone to bring us coffee."

"HEY!" Jessie yelled.

"You forgot the Anti-Monitor, boss, " Secondum pointed at the towering figure on the back of the group.

Said towering figure fumed. "It's always the same thing!"

"I apologize," the Lifemaker said. "Well, I think that covers everyone. We may start our climactic battle royale now. How much time are we left with? Five minutes, right?"

Chisame looked at her wristwatch. "Those five minutes ended two hours ago."

Then Chigusa walked in and slammed a shovel on the Lifemaker's head. "IGNORE ME FOR MEMBERSHIP, WILL YOU?-! TEAM ROCKET! YOU ACCEPTED GODDAMN TEAM ROCKET, BUT LEFT ME OUT!"

Cosmo Entelecheia stared on as she began pummeling him to a bloody cloaked pulp.

"All according to my plan," Aizen smirked.

"... I thought I was the defacto leader in his absence!" Dynamis protested.

Joker clapped. "Okay, someone bring us a few boxes, a lot of paper, a few Floridians and lots of deadly weaponry! We'll have to settle this through voting!"

Mei still twitched. "I think... I'm seeing God..."

"My head hurts," an oblivious Takane grumbled.

**My Little Sister Can't Be This Cute**

Chachazero mumbled and crossed her tiny arms, shifting away from the taller doll as best as she could. "I can't believe you did this to me, Master."

"Oh, it's not like I'm giving your room to her or anything," Eva callously said before adding, with a smirk, "Oh, wait, yes, I'll do just that."

"I'm sorry if my presence brings you undesired complications, Onee-sama..." the newborn robot bowed oh so politely.

"GAHHH! DON'T LOOK AT ME WITH THOSE SICKENING GOOD NATURED EYES! I WOULD HURL IF I COULD!" Chachazero tried to move away by clawing on the floor and dragging herself around.

Evangeline smiled. "On the other hand, maybe I should have you two share that room..."

"It's fine! I'll sleep in the knives cabinet!" Chachazero promised.

**More than Thirty One Decadent and Unequal Twists of Fate**

"I am a Servant of the Harlequin Class, " the dark skinned, white haired pretty girl bowed for Joker, her voice barely over being a whisper. "Pleased to meet you, Master."

The clown sighed and rubbed the bridge of his long nose. "Time for a Negima crossover AGAIN?"

...

"I belong to the Doll Class of Servants, Master, and I will serve you through the upcoming Grail War, Master," the docile green haired girl knelt before Wesker. "I am honored to be at your service."

The Scarface puppet twisted its eyes around, looking at the Ventriloquist.

The Ventriloquist could do nothing but shrugging sheepishly.

Scarface fumed twice. "Last time I pay attention ta yer crazy ideas on how ta get help f'r a gang war..."

...

"I am the Berserker, and I—" Asuna interrupted herself to kick at her newfound Master. "Hey, stop eating raw meat while I'm talking to you, okay?-!"

"Food first, talk later!" Killer Croc ignored her, continuing chomping savagely.

...

"I-I-I am a Servant belonging to the Ghost class... Not that I understand how does that work since all of us Servants are supposed to be Spirits to begin with, but—" Sayo fiddled around nervously.

The Gentleman Ghost rubbed his inexistent temples with both gloved, ectoplasmic hands. "And to think I was aiming for a Saber..."

...

"We're Servants of the Gemini Class!" both pink haired little girls cheered at once.

Two-Face seemed pleased enough.

...

"BWA HA HA HA HA!" the short blond figure laughed loudly, hands on her slim hips. "Rejoice, paltry mortal, because you have just managed to summon the best Servant ever to come from the Vampire Class!"

Bruce Wayne's right eyebrow twitched twice. "I'm pretty sure this isn't how it's supposed to work... Alfred, get me Zatanna's number! I have a consultation to make!"

**We're Having a Baby!**

**Chachamaru:**

"So, um..." Negi began, with the robot standing at his side, looking beatifically pleased, "It's not like w-we're unhappy with it at all, but... we'd still like to know _how_ could it happen...?"

Hakase stared at the medical sheets and the results displayed there, and let out a helpless whimper. "I'll let you know as soon as I have the first ghost of an idea..."

**Shirabe:**

"... What?" Fate could finally say. It was not the most eloquent of responses, but actually fitting under those circumstances.

Asuna sputtered a few times. "Wh-Why could—- H-How could—-"

Homura smiled very pleasantly at her friend and comrade. "Oh, I'm so happy for you, Brigitte-chan!"

Now all that what left was to wait for the results of her hook-up of Tamaki with the idiot wolf boy, and that of Koyomi with the Konoe girl's father. Shiori already wasn't an obstacle anymore, after her masterful plan to hook her with that Beatrix girl.

If nothing else, everyone would agree much later, they had to congratulate her for her drive towards her goal of a clean path for herself. Even Rakan admitted she had become better than him at achieving _the impossible_...

**Fate:**

Asuna sighed in mild relief. "You know, when I heard you were having a baby with Fate, I took it the other way..."

Chisame nodded wearily. "Yeah, this kinda takes some of the blow out of it..."

Haruna lifted an eyebrow. "Blow?"

The hacker spat. "I-I mean, in the WTF-sense! Not in any personal sense at all!"

The blonde was on her knees before her oldest friend, tearfully. "P-Please forgive me, Nanoha-chan...! I was weak...!"

Nanoha looked down at her, blinking. "Ah? Why are you apologizing?"

**Nagi:**'

"— and that's what happened, Grandpa!" Konoka finished her tale. "But don't worry, the lab tests say the child will be okay despite everything!"

Konoemon rubbed his aching forehead. "If I had known this would happen when I learned Nagi was being held prisoner at Jusenkyo, I'd never have told you about it..."

"Well, it was Nagi-san's own fault as well," Konoka said. "He was the one who said he'd teach us how to have a drinking celebration after his rescue. I suppose he had lost a lot of his alcohol endurance through his imprisonment."

A pause ensued.

"By the way, I'm going to have a child with Set-chan. I'm the father..."

**Cyberteam in Mahora Academy**

"What is this?" Asuna poked a finger on the strange and so-cute-it-was-horrible thing.

"It's a Patapi!" Konoka chirped gleefully. "They're all the rage nowadays, Asuna! Didn't you know?"

Asuna scowled. "I don't know... We don't really need any more cute magical mascots around here. Chamo is always a problem, Negi's still suffering the consequences of meeting that Entrail animal, and we had to fight all through hell and back to undo that contract between Natsumi and that Incubator thing..."

"Well, that makes all the more unlikely something like that can happen again with Julianne!" Konoka argued.

"You already gave it a name?" Asuna nearly cringed.

Her rooommate giggled. "Isn't she a cutie...?"

Sure enough, three months later, Negi was saddled with Pactios with Hibari, Suzume, Tsugumi, Kamome and Tsubame, and Fate was wondering exactly when had that 'Sybil Trio' started to follow him around. His girls began to grow jealous...

**Mahou Dance in the Blue Vampire Bund**

"I'm sorry, Negi-sensei, but the Master won't be able to attend you tonight," Chachamaru informed, well planted at the cabin's doorstep. "She is in her... annual meeting with two old acquaintances..."

"Oh, " Negi blinked. "That, that is okay, I guess. I always could ask her about this thing bothering me tomorrow..."

There was a low, deeply felt howl coming from inside the home. It sounded almost Kotaro-like. "What was that?"

"One of the Master's guests brought..." Chachamaru doubted for a moment, "... her pet."

In a way, it was true.

...

Rachel panted. "Oh, Mina, you truly have a wonderful familiar... NAGO! GII! Why can't you two be more like Akira-kun!-?"

The two of them cowered in a corner. "We're so deeply sorry...!"

Evangeline crossed her arms and hummed angrily. "Just wait until Chachamaru comes back... she'll surely outdo your stupid werewolf!"

Mina chuckled, running her fingers through Eva's hair. "I doubt she'll be able to compete with him in a few key areas..."

Evangeline smirked diabolically. "Oh? Never understimate the power of Hakase's special attachments..."

...

"I really must be going right now, Negi-sensei, Asuna-san. So sorry."

Negi blinked as Asuna did a shocked double take. "S-She almost slammed the door right on our noses! What the hell—" the redhaired girl babbled.

He scratched his head. "I'm sure it must be a highly, highly important meeting. Like that time last month with the Akashiya and Marker clans..."

**Decadent Habits Meets Tenchi Muyo:**

Tenchi just rubbed his chin thoughtfully, trying to mull over everything he had just learned. Finally, he put his hands together and spoke slowly.

"Well, Negi-san... I honestly don't know what to say," he began. Behind Negi, Ayaka, Asuna and Chisame waited in an uncomfortable silence, covering themselves with bedsheets up to their necks. "I mean, I can't say I think this is a good idea... You're far too young, and this kind of thing demands for maturity and responsibility, although I'm sure you're much more mature and responsible than I was at your age... But... Honestly, I don't think I'm in too much of a position to judge you..."

"Ah?" Chisame blinked.

From where she stood next to Tenchi, Ayeka lifted a hand reluctantly. "I... I am Tenchi-sama's great-aunt..."

"Ah?" Ayaka took her turn.

"And Airi-san is his grandmother..." the purple haired woman continued.

"The woman who greeted him with a kiss in the mouth?" Asuna gawked.

"She looks remarkably young for her age, although after Eva-san, it shouldn't surprise us. Is she a vampire, cursed immortal, Lazarus Pit user, or cyborg?" Ayaka questioned.

"We're aliens, dammit!" Ryoko pulled on her own ears. "Hadn't this given you a freakin' clue?-!"

"Aliens. Really, " Hasegawa's glasses were slipping down her nose.

"The Jurai Royal Family has... different customs than your Martian Royal Family, " Ayeka sheepishly said. "Well, Not So Different," she conceded.

"It wasn't supposed to be that way, actually..." Asuna looked aside. "But, well, Mother happened, and—"

"Mother, " Negi blinked. "Now I understand why she wanted us to spend our vacations in this area!"

Tenchi hummed. "I wonder how did she learn about it, though..."

...

"— so, haven't you found Nagi-kun yet?" Yosho asked from where he lay recovering his breath.

Arika shook her head sadly. "We are still working to that end."

"Ah, you're just as good as he told us...!" Airi snuggled to her side.

"How do you think the children are doing?" Yosho asked again.

The Princess smiled placidly. "If I know Negi well enough, Tenchi-kun already must have found him in a comically compromising situation with his sisters. Then they will compare and contrast notes, and one thing will lead to another..."

"Unless Mihoshi-san happens to walk in," Airi showed some concern. "She does have this gift for interrupting the best laid schemes..."

"Oh, that's why we brought a counter," Arika smiled. "They must be keeping each other entertained right now..."

...

Makie sniffed, rubbing her tears off her eyes. "It's so... kawaiiiii! These alien space operas are _so moving_!"

The deeply tanned blond sitting at her side looked in all directions. "Aren't you wondering where did Tenchi, Negi-kun and everyone else go, Makie-chan?"

"Oh, they must be doing secret important training stuff again!" the gymnast said. "Oh, look! Look! Magical Kyoko is about to tell Lala she's actually her long lost sister!"

"What...?-! Ooooohhhhh, I have to see this...!"

**The Solution to Everything**

Then, Asuna's voice began to speak through everyone's minds, spreading from the girl's prone form through Chisame and into all the girls holding hands.

_Is... Is that you? Girls? I can't see you, but... I can feel you all, somehow..._

"Great, it's working!" Yuuna smiled. "We're really doing it!"

"Asuna, yes, it's us!" Konoka almost cried. "We're all here for you! Come back to us! We need you!"

_I'm sorry..._ Asuna's voice sounded troubled. _I'm trying, but... I can't. I want to wake up, but I can't do it. But I have seen things here. Many things, the likes of which you never could imagine. And one of those involves a way out of this. I know the only way to rip me off this sleep._

"Anything, Asuna!" Nodoka promised. "We'll do anything!"

_Well..._ Asuna hesitated. _It's a good thing you're all here, since I'll need to contact all of you..._

Hakase blinked. "Isn't that exactly what we're doing right now?"

_..._ Asuna doubted. _Not exactly this way, nope... It's... going to have to be a... deeper contact..._

Negi limped, coughing, as he approached his girls, fighting the burning pain. "Are you all okay...? What has you so stunned all of a sudden? Isn't it working?"

The girls remained still in place as they listened to the instructions, none of them making any sound until Chisame gasped, with a pale face, "You've gotta be joking!"

Konoka forced an apologetic grin, turning around to face Negi. "Um, Negi-kun? I'll heal you right now. We can save Asuna-chan, but it's going to take a... a lot of physical effort from all of us. Ako-chan, better start putting those injections, too. We're going to need a lot of energy..."

...

Sextum looked at her wristwatch. "This is stupid. Those five minutes ended hours ago. We won! Why haven't we finished the plan yet?"

"This is all part of the plan, " the Lifemaker gravely said.

"Master, how can THAT be a part of the plan? How does that help us create a better world?-!" Dynamis, livid, pointed to the huge pile of discarded clothes and the long line of Ala Alba and Ala Rubra members and allies before the altar.

"Dynamis, I was left a prisoner inside of a tree for more than ten years, watching beautiful schoolgirls in extremely short skirts walking around me day after day, " the Mage of the Beginning intoned deeply. "Had that happened to you, your priorities would have changed as well. All my machinations were intended to lead us to this glorious moment, so please, now it is at hand, let the silence reign."

And he kept on filming the whole event with his cellphone.

Dynamis facepalmed.

"... I have some standards. I'm not serving any child porn ring, " Nii muttered. "Septendecim, what have you found?"

Septendecim hummed, flipping through the newspaper. "The Masters of Evil are on a recruiting drive. I'd say it's worth a shot. The Original Seven also have several open spots, but we'd need to learn how to pilot a giant robot..."

Quartum tossed his hands up, stomping away. "I'm so bored. I'll go find something to burn."

Back at the waiting line, Eva snorted, arms crossed, looking into Cosmo Entelecheia's direction. "I wonder why they have stopped trying to do anything to stop us. Biding their time, or simply too scared by me?"

Albireo chuckled. "I'd say we have them so puzzled, we broke their minds."

Eva kicked him in a shin. "No cutting ahead of me!" she warned.

Albireo, sheepishly, stepped back to his prior place.

Negi sat at the feet of the altar, eyes starry, a vacant grin fixed on his face. "Asuna-san..."

Sitting at his side, Konoka hugged a sweaty Setsuna. "Setchan, if we need to do it all over again to finish the job, we'll need more practice, right?"

"But Ojou-sama, I'm sure we almost have her up, and—"

Konoka rubbed her cheek against hers. "Just in case, pleaaaaase? For Asuna-chan...!"

Setsuna never had a choice. "For Asuna-san, " she nodded, and allowed herself to be overwhelmed.

Ayaka lifted her head from its current position between Asuna's legs and wiped her mouth off angrily. "Oh, not admiting it yet?-! You've been awake for a long while now, Asuna-san! Stop playing pretend so we can go home!"

Asuna shook her head stubbornly, keeping her eyes squeezed shut. "Not yet. Still sleeping, " she feigned a sleepy voice. "Still need more." And using her bare feet, she pushed Ayaka's head back down, forcing her back to her labors.

...

Elsewhere, the remaining three Fatettes, tightly tied up together, shared a collective sigh.

"I wonder what is Fate-sama doing right now..." Homura mused.

"Yes, we always miss the best parts..." Tamaki nodded.

"My nose itches again, " Koyomi complained.

Sighing anew, Tamaki used her tail to scratch Koyomi's itchy nose.

...

Yet elsewhere, lying facefirst in the dirt, Kotaro twitched weakly. "Everyone...? Where's everyone...?"

Then he felt a shadow looming over him. One of his eyes tilted up.

He saw Quartum standing over him.

The Averruncus cracked his knuckles. "Oh, just the kind of thing I was looking for...!"

...

"I still have a feeling we're forgetting someone..." Natsumi said, briefly worried before shrugging it off and taking her turn at the altar.


	14. Chapter 14

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. For real!

Read. Review. Please. PLEASE!

**Negi, Chisame and Miki Sayaka**

Looking back on it later, once the pain had waned down a bit, Chisame would realize Sayaka's death was, in the long scheme of things, a foregone conclusion. Negi, on the other hand, would never accept it.

It made things no less painful for either of them, in any case.

**Negi, Chisame and Hito Nami**

It was a perfect symbiotic relationship, actually. Nami made Chisame feel normal merely by close (very close) association, and Negi and Chisame made Nami feel abnormal and special in turn.

Negi just happened to be trapped in the middle, but he still wouldn't complain.

Itoshiki-sensei was only happy (as happy as he could be, anyway) to have yet another potential admirer taken away from him. Now, if only someone would take Kitsu-san as well...

**Negi, Chisame and Mizuhara 'Yomi' Koyomi**

"Ahhh," he breathed out, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "So this is what they mean when they talk about a _Twin Threesome Fantasy_..."

"Hey, we aren't that alike..." Yomi and Chisame mumbled at the same time. Then they stared at each other.

Elswehere, Tomo smirked, laying with Fuuka under one arm and Fumika under the other. "Ahhhhhhhh, so this is what they mean when they talk about a _Twin Threesome Fantasy_...!"

"I want a cigarette," Fuuka asked.

Fumika sighed and pushed a Pocky stick into her sister's mouth. "This good enough, Nee-chan?"

**El Kotaro del Ocho**

Kotaro looked dubiously at his script. "Then, the thing is I'm this orphan who lives in this barrel and hits Negi, right? That sounds easy enough."

"Okay, and I'm a spoiled child from a ruined down family who gets in frequent fights with Kotaro-kun despite our being best friends. I think I can do it," Negi doubted. "But I'm worried, do I really come as spoiled?"

"You refuse to bathe, keep on sneaking into other people's beds, and whine whenever someone even mentions coffee in your presence, my son, " Arika said coolly, fixing her hair as best as she could under the present circumstances. She was not pleased. "So, you tell us."

Konoka sat patiently still while Setsuna lovingly painted freckles on her cheeks, then placed a pair of huge, thick glasses on her face. "I think it's very exciting! Like doing cosplay! Don't you think the same, Dad?"

Eishun looked miserable, having traded his sword and elegant robes for a drab old black shirt, worn off pants, and a raggedy cloth hat. "Somewhere, Albireo is laughing at me, I'm sure... Oh!" he lamented. "Y ahora, quien podra defenderme?"

"YO!-!-!" Rakan jumped into scene, wearing tight red and yellow spandex, with antennae on the top of his head and a giant mallet in a hand, so mightily the whole poorly built scenario quaked wildly. A spotlight fell on Chamo, who only made a pained sound.

"El Chapulín Colorado!" Negi cried out, his eyes starry. "So you **are** real!"

Rakan laughed in a thunderous way. "NO CONTABAN CON MI ASTUCIA!"

Eishun started to sob softly. "This is worse than the time we all got drunk and Albireo tricked us into going out in drag through Ostia... and Jack's enjoying just as much..."

**Negi, Chisame and Sora**

"Is there something wrong, Sora-chan?" Fujimi Chihiro, always the most perceptive club member out of them all, which meant she was the only one who spent most of her time in the real world rather than Cloud Cuckoo-Land, finally asked her, as they sat around the workshop's table having lunch.

"Huh?-! Huh?-!" the younger woman lifted her freckled face from her sandwich, her mouth dropping tiny fragments of bread and lettuce. "O-Of course not, Sempai! Wh-Why do you ask?"

"Well, you've been acting strange lately," Chihiro said. "You act the same way you used to when you were near Aoshima, but now all the time." After a brief pause for effect, she remarked, "**Except** when you're near Aoshima. Not that I matter, I'm glad you're over that scumbag, but I still feel like asking... Why?"

"I'm not sure what you mean, Sempai..." Sora tried to act normal. Like always when she tried to lie, she failed miserably.

The hidden Pactio card felt somewhat warmer against her chest, firmly clasped in her bra.

Chihiro frowned and looked at the other club members. "You have noticed it too, haven't you, guys?"

Keiichi scratched his chin cluelessly. "Has she? I don't know, she looks the same as always to me..."

"Huh? Yuh sayin' sumthin'?" Tamiya's huge bulk tensed up, his mouth still chewing its full load of lunch, sauce bathing his thick lips.

Aoyama Ootaki sipped his Coke nosily through a straw. "You in love with someone else now, Hasegawa-kun?"

"NO!" she jerked back violently, face red.

Now that was blatantly obvious enough to make all her clubmates, even Tamiya, look point blank at her.

Chihiro smiled deviously. "Tell us."

"Y-You're only imagining things! I'm-I'm too busy trying to reconnect with my family to g-get involved in that kind of things!"

Belldandy-sempai chose that moment to walk back from the kitchenette carrying a small tray with tea cups, smiling as warmly as ever. She commented with perfect calm, "You're also expanding your family, aren't you, Sora-san?"

"Huh?" Tamiya and Ootaki blinked at once.

"Ah, yes, you've adopted a kid, haven't you?" Chihiro remembered.

"It isn't exactly like that. He's just... spending the foreseeable future with us, since he's..."

"Distant relative?" Tamiya guessed.

"Stray orphan?" Ootaki said.

"He's Chisame's teacher, isn't he?" Keiichi asked.

"He is beloved family, of course, " Belldandy stated the fact with a gentle, benevolent smile while sitting down before her.

Sora blushed even more for a moment, before smiling back and nodding. "Yes. Yes, he is."

Someone knocked at the door. "Oh, that must be them! I'll attend!" Hasegawa rose back to her feet clumsily and ran for it.

Chihiro smiled knowingly, giving Belldandy a furtive glance off the corners of her eyes. "Wouldn't you consider this a sin?"

"Sins can be forgiven as long as there is true love, " the radiant beauty explained, taking the first sip of her drink.

The three men looked cluelessly at each other, then returned to eating in silence.

**The Demons in the Details**

CRACC Dating Service had done it again.

Fuuka and Fumika sat, unblinking, staring at the tall, buxom, busty, red skinned and horned girls sitting at the other end of the table.

"Well? Why so shocked?" the one named Scanty finally asked.

Fumika whimpered. "You've been sent to punish us for our decadent habits, dragging us to a pit of fire, haven't you?"

"What? No! We honestly only answered to your announcement in the site, because we wanted to spice things up a bit! Just like you!" the other one, named Kneesocks, argued, blushing as she did so. Oddly, the blush only turned her red skin a faint shade of pink.

"Really?" Fuuka pouted, still unconvinced.

"Really!" Scanty nodded, dragging the 'R's around, like they always did. "We demons have a code of honor. It's against the **rrrrrrules** to lie when approaching a mortal."

Kneesocks looked worried. "But, isn't against the **rrrrrules** to fraternize with humans, too, Onee-sama?"

Scanty shook her head. "The **rrrrrules** only forbid to fraternize with enemies. These lovely girlies couldn't possibly be enemies, could they?" she asked, pinching Fuuka's cheeks.

"I guess not..." Kneesocks pushed her glasses up her face and took another sip of her iced tea.

A few hours later, all four of them lied together in a naked heap in a room of the Nabe-Nabe Love Motel.

"Predictable outcome, huh?" Kneesocks snorted.

"Nothing wrong with a classic end..." Scanty shrugged, nestling a sleeping Fumika against her bosom.

"I know all the rooms in this motel by heart by now..." Fuuka yawned, cuddled between them. "I bet you gals do this all the time, huh?"

"Actually, we have to keep our relationship a secret, " Kneesocks confessed. "Even between the demons, Twincest is seen as an act against the **rrrrrrules**..."

"Only **rrrrrule** we dare to break..." Scanty added. "Although we aren't the only ones, either..."

In the next room, Zazie and Poyo hugged each other. "I could swear I hear Scanty-chan's voice in the next room..." the 3-A student whispered.

Poyo hushed her while planting soft kisses up her neck. "Forget them. This night is all ours..."

**Negimaru Abridged**

"Negi, I'm hom—!" Asuna happily announced, then froze in place.

He was there on his knees, on her bed, doing another Asuna.

He went horribly pale, just as the girl under him twitched uncomfortably. Her orange wig fell a bit aside, revealing a lot of light brown strands.

"Um, hello, Asuna..." Chisame began, uneasily. "We... we can explain..."

Asuna trembled a few times, smiled mechanically, and turned back for the door.

"I haven't seen or heard anything..." she said aloud, mostly to keep her own sanity, while closing behind herself and quickly walking away.

Maybe she'd spend the night with Setsuna and Konoka. She was fairly sure they'd keep it low if she asked nicely.

Chisame and Negi shared a worried look, then shrugged and went back to doing it.

Elsewhere, Chamo tensed. "My Someone-Should-Be-Covering-A-Stabbing-Quota Senses are tingling!"

Chachazero jumped on him from behind, knife in hand. "SURPRISE OPENING-YOU-A-NEW-BUTT SEXXX!"

"KYAAAA!"

**Bubblegum Mahou**

"Curses!" A.D. Police Officer Kotaro Mc Nichol tightened a fist while watching the four armored figures disappearing down into Mega Mahora. "I'll catch you yet, Karakuri Sabers!"

Sitting in the police car in a slightly effeminate pose, his partner Daley Averruncus said, "Are you playing Leon now, or Inspector Zenigata, Kotaro-kun?"

"SHUT UP! I'LL PLAY THE CHARACTER THE WAY I WANT IT!"

Meanwhile, at the Hakase garage, Negi Stingray frowned and blushed, his eye on the wall's peephole, watching how Ayaka Stingray, Chisame Romanova, Asuna Asagiri and Akira Yamazaki took their Karakuri hardsuits off. "I still don't know..." he whispered. "Even after all of Chamo-kun's training, I still think I'm not ready for this facet of my role. I mean, Ayaka-san's my SISTER!"

Standing behind him, Dr. Hakase hummed angrily. "If you don't want to keep on looking, just give me a chance already!"

"... Only one minute more, please..."

**Dirty Pairs**

"We're 3-A Delegation of the Worlds Welfare Work Association!" the metal bikini-clad Asuna saluted, standing next to a similarly metal bikini-clad Konoka. "Codenamed the Lovely Angels, Sir!"

Governor Godel cringed back on his chair, rolling away from his desk. "Th-Th-The DIRTY PAIRS?-!"

"Don't call us like that!" the metal bikini-clad Evangeline began to rattle him around, eventually being restrained by a metal bikini-clad Chachamaru. "You imbecile!"

Metal bikini-clad Setsuna rasped, while metal bikini-clad Mana smiled faintly amused at her right. "Regardless, Governor, we have been sent to take over the Cosmo Entelecheia case. You have just been overruled in your jurisdiction over this affair."

"I know," Godel scowled. "However, the Association and our Senate have agreed on allowing one member of our forces to accompany you, both as support and as damage control. I want you to meet Negi Springfield-kun..."

Despite everything, despite their best efforts, Mundus Magicus still ended up exploding, naturally. But it never was officially found to be Negi or the Lovely Angels' fault.

**Top Ten Things you Never should Say in Class 3-A**

10. "For the class play, what if we stage one of Haruna's doujinshi?"

9. "You know what this school needs? More stripping robots."

8. "Hey, Chubbo, your food sucks."

7. "Guess what I've just found out? You all are Negi's half sisters!"

6. "By the way, Negi's screwing his cousin. Who is also his sister and his mom. Long story."

5. "I've just called Chris Hansen on all of you freaks."

4. "I called Social Services and got the kid removed from office. Seriously, a boy his age shouldn't be working yet! Also, it seems his papers weren't in order, so he was deported to Wales. I think he's in the plane right now..."

3. "This is the key to Permanent Pactios! ENEMAS!"

2. "I was the one who killed Aisaka Sayo!"

1. "Fuck you, Eva."

**Insolent Habits**

"Hey there, everyone! I'm Negi Springfield, and I'll be your English teacher, guys! Let's see if I can stuff some knowledge of an actual human language into ya Japs!"

"Let's see, this class roster... 1940? You still have a pic of a dead chick here? What did she do, kick Hirohito in the balls? How lazy is the staff here, keeping this relic here after all this time? Off with it!"

"Now, let's see... Akashi, right? Daughter of that old fart teacher? Well, here's another teacher you can call Daddy, hon. Here it says you're a basketball player. That's good and all, but you really don't have to keep your basketballs under your shirt, sweet cheeks."

"Now you... Asakura? Love that hairdo. I'm sure I'll never have a sad day with you here; I'll never be able to see it without laughing. You in the basketball club too? Nah, those are too big. You sure you're really fourteen? I want you in my office after classes for a checkup."

"Number Four... Ayase, right? Is that your forehead, girl, or are you the forehead's girl? Not smiling, huh? I can tell you're the soul of the party. Yep, you have 'barrel of laughs' written all over your face. Well, except the forehead. They ran out of ink when they started there."

Negi died as soon as he reached Student 8, Kagurazaka Asuna. It was a blessing for him, actually, since Evangeline already had planned several things to do to him when he took his turn with her...

**Divine Design**

The girls knew something was horribly wrong as soon as Chao showed up for the urgent secret meeting Negi had called them for. Well, the girls and Fate.

The large, shit eating grin Chao had on didn't ease their concerns. Or the way she kept on avoiding their questions on exactly why she was back.

Then Negi himself showed up. "First of all, I'd like to announce our plan has been a complete success, and thanks to the help of Belldandy-sama and her relatives, the elevator is complete long before our expectations. Mundus Magicus is all but saved now."

"Minor event!" everyone shouted. "Go to the point!"

Negi sweatdropped. "Ah... Well, yes, I... I would also like to announce... Through these last few months of intense work, I... Well, I have met... someone who... I felt complemented myself so much... N-Not like I won't always value our _friensdhips_ a lot, but...! But...!"

3-A, Anya and Fate stared at him, wide eyed. Chao only grinned. Natsumi and Kotaro began to quietly creep for the door together, ready to run away from Ground Zero...

Negi rasped. "I'd, well, like you to meet my fiancee. Skuld-chan."

The young goddess of science skipped into sight happily, with a large proud smile on. "Hello!"

3-A, Anya and Fate grew ghastly pale.

Yue turned to Chao almost mechanically, poking a finger on Lingshen's blush stickers. Her voice came stiff and terrified. "Oh my goodness. These are... These are _facial markings_!"

And Chao nodded energetically.

3-A, Anya and Fate rose as a single scorned being, ready for a thunderstorm of raging unholy retributon, in a truly Biblical scale...

Then Belldandy showed up behind Skuld and Negi and looked at the crowd. It was not a particularly warning look, or even a nasty one. Not even one like Chizuru's patented glares.

It still was more than enough to make even Evangeline sit back down immediately.

Of all people, Zazie was the one to finally break the tense silence.

"So, how's Sister Urd doing?"

**Negi, Chisame and Mama Bear**

Ako turned around in the bed. "I know all three of them are good people, and I sure hope they all can make each other happy. But, still—"

Her new husband shrugged, with his head well nested in the pillow. "I've seen worse."

Ako sighed. _Yeah, well, Akira still thinks WE are a worse match, _she thought, but it remained unsaid.

Next day, while lunching together, Tosaka would only smile as Negi and Chisame ocasionally would try to be discreet while coughing thick chunks of brown fur. Ako only rolled her eyes, mortified.

Mama Bear would simply continue humming happily while serving the desserts.

**I liked you Better when you were me- Tsukuyomi Edition.**

_Thirty One Clown Princesses in Amber Tsukuyomi vs. Decadent Habits Tsukuyomi- Round 1, FIGHT!_

Batgirl stared down at the coffin. "... Is this someone's concept of a joke? Oh, I know, it was staged by one of Setsuna-sempai's sisters, right? The one in the nun cosplay?"

"Go, Mommy, go...!" Amaterasu cried from the sidelines.

Batgirl sighed and sliced the coffin in four sections.

_Thirty One Clown Princesses in Amber Tsukuyomi WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY!_

"My sword skills... have just been wasted on a worthless object."

...

Unequally Evangeline blinked, staring at the screen, her hands barely holding the control pad anymore.

"I still don't know if this is the greatest fighting game ever, or the lamest," she finally confessed.

2814 Evangeline smirked. "Hey, you haven't seen nothing yet! Look at this! T*m*h*wk vs. Oscar from _Artemis' Lover_! Cool, huh?"

"I think I need some fresh air..."

**The Virtue of Patience**

"Haruna-san, what are you doing?" Negi peeked over her shoulder.

"Well, obviously, I'm watching TV, Negi-sensei."

"But you can't see or hear anything! The whole screen is blank, and the dialogue is garbled and distorted!"

"Ah, that's because this is Fanservice-heavy anime. So they censor the naughty bits until they release the series in DVD."

"... What is 'Fanservice'?"

"Basically, what happens every time we try to bathe you, or when we hit the beach."

"Oh. That."

"Yeah."

"But the TV has been like that for the whole half hour, excluding publicity cuts."

"It's a _very_ fanservice heavy show."

"Then why not to wait for the DVD? You can't understand anything this way!"

"Silly Sensei! That doesn't matter! No one watches these shows for the absurd, ridiculous plot! We watch them for the Fanservice!"

"... But you can't watch anything of it yet."

"..."

"Haruna-san?"

"I just realized I've wasted a whole season of my life."

**High Octane Nigthmare Fuel**

"Haruna, you have gone too far..." Yue began.

"Why do you say that? I only wanted to spread the popularity of perfectly non-hentai anime across the academy! I had no idea it would turn out that badly!"

"You showed Keroro Gunso to Kaede!"

"I forgot she had such a silly phobia!"

"And the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles OVA to Setsuna's Kendo sempai!"

"She was just lucky Gamera has no anime!"

"And Eiken to Anya-chan!"

"She's gotta overcome that dumb complex someday!"

"And Elfen Lied to Ako!-!-!"

"I swear that was a honest mistake! I mixed it up with someone else's anime!"

"And Misora is still—"

"Okay, okay, give me a break! No one, and I mean NO ONE normal should ever get scared by watching Highschool of the Dead!"

**It Happens Once a Week**

It was a quiet, peaceful day at the Chao Bao Zi.

Then a naked huge man with short white hair, one metal arm, and a glowing left eye appeared out of nowhere. "Chao Lingshen! I've come to stop you!"

"Oh, hi, Cable!" Chao greeted him.

Then an almost as big black nude man shaved bald, with a large 'M' tattooed over an eye appeared out of nowhere as well. "Chao Lingshen! I know you're the Traitor in Class 3-A!" he accused.

"How are you doing, Bishop?" Chao smiled.

A naked big breasted girl with long brown hair appeared out of nowhere. Again. "Aaaaaahhh, not this way! Not this way! Chao, hand me some clothing over!" she whined.

Chao sighed. "You know nothing of what I have fits you, Mikuru!"

A rotund, bald yellow man holding a toaster tumbled out of thin air, hitting his head against a table appeared out of nowhere this time. Naked. Brrrrr. "D'OH!-!-! Oooo, are these meat buns?-! Mmmmm, meat buns...!"

A strong, lean young man with short purple hair, with nothing on him but a sword appeared next. "FRIEZA! I've come to—! Uhhh, hey, hi, Chao. I took a wrong turn again, didn't I?"

Chao smiled widely, as Satsuki blushed behind her. "Your presence here is always welcomed, Trunks-kun..."

A shapely nude woman with very long hair holding a long, long staff appeared was the next one to appear. "Oh, for the love of Serenity! I'm supposed to be the master of this!"

"No power may ever stand against gratuitous fanservice, Meioh-san. Some tea?"

A man in golden and blue armor appeared this time. "Hey, good news, guys! I just fixed the timeline so we don't have the _Terminator_ rules of traveling anymore!"

"TOO LATE FOR THAT, BOOSTER!" was the collective cry.

And then Asuna and Negi walked in. "Hey, Chao!" Asuna called out. "We're just going to buy some takeout for—" She and Negi stopped dead on their tracks. "Are you having another casual night?"

Chao sighed. "You can keep your clothes on if you want, Asuna-chan."

**This Gotta Stop!**

"So, as you see, Takahata-sensei, from now on, I will be enforcing a stricter moral regulation upon this Academy, and I count on your help for it, " Dean Konoemon said from behind his desk. "So far, I have turned a blind eye to all the threesomes, inadequate family relationships, pony debauchery, student-teacher affairs, and extraneous after classes activities in the classrooms, but from now on, we will stop that!"

Takahata, after a long pensive silence, stood from his chair and pushed the desk aside. The soft suckling sounds stopped just as abruptly. He cringed.

The Dean's pants were down, and Shizuna and Sister Shakti were kneeling between his legs.

"Ah..." both women said.

Konoemon rasped. "On the other hand, perhaps I have been a bit hasty in my decisions. Maybe our students should be allowed a continued leeway of their decisive experimenting, lest they don't grow up repressed and unhappy..."

"That's it, I'm taking that job offer from Principal Kuno in Furinkan, " Takamichi deadpanned.

**A Wretched Hive of Culture and Illustration**

"— and so, here in Ariadne Academy, _anyone_ is welcomed as long as they want to learn and study, " Headmaster Seras continued her welcome speech passionately. "As long as you intend to run your studies here, we will protect you, no matter if you are a demon, an outlaw, a fugitive, a Twilight fan or a war criminal."

Mao yawned. "Yes, sure, sure. Can I go back to my test subjects now?" Then he remembered, as a honor student, he didn't really have to ask, and just left.

"BAH!" another new student crossed his powerful armored arms. "Insipid woman! Your pathetic school can possibly offer no haven to Doctor Doom! And there is no knowledge you can offer that Doom hasn't mastered and surpassed decades ago! Rest assured, if Doom remains here, it's only because Doom is vaguely amused by the simple follies of your puerile but energetic academic life! Plus, Doom likes your skirts. So speaks DOOM!"

"HAH!" the caped chimp sitting at his left laughed. "You're just envious of my superior, and hence better, intellect that gives you cause to envy my person, Doom! Because it is ME, MOOOOOJOOO JOOOJOOOO, who will claim the title of Best Student of the Year, proving my superiority and how much better I am than the whole of you! Yes, because MOOOOOJOOOO JOOOOOJOOOOO, who is me, is the smartest student who has ever set foot and stepped into this Academy!"

Mayuri rubbed his chin. "Curiouser and curiouser..."

"Ku ku ku ku!" Kururu laughed. "Indeed, my dear friend! Indeed!"

"Egads, Brain, this pantyhose is very itchy, " a tiny student with an odly furry face told her very short friend. "And I don't like the way that Von Katz girl is looking at us! Zort!"

"Silence, Pinkiette!" her friend whispered, sinking an elbow in her stomach. "We must cause a good impression if we want to become Valkyrie cadets, and then to _take over Mundus Magicus_!"

Washu raised a hand. "Headmaster, we are allowed weapons of galactic destruction in classes, aren't we?"

Pre-Crisis Lex Luthor raised a hand as well. "And about my proposal to ban the access to superpowered aliens, I would like to add—"

Then a tomato jumped onto his face. Luthor snarled, turning to the far too old student sitting next to him. "Gangrene! This is my last warning! Control your brainless pests, or else—!"

Dr. Putrid T. Gangrene shrugged. "What can I say, Lex? They feel attracted to you! Tomatoes and ham go together, after all!"

The teacher standing next to Seras looked at her and said, "Madame, I still believe we should reconsider changing some of our policies..."

An explosion ensued, and Zim ran into the hall, waving his arms. "Everyone flee for your worthless lives! The Tizarocoj is alive! IT IS ALIVEEEEEEE!"

Agatha Clay blinked. "Huh? What the blazes is a—"

"Don't ask, _chere_, just RUN!" the Brain urged as Monsieur Mallah jumped off their seat, carrying him out as fast as he could. "RUN!"

**Cheer as Folk**

Negi-sensei and Iincho had warned them to take it easy. They had reminded the three girls that, even if they were now in a magical land where age limits for drinking didn't really apply to the extent they did in Japan, it still was unwise to go overboard with the post-dinner refreshments.

But Misa, Sakurako and even Madoka were too awed by the idea of being in an actual to goodness fantasy land and having just helped to rescue Magical Princess Asuna to care about petty earthly limitations.

It had been a wild celebration party for _everyone_, after all.

Now, however, the only thing Misa felt wild were the aches all over her body. Especially her headache. A ringing, nasty one.

"How... How did we survive _that_?" she asked.

Lying next to her with a huge stupid smile, Sakurako cooed, "Well, at least in my case, I suppose I was just—"

"Lucky, we know! _Lucky_!" Madoka was hiding her head under a pillow. "I freakin' know you'll be the only one of us lucky enough to avoid getting pregnant!"

Rakan chuckled and patted her in the bare butt, fondly. "Come on, keep a positive spirit, Kugimin!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"But you liked it last night!" he argued.

Then the door slammed open from the outside, and in stepped that blond horned girl Negi had introduced to them during the party... Theofrasta? Theoranta? Misa was so tired she couldn't remember.

Her eyes glowed crimson. "Oh, so you're **here**!"

The big lug grinned stupidly and waved a hand. "Oh, good morning, Theo—!"

Sakurako's luck was pushed to its limits to keep her alive after that. Misa and Madoka had to cling to her so it influenced them too...

**Card Captor Sakurako**

The Clow Cards kept on appearing right on her doorstep by coincidence so often, she usually would just stumble on her way out to catch them, and hit them with her staff accidentally, capturing them before even realizing she had just done it. She had the whole set before a month and a half.

Also, Yue, Yue, Li, Eriol, Ruby Moon, Mizuki-sensei and Meiling all fell in love with her. Lucky girl indeed...

**The Right Decision**

Seeing them all there, standing tall and proud around their Master, cheering for him after his greatest victory (or only nodding with a pleased little smirk, in Evangeline's case), Natsumi couldn't help but feeling bad for Kotaro-kun.

There was Negi-sensei, surrounded by so many powerful, gorgeous Ministra, ranging from Iincho's flawless elegance to Asuna's vital exhuberance. While Kotaro-kun stood behind, with only her at his side. The stupid, bland, un-glamorous her.

He deserved better, she told herself. He had struggled as much as Negi-sensei.

But then, he only smiled, hands crossed lazily behind his neck. And when he finally looked back at her, he poked a thumb towards the chattering, demanding Ministra struggling for their Magister's attention, and said, "You know, I'll bet I'm far better with my one Ministra than he's with his thirty one."

Then she knew she had made the right decision.

**Tales from Chamo's Harem**

Chamo waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And kept on waiting.

Then, finally, he screamed his rage to the Heavens. "ARRRGHHHH! WHY WON'T **ANYONE** COME HERE?-!-?-!"

**Delirious**

"After that, we burned everything in Happosai's secret stash, " Nabiki finished sadly, "But the damage had been done. She already had found it, and Haruna would never be the same ever since..."

Negi hadn't understood all of it, but still nodded sympathetically.

**Refined**

"Maybe," Chizuru started suggesting, "If you really feel you need continue fighting Asuna-san, Ayaka, you still should at least try to adhere to some guidelines fitting your status, since after all, you are—"

Ayaka growled viciously while she and Asuna strangled each other. "Shut up and just pass me the baseball bat!" she managed to yell.

**Derivative**

Chisame woke up between Negi and Hakase again. "So predictable..." she mumbled.

Hakase was humping her leg, but it barely registered. "Typical..."

Chisame noticed Matoi videotaping them at the window, and just closed the curtains on her face. "As usual..."

It was all getting so boring, she actually began considering Hakase's offer of starting bringing Sakurako over...

**Retcon**

"You mean I have HOW MANY sisters now?-!" Negi asked with a strangled voice.

**Mating Ritual**

Shirabe stared sternly at Koyomi and Tamaki. "No, I don't believe your claims of being moved by an irresistible heat season. For starters, you're both of different species."

**Kindness**

"Meow, meow, meow!" Chamo said.

It was a horrible imitation, and the fake cat ears on top of his own were awful, but Chachamaru was kind enough to pretend she had bought it, and petted his head anyway.

**Tango**

"And that's how I learned 'Horizontal Tango' wasn't really a dance, but I still enjoyed my lessons a lot!" Tsukyomi chirped.

Chigusa backed away very quickly. Again.

**Chocolate**

"Ah-hah!" Haruna pointed out, laughing triumphally. "So **that's** why you have so many pimples!"

"I don't have a problem!" Chisame cried, hugging her Jumbo box of bomboms and trying to wipe the incriminating brown stains off her mouth. "I-I could quit whenever I wanted!"

**Crystal**

"— and that's how Crystal Tokyo fell, " Chao finished her tale, somewhat moodily. "But really, only Usagi was dumb enough to build a city of crystal in such a highly seismic zone!"

**Calculus**

"I owe it all to Count von Count!" Makie held her Math test up proudly. "Thanks, Count! Wherever you are, I'll never forget your valuable lessons!"

"Makie, you only got a 65, he's only a puppet, and you can watch _Sesame Street_ again tomorrow!" Ako grew exasperated.

**The Last Virgin**

Negi walked in after a long day of fighting Magical Evil, tired and sweaty. "Asuna, Konoka, I'm home! I just ran into a few—"

He gasped, seeing Asuna lying under Takahata on the lower bunk, while Konoka and Setsuna kissed Asuna's mouth and Eishun caressed Konoka's face from behind.

They all stared at him in shock.

"Oh, g-good evening, Negi... Y-You were late, so we t-thought you were spending the night at your parents' again..." Asuna stammered with a nervous chuckle.

Negi nodded, eyes as wide as saucers. "I... I think I'll go do just that..."

He turned around and ran.

When he arrived to the small apartment at campus Konoemon had given his newly recovered parents, however, his disgust only grew.

"Father! I thought you had promised stop leading Cosmo Entelecheia!"

Nagi shrugged from where he was, sandwiched between Arika and Dynamis. "We're just trying to establish a lasting agreement of sorts here..."

"Negi, you should not be here!" Arika gestured firmly for the door. "Not until you're 18!"

"Yes, Mother!" Negi silently thanked his mother wasn't such a decadent person, turning around and leaving, almost stumbling onto the absent and rolling on the floor Quintum, Quartum and Sextum.

He tried to ask for a futon at Chisame's instead, but she was busy with Hakase, Rakan and Matoi-san. "For the last time, learn to knock before walking in!" Chisame yelled at him.

He ran all the way to the librarians', but sure enough, they were busy with each other. None of the three had any objections at all on allowing him stay for the night, but Negi's mind flashed to his mother's stern warnings, and he excused himself off, much to their disappointment.

He tried the Master's cottage next.

An annoyed Eva, wearing Nekomimi with a school swimsuit, glasses, a fake tail and a white sports blouse, opened the door for him, wearing Chachamaru's panties as a hat. "What? This better be very good, Boya..."

Negi yelped and ran away again, despite Albireo's insistent pleas for him to stay from the inside.

He stopped at Kaede's door, but just as soon, turned back and left before even knocking. The moans of Nagase and the twins told him everything he needed to know.

He was smarter for the next one and called beforehand. "Kotaro-kun?" he asked through his cellphone.

Kotaro's voice came in raspy pants. "Yeah, yeah? What?"

"Um... are those Natsumi-san and Chizuru-san moaning near you?"

"... Yeah. We're, uhh, watching a movie. And it... scares them. Y-You know girls..."

A raspy, panting Ayaka snatched the phone away from the dog boy over her. "Oh! Oh, oh! Is that you, Negi-sensei? We... We'd be pleased... ah... to have you _in here_!"

Sweatdrop. "Ah, no, sorry, I was just calling to see if everyone was okay...!"

The morning after, he was rubbing his eyes at the Dean's office. "Everywhere I went it was the same, so I ended up sleeping on a park bench at 2:00 A.M. And that's why I fell asleep this morning at classes..."

Konoe nodded sagely. "I see. Well, has been having similar problems, as well, and he isn't even supposed to sleep at all. I'll see what can I do to help you—" A pause, and then an outraged, "YOU SAID KONOKA WAS WITH **WHO**?-!"

**After All**

By the time she finally made it back to the Academy, she found Evangeline and Chachamaru, looking just the same as always, sitting around a small table with tea and cake under the World Tree.

Eva smiled softly. "Ah. I knew you'd remember, after all."

Asuna nodded grimly. "Yes. Yes, I did."

Other than herself, the Tree and her two classmates, everything was different.

Eva sipped from her cup elegantly. "That stupid old book was wrong like usual. I knew you were built of stronger stuff than that... Kagurazaka Asuna."

Asuna rubbed her wet eyes off. "Was it really worth it? From everything I've watched on my way here, it looks like Chao's awful future became a reality. And everyone else's gone. Is this what we struggled so much for? We sacrificed everything for this? What was the point?"

Chachamaru put a hand on her right shoulder. "We can't know that for sure until we have tried everything. And we haven't even tried half of what we can do. Now you're back with us, those options multiply twofold."

Asuna sighed. "No. In the end, we only have one option, don't we?"

"Yes, only one. Keeping going ahead, " Evangeline agreed. "You're right, everything else is just accesories. The _hows_ of our forging ahead."

Asuna sat down and hid her face in a hand. "I never imagined I could ever feel so tired after so much sleep."

Chachamaru, sympathetically, offered her a steaming cup. "In any case, welcome back, Asuna-san."

Asuna accepted the tea and drank. A smile came to her lips, slow and melancholic. "Ah. The way he liked it," she remembered.

Chachamaru smiled back, the same way.

**Space Pilot 352**

"Kagurazaka Asuna!" Chao grandly announced as she opened her laboratory's door. "Welcome to the world... OF TOMORROW!"

Asuna groaned and followed her inside, with an apathetic Evangeline closing the formation. The _Futurama_ theme blared loudly all over the place until Chao turned it off.

"Chachamaru!" the scientist announced. "We're home!"

"Great, right what my life needed, " Chachamaru snorted from where she lied on her stomach, drinking beer and watching the latest episode of _All my Magical Circuits_. "Oh, and you brought the lazy-ass holier than us bitch, too. Had a happy nap, jerk? Oh, Ayaka sent her regards... FROM THE FREAKING GRAVE, SINCE YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR HER WHEN SHE DIED!"

Asuna blinked. "Chachamaru-chan? Is that really you? Wow, you've let yourself go..."

"Bite my curvy and soft, yet cold and metallic ass, Kagurazaka," Chachamaru said before taking another gulp of beer. "Ahhh! This century has taught me enough about you fleshbags to know better. I'll never trust any of you ever again..."

"She's been this depressed since Chisame died," Chao whispered in Asuna's ear as Chachamaru began sobbing.

"DAMMIT, MOM, DON'T GO AROUND SAYING THAT! I FREAKIN' HATE YOU! SCREW THIS PLACE! I'LL GO HAVE MY OWN LAB! WITH BLACKJACK! AND HOOKERS IN BIBLION ROUGE COSTUMES! AND... AND... WAHHHH, CHISAME, WHY...?-!-?"

"It's just a phase, " Chao said. "Feel free to make a place for yourself anywhere you want, Asuna."

"W-well, yeah, I think I'll... WOW!" Asuna cringed as she saw a line of twelve jars full with a strange liquid lined along a wall, each one holding the severed head of one of her classmates.

"Oh, hello, Asuna-chan!" Haruna's head greeted her happily.

"Looking fine as always, Asuna-dono!" Kaede's head added.

"Excuse us for not shaking your hand!" Yuuna's head laughed.

Asuna cringed, but managed a weak smile. "Ah, h-hello, Yuuna, Haruna, Kaede, Fuuka, Fumika, Madoka, Sakurako, Misa, Akira, Kazumi, Satsuki, Misora. Good to see you haven't lost your heads even after all what happened..."

Chao walked back in bringing a young Chinese woman in a pink belly button showing jacket and matching pants. "Good news, everyone! With Asuna back with us, Cassiopeia Express finally can start operating! Asuna, I want you to meet Ami, Ku-chan's descendant and heiress to one of Mars' richest families. She's our newest intern. I'll also introduce you to the tentacle monster who attacked Chisame way back; since then, he studied Medicine and became our doctor. Looks like that encounter influenced his whole life..."

"WAHHHH! CHI-CHISAME...!" Chachamaru wailed. "You should have saved her head too...! I'll never stop hating you...!"

Asuna made a truly distraught face. "Eva-chan?"

"I'm right here. What do you want?"

"Is there any way to seal me back?"

"I've been trying to do that to myself ever since Boya died, don't you think I'd have succeeded by now if there was a way?"

**CSI Mahora.**

"What's the situation, Mr. Wolfe?" Horatio asked as he slowly walked into the crime scene, his sunglasses in a hand.

"Well, Horatio, it looks like, whowever it was, they made a really **rushed** job, " Wolfe pointed at the corpse of _Mahou Sensei Negima!_, lying on a pool of its own ink, its whole body covered by bleeding plot holes. "Funny thing, until four chapters ago, the series was looking healthy, although it wasn't making much sense anymore when it spoke. Three chapters ago, looks like it was threatened with death, but the department doesn't read ANN, so they thought it was only another prank call from 4-Chan. And now here we are."

"Suspects so far?" Horatio asked.

"The author's the main suspect right now. Made all the more suspicious since he was seen recently flirting with the possibility of a new series. We haven't learned which series yet, though. Delko thinks it may be a complot between him and Love Hina to murder Negima and return Hina to the spotlight, since there were rumors about a sequel... But we haven't fully discarded the editors yet. Or it might be Akamatsu's wife, since apparently she was angry he wasn't taking enough breaks to be with her..."

"Passional crime, huh?"

"Maybe. And there's also the matter of SHAFT, which made several attempts on the franchise's life before, but they have an alibi. They were seen in company of _Nisemonogatari_ all night long."

Horatio breathed deeply. "Well, no matter the case..."

He put his sunglasses back on.

"... Negima just lost its _magic_."

_**YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!**_

**Sweet Dreams, Sweet Princess**

It had taken her a lot of effort to arrive there.

Panting slightly, with a foot limping slightly behind the other one, the girl made her silent way to the large, coffin-like structure where the other girl slept. With huge eyes full of fascinated reverence, she drank on the sleeping beauty's appeal.

She reached over carefully with a small hand, and touched the other girl's cheek. It was cold, almost like a corpse's, making her shiver. But she could see the prone female was breathing, soft and slowly. Ah, so it was a hibernation of sorts. It made sense.

"I'm glad you're okay, " she whispered, with a tender voice full of respect. "When I heard you were here, doing this, for us, for all of us, I knew I had to come here and pay my respects. It wasn't easy at all, and it was a very long and difficult trip, but now I see you, I must say it was worth each pain I encountered on my way. I used to think I loved the most beautiful and noble girl in the world, but now I see I was wrong. She can't even compare to you."

She grabbed one of those cold hands tightly, biting her lower lip.

"This sacrifice... It has to be the most horrible thing a person can undergo. You're throwing your life away, when you have no real reason for it. When no one could or should force you to do it. For people you don't even know and never will meet. Even for me, in a way. Why? I'd really, really like to know. Only thinking about it touches my heart in a way not even _her_ has managed to ever equal."

She rubbed the hand and nuzzled it against her own cheek, smiling sadly.

"You're the hope of two worlds. We all rely on you now. Without you, we all will collapse into each other, and that'll be the most horrible thing ever seen. Endless pain and suffering for everyone. And you're all that stands between us and it."

Carefully, she set the hand down on the sleeping girl's chest.

"Thank you, in everyone's name. It's a real shame I can't stay, since I feel I could sit here watching you all these years. But I really need to go now."

And she placed a gentle kiss on her cold forehead.

"But first, I'd like to pay my ultimate respects, " the visitor whispered again.

She drew her blade out, and with a single, swift motion, sank it down into the other girl's heart.

Mismatched eyes flew open. A hoarse single sound escaped that throat before the blade came down again, splattering red all over the visitor's ripped off, battle worn dress.

"I have always believed we mustn't half do things," Tsukuyomi giggled musically. stabbing a third time. "If you're going to take a very long sleep, why not the longest sleep of them all? Sweet dreams, my sweet princess."

**What If? Negi had Told Arika 'No' in the First Chapter of Decadent Habits?**

He and Haruna shook their heads sadly at the collective decadent and depraved lunacy happening all around them, walked out of Mahota together, eventually married and had two children.

Everyone else managed to screw their lives up even more, somehow.

**Top Ten Fetish Archetypes Akamatsu Discarded for 3-A**

10. Arm Amputee Girl.

9. Arabian Lap Dancer Girl.

8. Boy in Drag.

7. 30-something Mother of Three Trying to Earn her Diploma after all this Time.

6. Girl with Eyepatch.

5. Invisible Girl. No, wait, she's actually already there, you just haven't seen her yet.

4. Nudist Girl.

3. Girl who Cuts Herself.

2. 14-Year Old Commander-in-Chief of the JSSDF.

1. Bollywood Girl who Breaks into Random Musical Number once a Volume.

**Happiness**

After I leave Kagurazaka with Boya, I take my leave, leaving Chao behind. I say I'll be travelling around, seeing the sights, going from world to world doing whatever I want.

The years pass to the point time becomes irrelevant and pointless, even for me. I see and do everything, from timeline to timeline, from real to realm. I see them all growing old and dying time and time again, they and their descendants, and I'll keep doing it. I am so above them now it isn't even funny anymore.

Sometimes I marry the Boya. Sometimes I marry his father. Every time, I end up outliving them. They are too damn stubborn for their own good, never listening to my ultimate wisdom. They always, eventually, find ways to get themselves killed even when it's fully impossible. I couldn't even if I wanted to. Which I don't.

I will live truly forever now. Nothing can kill me. I don't even have to fear the death of the universe anymore, since I can just switch to another universe whenever I want to.

So I should be happy.

I really should.

I don't want to ever end my trip, but I don't find solace on it anymore. I keep doing it... because. Isn't that enough of a reason? I don't need motivations. I'm not a person of happiness either. I just do things because I want to. I don't owe explanations to anyone, not even myself, on what are my reasons for wanting it.

Until the day I have a change of mind, leave the Cassiopeia aside, and just sit down to wait at the end of time itself. I could just jump ship again, but I won't, not this time. I just chose it.

I don't need a reason for this either.

I do it because I want to, and nothing else. I'm not even actually bored or tired. I can't even feel that anymore.

And then, in the final moment, I understand.

**The Hint**

Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Chopper, Brooke, Robin and Frankie, all walking down a street.

They pass near Asuna, who is carrying a large sign reading **THE END IS HERE**

They pass near Naruto, who is carrying a large sign reading **THE END IS NEAR**

They pass near Ichigo, who is carrying a large sign reading **THE END IS ALMOST KINDA SORTA NEAR, UNLESS WE'RE TROLLING YOU**

Nami scratches her chin, looking slightly troubled. "I think there's something we maybe should be doing, but I can't put my finger on what it is..."

"I KNOW! GOING FOR DINNER!" Luffy has a flash of inspiration, tossing his arms up.

And so they do.

**Spice and Wolf**

"Hello there," the wolf boy lazily waved a hand up. "I'm Kotaro, a wolf god of the crops. How you doin'?"

Natsumi shrieked, reached for the nearest available piece of cloth in the barnyard, and tossed it on the boy's bare chest. "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

Unfortunately, unlike Horo, Kotaro was horrible at finances, so he promptly drove Natsumi into bankruptcy. From then on, they stuck to Inu Yasha parodies only.

**Twincestous Anonymous**

"Friends, I want you to welcome our newest members, Narutaki Fuuka-chan and Fumika-chan from Mahora Academy, " Doctor Kabuchi announced.

"Hello, Fuuka and Fumika!" the rest of the patients said. Fuuka and Fumika bowed, the former smiling widely, the later fidgeting nervously.

"Please tell Fuuka-chan and Fumika-chan all what Twincestous Anonymous has done for you, " the Doctor asked them.

"Before Twincestous Anonymous came into our lives, we were the shame of COBRA...!" Xamot said.

"... and that's saying something, considering the people we worked with!" his brother Tomax completed. "Even the Dreadlocks laughed at us behind our backs...!"

"... but with Twincestous Anonymous' help, we're respectable terrorists again!" Xamot finished.

"We've finally stopped being the anime fandom's biggest Twincest joke!" Hikaru from Ouran High said peppily.

"Yeah! Now we finally are starting to get serious roles in fanfics!" his twin Kaoru nodded.

"I've learned all I had to do was coping with my sexual frustrations in a healthier way!" Nana said.

"Yeah, well, what my sister here said..." Momo didn't sound that convinced yet.

"We've discovered we have a full range of acting possibilities beyond bonking each other!" Fred and George Weasley chorused.

"The Avengers don't have to look elsewhere when we stand together!" Pietro Maximoff, aka Quicksilver, proclaimed grandly, while the Scarlet Witch smiled and nodded.

Shifty and Lifty paused briefly in their sneaky attempt to steal Fumika's wallet to grin and nod for the Narutakis, giving them a thumbs up. Fumika still shrieked and pushed them away.

The Doctor laughed good naturedly. "Well, when we're done here, you'll be able to stay together without resorting to unnatural activities with each other, girls! In TA, we believe on results through effort! Families shouldn't have to split apart when all we need is a little self control and continued discipline! Now, what do you say if we start by sharing how did you get started?"

"Well, " Fuuka rasped, "It began five years ago, when we were left without a babysitter for the first time ever..."

"Kaede, why do the twins look so tired all the time now?" Asuna asked.

"Ah, they have enrolled themselves into a Twins Club, or something like that. They have sessions every night after our Walking Club meetings-de gozaru..."

"Twins Club? What the heck do they do in a 'Twins Club'?"

"Twin things, I guess."

"What kind of things are those?"

"Okay, Asuna-dono. Truth is, they corrupted a whole therapy group their parents forced them to attend, and now they're milking it for all it's worth. Satisfied?"

Asuna cringed. "Not really."

"Knowledge," Kaede sagely lectured, "is often too much of a burden for our lesser minds. Then, when do you think Negi will return? I came to ask him to wipe my memory of _that_..."

**Myth Conceptions**

"Yes, Negi, you're, as a matter of fact, Zeus' reincarnation. That's why your element is lightning, why you're so broken, and why everyone is straight/shota/gay for you."

"Well, that's a surprise. I suppose whoever I marry will be the next Hera, then, and she'll inflict horrible curses upon my children with others and those others as well, right?"

"All signs point to that, yes."

—-

"And that's why I can't marry you, sorry..."

"You'll have to come up with a better excuse than that."

"I swear I'm not—"

"OR I'LL THROW A CURSE UPON YOU AND ALL YOUR DESCENDANTS!"

**How Mana got her Pactio with Negi**

"I'll bet you couldn't kiss Negi as well as I did!" Kaede said.

That decided it.

**The House Down the Street**

Growing up in a ravaged post-Independence War Ostia was hard, of course. Dad's war hero actions mostly happened out of public sight, and Mom was busy enough faking her death and making a new identity for herself to retain any of her power, influences or connections. So we had to move to a small and modest neighborhood in the outskirts of Ostia.

My best friends were Kotaro, the son of the next door neighbors, and Anya, the daughter of the family right across the street. Mom used to say Kotaro was a bad influence on me, but she never tried separating us, and I was thankful to her for that. We had a lot of stupid little adventures together, the kind kids use to have. Back then we thought the world was simple and easy to handle if you just applied enough pressure, and even more foolishly, we thought we were able to apply that kind of pressure, so we basically went around screwing things up often enough to drive our mothers mad, although our fathers only used to laugh it out.

Then there were the girls living down the street.

Most of them had been brought from Mundus Vetus as war spoils, then discarded and left to fend for themselves; but there were a few beast girls who had originally been at Ariadne too, including the daughter of a very powerful family who lost everything in the war. And most of them were around fourteen, many of them from Japan. I remember there was Ayaka, who had been raised in the lap of luxury, and had a real thing for me. Mom detested her, because she said she only wanted to corrupt me. At the end I guess Mom was right, since Ayaka was the one who ultimately took my virginity, when I still was only thirteen. The same afternoon when her friend Chizuru did the same thing to Kotaro, and he came out of that walking so funny Anya couldn't stop laughing for days. I _think_ another one of the girls, a busty one with glasses named Haruna, actually got Anya that afternoon too, but even now, Anya refuses to talk about it.

Other than Ayaka, Mom hated Evangeline, who was only a year older than me but had a serious crush on Dad, trying to flirt up with him at any chance, which to be fair, creeped Dad out to no end. But Mom knew Evangeline would grow up tall and gorgeous (Miss Shizuna, after all, treated her girls well, saying the more beautiful and well fed they were, the more business they would make. For someone in her line of work, she seemed a nice person), and she dreaded the day when Dad would start feeling attracted back.

So after a lot of hard saving, we moved all the way to Mundus Vetus, to Wales, with cousin Nekane. I ended up marrying a wonderful girl named Sextum, whose only real flaw is having five awful brothers, and I never saw the girls down the street ever again.

Sometimes, I wonder what are they doing right now.

But it has no use, to think about that, not anymore.

**The Wrong Path**

"Before you take the test," the examiner said, "I'm required to ask you: What's your ultimate goal in life?"

"I want to be a Magister Magi!" Luffy said.

"I want to be a Pokemon Master!" Negi said.

"I want to be the next Hokage!" Ash said.

"I want to be the King of Pirates!" Naruto said.

Ichigo groaned. "I haven't thought of that yet..."

"Okay, that's cute. You can start your tests now..."

_Later..._

"Well, " the examiner said. "It would seem your results show you should shuffle your priorities around a bit."

"Do the Hokages get enough chicks?" Naruto doubted. "Because I wanted a girlfriend at each port...!"

"B-But I _hate_ animals!" Ash was gasping.

"... It's because I look like Harry Potter, right?" Negi deadpanned.

"What do you mean with 'You'd be a danger to everyone around you if you learned magic'?-!" an enraged Luffy waved his sheets around.

"Soul Reaper?" Ichigo snorted. "Yeah, fine, whatever..."

**¡Siganme los Buenos!**

Negi sighed pathetically as he crouched down, trying to hide from the crowd chasing him.

Then he remembered the ultimate protection spell the Merdiana Dean had taught him before sending him to Japan. He had warned Negi it was a desperate last measure, the absolute last resource, and it had been stressed so much Negi hadn't dared to use it even when facing Kosmo Entelekhia. But now, things definitely made it necessary!

He really, really really didn't want that leek up his butt again! At least Fate had left his ass alone (although Negi still had the impression Fate-kun had to hold himself back there)!

"¡Oh!" Negi said, reciting the spell. "¿Y ahora, quien podrá defenderme?"

"¡YO!" a mighty voice said, making the sky crackle, and the girls stop dead on their tracks, with fear in their hearts.

Negi looked up with huge adoring eyes at the figure now standing before him, even more majestic than the Thousand Master... "¡El Chapulín Colorado!"

"¡No contaban con mi astucia!"

Chamo scratched his head. "I have the impression something _just isn't right_ with this whole scenario!"

**The Greatest Gift of Life**

"Negi, this is our son!" Asuna showed Negi their black haired, dog eared baby.

"Kotaro-kun, t-this is our daughter!" Natsumi showed Kotaro their baby, who had dark red hair and mismatched eyes.

Negi and Kotaro only looked at each other, wide eyed, for a moment, before Negi broke into a nervous, shaky and weak laughter.

"W-Well, no need for hard feelings, right...?" he asked, passing the baby boy to Kotaro.

"Ah ha ha, not at all..." Kotaro handed him the baby girl in return. "We already were like family anyway, right? At least we aren't in Fate's position..."

From the nearby bed where she was holding her silver haired baby, Haruna shouted "I HEARD THAT!"


	15. Chapter 15: Threesomes? What's That?

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. For real!

Read. Review. Please. PLEASE!

* * *

**The Mermaid's Farewell.**

"I'm sorry," she said. "I can't keep on living a lie. It has been wonderful, but... it can't continue."

And she walked into the sea, without ever looking back.

And the prince never saw her again.

* * *

**Excuses.**

"So," Asuna said, "as you'll see, I won't be available to do your newspaper route anymore, because I'll be sleeping for the next one hundred years. But I'll gladly start doing it again for your descendants once I'm back, as long as you still want to keep good references for me..."

The old man gave her a wary, weirded look. "Ah... Okay, sure thing, Asuna-chan. Well, I... I wish you good luck with... that sleeping thing, I suppose."

More than one century later, Asuna cursed her luck. Printed press hadn't disappeared yet after all! And so she was stuck with that old boring job again...

And to think once she had found it to be challenging and exciting.

Still, she couldn't deny the old man had left damn good references about her, despite everything.

* * *

**Savior.**

Demons were swarming all over the Academy, falling down in hordes from the sky. The world was ending, Eiko was sure of that, while around her, her Black Lillies partners cried and wailed, and she tried to protect little Yuki-chan, shielding her with her body.

There were far too many of those things. And they were far too big. There was no salvation.

Then he appeared.

Standing on top of a brick wall, waving his long tail in circles. He looked down at them, and his voice rang sweetly in their minds.

_This is truly a desperate situation, isn't it? You surely must want the means to fight back, to save your lives. And you can have those means, if you just happen to wish for it._

Little Yuki looked up with wide starry eyes at that adorable fairy tale creature who had arrived from nowhere, a bright spot in the middle of dark chaos. Eiko followed her gaze, and despite herself, she found hope flickering back in her heart, as well.

_Make a contract with me, _he said, _and become Magical Girls._

* * *

**The 27 Club.**

_Tonight, on Entertainment Weakly, we have a retrospective on Decopin Rocket, on the wake of their unfortunate passing at the peak of their popularity, at their 27 years old, joining the ranks of famous musicians departed at that age, like Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Afternoon Tea Time. Decopin's closest friends will be sharing their memories of the time they spent together._

"You know, I never thought it'd happen to Sakurako-chan. She always was so fortunate, and so full of life, we always thought she'd be the last one of us to go. Well, except for Eva-chan, but... Eva-chan's really a special case. Still, I guess that, if you have to go, going in the middle of a four way lesbic orgy is the best way you could go. Well done, girls. I'll be looking up to you for the rest of my life!"

_**Saotome Haruna- Writer and Artist of Mahou Mangaka Kenima**_.

"No, I never had an affair with Shiina-san. I don't know from where that rumor could have arose. Still, my heartfelt condolences to all of their relatives. I would bring them back to life in recreated cloned bodies if only Japanese law hadn't blindly stood in the way. I'm thinking of creating an organization to defend science's rights to experiment on the deceased for the wellbeing of mankind. And for science!"

_**Hakase Satomi Godel- Nobel Prize of Robotics, Astro Physics and Molecular Enginery, for three straight years now.**_

"... Y'know, my wife has just told me Madoka had a crush on me the whole time. ...Wow. Just wow. I'm even more rattled now, man. Women, they just are... you know. It sucks, I dunno, what happened, and..." (Scratches the back of his neck). "Hey, what do y'all think about Natsumi's new movie? Cool one, huh? I liked the final gunfight a whole lot!"

_**Inugami Kotaro, husband to Oscar winning actress Murakami Natsumi.**_

"Yeah, the news upset me a lot. I went Magia Erebea and ended up ravaging half the city. Luckily Chisame-san was there to slap me back before I could really hurt anyone. Look, friends, I'll pay for all the damage, okay? Just send the bills to Senator Godel, and we'll handle it as soon as we can. Anyway, yeah, I'm still grieving over them. They were such wonderful people."

_**Negi Springfield- Paladin, Million Master, Immortal Magical Saiyan Jesus.**_

"I have an audition with them this Tuesday. I hope they'll let me play, I don't know, the drums? Kazumi-chan keeps telling me I have real talent..."

_**Aisaka Sayo- Ghost.**_

"AKO-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!-!-!-!"

_**Ookuchi Akira- Olympic Swimming Champion and Flight Assistant.**_

"No comments."

_**Tertium 'Fate' Averruncus- Manager for Decopin Rocket.**_

_Princess Kagurazaka Asuna Vesperina Entheofushia couldn't be reached due to being in a century-long sleep._

* * *

**Sliced of Life.**

Madoka, Chizuru, Kotaro, Cocone and Makie all sat around a small table in a small and modest room. Chizuru had a blond wig on.

Kotaro rasped. "Okay, let's start," he said. "As you know, since the end of Negima, we can't find jobs even in fanart, and even doujin authors won't take our calls, so we're gonna have to take the current industry wave and make our own Slice Of Life Student Club series. Let's see if we have all checked our roles before acting the pilot chapter, all right?"

"Busty foreigner big sister figure," Chizuru said.

"The accent, Chizu-nee," Kotaro told her.

_"Oh, sorr-ee!"_ Chizuru faked a bad American accent. _"It awwwright like dis, Kota-kun? Ohh yeah, Coca-Cola Kool-Aid Obama!"_

"... Right. No one will notice it as long as the camera pans enough on your chest," he said. "Makie?"

"Airheaded cutesy pink Moeblob," she sighed. "You know, Kotaro, maybe I should try another kind of role? I didn't study Dramatic Arts just to be typecasted as the brainless childish beauty. What do I need to be taken seriously, to grow as an actress? Another seiyuu? A character redesign? Implants?"

"Let's make a compromise," Kotaro sighed. "Put on some glasses. We need a girl with glasses. That way, you still can be the public-appealing bimbo, but you also can give an intellectual side whenever the plot calls for it."

Makie pulled her glasses from under the table and put them on. "I guess that'll have to suffice for now."

Cocone sighed very deeply, then put on an obnoxious bubbly attitude. "Tee-hee-heeee! Cute little Imouto Cocone-chan here! Desu!"

"Agressive Next Door Tsundere," Madoka said. "At least this time I get to punch people, right? I spent all those months training, just to have the damn series cancelled before-"

"Yeah, yeah, we've all been gypped, we know, let's freaking move on already, okay?" Kotaro said. "Let's face it, they won't hire us with a few design twists for Ken's next series, like Asuna or Nodoka, so we have to make a way back in the biz for ourselves. Playing the bland male lead will be hard to do, as well, but hey, it's what sells, and at least I won't be playing beta to fucking Negi again. I hope that creep burns."

He began giving the girls copies of the script. "We'll be acting this one, starting right now, then have it memorized by tomorrow so we can start filming, okay? I know, we barely have any time, but we had problems with the scriptwriter, so I had to can him and finish this thing by myself."

Chizuru read through her script. "It's fifteen minutes of us talking about orange juice, and then the rest of the episode is about dressing up like maids. Including you."

"I'm telling you, it's what sells now!-!"

It went to have five seasons, three OVA and a movie.

* * *

**Fate. Not, not THAT one. Not the blond one either! Well, sorta.**

"Launcher, attack!" Chisame commanded.

"Berserker, or Funny Vamp, or Temptress, whatever, ATTACK!" Evangeline commanded.

"Saber, attack!" Fuuka commanded.

"Saber, attack!" Fumika commanded.

"Shit, two of them again?" Avenger growled.

"I-It doesn't matter how many of them there are! Just attack them before they kill us!" Misora panicked.

"Lancer-kun, att—" Makie cried. "GAH! You died AGAIN?-! You fail at being Lancer!"

Assassin looked at Akira. "Are you sure you don't want us to—"

"No, " she said. "We aren't engaging into violence. Sorry." And then, to make up for it, she extended her arms for her.

Assassin cuddled against her. "Mother..."

"Magical Girl, attack!" Konoka told Nanoha.

"Magical Girl, attack!" Setsuna told Fate.

_"Magical Yuri Combination Attack!"_ all four of them chorused.

Rider and Rakan were too busy drinking together and laughing their heads off to join such a childish fray for now. Luckily for everyone else.

Chamo gulped. "W-Well, um... Archer-sama...? A-Aren't you going to—"

The armored golden figure squished him underfoot. "For the last time, vermin, no matter if you summoned me, I won't ever recognize you as my Master!"

Haruna and Caster were too distracted comparing tentacle monsters and debating the merits of their respective creations to join the battle for the time being.

The author has not read or watched _Kara no Kyoukai_ yet, so sadly Monster shall be Miss-Not-Appearing-In-This-Snippet.

And that was the day when Negi decided adding the 'Not Bringing Servants to Classes!' rule.

And no, don't ask why Rakan was at the school to begin with, either.

* * *

**Phantom of the Opera**.

Negi stared up at the woman standing over him. She wore a long, concealing black trenchcoat, with a hat that obscured most of her features. A strange white half-mask covered the left side of her face, and long bangs of light brown hair blocked most of its right side, but still, it could be seen she was wearing glasses over it all, mask included.

"Why are you-" he began to ask.

"Silence!" she said. "Choir boy, for long, I have watched over your performances, languishing under Fate Averruncus' shadow. But starting tonight, that will change! I will make you the next star of the Mahora Opera!"

Negi blinked. "What? But, but I'm not good at all! All my teachers tell me I still have too much to learn, and I'm nowhere as good as Fate-kun, and..."

"Stop it!" she ordered, gesturing imperiously. "I command you to stop your relentless self doubt! You will head that show even if I have to force you at gunpoint!"

"But... But why are you doing this? I can't imagine-"

"It-It isn't like I like you or anything! I'm just doing this to, uhhh... to enact my vengeance on the Opera's management! Yes, that is it!"

"Ah... That's quite an insidious plot, Phantom-sama. With my voice, you'll sink them for sure..."

"Shut up and start practicing, boy!"

Meanwhile, up at the Opera House, Director Konoemon sang the newly arrived ultimatum letter aloud.

_"Negi Springfield will be returned to you, and I am anxious his career should progress. In the new production of 'Il Muto' you will therefore cast Averruncus... as the Rainyday, and put Mr. Springfield in the role of the Fox Countess. The role which Mr. Springfield plays calls for charm and appeal. The role of the Rainyday is silent, which makes my casting-in a word... ideal.I shall watch the performance from my normal seat in Box Five, which *will* be kept empty for me. Should these commands be ignored, a disaster beyond your imaginations will occur. I remain, gentlemen, you obedient servant. C.H.I.U."_

Takahata blinked. "I wasn't aware you could read a letter like that, Sir."

"Well, you know, I wasn't always stinking rich and famous. I used to make a living reading sung telegrams back in the day. Shirtless, more often than not."

A beat.

"I was really ripped up back then. Really. Well, Yukihiro-sama?" he addressed the other sponsor. "What is your answer to these outrageous and ridiculous demands?"

Ayaka finished wiping the blood off her nose and nodded energetically. "We'll cooperate!"

* * *

**Salvation Run**.

They dropped in parachutes on the island one after another, and then, standing in the wilderness, they breathed the quiet and peaceful air of...

"FREEDOM!" Ranma shouted, tossing his arms up.

"Finally, no more Tsundere punches!" Keitaro exclaimed.

"No more annoying fights!" Tenchi cheered.

"No more cruel teasing!" Shinji inhaled deeply.

"No more being branded a pervert!" Rito pumped a fist.

"No more random and unpredictable sour mood swings!" Kodaka added.

"No more Nice Boats!" Makoto said, having learned his lesson.

"NO MORE GIRLS!" they all said.

Then Keiichi said, "Um, this doesn't mean we're gay, right?"

Negi spoke very seriously. "I'm escaping a bunch of girls who like putting foxgirl costumes on me and sticking onion leeks up my butt. I don't know you, but I'm doing this '''precisely because''' I'm not gay."

"Fair enough," Keiichi nodded.

"By the way, I thought you were happy with Belld-"

"After the latest revelations in my manga, please don't mention that name in my presence ever again."

"...I won't ask."

They marched through the tropical jungle looking for a place where to camp for a few moments, until they ran into a hidden cityof ancient Greek style, completely populated by nothing but gorgeous young women in semi transparent white robes.

The women began staring at them. Eyebrows were raised.

Negi began sucking on his thumb. "Oh God, it's starting again...!"

Tenchi looked at Ranma. "I thought you had said this island was deserted!"

Ranma looked at his map again, gasped,then shook a fist to the skies."RYOOOOGAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

And that was how Paradise Island's population doubled itself up in a meager nine months.

* * *

**Lone Wolf and Club**.

And then Tsukuyomi just walked into his office and said, "I'd like to start a Club, Sir!"

Konoemon looked up from his Sudoku at her. "Excuse me? Maybe I'm getting senile, but I seem to hear you, the girl who helped in my granddaughter's kidnapping and attempted brutal mutilation at the very least on one of my prized students, just asking me for permission to establish a club in the grounds under my responsibility."

Tsukuyomi nodded vigorously. "Indeed, Sir!"

"Ho-hum. Despite your not even being part of this academy's student body."

She knocked on her own head, poking the tip of her tongue out. "Oopsie! I knew I was forgetting something. Where do I sign to join?"

"... Even if I were to allow you joining, you'd need at least three fellow club members and a teacher's backing to start your club."

Tsukuyomi placed Chachazero on his desk. Chachazero just grinned and waved at him. "First fellow club member! The rules never stated they had to be students. Even so, I... got two other students and Nitta-sensei to sign documents for me, stating their support. Here they are!" Tsukuyomi produced said documents out.

Konoemon examined the papers. "I really hope this is red ink. May I ask what this Club of yours is about, miss?"

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH 'CLUB OF KILLING THINGS DEAD WITH VERY SHARP BLADES'!-?" Setsuna screamed.

The old man scratched the back of his neck. "What can I say? She showed more enthusiasm on her proposal's defense than any other student I have ever met…"

* * *

**Dearest**.

When they finally retrieved the Hero's broken body from the wrecked, shattered site of his final battle, they found the two pages carefully placed into one of his breast pockets, the one closest to his heart. It even had seals and wards all over them to prevent them from being destroyed, so it took the experts a long while to actually be able to open and read the pages.

In the meantime, theories bubbled furiously everywhere. Some said they had to hold the Hero's greatest magical secrets, the key to his ultimate victory against the Mage of the Beginning. Others said it was his testament. Yet others said it was a last message to the warring people of both worlds, a final attempt to spread peace.

When they finally cracked all the seals open, they saw they were only two yellowed pages of an old book, the kind teachers had used when the Hero still was only a child. These two pages in particular held a class roster, showing thirty one students in total, with annotations all over them, everywhere, in literally every space the Hero could have written into. It was obvious, from the evolution of the Hero's handwriting, the annotations had been made through decades and decades.

_Honored Friend. __Died Bravely. __Far Wiser than Me. __Taken Away too Soon. __My Beloved._

Not a single bad word was ever written about any of them. Other than those few notes around the Twilight Princess' picture, which had been written all over, along with the horns the Hero had once drawn on her.

They buried him with the pages.

* * *

**The Angry Beavers**.

Konoka kept covering Negi's eyes with her hands, and very coldly said, "Asuna-chan, Iinchou, when I mentioned Negi-kun's favorite cartoon show from when he lived in the West, I didn't mean this. I appreciate your effort to re-enact it, but... No. Just no. And Asuna-chan, beavers are supposed to be hairy. Very much so."

Asuna looked at her from where she still was tightly entangled against an equally naked and struggling Ayaka. "Can we keep doing it, though?"

Konoka sighed. "Enjoy yourselves..."

"WE AREN'T ENJOYING IT!" they angrily shouted.

* * *

**Wrong Genre Savvy**.

"... No, Tsukuyomi-han, this isn't what we are looking for in a Slice Of Life series. Sorry."

"Eeeehhhh?-! Do you mean those series aren't about slicing the life out of people?-!" she said, standing over Madoka's sliced up body. She pulled her glasses off and began wiping the blood out of them. "Oh, I'm soooo embarassed! I should have DONE THE RESEARCH, but we don't have the time for that anymore, making ends meet since we lost our jobs, you know! I wonder how are the others doing..."

* * *

Asuna tilted her head back. "But I still can do the old SHAFT head tilt, guys! See? See?-! C'mon, it's bad enough you half-assed our adaptations at every turn! Least you should do to make up for it is tossing me one bone or two..."

"For the last time, Kagurazaka-san, no, we aren't putting you in the Madoka Magica movie."

* * *

With a new haircut, Nodoka walked into Akamatsu's office. "Reporting myself for duty again, Sensei! What's my role this time?"

"Oh, welcome, Shinobu-chan. I think I've got the perfect role for you. This is a shy, withdrawn girl who is fiercely loyal to her friends and has a doomed crush on the nice guy lead..."

"Sensei! You promised me a different role this time!"

"And you'll have it! This time, YOU'LL WEAR GLASSES!"

"... Fine. At least I won't be eating dog food, like the oth- Oh, hey, Chisame, I mean, Naru-san. Playing the angry Tsundere again, huh?"

"Yeah, but this time I dye my hair blond. Good thing I gave Asuna that false hint about SHAFT before she could get here before I did..."

Shinobu smiled. "That's why I like working with you, you magnificent bitch, you."

* * *

**Mother**.

Several voices raised their protests when the Kansai Elder decided to marry such a young woman so shortly after his wife's death. The new Mrs. Konoe was, indeed, a prodigy between her peers, and her tragic past had gained her the sympathies of many, but she still had the shadow of revolutionary accusations against her. Many turned to the Elder of Kanto, father of the late Mrs. Konoe, for support against that marriage, but in the end, the old man simply voiced his dry, formal acceptance of his son-in-law's decision.

And so, Konoka got herself a new Mom.

Mom never was too close to Konoka while growing up, despite how much she watched over her. She was downright rejectful of Set-chan, as well, which made Konoka to borderline hate her for a long while. After her accident at the river, however, Mom went nearly crazy at her near-loss, which only served to spur Setsuna's pain even more. Mom stood guard next to Konoka's bed for days until her full recovery, and from then on, she practically was Konoka's shadow until she left for Mahora.

Konoka had no way of knowing Mom only thought of her as a valuable tool. She couldn't know her only concern for her was born out of long term schemes she was a necessity for. All she knew was Mom was truly concerned for her now, and wanted to be closer to her. She accepted her, and over time, they grew truly closer. And slowly, day by day, week by week, month by month, Mom's eyes became softer and kinder when she looked at Konoka.

The first letter Dad wrote to her Mahora adress told her of how Mom had cried right after she left.

And then, so long after that, the decisive day came. Mom came out with Dad to greet her, Negi, Set-chan, Asuna and the others. For some reason, however, she seemed somewhat sad when she hugged Konoka, and when Negi and Setsuna told them of how they had been attacked by Tsukuyomi and Kotaro. She barely touched her dinner and excused herself out early.

And right like that time with Set-chan, back then, Konoka wondered if she had done something to anger Mom.

Mom met with the strange pale boy behind the manor at the scheduled hour. Years of planning were finally coming to a head. She would finally get what she wanted all her life long. She only had to give him the go-ahead. They never would expect an attack from the inside.

The woman opened her mouth, and no sound came out. The pale boy looked at her with quiet, cold expectation, until she shook her head and closed her eyes.

"I'm calling it off."

"What?" the pale boy asked. For the first time ever, there was confusion, even if a subdued one, in his voice.

"We aren't doing it. It's not the right time."

He understood. "It'll never be the time. Will it?"

"Perhaps."

"That," he said, "just cannot be. My superiors want to see that Demon God's power unleashed, and only you know how to perform the ritual."

She smiled bitterly. "Your superiors. Of course. I would have had to be a fool to think someone like you would be a puppet with no strings."

"Indeed, I am no mere mercenary. And you are advised not to break our agreement."

"I have taken my decision."

"I see," he calmly said. "I'm sorry, then," and he was polite and soft, but with no trace of actual emotion. "But an example must be set for those who would deceive us."

She pulled her paper charms with a more sincere smile now. "Funny you would mention that. I also need setting an example for my daughter."

They found her petrified form shortly after. It still had the same smile. A smile Konoka had never seen in her before. A peaceful one.

That was how Konoka lost a mother for the second time.

* * *

**What, Still Too Soon?**

"So, how did you like visiting our Hiroshima home, Negi-sensei?"

"Oh, it was very nice! Simply charming! Lovely city, too! Do you know what? Japan definitely needs more Hiroshimas!"

Ayaka, her father, mother and uncle all stared at him.

Negi scratched the back of his neck. "Ahhhh... I guess that sort of came out wrong, right?"

"Yes, I suppose you could say so..."

* * *

**Pay the Piper**.

"What have you just asked me?-!" Evangeline wanted to be sure she had heard him right.

Konoemon rasped. "Well, popular lore lists it as a common ability of vampires, but there are no records of your ever displaying it..."

"Of course I haven't ever done it! Why would I ever do such a stupid thing?-!"

"Well, but technically, you could do it if you wanted to, isn't that right?"

"- I guess so," she conceded. "But just because I can, it doesn't mean I'll do it for you!"

"Do it and I'll give you the next Sunday so you can wander out of Mahora," the Dean offered, spinning his right arm around to show it was in shape.

"Huh. You're that desperate, aren't you?"

"Every other thing we have tried has failed, so yes..."

Eva laughed. "Well, there are some things not even your magic can fix, old fart! Now mine, on the other hand...!"

That night, during his patrol, Negi blinked, seeing Evangeline marching across the deserted campus followed by a long line of rats. "Master? What are you-?"

"N-Nothing! Us vampires just control rats all time! It's part of the many evil and petty things we do! No particular reason at all behind it! Also, I command you to accompany me this Sunday into the city! Just so I can show you how nasty and mean I can be to bystanders! Not a date at all!"

* * *

**Don't Get me Wrong!**

The wedding, all incidents aside, had been lovely, and while deciding the honeymoon destination had been difficult to say the least, Asuna was happy now they had settled for Hawaii. After a day of having fun around the beach, she and her new husband had settled down at their honeymoon suite.

"Hey, Negi," she said while he was in the toilet. "I'm going to call Room Service for some wine and cheese, okay? Oh, and crackers! I sure could use some crackers!"

"Um, okay, sure, if you think you won't have any problems with-" her 20-years old husband couldn't finish the sentence before she cut him off with a faintly annoyed grunt.

"Tch! How hard can it be? I'm not a Baka Ranger anymore, you know! And boy, I really want those crackers right now!" she said, licking her lips on expectation. She had packaged her cravings for the trip, along the infant growing inside of her. There was a reason they hadn't told anyone behind the hurry for the wedding. _"Hell, Rom Ceviche?"_ she asked as soon as she thought she had it. _"I like two ask four something!"_

The attendant blinked at her request. "That? Are... Are you sure, Madame?"

_"Ah? Yes, yes, I am, you are!"_ she nodded quickly. _"That very good, thanks!"_

When Negi walked out the toilet, the door's bell rang. "Oh, what a fast service!"

"Yeah!" Asuna went for the door. "They sure are good at what they-"

Then she froze, seeing the bellboy before her pushing a cart loaded with two lobsters on twin plates, two blowup dolls, a set of S&M, and a live monkey who wouldn't stop scratching himself. The bellboy gave the shocked Asuna a wary glance before bowing. "W-What you asked for, Ma'am. Well... Enjoy your night."

On his way back out, he briefly stopped at Negi's side and whispered on his ear, "If you don't mind my question, sir, where did you meet...?"

Negi's head hung down in shame. "I was her English teacher…"

* * *

**The Empress' New Clothes**.

Once upon a time, there lived a young empress who was obsessed with her appearance. She lived for her subjects' admiration, and loved to wear the most expensive and elaborate clothes to attract their attention.

However, rather early in her life, after trying all sorts of outlandish and elegant clothes alike, there was nothing left that Empress Chiu hadn't already worn before. She became desperate in her search for new clothes worthy of her, so she issued an edict offering untold riches to whoever could make the most wonderful, most unforgettable dress of them all for her.

Many tailors and dressmakers tried, but they all failed to offer anything Empress Chiu hadn't worn before. Until two pint sized twin tailors strode into palace grinning impishly and offered Empress Chiu the most special of all dresses.

"It's made from the most miraclous of all fabrics!" the sisters boasted. "Only those who are intelligent, refinated and honest can see it! The fools, the incompetent and the useless can see nothing but air instead!"

That terrified Empress Chiu since she couldn't see anything, but to be sure, she called on the smartest woman she knew, the Royal Chief of Librarians, and asked for her opinion on the subject. Before the shy Chief Librarian could say anything, the twin tailors quickly expanded again on the wonders and marvels of the fabric. At that, the Chief Librarian choked, blushed, took the bangs of hair obscuring her face away, and issued a stammering but praising review of the legendary fabric.

So did Countess Yukihiro when asked on the subject.

As well as the freckled Director of the Royal Theater.

And the bespectacled Chief of Royal Artists.

And the Royal Ermine.

Captain Asuna of the Royal Guard bluntly said "I can't see a fuck there!", but everyone knew she was an idiot, so that was only confirmation.

Amongst the cheers of the whole court but the mumbling Captain Asuna, the Empress announced she would wear the miracle dress during the next week's royal parade.

The great day arrived quickly, and the Empress marched proudly at the lead of the parade, smiling widely under the warm sun, under the acclamations and hurrahs of her people. By now, the stories about the dress' properties had spreaded everywhere, and everyone in attendance agreed on how gorgeous and radiant Empress Chiu looked in the most fascinating dress ever made. Even the foreign rulers brought for the ceremonies had joined the praise.

"It's incredible!" Princess Theodora gushed.

"It's astonishing!" Count Herrmann clapped.

"It isn't that bad, " Queen of the Night Evangeline snorted, and everyone was floored, because she had never given such high praise to anything or anyone.

But young Prince Negi of Ostia blushed and averted his gaze. "She-She isn't wearing anything!"

A complete, shocked silence fell all over the crowd.

"Excuse... me...?" Empress Chiu's right eyebrow twitched.

Prince Negi dared to show an eye from between the fingers intertwined on his face. "Y-Y-You... You aren't wearing anything!"

A great gasp ran through the masses.

"You know, if the wise young Prince is saying it..." Royal Instructor Takahata whispered to his colleague Shizuna, who nodded.

"There is no way Prince Negi can be wrong!" Royal Physician Ako declared with all the passion of a woman in love.

Countess Yukihiro choked on her saliva. "That... That is true! But... But then...!"

"I knew it all the fucking time!" Captain Asuna slammed a foot down.

"She isn't wearing anything!" the crowd began to chant.

"The Empress is naked!" the chants began to become a taunting choir.

Seething red, mad with anger, powerless and humbled, Empress Chiu loomed over the only cause of her humiliation at hand now the tailor twins had most likely fled the country. "BRRRRRRAAAAAAATTTTT!"

As she went for his throat, however, her long hair tickled the Prince's nose, and then he sneezed, and an expanding boom filled the whole city.

That day, everyone could say they dressed just like an empress.

* * *

**Code Negima.**

"I can't believe it!" Prince Negi said, proving he was no Naruto. "Mother, you can't just allow this! My father must be found, and the culprits of his disappearance and Nekane's blindness must be punished!"

Queen Arika, with her back turned to him, spoke regally, in an oddly Norio Wakamoto-esque tone. "I have taken my decision, boy! If you insist on disobeying me, there is no place for you at this palace!"

"Then so be it!" Negi said. "I'll take Nekane with me to Area 11 and find Father myself!"

He grabbed Nekane's wheelchair and began pushing it for the door.

"You know, " Nekane mused, "For a time I get a regular role in a series..."

* * *

"Oh, that's Asuna-san, " Ayaka said, puffing her chest up to better fit into the Milly role. "She's rarely around, since she is sickly all the time. Or so she claims, because I'm sure she only uses that as an excuse to skip classes. Probably acting as a hooligan piloting giant mecha and rebeling against the authorities like the ape she is."

Negi sweatdropped. "Isn't that a very big and serious assumption, Yukihiro-san?"

"A Class Re— Sorry, President of the Student Council _knows_ when such things are happening, Sensei!"

From the other end of the hall, Asuna hid behind a pillar and tossed a shoe on Ayaka's head.

Ayaka roared, rubbing her head. "That's the worst polite and shy girl act I've ever seen!"

* * *

"I am Evangeline, the Immortal Witch, " the straightjacketed girl said while she stood up from the container. "I'll grant you a great gift, Boya..."

"Oh, you mean a Geass, the evil eye that will allow me to submit all enemies to my will and force anyone to follow my orders?" Negi asked. "Well, that's sort of morally questionable, but since I am playing the role of a—"

"Actually, " Evangeline interrupted him, "I was thinking of making you a vampire, but sure, if it's a Geass what you want, I can give you that. Negi as a vampire fics have been overdone already anyway..."

* * *

"Ah!" Hakase sighed, grabbing the edges of the table and staring, with stars in her eyes, at the picture of Chao on top of it. "Princess Chao of Britannia...! The most beautiful...ly smart and ingenious of all Britanic Chinese! Just wait! One of these days you'll notice me, and we'll embark together in a passionate mission to revolutionize the world forever! In the meanwhile, I shall have to satisfy my basest appetites with this primitive implement of furniture and your photographic image! You know, one of these days I'll just have to make myself a consolator. I mean, I'm a super genius, for Einstein's sake..."

"Excuse me, but I believe that's my half sister you're talking about there, " Nekane politely said from behind her, wheeling herself closer.

"Ha ha!" Hakase laughed. "It doesn't matter! Your visual disability means I can procceed freely with what I was about to do!"

"Actually, I can hear you rather well..." Nekane pinched her nose. "And smell you as well. Good God, woman...!"

"You're just jealous you can't stand up to lean on a comforting and understanding table!"

* * *

"This, " Shizuna-sensei smiled at Kotaro, very glad her Kikuko Inoue voice allowed her to play Cecile. It had been so long since her last paid gig, and she couldn't stomach cat food anymore, "is the Lancelot, Kotaro-kun, the greatest and deadliest massive machine of warfare of the Empire. We must make sure that, under no circumstances, it is taken and piloted by any unprepared, dense, stubborn, shortsighted, brainless young hero that happens to pass by."

Kotaro looked up at her. "Not even if they can do really good spin kicks?"

"Well, physical dexterity is a desirable trait in a pilot, yes, but..."

"Dibs!" the boy said, jumping into the cockpit.

* * *

"Good morning, Negi-sensei," Chachamaru quietly said, walking into the room wearing her maid outfit. "The breakfast is ready, and..."

Negi woke up with the sound of her voice, then made a strident yell as he noticed the straightjacketed girl sleeping on top of him. "GYAH! IT'S YOU!"

Evangeline groaned and slammed a pillow down on his head. "Of course it's me, imbecile! I was a prisoner of a fucking government facility, do you think I had a wide variety of places where to go? Now let me sleep and bring me brunch in four hours or so!"

Nekane wheeled in after Chachamaru. "Negi, there are a few things we need to discuss about your students. For starters, I can't approach a table anymore with a clean... Is that the smell of a woman in an old unwashed straightjacket?"

Negi moaned and bashed his head against a wall. "Bring me the Zero costume, Chachamaru. I need to go, I don't know, scheme something somewhere far out of here."

* * *

**Nagi Dick****.**

Call me Madoka. Some years ago — never mind how long precisely, that is no thing to ask of a lady — having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation, although I am far too young to worry about that, but that is besides the matter... Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly Chapter 353 in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet even though no one ever dies in Negima; and especially whenever my teenagehood gets such an upper Emo hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking flirty men's teeth off—then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for harassing little boys and chasing them around with my friends to stick mind controlling onion leeks up their butts. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword, or so says Yue who is the one who knows about that crap; I quietly take to the ship.

* * *

"But what's this long face about, Miss Chisame; wilt thou not chase the white whale! Art not game for Nagi Dick?"

"I am game for his crooked jaw, and for the jaws of Death too, Captain Evangeline, if it fairly comes in the way of the business we follow; but I came here to hunt whales, not my commander's vengeance. How many barrels will thy vengeance yield thee even if thou gettest it, Captain Evangeline? It will not fetch thee much in our Mahora market."

"Mahora market! Hoot! But come closer, Chisame; thou requirest a little lower layer. If money's to be the measurer, woman, and the accountants have computed their great counting-house the globe, by girdling it with guineas, one to every three parts of an inch; then, let me tell thee, that my vengeance will fetch a great premium here!"

"She smites her chest, " whispered Makie, "What's that for? Methinks it rings most vast, but hollow."

"Are thee calling me fat but flat chested?-!"

* * *

"Aye, aye! It was that accursed idiot white whale that razeed me; made a poor pegging lubber of me for ever and a day!" Then tossing both arms, with measureless imprecations she shouted out: "Aye, aye! And I'll chase him round India, and round the Mol-Mol, and round the Pararakelse, and round perdition's flames before I give him up. And this is what ye have shipped for, women! To chase that white whale on both sides of land, and over all sides of earth, till he spouts black blood and rolls fin out."

All that most maddens and torments; all the manga that finished before their time; all that stirs up the lees of things; all the sneaky maneuvers of Kodansha; all truth with malice in it; all of Ishihara's machinations; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all of Kubo's trolling; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Evangeline, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Nagi's di— errr, in Nagi Dick. She piled upon the whale's white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by her whole race from Dracula down; and then, as if her chest had been a mortar, she burst her hot heart's shell upon it.

It still would have been quite a flat mortar, tho'.

* * *

"Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale, n-not that I like thee or anything; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. Sink all coffins and all hearses to one common pool! And since neither can be mine, let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, though tied to thee, thou damned idiot whale! THUS, I give up the spear!"

The harpoon was darted; the stricken idiot whale flew forward; with igniting velocity the line ran through the grooves;—ran foul. Evangeline stooped to clear it; she did clear it; but the flying turn caught her round the neck, and voicelessly as Turkish mutes bowstring their victim, she was shot out of the boat, before the crew knew she was gone. Next instant, the heavy eye-splice in the rope's final end flew out of the stark-empty tub, knocked down an oarswoman, and smiting the sea, disappeared in its depths.

* * *

The drama's done. Why then here does any one step forth?—Because one did survive the wreck.

It so chanced, that after the Honya's disappearance, I was she whom the Fates ordained to take the place of Evangeline's bowswoman, when that bowswoman assumed the vacant post; the same, who, when on the last day the three women were tossed from out of the rocking boat, was dropped astern. So, floating on the margin of the ensuing scene, and in full sight of it, when the halfspent suction of the sunk ship reached me, I was then, but slowly, drawn towards the closing vortex. When I reached it, it had subsided to a creamy pool. Round and round, then, and ever contracting towards the button-like black bubble at the axis of that slowly wheeling circle, like another Ixion I did revolve. Till, gaining that vital centre, the black bubble upward burst; and now, liberated by reason of its cunning spring, and, owing to its great buoyancy, rising with great force, the coffin life-buoy shot lengthwise from the sea, fell over, and floated by my side. Buoyed up by that coffin, for almost one whole day and night, I floated on a soft and dirgelike main. The unharming kempo sharks, they glided by as if with padlocks on their mouths; the savage crow demons sailed with sheathed beaks. On the second day, a sail drew near, nearer, and picked me up at last. It was the devious-cruising Hinata, that in her retracing search after her missing children, only found another orphan.

* * *

**Elseworld**.

In the Autumn of 2003, I was contacted by Kakizaki Genjuro. I knew of the mass disappearance case, of course, since I hadn't been living under a rock. It was in everyone's mouths for months, because it had all the markings of a scandalous mystery, the kind we hadn't had for decades. In this age where everything can be explained, the vanishing of almost everyone in a classroom of an elite feminine academy, plus their cute and sympathetic child prodigy teacher, had all the ingredients for the shock news of the decade. Asakura Kazumi's book on the subject is the best proof of the sensational coverage that event had on Japanese society, of course, from the implied elements of xenophobia to the deep and yet all too quickly passing ruminations on the state of our then-current youth.

Kakizaki Genjuro wasn't satisfied with the work the Japanese police and even Scotland Yard were doing on the subject. He had the impression they were hiding something, and I was hired to cover that angle, being one of Japan's most effective private detectives. I knew of the possible risks involved in every high profile case, naturally, but it all was part of my job. So I took the offer, and then the next plane to Wales.

I talked with the older sister of young Mr. Springfield, one of the last, if not the absolute last, to see the class. Many suspected of her, but I don't think she had anything to do with it. It was obvious her brother's loss had devastated her, since she spoke nothing but vaguely implied nonsense. She sobbed at random points of our interview, then continued talking as if nothing had happened. Right before I departed, she took me aside, showed me some recent pictures of the latest unexplained sightings of natural phenomena on the surface of planet Mars, and went on a long and babbling rant on how that had been the tomb of her brother and millions more. Poor woman.

I must say, however, she made the best tea I have ever tasted.

Every path I investigated was a dead end. All clues ultimately led to nothing. After two weeks, I had nothing to show Kakizaki-sama. Then one night at a pub, drowning my sorrows, I ran once again into Inugami 'Lone Wolf' Kotaro, my self professed rival. We hadn't met for months, so he was all too happy to boast of how he had been hired by Senator Yukihiro to look on the old man's niece and her whereabouts. Typical. Even at this, he outdid me, landing himself a richer sponsor. However, I found some comfort on knowing he hadn't gone any further than me. So much for his fabled nose.

Two days after, the strange men rang at my hotel room's door and warned me in a thinly veiled way about continuing my investigations. They hinted at things man wasn't supposed to know. When I asked them, with my best snarking tone, why they weren't suited in black with dark glasses, they made very clear they weren't joking.

The day after, Kakizaki-sama called me. He thanked my efforts but said he had to recall my services. Noticing the added strain in his voice, I bluntly asked him if he had been visited. He said nothing but warning me he'd pay for my ticket back and add a generous bonus for my wasted time, but beyond that, he wouldn't make himself responsible for me.

I pride myself on being pragmatic, so I returned to Japan in the next flight. Inugami was on the seat next mine. But he didn't want to talk on anything for the whole trip. A first for him.

Months ago, we met again in a cafe, and he only told me he had seen things he just wanted to forget forever. We haven't touched the subject ever since.

One night, I was visited by a young woman in a concealing trenchcoat, hat and glasses. She was very pretty, but despite her smile, I could feel something oddly cracked within her.

I managed to recognize her from those class rosters I had to study carefully years ago. "Number Seventeen, right?"

She nodded. "I was the lucky one. Please tell Misa-chan's father I'm sorry."

I called him to tell him that. He only said he understood.

I'll take the rest of what Shiina-san told me to my grave.

I think she only was saying nonsense, anyway. Much like Springfield-san.

Last night, I had the oddest dream about two other girls in that class roster. One with glasses, and one with dark bangs all over her cute face. We were friends.

But dreams are only dreams.


	16. Chapter 16

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Similarly, all non-Negima characters mentioned here are the properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. For real!

Read. Review. Please. PLEASE!

* * *

**Negi, Chisame and Ruiko Saten.**

She only wanted to be special. To have cool powers to live adventures with like Mikoto, Kuroko or even Uiharu-chan.

He gave her the chance to have such powers. It was logical she'd want to repay his kindness on doing so. Things just happened to grow from there.

And Chisame-chan had been an unexpected but never unwelcome side benefit.

* * *

**Yandere**.

"You realize I warned you, don't you!" Chisame roared, bleeding knife in hand. "I warned you, one of these days, you'd get yourself stabbed by a girl, the way you kept playing with our hearts! And now look at what you made me do!"

The now immortal Negi sat back up. "Uh, Chisame, I still don't see the appeal of this as 'foreplay', as you call it. I mean, what is the point of-"

"Shut up and let's do it now, while the wounds are still bleeding!" she growled, jumping on his quickly healing body to kiss his mouth.

* * *

**Fulfill your Dream**.

And then his father had shown up, valiant and strong between the snow, heroically rescuing him and his sister before disappearing.

And then he, to honor and find his father, started studying hard, growing strong in the ways of magic.

He was assigned to Japan, where he met several remarkable young women, all of them as nice as his sister in their own ways.

He made partners. Allies. All of them powerful and loyal. He even made allies out of enemies.

He studied under the strongest, and became one of them. He fought along his father's comrades.

Finally, he rescued his father, although by now things were getting blurry and confusing, and it was as if there were huge chunks of the story missing. But he was happy. He was with his father, and everyone, and he had saved the world, and he, too, was a hero.

A hero.

He smiled weakly, lying in the snow, as his breath became slower and softer. His eyes were glazed as they were fixed on his dead sister, without really looking at her. All he could see was the hero, standing there, tall and proud...

Then the demon before him descended, and the dream ended.

* * *

**Things for Children**.

Anya picked up the DVD she had found in Nekane's bedroom. "Ah? You watch Ben 10? Why? I never thought you the type..."

Nekane began to say "I only watch it for the-" stopped herself before she could say anything about the cousin subtext, and smiled, "- nice animation quality and bright colors!"

* * *

**Rule**.

"- and when I am the supreme ruler of Earth, I'll force all Internet reviewers to keep reviewing all the worst shows they despise the most!" Haruna promised, clenching a fist. "Because there's nothing worse than seeing them drop after a first episode, denying me the gorgeous sight of their bubbling bile!"

"Why not to outlaw bad shows in the first place?" Yue played along.

"What? That would be petty!"

* * *

**Summer Job**.

"Daddy," Yuuna said, very seriously for a change. "Since I didn't want to go into another potentially lethal class trip with Negi and the girls this time, I got myself a part time job for the summer."

He set his newspaper down and smiled at her. "That's great, Yuuna-chan. What is it?"

"Well... it's a job that demands a lot of responsibility. I can't allow myself mistakes on it, but that's okay, I think I can pull it off. I'll have to wear black at all times, but that's okay too, I don't particularly care. The guy who gave me the job, well, he's on a vacation for the next four weeks, and I'm sure he's earned it, because he's sure been working for a long time know. I thought he'd be a lot harsher, with the reputation he has, but he's actually kinda nice. For someone in that line of job, I guess."

Now her father was worried. "What is it, Yuuna?" he repeated.

She sighed and placed a huge black scythe on the table. "At first I thought I could use the chance to see Mom again, but then I was told I'm just collecting, not managing the storage, so..."

Akashi-sensei was sporting a truly horrified expression now.

"Well," Yuuna sighed, "I gotta go now. I've got to see Konoemon-sensei..."

"Ah?-!"

"To give a report on my Ala Alba duties, Dad! Negi still has to answer to the magical authorities, you know!"

"Oh!"

"And then I'm going to collect Nitta, " she shrugged.

"Oh. Well, have a nice day, Sweetie."

"Thank you, Dad. See you tonight."

"Ahh?-!"

"Just to have dinner together, Dad!"

* * *

**Multiple Choice Past**.

She walked all along the blood stained floors of the warehouse, a sword in each hand, a smile on her face, a glint in her glasses.

She loved her job.

She casually picked one of the still living men, a big, burly one with prematurely white hair, who was missing a leg and an arm, and losing blood very quickly. "You," she told him, "remind me of my father. Maybe you know him. You should, since he's very popular in this line of work. He's David Cain, the superstar killer for hire. Sadly, he left me and my Onee-sama when we were very little, and never looked back. I don't understand why. After all, he raised another one of his daughters! What did she have that we didn't? Since you're both so alike, maybe you can answer?"

"Please... Please help me... I, I need a doctor..."

She made a disgusted grunt and beheaded him swiftly. "Doctor Tsukuyomi-chan's in!" she sang before strolling towards another wounded man, supporting himself against a wall. He was tall, think and sickeningly pale, although mostly because of how much blood he was losing. "You, on the other hand," she told him, "remind me of my father. Now him, you have heard of him, no doubt. He's the Joker himself, yes! The Clown Prince of Crime! Gotham's Harlequin of Hate! The man supervillains trade stories about when they want to scare each other! Just like him, however, you are more funny-looking that truly funny, though. Why so serious?"

"G-Get a-away from me! You bitch...!"

"Here comes the punchlineeeeee!" Tsukuyomi swung her sword up, splitting him in two. She bounced all the way over to a man crawling for the door while pushing his guts back in. She placed a dainty foot on his back. "Can you believe those losers, Onii-chan? They're so pathetic. Not at all like you! No, you remind me of my father. You would know him except because well, he isn't known in this world at all. But he's big in the Magical World up at Mars! No, really! I'm not crazy, you know. Who the hell do you think I am, The Joker? Or the Joker's Daughter? My dad is named Kurt Godel, and he's the best swordsman you'll ever know! Of course, he also has some very bad and decadent habits, and he won't love me so much anymore, but..." She sniffed and wiped a tear off her eye. "Sorry. I must be bothering you in your final moments. Please excuse me."

"Gah...! Gahhh! GAAAHHH!"

She sank a sword in his back.

Finally, she walked to another, already dead man, and kicked the body with a grumble. "Gone. Already gone. Typical. Just like my father. I never knew him, just like I'll never know you now. What does that keep happening to me? Ever since I was left at the dojo's doorstep, a parentless little piece of nothing tossed at the mercy of a harsh world..."

She sighed and began walking out, fixing the lovely hat on her head. "It doesn't matter. I have all the fathers and mommies I could wish for. I'm the daughter of all evils, of all that is rotten and wicked, and that's why a wicked and rotten world smiles at me. As long as there is anyone willing to bleed for me, or even unwilling to, I'll know this world that gave me life keeps on loving me."

She smiled, sheathed her swords back, and walked out. "A-men."

* * *

**Fuuka This, I'm Outta Here**.

"- so, since you died after a sinful life of sexual deviancy with your twin sister, you are to become a Prinny, a small penguin-like creature who will suffer through indignity, ignominy and mistreatment until your sins have been cleared and you can reincarnate," the demon attending her case helpfully exposed. "Any questions?"

"Will I reincarnate with Fumika-chan?" Fuuka asked.

"... That's not my area, sorry. Go ask Sister Prinny after you are assigned to your battalion. In the meanwhile, since we don't have any Prinny skins for now, you'll have to wear this at all times. Sorry for the inconvenience," the demon said, as she put a cute penguin cap on Fuuka's head, and a cute penguin jacket around her torso. "There, aren't they just rad?"

Fuuka examined her jacket. "Kinda cool, yeah. Don't you have them in pink, though?"

"Ah ha ha ha... No. Also, you will have to finish all your sentences with a hearty '-dood!' It's like your sister's 'desu!', but... marginally less weeaboo."

"Yeah, well, but where's Fumika-chan right now?"

"She went to Heaven."

"WHAT?-! But, but she commited twincest as much as I did!"

"Yes, but all those times she told you of how much she enjoyed it? All of them were faked. She already paid enough for her sins, being forced to lead a sexually frustrating existence for your sake."

Fuuka's face went crimson, and she shook a fist to the Heavens. "FUMIKA! DAMN YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY!"

"Ahem!" the demoness rasped.

"Sorry. DAMN YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY, DOOD!"

"Better."

* * *

**Misunderstanding**.

"Fuuka... I've got something to tell you..."

"Me... Me too, Fumika..."

"You know, all these decades? Since waaaaaaaaay back when we studied under Negi, and began doing it with each other? I... I never was into it, actually. I only went with it because it made you happy..."

Fuuka stared at her, with her opaque tired eyes. "I... I thought it made YOU happy! It was the only reason I kept it going..."

They looked at each other's eyes for a long while.

"Stupid bitch."

"That's my line."

* * *

**Anya Cocolova vs. the World**.

The ghost girl aimed a finger at the 17-year old Anya, as an icy wind blew through the streets of London at midnight. You are advised not to think too much about how she could leave Mahora without being stuck in a doll.

"Y-You! Anya-san! As the first member of Negi-sensei's League of Evil Exes, I must warn you, you won't be allowed to date him until you have defeated all thirty two of us!"

Anya blinked. "Thirty two?-!"

"Y-Yes!" Sayo gulped while Negi shifted a foot around guiltily. "All of us dated him a-at Mahora, y-you know!"

"But... but..." Anya began counting with her fingers. "Wait, if I remember it correctly, there were thirty one of you in that class, so how... Oh, I get it. That Shiori girl, right?"

"Um, actually, she refused membership, saying she was okay with Fate-san, " Sayo answered.

"Ah? But then, who..."

_"Kotaro-kun,"_ Negi said with a very quiet and tiny voice.

"Bweh?-!" Anya cried.

"I was experimenting at the time!" Negi whined.

* * *

**Left Hanging**.

"So, since the series is over now," Yuuna asked, "and since we'll never get a chance to find out otherwise, why won't you say us who was your female ancestor, anyway?"

Chao smiled, pulled down a zipper on her head, and her skin fell down, revealing a pair of monkeys manning a Chao mecha suit.

The monkeys shrilled and leaped away, leaving the baffled girls behind.

Yue sucked on her juice carton noisily. "I feel so Gainax right now."

* * *

**Ugly.**

"Class, meet Negi Springfield, your new English and homeroom teacher," Shizuna said.

Negi froze in place. He knew better than to judge people by their looks. He never had judged anyone based on their looks. But all the girls in that classroom were so ugly, their combined ugliness was enough to crush all living joy out of him for a fleeting moment. After Shizuna discreetly squeezed his hand in support, however, he forced himself to smile and greet the class of hideous looking freaks.

Then they made a deafening collective cry of glee, and they jumped to bury him under a squirming hill of ugliness. Negi shrieked for help desperately.

* * *

"GAH!" he cried as he woke up and found himself face to face with the living nightmare that was Asuna-san's face. She smelled like his sister, but she sure didn't look like her at all! Damn his sleepwalking! His sense of smell had betrayed him!

That morning, Asuna found him self-hogtied to his futon and facing away from her and Konoka's beds. She never could understand how he managed it...

* * *

The Black Lillies' offer to become '''their''' teacher instead had been tempting. Oh so very tempting. But then he saw Makie-san's freakish but devastated and sad face, and he swallowed the acceptance before it could be uttered. Instead, he rose to the older girls' challenge as well.

Along his students.

* * *

He didn't have the heart to mention how much Photoshop Chisame-san had to be using. Instead, he only smiled and said, "Ah! But Chisame-san looks much better this way!"

She had to know it was a blatant lie. For a moment, he feared he had insulted her and her intelligence worse than a tacit admission of her monstrously pimply ugliness would have.

She still punched him, but not as hard as he had expected.

* * *

Chamo paced back and forth, worried. He never thought he'd see the day when he would consider not making a Pactio for his brother, but there wasn't even a single salvageable girl in that classroom. He thought of convincing him to look for help in another classroom. That Itoshiki guy seemed to have quite the collection of beauties.

But Negi would not hear a word of it.

In the end, Asuna-san did far better than Chamo ever thought. He still couldn't bear looking at her face, though.

* * *

Tsukuyomi's heart soared. Disgusting as the aspect of that Sempai was, her technique was so perfect, and her power so big, it still was love at first sight.

Tsukuyomi, in her own way, was always about looking past the outside and focusing on the raw heart of anothers' passion and fighting spirit. And really, she, who loved the sight of a massacre, cared relatively little about popular notions of esthetics. Setsuna-sempai was as beautiful as a goddess in her mind's eye.

Now, all she had to do was pulling her away from that horrible daughter of the Konoes...

* * *

Paio Zi paused grimly for a moment.

"Eh," she ended up saying. "As long as they still have breasts-"

Granted, their breasts tended to be ugly too, to a point even an omnivore like the infamous Chichigami was moved to hesitate, but beggers couldn't be pickers, right? After all, they had made every other woman in the baths to scram away in terror.

* * *

Fate Averruncus paid no mind to anyone's appearance. That saved him from the extra world of pain Negi always brought on those who commented on his Ministra's deformities.

Fate's female followers, on the other hand, could not help but flaunting their own beauty on the face of those horrendous rejects from the Old World.

Worse for them. The Ministra also were terribly sensitive on comments about their appearances.

* * *

Negi held his firstborn close to his chest and smiled.

She was the world's most beautiful girl.

And to his eyes, she'd still have looked that way, even if she had looked like her mother at all.

* * *

**As Easy as Amnesia**.

Anime Final Movie Negi sobbed. "— and so, all of them but one will suffer eternal amnesia... They won't remember any of the time we spent together... any of the many things we lived through... our friendship forged through all those adventures... everything, all of it, they will forget it!"

Katsuragi Keima looked blandly at him across the table. "— and so what?"

Negi looked back at him for a moment before punching him in the stomach.

"Actually, " Ranma said, "I think I'd be interested on how I can get one of those harem amnesia deals, as well..."

* * *

**A Matter of Jurisdiction**.

"I can't believe we are having this discussion again," Kuchiki Rukia sighed.

Elsie pouted. "Well, we wouldn't keep having the same discussion if you didn't keep running into our Runaway Spirit captures!"

"For the last time, they are called Hollows!" Rukia said. "True, I still don't understand why they keep possessing young girls now instead of wandering around devouring souls, but... Hollows act very weird at times."

"No, no, no, I tell you, you're getting it wrong!" she looked back at her companion, who stood at the sidelines with a blank faced Ichigo. "Kami-niisama, set her right, will you?"

"Uh, I think you're handling it fine," Keima absently said while keeping his eyes on his portable console and the galge in it.

Ichigo gave the game a dubious gaze over Keima's shoulder. "Seriously, how can you like those things? Aren't they too... girly?"

The girl lying between Rukia and Elsie began coming back to her senses, tossing her long light purple hair off her face. "Uhhh... What happened... Last thing I remember, I was—"

Rukia and Elsie both pressed a foot on her head, just hard enough to knock her back down.

"Please stay out of this, Kakizaki-san."

"Yeah, what she said, Kakizaki-san."

They stared at each other again.

"I'll draw you another cute bunny driving a fire truck," Rukia finally offered.

"Nooo, I'm not falling for that one again!"

"With a cute bear tossed in."

"Nnnghhh!" Elsie obviously fought hard against the temptation. "No, no, I can't do it...!"

"Is this going to take much longer?" Ichigo asked. "Unlike Megane here, I don't have all the day to waste it standing here waiting for you!"

* * *

**No One Would Look There**.

The gathered girls began fuming.

"I can't find him anywhere, " Asakura reported.

"As, as if earth had swallowed him whole!" Nodoka made a few petite sobs.

Chizuru twirled her leak around slowly, her fingers growing unrestful by the moment. "Ara ara, now this is really troubling..."

"Even with all of his powers, he couldn't have just disappeared like that! He must be somewhere!" Yuuna seethed to herself. "But where? Where?-!"

Elsewhere, inside of an otherwise empty and creepily silent movie theater, a blank-faced Akira and Asuna sat at each side of a giddily excited Negi.

"Eh, " Asuna finally said, "at least it has Johnny Depp."

Negi bounced up and down on his seat. "_The Lone Ranger_ is awesome!"

* * *

**The World Only Negi Knows**.

Negi rubbed his chin in deep, troubled pondering. "This is problematic, " he said. "From what I observed, she was posessed by what us mages call a Runaway Spirit, a troublemaking soul from the underworld that enters young females with the hopes of eventually reincarnating in their children. Fortunately, " he held a small glass container up, "as a mage, I have been taught how to deal with them. All we need is to drive the Runaway Spirit from her body by filling the emptiness in her heart. Once we do that, the spirit will leave her and I'll capture it into this."

His new student frowned coldly. "'We'?"

"Certainly, " Negi nodded. "It will involve making her to develop strong romantic feelings, and well, I'm her teacher and much younger than her. It wouldn't proper at all if I covered that part of the operation, would it?" he reasoned.

_Somewhere in Wales, an ermine elf shuddered and looked up. "Bro! What are you doing?"_

Keima turned around and began walking away, his attention focused again on his handheld. "Forget it. I have no interest, reason or desire to help you."

"Katsuragi-san, " Negi said then, in a suddenly icy voice. "Ayumi-san is my student too, you know that?"

"Of course I do. And?"

"And, " Negi said in an incredibly tense tone, "you know I would never forgive anyone who would allow harm to befall one of my students, don't you?"

Something about those words made Keima actually dubious and wary enough to ask "Even another student of yours?"

"My sister taught me once that, if you are going to allow one of your condisciples falling in disgrace, then you aren't their condisciple at all..." Negi's strangely dangerous tone grew even more ominous.

For some reason, Keima felt like gulping.

* * *

The small adorable boy smiled at Mari. "Good afternoon!" he bowed in a highly polite fashion. "I'm your illegitimate son with my father!"

Keima blinked, obviously shocked by how the boy teacher could have gotten the stupid cover story so wrong. "Um, um, I think you mean—!"

Mari swallowed very quickly and melted into nervous giggles. "Oh my! Oh my oh my oh dear!" And she hugged Negi. "Don't worry, poor child! From now on, I'll look after you... _forever_!"

Keima's face turned into a bizarre masque of distorted concern.

* * *

The Runaway Spirits posessed girls from all across town, from every school in the city. Mahora, Furinkan, Tomobiki, Tomoeda, Ohtori, even Youkai Academy. And pretty much every class from every school had at least one attacked girl in their ranks.

All but Itoshiki-sensei's class.

Even Runaway Spirits had standards.

* * *

Chamo sniffled, pacing back and forth across the table. "I can't believe it! Bro, you're supposed to be the kissing and conquering stud, and I'm supposed to be the one who gets you the girls! That's how it's done! You can't act like the familiar to this pencil necked geek, no offense mister since I can see you've got the chops too, but anyway, this must be remedied from now on! From this day, you will be the one doing the conquests!"

"But I really think he's better at it than I'd ever be!" Negi protested. "And I'm their teacher! And ten!"

Chamo gave his protege a concerned look. "Really?"

"Uhhh..."

"I have no problems stepping aside, " Keima quietly said while playing and playing.

The ermine looked at him, hummed, then said, "Say, what have you actually learned from those things anyway...?"

* * *

Ayaka blinked. "Hm. Okay. Let me see if I have understood it, Sensei. You and Katsuragi-sempai have this... association going on, where you free girls from the spirits posessing them, and then you kiss them to give them magical powers so they can help you in your quest to find your father. And so far, you have done that with Asuna-san, Takahara-sempai, Nodoka-san, Aoyama-sempai, Chisame-san, Nakagawa-sempai, Konoka-san, Setsuna-san, that tiny old lady with the creepy granddaughter, and—"

"It all kind of snowballed out of control, " Negi miserably admitted.

Ayaka rubbed her temples in slow circles. "And even Makie-san! Why? I doubt she had any worries to make her vulnerable to one of those spirits!"

"Actually, I just tackled him and kissed him as soon as I learned of it all, " Makie candidly said.

"I'm going to hurt you...!" Ayaka hissed.

Keima grumbled, pondering on how bothersome and noisy 3D girls were while keeping his game of _Let's Romance Net Idol Chiu!_ "If only any of you could be half as good as Chiu-sama is..."

For some reason he never understood, Chisame elbowed him in a really vicious way then.

* * *

**You're Gaijin, You Wouldn't Understand**.

Batman and Superman stood over the devastated, wrecked, smoking wasteland that used to be Japan.

"Hnh," Batman said. "I knew they would end up like this eventually."

"I could hear it all the way from Apokolips, even over Darkseid's whining as I gave him that wedgie, " Superman said in a somber tone. "It was as if ten million voices cried 'ANTA BAKA! HENTAI!' at once before falling silent."

"Clark, it was ten million voices crying 'ANTA BAKA! HENTAI!' at once before falling silent."

He shrugged. "Of course it. Superhearing never lets me down, Batbitch."

"I found this one alive," Wolverine said as he walked closer with a slightly charred but unconcerned Luffy D. Monkey, who was messily chomping on a large chunk of well cooked meat. "Seems he had no idea of the whole mess goin' on with the harems thing."

"Yo...!" Luffy cheerfully waved.

Superman gave the meat he was munching on a worried look. "Um, you know that's no pork or cattle, don't you..."

"Finders keepers!" Luffy warned.

"... Be my guest, " Superman sighed before posing with his fists on his hips, a random bald eagle landing down on his shoulder. Luffy stretched an arm and yanked it down to start eating it up too, while the Man of Steel went on, oblivious, "We'll never forget you, Japan! We'll never forget all the wonders you gave us, like, uh... sushi, and..."

"Ninja. I'm going to miss fighting those guys, " Wolverine said.

"Ninja? Oh, phooie!" Luffy snorted.

"Come to think about it, you aren't even Japanese. What are you doing at Japan to begin with—" Batman began.

Superman rasped. "Ahem! Yes, we'll miss all these brave souls living here, groping others in the subway and dating virtual people with gigantic eyes and pink and green hair! And we'll never forget the valuable lesson we learned from them, on how we never should have hilarious romantic misunderstandings with the power of demigods and the mental maturity of ten year olds! And how we should make things clear early on instead of falling prey to Can't Spit it Out nonsense! And how we never should have our noses exploding in geysers of blood when thinking of the opposite gender, while we're at it! Seriously, what was up with that?"

"Does that mean you'll stop dating Lois and Lana at once?"

"Shut up, Bruce."

"I'm still alive...!" Urashima Keitaro whined from the ashen ground.

Superman rubbed his own square chin. "Come to think about it, Goku and me never settled that issue on which one of us would win, either..."

"You're never letting that go, are you?"

"I think I already said 'Shut up, Bruce'…"

* * *

**Rosemary's Baby**.

_We'll call him Damian!_ Satsuki announced proudly as she held her dark skinned newborn with the grim sinister aura surrounding him.

Negi smiled affably but awkwardly. "Ah... That's a pretty good name, Satsuki-san... Gootchy-gootchy, goo..." he began tickling the baby's lower lip with a finger, before he cruelly bit on it with the two sharp teeth he already had. "AHHHH!"

"Don't mind him, Sensei, " the baby's father told him calmly as was her custom. "He's just trying to suck the Magia Erebea out of your body. He's still too young to realize he can't do that..."

Ominous beat.

"... yet..."

Negi shuddered. "Oh, oh, I see, Zazie-san..."

Misa burst in violently. "Zazie! I'm pregnant! Take responsibility!"

Satsuki looked at her child's father and scowled slightly. _I thought you were going to rid of that extra part...! _

Zazie scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

_Look, I know I said I wouldn't care, just like you didn't care when I was seeing Ku Fei on the side, but if you're going to do it, do it without the added parts. You owe yourself to our family now! _

_Don't try to play the Cute Mute card with me, Zazie... _

Asuna's face scrunched up a little. "Um well, it's been nice visiting you, but... we have things to do urgently... I don't know, elsewhere…"

* * *

**Holy…!**

Natsumi supposed this American cop movie wasn't really that much worse than those violent Sentai shows Kotaro and Negi already watched, or even that insanely violent _Magical Musical Cannon Girl_ they were caught watching at times too (ah, the times of good old Biblion). And certainly, Chizu-ne didn't seem to mind either, sitting there with them, watching in fascinated silence. So Natsumi sat as well despite the movie not being of her liking. Survival is difficult for a loser in the war for the remote.

"You know, there's something I've always wondered about these movies, " Kotaro said, checking the heavily censored subtitles, "Why do they always say _Holy shit_? I mean, it's shit! Excrement! How could that ever possibly be holy?"

Natsumi looked at him, aghast. "KOTARO-KUN!"

"What! It's exactly what they are saying!"

Chizuru lifted an eyebrow. "When did you get to be that well versed on English, Kotaro-kun?"

"Oh, you know, the Americans hire mercenaries all the time. In that, movies don't lie..."

Natsumi's eyes spiraled. "Oh dear! So that's what holy shit meant the whole time? I, I always thought it was just a normal exclamation of surprise, like _what the fuck_!" she said that in heavily accented English.

"Um, actually, that's a profanity as well, Natsumi-chan, " said Chizuru.

"WHAAAAT? And I used both sentences so much add-libing in our _A Streetcar Named Desire _play!" she began sobbing. "The shame! The shame is all-consuming!"

Kotaro shot Negi an accusing glare. "Why don't you teach them any actual useful English? See, now you made her cry!"

Negi sighed. "Sorry. By the way, at Merdiana, we have a shrine to some magically preserved excrement from the great Merlin. They say it can grant you miracles if you kneel before it and pray for two straight hours..."

"What."

"They used to kiss it to speed the process up, but the Magus decided encasing it under glass after an overjealous worshipper took a bite from it…"

* * *

**Wonder Twins**.

"This isn't exactly the Pactio we had been expecting for..." Fuuka said dubiously, looking down at their Artifacts. "Where's the ninja gear?"

"Just shut up and do it!" they were told from offstage.

She and her sister looked at each other, shrugged, and bumped their Artifacts together.

"Wonder Twins powers, activate!" they chorused.

"Form of a dragon!" Fuuka said.

"Form of a tidal wave!" Fumika said.

Homura and Tamaki looked at their foes' new forms and sighed.

Tamaki turned into a larger dragon who ate Fuuka, and Homura evaporated Fumika.

Some people just aren't born to win.

* * *

**Prediction**.

"You're the kind of character who is shown long dead with no explanation or proper foreshadowing three chapters before the end!" Rakan laughed.

Negi gave him a completely blank, confused look.

Rakan frowned, then began scratching his own nose. "No, wait, that just doesn't sound right..."

* * *

**Henpecked Husband**.

"And that, " Ako told her children, "was how I ended up marrying my teacher."

Her husband, sitting next to her, nodded energetically before breaking into a loud "BWACKK BUKKAWW BRWWAK! BUCK-KAWWW!"

Ako nodded at him and smiled sweetly. "Yes, so you only ever taught us Ornithology, but so what? It still counts, Boo-kins..."

Her daughter frowned as her little brother kept pecking on his breakfast. "But Mom, then what happened to that English homeroom guy? The really young teacher?"

"Oh, Negi-sensei? Well, last time I heard of him, he was still happily married with that Tsukuyomi girl and raising their six children in Wales. You should have seen Setsuna-san's face when she gave me the update…"

* * *

**Mahou Sensei Nekane**.

She looked at her diploma and frowned slightly.

_Become a teacher in Japan_.

Well, if the high spirits of magic said it, she couldn't possibly disobey, and although it would be awful leaving Negi so long behind at such a short age, he would be fine under the Merdiana teachers' tutelage, she supposed.

Evangeline looked down at her downed prey and sighed. "Well, only his niece, but still carrying some of his blood all the same. It'll have to suffice..." she told herself before lowering her mouth to the girl's neck...

Well, that was a short series.

**Mahou Sensei Nekane, Take Two**.

She looked at her diploma and frowned slightly.

_Become a teacher in Japan_.

Fortunately, the Headmaster and his Mahora colleague arranged for a way to have Negi studying at Mahora Elementary, and Akashi-sensei, after a few calls from Ms. Donet, promised he'd keep the boy's studies on magic on the side.

Evangeline didn't have the heart (black or not) to suck Nekane dry after that stupid pint sized brat stood between them bawling his eyes off. Damn her standards. Worse of it all, somehow, she was roped into training the stupid niece of that Nagi worm...

By the time Nekane got to teach Asuna's class, Yuuna already had all but forgotten her Papa Complex, although it had been replaced by a Shota Complex even bigger than Ayaka's. Her and Negi's wedding seven years later came as no real surprise to anyone, unlike that of Nekane and Asuna…

* * *

**Satomi's Lab**.

"Oooooohhhh!" her annoying sister Makie said. "What does this button do...?"

"Makie, wait, no!" Satomi cried. "Don't press the—!"

Makie pressed it regardless.

BOOOOOOOMM.

An ashen-faced Satomi blinked, coughed up some black smoke, then said, "Definitely, one of us has to be an adopted child."

* * *

**The Other Side.**

Five years ago, demons attacked a small village on the hills of Wales.

Five years ago, a brave hero rose and massacred the demons, saving the lives of a small child and his cousin.

That left an indelible mark.

Now, a small figure marches ahead as he hears his name, silently striding along the hallway of the prestigious magical academy. He receives his title and assignment from his venerable, old headmaster, and thanks him fittingly.

As he sees the assignment, he smiles to himself. Yes, that will do it. Yes, it will hopefully take him closer to find that man. That champion of mages. The Thousand Master.

"Father..." the boy muses.

He clenches a fist and smiles cruelly.

"Father!" he promises. "I'll find that man, the one who killed you and your forces five years ago! So I swear! And I'll destroy him and his whole family!"

The merciless laughter of the young one fills the old halls of the demon school…

* * *

**Undercover Boss**.

"Class, today we'll be welcoming a temporary exchange student, Kinoe Kikuemon," Negi said, gesturing for the girl with the oddly shaped head, the thick white eyebrows and the deeply wrinkled face to step ahead. Most of 3-A shuddered as she clacked her bony knees covered by brownish spots together. The rest of her legs, exposed under a skirt that had never looked so short on anyone else, was even worse. "I'm sure you'll make her feel right at home during her stay with us!"

Konoka blinked. "Aaaaahhh, " she told herself, "You remind me a lot of someone... I know! Touko-sensei!"

"What, " Setsuna blinked.

"Hee heee hee!" the new girl giggled with a voice that sounded as if she had smoked nonstop since the moment of her birth. "I'm so glad to be here with all of us-desuuuu!"

Negi smiled at her. "Kinoe-san, you'll sit next to Evangeline-san. She's the blond girl at the back of the class."

Eva snorted as the girl took her seat at her side. "Wouldn't it have worked better if you had taken a job as, I don't know, _a teacher_?"

She wheezed hideously, trying to keep her voice low. "We'll discuss this later. The girdle... The girdle barely lets me breathe..."

Eva rolled her eyes. Honestly, only he would be stupid enough to go with an idea like that...

Elsewhere, Tamaki, Koyomi, Shiori, Shirabe and Homura stared blankly at the dark skinned, towering new recruit before them, clad in a skimpy outfit that barely covered her suspiciously muscular body.

"This is your new partner in field operations, Mayumi-san, " Fate flatly informed. "I have verified she is very strong and able, and while I haven't been able to contact Dynamis-sama for his opinion on her, I'm sure he won't object to her inclusion in our ranks…"

* * *

**Payback**.

"Ahhh!" Uzumaki Naruto exhaled in contentment as he walked back in. "Another day, another dozen of Stu fics done! Yo bitches, the Foxman is in the house and hungry for- Oh, _shit_!"

Negi grinned from the interest position he was taking in Naruto's bed with a naked Sakura, Ino, Hinata and Tsunade. "Payback, bitch! Payback!"

* * *

**Parting Gift**.

Their last night together, Asuna hadn't expected it to end that way. Even now, she still wasn't sure of how it had come to that. There was Ayaka, Konoka, Setsuna, Negi and her in the same room, going over all they had passed through together, and making plans for a meeting Asuna was almost sure never would come to happen.

Konoka had taken the first step into that other direction. She had kissed Asuna sweetly when she couldn't take it anymore, and the Setsuna had been brought in, and then Ayaka, and finally Negi...

They had gone through it instinctively, or something, Asuna guessed. Negi was, after all, a boy, and they were girls, and Konoka and Ayaka seemed to have some general idea from TV and Paru's borrowed manga, and next thing Asuna knew she was on her stomach on the bed with Negi's thing pumping inside of her, his hands caressing her skin, and then he shot some warmth inside of her, with a loving moan of her name.

Then Ayaka had started kissing her as Konoka claimed Negi for herself, and by the morning everyone in the room had been everyone else's.

That only made the separation all the more painful.

Now, standing before Chao and Evangeline, Asuna only could ask, sadly, "So, who was your female ancestor, after all?"

Chao smiled back. "Negi never had any children."

Asuna blinked through the tears. "Ah?-! But then, how are you-!"

And Chao tenderly ran a hand over Asuna's belly. "But he will now."

Asuna sniffled. "Oh. Oh. Oh, I... I get it."

Chao hugged her as Asuna began to bawl.

* * *

**Snow Negi and the Thirty One Schoolgirls**.

Once upon a time, there was this great hero dude who married a princess, so he became the King of the land. Sadly, the queen disappeared in some sort of incident or another I won't bother explaining because I had a fallout with Kodansha, so the King was left alone with his son. However, one day, when the son was ten, the King went to his magical mirror and asked him, "Mirror mirror in the wall, who is the most badass chick magnet of them all?"

The mirror answered, "Hey man, you once were the biggest shit in town. But now, you're just an old clown. Snow Negi, your son, is the biggest chick magnet now. He'll have his own line of lemon fanfics without having to grow!"

Angered because he had never been in a lemon fanfic, the King called on Jack the Badass Hunter and commanded him to take Snow Negi to the woods, kill him, and bring him his heart as proof. But since Jack the Badass Hunter was a kind hearted type of badass, and mainly, the King hadn't paid him enough, he just took Snow Negi to the woods, told him he'd have to grow stronger and badass there with survival training, and left him there to bring the King the heart of a Kodansha executive (this is where you know the story is fictional bull) and go star in his own series of badass adventures. Probably even playing Thor.

Snow Negi, with the help of the kind woodland ermines and beastgirls and similar critters, grew stronger and badass in the woods, until he reached the cabin of thirty one schoolgirls who worked at the diamond mines, because diamonds are a girl's best friend, get it. Mucho Shotacon ensued.

One day, before going off to work on the diamond mines, Schoolgirl Number Twenty Five told Snow Negi "Be careful, brat, since I've read in the Internet the King has learned you didn't die when you were killed, and he's gunning for you." Snow Negi promised being careful, and the girls went off for the mines singing Happy-Hi Material-Ho leaving him to wash their clothes, cook their meals, press their wardrobe, clean their floors, polish their windows, make their beds, feed the Chibi-Setsuna and record their favorite TV shows.

Later that day, however, a Mysterious Cloaked Figure knocked at the door and offered Snow Negi an apple. Snow Negi saw through the disguise, punched the figure in the stomach, and then his old man just had enough and put him in a deep sleep with a spell.

When the schoolgirls came back home, they saw Snow Negi comatose on the floor, and greatly wept for him before deciding to do the sane logical thing and putting him in a crystal coffin for exhibit. Charging for admission at Schoolgirl Number Eighteen's suggestion. After making several fortunes, during Snow Negi's World Tour 2003, Prince Fate of Averruncus was charmed by Snow Negi's delicate youthful looks and—

"Ah, no! We aren't going there!" Schoolgirl Number Eight pushed Prince Fate aside and kissed Snow Negi herself. Her magic cancel kiss unmade the eternal kiss sleep, and they all lived happily ever after.

Except the King, who, ah, died offscreen or some such shit. Again, if Akamatsu didn't care, why should I.

And that's the end.

* * *

**It's Indecent!**

Tendo Akane from Furinkan High blinked. "Excuse me? What have you just said?"

Kotegawa Yui from Seinan High pointed at the long skirts Akane and the rest of the Furinkan girls were wearing. "Your dress code is indecent! What a shame!"

Kiryuu Nanami from Ohtori shook her head. "Very true! It's simply gruesome!"

"Flammating men's lecherous imaginations like that!" Suzushiro Haruka from Fuuka Gakuen was similarly scandalized. "Don't you have any shame?"

"The way you make them look at you!" Yukihiro Ayaka from Mahora hissed. "How can you live at peace with yourselves?"

"Seriously! You wouldn't catch me in one of those! Even I have standards!" Kurono Kurumu from Youkai High added.

"What?-!" Akane cried. "Get real! Our skirts are far longer than any of yours!"

"Precisely!" Shimei Ryomou from Nany Academy said, "By wearing those... things, you are forcing men to think of what there is underneath! So they spend far longer looking at you and undressing you with their eyes."

"I bet they love it, the attention whores..." Takagi Saya from Fujimi High muttered.

Misaka Mikoto from Academy City nodded and prayed no one noticed she wore shorts under her own miniskirt. She really didn't need or want being called a teasing slut again…

* * *

**All Equal, but Unequally**.

"You lied to us, Sensei!" Ako cried. "You told us we were the protagonists of our own stories, but in the end, we were nothing but background noise to YOUR story!"

Her teacher shrugged. "You all were the protagonists of your own stories, it's just your stories sucked and petered out..."

Haruna frowned. "Didn't your story get as much of a flop ending as ours?"

Zazie blinked. "When did I have a story of my own?"

* * *

**The Secret of my Success**.

Against his expectations, the class he was going to teach didn't burst into exclamations of glee borderlining pedophilic worship. As a matter than that, other than a gorgeous blonde squealing into nearly orgasmic delight and a pink haired short girl exclaiming "HOW CYUUUUUTE!" the girls seemed to range between disbelieving, disgusted and appalled.

Murmurs began to abound just as soon.

"—can't believe they took a hunk like Death Glasses away for this—"

"—is this even legal?"

"—We'll be the school's laughingstock again..."

"— going to ask Dad for a relocation—"

"— at least will be easy to manipulate—"

Negi blinked. He had to act fast. "Excuse me, please, Sensei," he whispered, quickly getting past Shizuna and dashing into the hallway.

Once there, he pulled his trusty AXE Deodorant (TM) and applied generous helpings of it on his armpits.

Smiling to himself, he walked back into the classroom.

The females exploded into a burning ball of "OHHHH! SO PRETTY!"

He sighed in relief as he was assaulted, and even those staying back like that bespectacled girl with the glasses, the blonde loli and the really short one with voluminous braided hair began rubbing their legs together uneasily.

_The AXE Effect. It's Better than Magic._

* * *

**Disaster Date**_**.**_

"This... This just isn't going to work out," Fuuka decided with a sigh, placing both hands on the cafe's table. She shook her head sadly. "Sorry, it's not you, it's us. Not that we are racist or anything, it's just you are too..."

"Yellow," Fumika completed, really wishing Nana and Momo would take their calls again.

The two American girls, Sherri and Terri, looked blankly at them across the table.

"Well, honestly!" one of them finally said, indignated.

"I told you we shouldn't have tried to date Japanese!" her twin told her while standing up to leave.

But it was getting so difficult to find Twincestous double dates anymore…

* * *

**Oh my Memetic Sex God!**

"Hello!" the young boy who had just appeared before Morisato Keiichi after that fateful wrong number calling for takeout introduced himself with a wide smile. "I'm Negi Springfield, God of Shotas! The office of Harem Male Lead Support has sent me to grant you a wish!"

"I wish to be more popular with women!" Keiichi jumped at the chance.

"Oh, that's an easy one! You just have to... _SUIT UP!"_

* * *

**Graduation.**

The five small students between ten and twelve stood before the Magus, along the much taller student who grinned goofily.

The tall and gorgeous blond woman on the honor seat watched on with a tight face as the Magus called on the graduates, starting with the best and most honored of them all. Her heart pumped with silent pride.

"Negi Springfield!"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Anya Cocolova!"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Ernest Mc Kenzie!"

"Yay! I finally have a name!"

"Mary Weisbern!"

"Here! Hum, but wasn't my name Rose?"

"Little Guy with the Goofy Puffy Hat!"

"I have a name too, Magus!"

Finally, the old man sighed, and called the final graduate, the one who had taken the longest to graduate in the school of Merdiana. After dropping at least eleven times from his studies to go save the world and generally laze around, he had barely made it this year, sporting the lowest possible grades for it. And the Magus still was sure he only had managed it because Negi had helped him.

"Nagi Springfield!"

"That's me!" the young man cheered, moonwalking his way over to the dean and accepting his diploma with a perfect white smile. More than half the women in the audience cooed and fainted.

Afterwards, his happy son, his stern looking wife, his beloved niece and his son's unofficial girlfriend mobbed him.

"Uncle Nagi! I'm so glad for you and Negi!"

"... Congratulations, Nagi. Do you see? You could do it as long as you really put your mind into it..."

"Mr. Nagi! I'll be a fortune teller at London!"

"Father! Father! My diploma says I'm going to be a teacher at Japan!"

"Hoo hoo! Japan, huh? Well, if you happen to meet Eva-chan there, tell her... you aren't my son. For your own good. Hey, look! My assignment is showing, too!"

They all looked curiously to see the words appearing on the certificate.

It read _A Gynecologist at Sweden_.

Huge drops of sweat appeared on everyone's heads.

Until Arika Springfield grabbed Nagi's diploma and shredded it between her fingers. "You did it well all these years without one of these!"

* * *

**Unspoken Plan Guarantee, Part 1**.

Negi opened his eyes, noticing he had bandages all around his head, and he was in a hospital bed surrounded by his friends. And Godel.

"What...? How did it-"

"Relax!" Asuna smiled at him. "You're fine now. Fate punched you a lot during your fight, and, um, then the Lifemaker kinda nearly killed you, and, ah, I'm sure you only hallucinated the part where he was your dad, but... Bottomline, all the bad guys are down now, and we can start the part where you finally tell us how to save the Magical World for good!"

Negi blinked. "Why didn't Konoka-san just-"

Konoka smiled weakly with a bandaged arm from the next bed. Setsuna nodded, since it was all she could do in her traction on the bed after that. She had a note with a pink smiley reading 'Get better soon!- Yomi-chan' pinned to her left foot.

"- Ah," Negi said.

"Well, yeah, just tell us already, what's your big plan?" Kotaro urged.

"Ah, yes, the plan-" Negi trailed off. "The plan is- You know, it seems I have forgotten the plan," he said with a lame smile.

Everyone else became stone statues. Except Yue, who sipped noisily from her carton of yellow blackberry juice. "Copycat."

Negi looked at her. "And who are you?"

* * *

**Unspoken Plan Guarantee, Part 2**.

Asuna glowed in a powerful white light as she finished healing Mundus Magicus back. "There! It's done. Down to every last human, animal and plant in this world. But it's only a temporary fix, so you'd better tell us your plan for-"

Negi rammed a fist through her chest, making her puke red all over his face. Then she vanished in the air, becoming one with Mundus Magicus.

Negi turned a red-stained saintly smiling face towards Ala Alba, Ala Rubra and 3-A. "And that's it! By merging Asuna with this world in this exact moment, we've managed to stabilize the power flux of this plane of existence permanently! Thank you! We couldn't have done it without you!"

The others stared at him in shocked mute horror.

"What?" he finally said. "She forced me to bathe! And she was ROUGH!"

* * *

**Jersey Shore**.

The diploma read _Teaching Young Italoamericans in New Jersey, USA._

Negi smiled confidently. "Well, I'm sure I can do that!"

Five months later, he returned to Merdiana covered in blood and grinning maniacally, refusing to answer Nekane and the Dean's concerned questions.

Either way, no magus jury dared finding him guilty once they learned the truth.

* * *

**Lie**.

He hadn't died satisfied or contented at all. How could he, knowing he'd never see Asuna again? That was why Chao, who had that stupid hangup on never _saying_ a lie, had kept a blissful oblivious silence on the subject, skillfully dancing around it. Anyway, Asuna had believed Evangeline when she haad told her that, and that was all that mattered.

Evangeline had little use for virtues like honesty. Having said such a lie wouldn't bother her for the remainder of her existence. Knowing she had said it to keep Asuna relatively happy was another, far more troubling matter, but Evangeline could cope with that. As long as no one else knew…

* * *

**Ticket to Royalty**.

"Negi, Asuna, " Arika informed them solemnly, "I have found, during my quest for Nagi, another member of the Royal Ostian Family—"

"ANOTHER one?-!" Asuna yelled. "Geez, Mom, why to bother finding so many people for a throne we'll never claim anyway!" A beat. "And if we do, it's mine. No one else's."

"Eeeeehhhh—" Negi began.

"No one else's!" Asuna repeated herself.

Arika frowned. "Be that as it may be, I found him. The heterochromia of the royal family is proof of it. Behold."

And she placed a rather rounded pigeon with blue and purple feathers and mismatched eyes on the table.

Negi and Asuna stared at it.

"Meet Cousin Pesto, " Arika unfazedly said, before adding, "Raised Italoamerican."

The bird stared back at Asuna and Negi. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

"It's a pigeon, " Asuna said.

"Gotta problem with that?" the bird puffed his chest up.

"Oh, come on!" Asuna said. "It's a freaking bird! Not even the Setsuna variety! He couldn't be possibly related to us!"

"Oh, yeah?" the pigeon said. "Whatcha trying to say with dat, huh? You saying you're too good to be related to me, huh? You're saying you're too fancy and good and nice, with your freaky long legs, and your slick featherless body, and the bells on your head? Are you telling me I'm nuthin' but a stinking boid compared to you? A nobody? A waste of your precious royal space and blue blood? Is that what you're trying to say?-!"

Asuna recoiled, slightly intimidated despite herself. "Uh, no! All I'm saying is you can't be my relative, because I'm not a bird!"

The pigeon huffed, turned around, and gave two steps away from Asuna. "Oh! So I'm nothing but a bird!"

Asuna nodded. "Yeah, of course you are!"

"DAT'S IT...!" the pigeon roared, jumping back for Asuna's face, and an epic struggle started.

Negi looked at the other figure sitting beside him. "I think I like you better, Cousin Boo."

"BWAAARK! BUCK-KAWWK, BUKAKWK, BUWAARK!"

"He's a chicken, I tell you!" Chisame protested. "A giant chicken! Oh, come on…!"

* * *

**Spy Vs. Spy**.

The White Spy had been studying the teachings of Rowling, the sacred texts of Potter, for months now. Day and night, with no rest but the most necessary ones, he practiced the spells described wherein, until he mastered their magic. He became as good a practicioner of the magical arts of that universe as anyone could. Then he challenged his old enemy, the Black Spy.

They met near the Academy, and the White Spy reached for his wand, starting to cast the deadly spell that would...

... before he could finish moving or casting, the Black Spy already had unleashed seventy magical arrows of fire that fell on the White Spy and pulverized him to ashes.

Chuckling derangedly to himself, the Black Spy pulled his favored textbook on Akamatsu Black Sorcery and the magics of the Springfields, and made a 'V' sign with his free hand…

* * *

**Last Meal**.

Chachamaru looked at the still figures crumbled all around the table.

"I believe," she finally said, "it was a bad idea choosing a fugu restaurant to celebrate our victory."

Evangeline delicately cleaned her mouth with a napkin. "Speak for yourself. This is the best fish I have ever tasted. Hey, Boya! Stop pretending, it's not like this could kill you anymore! Call the waiter and ask for more to take home!"

Negi twitched. "All the same, I'm not feeling well at all…"

* * *

**So Totally not a Replacement**.

"I'll be honest with you," he finally sighed. "At first, the only reason why I took on that date was because your picture reminded me so much of a girl... who was close to me."

She lifted an eyebrow the slightest bit. "Is that so? I had no idea they had created more female Averrunci..."

The scrawny boy looked at her without understanding. "Huh? Oh, no, she... I guess you could say she was created rather than born, yes, but... Look, that doesn't matter now. What I mean is, I'm sorry I came into this actually looking for someone else. But I, I have come to actually care about you on your own, on what you really mean to me, and- and-"

He crumbled on himself, hunchbacked on his chair. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I know I'm not good enough for you, or anyone for that matter..."

She studied him carefully for a moment before placing a hand on his shoulder. "You are a curious human being, Ikari Shinji."

Fate gave her as much of a quizzical look as he could manage. "Why?" he asked at last.

She kept looking down humbly. "Well, he is the only human male who has been that... gentle to me. Even your friend Negi still holds what I did to his students against me, even if he doesn't realize it himself. And he is kind and polite, and I'm somehow pregnant, and he has a stable job, and Dynamis-sama says he's interested on the giant unit he pilots, and he can cook, and he makes the best coffee you ever could taste..."

That last part caught Fate's attention. "Really?"

"Well," Sextum half-sighed, just a bit sadly, "It certainly isn't for the quality of the sex itself…"

* * *

**Going from Bad to Otaku**.

Asuna looked at the couch where Evangeline and Chachazero sat watching TV. "You finally got them to watch anime, then?"

"Yeah," Haruna mumbled. "Although Chachazero... well, I suppose it should have been expected, but..."

Chachazero burst into laughing as Evangeline kept on a cold, even sneering, expression.

"Let me guess. They're watching a hyperviolent anime, with tons of torsos exploding and blood flying everywhere," said Asuna.

"Nah, that would haven't surprised or disturbed me at all," Haruna said. "As I said, it's something you could have expected from Chachazero, but at the same time... Not in the exact way you'd have thought."

"What do you mean?" Asuna was intrigued.

The doll was rolling around in laughter now.

Haruna held a DVD case for Asuna to see.

The redhead read aloud, "_Grave of the Fireflies_? What..."

"Oh, oh, oh!" Chachazero guffawed. "This is even better than _When The Wind Blows..!"_

* * *

**Jobs the Negima Cast Never Should Take**_**.**_

Tsukuyomi: Dentist.

Kagurazaka Asuna: Attorney at Law.

Konoe Konoemon: Male Stripper.

Negi Springfield: Opera Singer.

Cocone Fatima Rosa: Motivational Speaker.

Kakizaki Misa: Babysitter.

Takane D. Goodman: South Pole Explorer.

Nagi Springfield: Accountant.

Jack Rakan: Drag Queen.

Anya Cocolova: Marriage Counselor.

Nekane Springfield: Prostitute.

Zazie Rainyday: Rapper.

Yotsuba Satsuki: Baby Seal Hunter.

Naba Chizuru: Proctologist.

Quartum: Ice Cream Truck Driver.

Quintum: Mangaka.

Sakurazaki Setsuna: Stand Up Comedian.

Ookuchi Akira: Desert Ranger.

Aisaka Sayo: TV News Anchorwoman.

Yukihiro Ayaka: Ape Tamer.

Shirabe: Drummer.

Amagasaki Chigusa: Schoolteacher.

Evangeline Mc Dowell: Censor.

Fate Averruncus: Rodeo Clown.

Homura: Firefighter.

Albert Chamomille: Boxer.

Inugami Kotaro: Gynecologist.

Shiina Sakurako: Emo Icon Singer.

Kurt Godel: Pope.

* * *

**Achievement**.

"Konoka," she called her, sounding firm and unhesitant.

And Konoka's heart soared. She was no childish Kono-chan or respected Ojou-sama anymore.

They were, at last, equals.


End file.
